Did I Do the Right Thing? - Clinton,MO

It make some to time to un-do this damage . . . we love homeschooling.

If I had it to do over again my kids would NEVER attend Pre-K.

Good luck.

I think you just had a bad pre-k.
Try him in another pre-k and the results might be completely different.
My son went to a Montessori pre-school and LOVED it.

Tha tinfuriates me!! The idea that a pre-k teacher is focused on finishing worksheets is insane. Worksheets have no place in a pre-k classroom (and are highly overused in older classrooms too!).. He should be having experiences and not doing worksheets.

And in a class of only 15, his teachers should be helping him find ways to be succesful, not indicating he has a delay or characterizing him as lazy. He is gettting sent a very bad message. Kids need ot be environments that promote success and not try to get all the kids to work at the same level. You need to look for a different preschool, and look for teachers that teach and don't just hand out worksheets.

It's a damn shame. He was proud of himself and his teachers have completely undermined his confidence. Don't worry about him, I am sure he is completely age appropriate. But please give him opportunities to be successful at home - no reason he can't do projects there or bring "work" to daycare? And find him a good preschool.

Should you have pulled him out? Yes! But not because he isn't ready. You should have pulle dhim out because his "teachers" are idiots.

PS - I second Montessori education. It is FABULOUS and the whole goal is to give freedom develop independence while developing concepts for reading and math.

Seriously? It was suggested that your son be pulled from pre-K because he was the last to finish his work? So, what about the next-to-last kid who will now be the last?

Did they stop to consider that he was simply wanting to be very careful and correct? Did they give you any reasons other than him being the last to finish?

When he completed his workbook pages at home - what did you notice?

I don't think he's reverting to his lazy ways, I think he's hurt and sad. It's not lazy to not want to kick a soccer ball around or just watch TV, it's that he feels the adults he looked up to (not you, obviously) basically told him he was stupid!

Even the fact that he can identify his feelings from the conversation his teacher had with him to me speaks volumes to his intelligence. What pre-k'er can identify feelings that easily? He didn't say "they called me stupid" which I think a lot of kids would have said - he understands the difference between the words they used and the feelings those words created.

Keep telling him he's not stupid. Find another pre-k program to put him into. Work with him at home - find a teacher's supply store and pick up some workbooks for him to continue working on. He's sad - and it breaks my heart thinking about it.

Why would any teacher or principal do that to a child who obviously loved school and was learning?!

I hate schools. This is the reason I homeschool. When I was licensed in the early 90's, the nearbye college came in and tested all my kids. I was part of a pilot program that was supposed to teach me in order to make me a better provider. I really didn't need the extra help. But it was worth it to me in order to make my parents feel good. Anyway, they proved through testing that every child in my care was above their age level if they had been with me a year or more. The longer they had been with me, the further ahead they were.

One boy in particular was reading all small words that could be sounded out. He had over a dozen completed workbooks before he went and I NEVER help the kids beyond telling them what's needed. I don't hold their hands or try and help them write. I have them trace my writing or the worksheets letters.

So fast forward, he started school. I didn't see him until the following summer, 9 months later. He started with me in the summer and was a different child. He FLUNKED kindergartin! How in the heck? What did they do to him? He was a happy boy and cooperative in every way before school started.

In addition to his story, I have 4 children I have homeschooled for a year at a time while parents worked to move to a better school district. Each of them had their own story. Each was fine once they left me for a better school. It was only after the first 2 I homeschooled and the boy I just told about, that I decided to homeschool my own children.

What a terrible first school experience for your son...who obviously was loving learning until this all happened. Poor thing...it's honestly been a blow to his self-esteem.

Homeschool, until you're ready to send him to K (if that's the plan.) You can do all sorts of fun things at home, and since he likes worksheets, get him some super fun colorful worksheet books to do with you at home and make it fun.

Worksheets do NOT belong in Pre-K... REALLY! By the sound of the teachers there and their everyday schedule they have, there's GOT to be a better Pre-K out there. Also, I don't think Pre-K is always necessary anyways, though.

Bottom line, those teachers are wrong on SO many levels. For one, they should work with EVERY child's speed. The way your child is acting now may not necessarily have to do with his Pre-K experience. He may pick up on you being unhappy or acting differently because of the situation. In that case, I'd give him some breathing room and take it one day at a time. No rush.

If it were me, I'd still keep the TV off. If he's having a difficult time maturing or in his brain development, sitting in front of the TV won't make it better. I know its hard to not have the TV on...my kid is an only child so its tempting to turn it on when I need some time to myself when he's home. But I just put my foot down and told my kid TV is never an option in spending his time. TV is a privilege and he'll watch it when the time is right. As you can see, I am not a big fan of TV for kids. My kid can actually go through weeks of not watching, even movies or playing video games.

Academically, he just needs time. You can try having him do alot more things by himself, to get him out of the lazies. Daycare isn't going to teach him your family values so you are just going to have to make the effort in teaching him to do things on his own when you're with him. It will take alot of patience and alot of time so get ready.

You are going to ahve to have some brain developing stimulation activities when he gets home. Set up some sort of school environment at your house, like his own folder and some workbooks, a school box w/pencils and crayons in them. Set aside some time each day that he can do some work. it will keep his brain stimulated and sharp, esp if you give him a routine.

Again, acedemically, some kids can do the work, they just aren't emotionally ready to keep up. I suggest going to a teacher supply store and work with him when you can.

One thing that did help my son focus on completing school work ontime was dot to dot workbooks. Its boring to most older kids but if they can master the concentration of drawing a direct line from one point to another, then it improves their concentration greatly.

gl

I'd keep TV to a bare minimum and sort of homeschool him for now. Work on his fine motor skills and have a set time each day for "school time" and help work in his workbooks. Keep him structured, he might be a little slower at writing things than the other kids, these next few months home with mom teaching him will probably work wonders. Teach him how to tie shoes and how to make a yarn braid, those things really help with their finger skills. Have you considered piano lessons for him? Once a child can find one thing that they excel at it really improves their whole self esteem and they then do better at just about everything they try.

No kid is stupid....they just didn't get what they needed to get them to function and perform at their optimum.

We pulled our son out of school after K and he's never been happier. Our son was bored and hated school. We decided to homeschool. We have secure, intelligent, self-assured, and social kids.

You can try another Pre-K and see????

This is just sad. There is no need for pre-K anyway. There is a reason kindergarten starts at age 5/6, because THAT is the age when most kids are developmentally ready for school. Kindergarten prepares a child for school, there's no need to "prepare" for kindergarten too!
Find a good preschool that is play based (no worksheets!) and let your son learn to love school again.

Do you work? Is there any way you can just keep him home with you? I think kids need their mamas at this early age, and if there were any way possible for you to do it, then that would be my suggestion. You could meet the needs he has, encourage him in learning, take it at his pace, and let him shine. I realize not everyone has that as an option, but I couldn't tell by your question.

Ummmm...someone has to be last. Isn't that the point of Pre-K? To get READY for the structure of K?

It sounds like you did the right thing for your family. Is he going to K next year? My daughter started K right after she turned 5 but prior to that when she was four she did two half days/week at a "tiny tots" class through the parks and rec. She also did dance movement and little sports things but most we did at home. We didn't feel for the need for the 3k, pre-k, whatever they offer now. My daughter completely excelled and loved school, even now in college with 17 units and a job she is doing awesome.

Ugh... I'm glad you pulled him out of there. Doesn't sound like a very kid friendly or patient environment. It's a shame that people like that are allowed to "teach" children.

Have you looked into other Pre-K programs in your area? We had DD in an in home program & her teacher was awesome. It may be something to consider. I was a little leery at first, but it ended up being a blessing, and affordable, too.

Yes, you did the right thing removing him from that school. But he doesn't need to revert bac to daycare does he? Was that the only option for pre-k in town? Start your research again and look at all the programs available. You can find something more suited to his speed and personality. Don't worry!

It sounds like he had a bad teacher! I would see if you could put him back into a school environment. There are other pre-k classes at churches. Or see if you can get a new school. If he goes to daycare find one that has a hipa or what ever the school program is where it gives kids a lesson and class like environment.

Get him some workbooks to work at home. Give him "homework" to get him ready for school. It sounds like he likes school. My daughter was like this when I was homeschooling her older siblings. I gave her workbooks and homework and she was reading fluently at age 5. That makes me mad that he was made to feel stupid. My kids are all homeschooled and some people will try to make my kids feel stupid because they're homeschooled. What happened to self esteem? Sheesh! Trying to use my kids to make their political point or whatever... I know it's not the same thing in your case but if I were the teacher, I'd bend over backwards to make sure every child felt smart and encouraged!! At this age, their developement is all over the place. With my kids, their ages for learning to read fluently were 5, 7, 8, 9. My one at 9 is just as smart as the one at 5. But people made it a point to shame my daughter at 9 because she wasn't where *they* thought she should be. I had her tested and checked out by the doctor and everything was normal. Her doctor said it's an age thing and she'll get it. Funny thing is my daughter who learned to read at 9 was walking at 9 months and the one who started reading at age 5 didn't walk until 16 months and everyone was giving me a hard time that there was something wrong with her. Really, people need to let children grow at their own pace with love and encouragement instead of tearing them down! I wouldn't want my child in a school like that. No matter what you decide, you can read to him, do fun school activities and he'll grow. Encourage him to play outside for at least 30 minutes. You can also say that he can watch TV after he plays outside and does his school work. =) Good luck!

Bad teachers can ruin kids. One of our kids was in a school where they taught reading in Kindergarten. The teacher was bad and said he needed to come in for a special reading class and I said he couldn't even read yet. This was also first semester. She said he was reading so I had him read to me. He did 'read' one whole page to me perfectly. Then we got to another page and he didn't know the words. He was memorizing it. I took him out and home schooled him and later did that with all the other kids at home then. BUT it did make him feel 'dumb' no matter what we did or how we did it. I really couldn't undo the damage that teacher did. I hope you can help your little boy now before he has permanent damage and make it fun and let him learn the way he needs to at his own speed and boys are slower than girls in some things like this so please help him see he can do well and you are so proud of his efforts.

Have you had his eyes checked? When my youngest son, now 38, was in pre-school, kindergarten and first grade he had trouble as well. He never did anything that would show nearsightedness: sit close to the TV, hold a book an inch in front of his eyes, ect. Instead he always sat a long way from the TV and had no trouble seeing things far away. I had no idea. Finally I took him to an Optometrist and he was so farsighted that he could see almost nothing up close. I felt like a failure. How could I have not known? They had checked him in pre-school so I thought he was fine. They did NOT check for farsightedness because it is few and far between. But how can they do their papers if they can't see them? This is just a suggetion but pulling him out of preschool won't do any good if he can't see.
Of course some boys just aren't ready and that is an entire other thing.

Updated

I want to add niow that I have read other answers. In preschool they had worksheets that were simple mazes, coloring and that kind of thing. Nothing that was really work. Just things that helped with motor control.

In kindergarten why learned numbers and letters and their sounds. then in first they began reading.

I think you did the right thing. Maybe you can get him into a class at your YMCA or Park & Rec dept. Maybe he needs to start this school thing at a slower pace. I wouldn't want to discourage him from going to school.

Best Luck!!!

Keep him out of there even if it is free, the only place in your town, and you have no other choice.

I would look for a different pre-K. As I was touring schools, I stayed away from the ones that emphasized worksheets (yours really had a WORKBOOK?)...3- and 4-year olds need projects, stories, activities, experiential learning opportunities! Look for a school with certified teachers who know how to address issues like "slow work completion" (I had a friend who all through school was the last finished, even though she was very smart, because she was such a perfectionist!) Also, don't feel pressured to home-school: I'm a stay-at-home mom with my 2 little guys and it's not a good fit for us. It's good for both of us to have him attend school. You definitely did the right thing pulling him out, but I wouldn't give up on preschool completely. Good luck!

I would not put him back in a school like that !!! If your son feels that bad, and is made to feel slow/stupid - you are going to ruin his self-esteem and self confidence if you keep him there. I would suggest home schooling. There are a ton of options online to do this. Your son can go at his own pace - slow or fast - and no one is there to make him feel bad or that he is not up to par. Please check into this option. If for some reason you cannot do this at this time check into Montessori schools. The classes are of mixed ages and some of the older kids help the little ones, there is no attitude - like seen in public schools....

Personally, he is hurting a lot (obvious by his actions) you should just not even discuss school with him at this point - pull him out entirely and do not do anything until you check out those two options I mentioned. Let him 'decompress' from all of this drama. Let him have fun now, but keep some structured time during the day, read him a book, maybe find some online learning games, etc. Just be 100% supportive of your son, and trust HIS judgment and feelings (over any public government run institutions findings).