Thirteen Month Old Prefers His Daddy

THANK YOU for asking this question!! my 13 month old little boy is going through the EXACT same thing right now. He TOTALLY would rather be with daddy than with mommy!!!!!! It's a little painful, but after reading all of these posts, I think I am one lucky lady to have such a wonderful hubby and daddy for my kiddos. I wish everyone was as lucky as I am!

Good luck with all of this!!!!!!

Kristen,

My advice works for EVERYTHING in life. NEVER take anything personally unless the other person has made it perfectly clear that it is directed at you and even then there are going to be times when someone is taking something about someone else or themselves out on you.

Good Luck,
C.

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Get used to it! His preference will alternate their entire rest of his life. When he prefers you, have fun, but when he prefers dad, enjoy the break!

Totally normal! For the next few years, your son will shuffle through phases quickly and unpredictably.

Your adorable boy hasn't learned the fine points of diplomacy yet. It's your job not to take this personally, mommy. He loves you and depends on you, and if you were the one at work most of the week, he might be pushing Daddy away in favor of you. So make the most of those moments he's glued to his dad, and do something you can't do while he's glued to you. The next time you write, you'll quite possibly be begging for tips on his clinginess.

It's lovely that you are able to spend so much quality time with him. And how nice that your little boy and his daddy are doing such a great job of bonding.

Kristin,
My little guy (almost 18 months now) is the same way. I am at home with him, and we have a great time together, but when dad comes home or comes in the room he is all about him! I try to understand that it's because Daddy plays different and he spends lots of time with me during the day. (Truth is, he'll read lots of stories with mama, and barely gets through a book with daddy!) We as parents just bring different things to the table, and I know my son needs both-and both are just as important. I try to keep in mind that when he was 3 months all he wanted or needed was me, and being a new parent, I was pretty consumed by him as well leaving my husband to the wayside a lot. Now I am actually very happy and glad that my son and husband have a very tight, close relationship that both of them enjoy. My little man loves me too and I love to see the man my husband is when he is with my little boy. It's also a nice gift since my husband works so hard for me to be home with him, that my son glows with appreciation reinforcing the benefit of the hard work my husband does during the day. That is how I try to reframe things, cause I know my boy loves us both and needs us both. Good Luck-and know your his only mama!

I was a stay at home mom, and I had the opposite problem with my son. He was seriously attached to me. We couldnt get him to go to my husband. I know it hurt his feelings, but he never would admit it. For the last couple of years, it has been all about Daddy. He's fine with mommy while daddy is not here, but all I hear is where's daddy, whens daddy coming home, is daddy home yet. IF daddy is around, the only time he wants me, is if hes in trouble with daddy, if he gets hurt or if hes tired. Other than that I simply dont exist. So while he may be prefering daddy right now, that could change any time.

Kristin,

Take a deep breath and relax. It's a phase. My son will be five in a couple of weeks and has gone through many phases when he wants one parent over the other. The first time this happened I was understandably deflated ego wise, but then was relieved when I didn't have him clinging and climbing all over me all the time.

My daughter is 18 months and has teased me endlessly. There will be certain times of day where she wants her dad, but overall she's still my little barnacle that wants me for everything. I'm looking forward to the time when she totally rejects me for her dad and I'm free to move about the house.

On the other hand you and your son spend all day every day together so it's only natural that he gets excited when Daddy comes home. Daddy is a new playmate with new games and ideas and ways to play. I would try not to let it get to you too much.

Hope this helps,
Melissa

Aren't they little funnys???? - Yes it is totally natural. Daddy plays with him differently- rougher - louder -. And he craves that. Oh, how wonderful that he HAS it - ( so many little guys never do). It will flex quite soon - and only Mommy will do
( we wont even discuss the 3 or 4 year old who solumnly announces ''I'm going to marry Mommy when I grow up")

Your feeling is quite understandable - but enjoy the time to have a cup of tea- or soda - or -and relax.

many blessings,
old Mom aka- J.

You better hope your son prefers his daddy! I'm a mom of a boy too, and I rejoice that my son has a dad! So many boys out there only have mom. Boys need their dads. They need to relate to their dads. Your boy will always love you. You'll be the one getting the weekly phone call and the flowers on mothers day and the hugs no matter how old he is. Your hubby will get the handshake. You will always be his mama, and he will always take care of you if you raise him right. But if you get jealous and try to get in the way of him and his dad, he may resent you for it. Get the book "Bringing up Boys" by Dobson. Boys are different than girls. Having a "mama's boy" is nice for mommy, until he's a grown man and won't move out and get a real job. Very sad. I push my son onto his dad. He gets lots of snuggles from me. But Dad is the main man, and I love it!!!

Hi K. -
It wasn't until I just read your message that I remembered my own son went through the same thing (probably more than once). I can remember how much it hurt (especially because I was the one who had to work at the time). I'm sure it is just a phase, and he will definitely grow out of it! Mine certainly did, as I had completely forgotten about it until this very moment. :)

I know it's a tiny little heartbreak every day that it happens, but try to keep your chin up! He'll probably go back and forth over the next year or so. In a few months, it'll be YOUR turn to be the favorite parent. ;)

Studies have shown that all across the globe, in every culture, children go to their Fathers for fun and playtime and to their Mothers for nurture. I have absolutely seen this! A little one wants to have some fun, so they run to Daddy to horse around. They get dizzy and topple over, *bonk* into the coffee table, then they need Mama! It's okay, they all do this. You're still special to him, but Daddy is a bit of a novelty. You have been there all day long, ho hum. Now, if you were suddenly NOT there, oh my! Believe me, he would notice it! You are very blessed to have a husband who is so involved with his family in this day and age of so many flaky American fathers. Blessings to You and Yours! :)

Hi Kristin,

I have a 6-year-old girl who, as a baby, was all about Mom. She loved/loves playing with Dad, but if upset or tired she wanted me.

My little boy, on the other hand, spends M-F with me and in the evenings and weekends he's all about Dad. He's almost 2 now and he started showing a preference right around when he turned 1. I think it's really sweet and it gives my arms a break when he makes my husband carry him around all weekend. Try not to have your feelings hurt, he doesn't love you any less. He just gets to see you more and sometimes these little boys just love that masculine energy.

Try to take it as a blessing rather than a rejection!

Hi Kristin,

Congratulations on picking a good daddy for your son! He will need one of those even more as he gets older. I have 2 boys, now 10 & 7, and they both went through that stage at about that age. I understand about getting your feelings hurt, but I'll bet whenever he skins his little knee or has a cold, all he'll want is Mama cuddles :) As many other people have said, how do you expect him to be really excited upon seeing you if you're there all the time? Think of it as with toys. If you take one of his toys that he normally plays with and likes (but isn't his favorite) and hide it for a day or two, then re-introduce it, it will be the most exciting thing he's ever seen!

My boys love and get really excited about doing "boy stuff" with their dad, but when it comes down to it, they're both complete Mama's boys!

Don't take it personally... just think of all the months earlier in your son's life when he probably wanted nothing to do with your husband. When my boys were infants, my husband joked that they thought of him as "NOT THE MAMA!!!", and was thrilled beyond belief when they started wanting to hang out with him.

This is absolutly NORMAL! My son went through this as well, but think about what you said you are a stay at home mom (I am as well), so he sees you ALL DAY! What a blessing! So when Daddy gets home he wants to be around him play with him, which is great for your husband! Think about how wonderful it is for your husband to get this joyous welcome home! And if that doesn't make you feel better it eventually evens out more....at least it did for me! :-)

Your son knows you are there, because you are always there. As a stay at home mom you are with him all the time. Daddy is not, and that is why he gets so excited to see him and wants to be with him when he is there. He knows Daddy is leaving again, and that Mom will still be there. He does not love you less, he just sees Dad less. It is a natural reaction, and does not mean he is not bonded to you, he just knows you will always be there. My boys do the same, especially if my husband has recently deployed (4-6 months at a time). They know that their stay at home Mom is always there, but since Daddy has to work they better use the time with him wisely while they can.

I don't have an answer but thanks to all who did. It has been super helpful to me. Recently I separated from my son's father and we share him 50/50 in 2 separate houses. Last night daddy picked him up for a midweek sleepover (which we do on the other's off week). When they came back to bring me something left in the diaper bag, I tried to give my 14 month old a kiss. He was watching a kiddie dvd and pushed my kiss away. I have been upset since it happened; this morning crying that he doesn't miss mommy when he is with daddy and he loves daddy more. I do everything with him - cook for him, pray with him, sing to him, read to him, play games with him, chase around the house, play with flashcards, EVERYTHING - including 5 months of strict bedrest and yet I'm not his favorite. While it still hurts, I am feeling a bit comforted by the posts. Thanks!

We're currently going through the same with my daughter. I don't feel like my daughter prefers my husband, just that she misses him and likes to play with him since she's been playing with me all day. Even when we return home together, she gets more excited about him, but I greet her and we all go about family time. Additionally, it's kinda nice to have that little bit of time after he gets home from work to myself!

Rejoice!! This is good for your son, good for his daddy and good for you. Enjoy the time you have with your son during the day, then plan on letting your guys have some male bonding time in the evening while you do something for yourself. Read a book, get your nails done, go out with a girlfriend or even go grocery shopping and not be in a hurry.

Morning!

My daughter, now three, did the same thing. At first I was concerned because she really did not seem to be to interested in her father. Then one day he became the center of her universe and I started feeling a bit like leftovers. I knew that wasn't the case because in the event of anything really traumatic or emotionally difficult for her I was always the solution.I would say that now we are honored to share the center of the universe status and I am very thankful that she had that special bond with her father where she really reached out to HIM and said hey, you are going to share a deep love with me! My hope is that it will stay that way between them for a very long time! I think that maybe this is the child's way of trying to have that good strong foundation with each of their parents. I know that it can be so difficult, here you put your everything into the child and then all of a sudden you get pushed to the back burner. stay strong!
L.

I have a 2 year old son who is also very attached to Daddy. He started at 11 months, and still usually prefers to do things with Dad when he gets the chance. I have gone through feeling as you do, pushed aside and insecure about my relationship with him, but now I mostly appreciate it. When my husband is home he will take our son with him when he runs errands, he also plays with him/distracts him while I get things done around the house. I have come to really appreciate this "time off" and the relationship that they have. Another thing that we enacted is that there are certain things that I regularly do with/for my son that Daddy doesn't. I give the baths, I put him to bed, etc. That way, I have my special time with him too.

My son has always preferred daddy even though I stay at home with him and we have fun together, as well. He is almost 3 and nothing has changed. I'm glad that he has such a wonderful male role model to teach him how to be a good boy and eventually man. My mother-in-law had 3 boys, and she said her boys always preferred to do everything with dad. A boy's dad is the most important influence in his life, just as a girl's mom is, so I'm glad that they're so close, and I expect when he's older they'll be good friends as well. Just another perspective!

I actually put up a similar posting several months ago when my son was just over a year. He also was preferring his daddy over me for a while. It was a little hurtful even though I tried to not take it personally, it is hard not too!

Now the tables have turned and my son is a mommy's boy and comes to me for comfort and cuddles. He is 21 months old. I think you will notice this as well down the line.

Their moods will shift as well at different ages & stages. I think that it is really normal and most toddlers do this, shift allegiances based on their mood or whatever.

Kristin - This is common of all babies who have great daddies! You should try to look at it the other way - "Thankfully as soon as my son sees his dad he wants to be with him!" How terrible would it be for your husband if he came home and your son would want nothing to do with him? And how frustrating for you when you want a break, knowing your son would throw a fit if you tried to leave him?!?

He is feeling safe and comfortable with you because you are his life, and that's great. You are a stable constant. If you were to be gone for a whole day or two he would be very out of sorts. Take advantage of this phase and enjoy some time without your sidekick!!

Sometimes being a stay at home mommy sucks! lol And this is one of those times. Your son is so used to seeing you that dad is almost a "toy". I often times say to my son (and I am pretty sure said it to my other three too) "Hey, over here, I gave birth to you, pay attention!" lol He gives me a big smile and I feel loved. Eventually, after a couple hours, dad is boring and he "needs" mom. I know it can hurt your feelings because mine get hurt too... we just have to know that although our children seem to like dad more there are many times when only mom well do. Oh, and yes, it's a phase. They will go through many of them over the years. Sometimes you will be the favorite and sometimes dad will be. It changes with the season. :o)

He sees you all day, now his daddy is home and he wants to spend time with him. If you were to take a day off and dad take care of him, I have no doubt that he would run to you when you go home. Also, it's normal for them to go back and forth in who they are bonding most with. Don't be sad, it's a normal stage.

Kristin -

As you can tell from the previous responses, your son's phase is totally normal. My daughter did the same thing and now seems to like us both the same. I felt a little "pushed aside" at first too. But now her "Daddy! Uppies!" is very cute to my ears. A little one with a solid relationship to their dad is so important! So try to enjoy it, okay. And if you have trouble enjoying it, you're not alone!

-B. M.-

My 12 and 1/2 month old daughter is doing the same thing! I was upset at first.( what?!? I take care of you all day and you like papa better????) lol. I think it is just a phase and daddy is like a rare treat. It's a good thing that your son has a good relationship with his daddy. I've decided to just chill about it and enjoy it:)

My son (who turns 5 tomorrow) still says "I love you but I love Daddy more." He has been in love with his Dad since he was a wee-one. Sometimes it does get a bit tiring and hard on my ego, which I think is normal. I always know that when I am with him I am "number one" who gets all of the love and hugs. And I am with him much more. So it is kind of nice to hand off the kid to his Dad when he gets home. Hopefully you are in a phase- they say that kids switch back and forth. My son is definitely stuck on Daddy! I just want you to know that you are not alone. S.

Hi Kristin,
I'm going through a similar thing right now---my daughter and I live w/ my mom, and it seems like "Ba-ma" is really the most popular one in the house. My daughter asks about her constantly when she's gone at work, and sometimes even seems reluctant to leave the house if she's gone. I was feeling a little left out---Bama's baths are better than mama's baths, Bama is who she wants to see first thing in the morning, you get the idea. But then I think that it's just really good for her to form deep relationships w/ ppl other than me, and that's what that is. Also, my mom says that when I'm gone, or even just not in the room (like at bathtime), she wants to know "Where's mama?" lots of times. So I guess that because you're there, you never see that. Just know that your absence would leave a much bigger hole in his life than anyone else's.

Hi Kristin~

Oh this is beyond wonderful! Do you understand how many babies out there never want to go to daddy? This means his dad is a wonderful man whom your child feels comfortable with. Encourage it and use the time to get those things done during the day that you couldn't. Plus babies go through times where they want one parent over the other parent for one reason or another. It just happens - not a personal thing in the least bit. My babies never wanted their father and it hurt both him and I.

We went through the exact same thing. My 21 month old still goes through phases where he prefers one parent over the other. It is totally normal and healthy (though heart breaking for the other parent). It will pass and you will become the favorite again.....until it's Dad's turn!

yep it happens. it is tough but it will change. my daughter goes throgh phases like that. she swings back and forth. around that age she was all about dad because he played with her all the time.