My Daughter Is Not Interested in Her Dad at All

It is a phase and it is normal so you can just wait it out, but that also does not mean you have to put up with it. Ignoring people is rude, every time she does it she needs to be reminded of that and if the behavior continues some kind of punishment like time out for being rude and disrespectful. If she doesn't want dad to read the story or whatnot and you are busy doing other things then it is okay to say its dad or no-one, and if she says no one she can just go to bed without the story.

She can answer dad nicely or she can go sit in her room quietly. Ignoring dad and then expecting to immediately pivot to fun with mom is not an option.

But, as others say below, the concept of "hard on him" is something that you and he need to work on yourselves, as adults. Don't let a two-year-old control your emotions that much.

you both need to stop trying to romance a 3 year old. babies and young children often go through phases of preferring and ignoring, and sensible parents don't read too much into it.

'no i want mommy' gets met with 'right now you're going to do this with daddy.' no pleading, no cookies, no arguing.

she's only 3. she doesn't run the household. if she really doesn't want daddy to read her a story or tuck her in, then he simply says 'goodnight' and closes the door.

she is way too young to be in charge of your and your husband's emotional states. carry on with your lives, and don't pander to her current preferences. they'll change in a week or three.

khairete
S.

They all go through this. It's annoying because the "preferred" parent of that day/week/month never gets a break. But you cannot take it personally. It's not personal. It just is. That means that he has to stop bribing her with cookies and treats, and she has to learn to wait until Mommy is out of the shower or done recycling or whatever it is. You explain her choices calmly without acting like it's a big insult to one parent: Sweetie, you can wait until Mommy finishes scrubbing the floor and then she takes a shower, or you can do something with Daddy. Meanwhile, Daddy needs to just start doing something fun without inviting her and certainly without begging her. He can sit on the floor with a puzzle or he can start building a blanket fort over the table, or whatever. But he must focus on what he's doing and laugh like he's having fun. If daughter wants to join, great. If she wants to throw a tantrum about Mommy, she can do that in her room. Because no one is listening to a screaming hissy fit. Again, it's not about insult or someone having hurt feelings. A toddler cannot be responsible for your mental health and your husband's. She's a child. She's immature still, she's learning to figure things out. You help her by letting her see that screaming = no fun, waiting for Mommy = waiting and waiting. Meanwhile, Daddy's doing something cool and enjoying himself.

By the time you get this figured out, she'll only want him anyway! Believe me! Just don't play favorites or use term's like "Daddy's little girl" - just be parents, a united front. And if she's always awful at 7 p.m., be sure you go out once a week with friends at 7 p.m.

When my daughter was in this stage I would purposely leave to go do something else that took me away from home. Your daughter needs more one on one time with her Dad where you are not an option. I left a couple evenings a week for an exercise class. And I would go do something (grocery shopping, errands, a run, time with a friend) on weekend days sometimes too. The one on one time helped her bond with her dad. He really focused on making the time he had with her extra fun. Not tv and cookies but active things...give your husband a list of ideas if he cannot think of things himself.

Just looked back and saw that you're pregnant. Also saw that she was waking in the night and calling for you - repeatedly. How did that work out - what did you try, and has that resolved?

So - she's wanting you because she must be sensing a baby is coming, and she feels anxious perhaps? How much fuss is being made to the new one arriving? Is there a new nursery, a lot of preparation, a lot of explaining ... ?

Three is a really hard age for kids to adjust to new things. Two .. they don't really get it still, and 4-5 they are old enough to comprehend things a bit more, and ready to be a bit more independent. Three, they still really want their moms. Dads don't always cut it.

I wouldn't be too concerned about her preferring you at the moment - she gets there is a baby growing in you that's coming and that may 'take her place' possibly (in her mind perhaps). This is time for you to spend with her - I know I did a lot of one-on-one with my kiddos before my babies arrived. My hubby did more with the kids once baby arrived - because I was tending to baby. That's only natural.

As for him giving her cookies and watching TV, my hubby still has chips and movie nights with our kiddos. That's their thing. He's more the fun parent in those ways, and I'm fun in other ways. That's ok. If you don't want him giving her cookies, let him have more healthy snacks you approve of.

This isn't something to really fuss over. It's a time of change and adjustment. A lot of this is perfectly typical. Don't let her see that it concerns you. Your hubby shouldn't either. Maybe he could do some fun outings with her - take her to the library, etc.

ETA: Saw your SWH - so when they are alone, she's better. So that makes sense. Have him do more with her alone. Instead of just watching TV, have him do the things that you do with her. My husband is very hands on, since they were babies. He took them out grocery shopping (especially if I was pregnant) so I could rest, and he'd go take them for special snack afterwards .. fun outing with dad. It could be as simple as that.

I wouldn't tolerate the being rude though - not if it's 'extreme'. Correct that as you would if she was being rude to anyone. She doesn't get to join mom and dad if she's rude e.g. Don't make a big deal (she may want the attention). That behavior would not be tolerated here but preference is typical in phases for some children. Rudeness, not cool.

I understand that you are pregnant. Part of her behavior may be because of this.

However, if you don’t demand that daddy help NOW, she will be a beastie to your newborn, jealous of the time you spend with the baby.

You need to sit down with your husband and apologize to him. Tell him that it’s going to get worse before it gets better, and then start standing up for him.

Then you start making yourself scarce and give your husband some daddy time with this child. When she yells for you, he can show no annoyance, no hurt feelings. What he does have to do is tell her that she IS going to let him help her. And when you are with both of them, defer to him and be a parent who expects her to listen. If she doesn’t like it, let her cry.

Yes, it’s a phase. No, you don’t have to put up with it.

This is totally normal, so nothing to be stressed about. And, when it switches in 6 months and all of a sudden she wants daddy and not you, try not to take it personally.

In the meantime, you stick up for your husband. If she's not being kind to her daddy, then it's your job to say so. If she's ignoring his direct questions, you can say "It's mean to ignore daddy when he asks you a question. You need to answer him." Don't make a big to-do about it, but she's is getting old enough to start learning manners, and ignoring people in general is rude.

And purposely give them one-on-one time. Every now and then, go to the grocery store just before bedtime so that he gets to read the story and tuck her in.

Your husband needs to learn how to be the adult and not take this personally. I understand that it's frustrating but she is THREE and this is NORMAL. It will also be normal if/when she starts to prefer him over you.
According to your SWH you already know that when you're not around she is much better. So take advantage of this! Leave them alone together as much as possible. Go grocery shopping in the evening, alone (it's awesome.) Go to the gym or take a class or see friends. Give them lots of time together, let them bond and give yourself a break. Win win win.
ETA: there's nothing wrong with watching TV together. Stories are stories, whether on the screen or on the page. As long as they're not watching watching CSI or Waking Dead or something let it go.

It might help for him to take her out of the house to do something. On a warm day, take her to the park. He could take her to a McDonald's or some place with a play area (even if they just split an order of fries or something). Think of something fun the two of them could do together.

Take a night off and go somewhere and leave the two of them alone. Let him have supper with her and get her ready for bed. It will be good for them to have that time. If you are not around, he is the only person she can turn to, so they will have to make it work.

Finally, don't worry too much. If you try a few things and it is just causing more drama and not helping, back off. This is a phase that won't last forever, so try to stay calm. You do want the two of them to have a relationship, and you really do need a break once in awhile. But the reality is, this too shall pass. Kids go through phases of liking one parent more than the other. The trick is to embrace the times you are the favorite and enjoy the break when he is.

This stage is common and usually pretty short lived...I've lived it twice and it is rough but it will pass. Now that they are in junior high both of us are chopped liver and it is all about their friends. So, looking back I say enjoy it now it will be gone way too soon!!

They need more alone time together.
You take the breaks you need - leave, take a nap (close bedroom door), go have coffee with a friend, etc.
Dad and daughter will figure out what to do and make their own routines.

Aaaaah, motherhood. This was totally my kids, although mostly my oldest. She wanted nothing to do with my husband and wouldn't even notice if he was home or not. It was exhausting. Truthfully there is nothing you can really do about it unless you just leave. I didn't fight it because it was just too much, although I totally did "have to get gas in my car" at bedtime sometimes and just left for my own sanity. As far as her ignoring him I would just sort of ignore her ignoring him. Just set an expectation of talking to him and don't get too worked up about it. It is all a phase. My daughter's lasted until probably 5.