DD Prefers Daddy

My daughter does this too! I read something about this. It said basically that because you take care of her all day she knows you'll always be there,and that you love her, which is a good thing. So she focuses all her attention on the person she doesn't get to see as much because that person is at work or whatever. I don't exist when my husband comes home as far as my daughter is concerned. She is a daddy's girl. And that's a good thing too!

Does her daddy ever discipline her? Is she cooperative with him all day if you leave her with him? My youngest LOVES his daddy and gets so excited when he comes home, but my oldest has always preferred me. Even at 7 years old he'd rather stay home with me than go to the MOVIES with his dad! It's sometimes heartbreaking. Try to be glad she loves her daddy so much, even though it's hard. I don't know what to say about her being difficult for you during the day. Just hang in there and be consistent. They go through phases of pressing the boundaries and then staying within them, back and forth, off and on. It never ends!

hi

are you the enforcer of practical matters such as cleanliness, safety, nutrition

while daddy is all play?

if so, you are being set up as the one that's always doing the unhappy things to child

M.,

I dont think you have anything to worry about. Developmentally, children go through "mommy" phases, just as they do "daddy" phases. I know it can feel heartbreaking, but i say, ENJOY it while it lasts, because there will come a time when no one but YOU will do and in those moments, you'll long for a much needed break! :) the good news is that neither phase will last long.

I also understand daddy cant do it all the time either, so assure your child (calmly but firmly) that you understand her need for daddy and that he is there for her when he can be, but sometimes you need to be the one to help with clothes, diaper, etc. You may even have to do so through tears and fuss...so long as you communicate with her and do your best to keep your cool and not react (saying things like, I know it makes you sad, but his is how we need to do it today, etc.), i think you'll all be fine!

Remember: YOU ARE THE ONE IN CHARGE, NOT YOUR DAUGHTER, AND SHE TESTS YOU TO BE SURE OF THIS...SHE WANTS/NEEDS YOU TO TAKE CARE OF HER, SEE HER AND LOVE HER, DESPITE HER NEED FOR DADDY OR WHATEVER ELSE MAY COME UP FOR HER IN THE COMING MONTHS.

and dont, by any means, take it personal! Good luck!

Jenn

I know how you feel. As others have said kids go through phases. I prefer to believe, when they become less cooperative, it is because they feel comfortable enough with you to test their boundaries. I hope this helps I know it helped me.lol

Be patient with her. You are home with all day and she knows you are not going anywhere. Very different than daddy, who she only sees for a relatively small amount of time. During the day talk about daddy, show her his picture and if possible set up a time that is convenient for his work schedule for him to call and talk just to her. She doesn't dislike you on the contrary take comfort in the fact that she is confident that you are always there no matter what. Just imagine how valuable that is going to be when she is a pre-teen and then a teenager. If you support her love of daddy (which is a very unique relationship in and of itself) it's less likely she will feel a pull to split sides between you and your husband or attempt to play you 2 against each other.
Best Wishes
J.

Check out the book "Your Two-Year-Old" by Ilg and Ames. You'll find that this is pretty typical and the only thing to solve it is time.

Then read "Your Three-Year-Old" to see what you have to look forward to!

I am sure it is just a phase. I know it is hard on you, especially since you are the one to do ALOT for her on a daily basis, but don't take it personally. Be glad that she is building such a strong bond with her dad. My son used to be glad to see daddy come home, but a few months ago has started going through phases where he doesn't want anything to do with daddy. Be patient, enjoy your break and let daddy do things with/ for her. She will come around and enjoy your company again.

I have the opposite problem. My twins don't want daddy to do anything for them, especially my son. They are 3 but they have been this way since they were 2. I've heard this is normal since they are so attached to mom. But I've also heard of it being the opposite and having them attached to dad more. As far as treating you like chopped liver, my son treats my husband like that sometimes. I told my husband last night that he has to tell my son not to talk to him like that and teach him to respect him. I can tell my son that, and I do, but I think my husband is really the one who should set limits to how my kids treat him. I certainly do not allow them to talk to me in a sassy or rude way, or anyone else. So, I think your husband should support you, but I think you should set firm limits with consequences if she talks to you disrespectfully and tell her "Don't talk to mommy like that. You're being disrespectful." If she does it again I would give her a warning and tell her "If you're disrespectful to mommy and yell at her again you will go on a 2 minutes timeout." If you don't nip this in the bud now (as with everything) it will get worse as she gets older and she will lose all respect for you because you're not respecting yourself enough to make her respect you. Also, when my son says he doesn't want his daddy to change his diaper/dress him/put him to bed, I tell him "Well, that's what's happening and if you don't cooperate (yes, they know this term) you will have to ________ (fill in the blank). Hope this helps.

I know you may at this point feel a little bit left out. Have you any seperation from her during the day? She sees you, my guess is most of the day, Daddy is at work or gone to work for several hours. You may want to try trading with a frind some time away, It may a little difficult at first, but distance usually helps the heart grow fonder.

You say your daughter treats you like chopped liver when her daddy is at home. If this is true, I'd say you need to get support from her daddy. He should be insisting that she treat you with love & respect. My first suggestion would be to talk to your husband, make sure he's not feeding into the problem. He may not intend to be encouraging her behavior, but if he's not actively encouraging your daughter to respect, obey, and love you he's not doing his job as a good daddy/husband. Hope that helps.

Hi M.,
My son did the same thing to me for a while and it sucked!!! In our situation, my husband was not consistent enough with discipline and was often slow to respond when our son acted up around both of us, meaning I was the source of most negative communication. I set aside some time to talk to my husband about this and told him how much it hurt me when our son treated me this way and that he was also our son's parent and needed to share all of the parenting responsibilities, not just the fun ones. It took a while, but he finally learned how to do this (sometimes I would actually go into another room so that he would have full responsibility, though I stayed close enough to hear the conversation). When your daughter refuses to let you change her, etc., does you husband ever speak to her about how her behavior is not okay? Is he ever part of giving her consequences (such as a timeout) for her behavior? If not, make sure he starts! Also, I work part-time and my husband works fulltime. My son got to see me more often and, therefore, took my presence more for granted. The good news is that my son grew out of this phase (after about 1.5 years). What was incredibly difficult but so important was for me not to take his behavior personally. When I took it personally, I only made the situation worse by acting irritably. I so relate to what you are going through, and I kept trying to figure out what I was doing to cause this behavior. The answer appeared to be that I was perpetuating it by taking it personally. The rest seemed to be my son testing boundaries with the parent who was physically present more than the other and my husband waltzing in as Mr. Fun Parent when he was around. Now, a year and a half later, my son still worships his dad (who despite the shortcoming mentioned above is a wonderful husband and father), but he shows me lots of love as well. I'm sure your daughter will do the same. Just know that the idea that kids always act more attached to mom is a myth and that you're not alone. K.