Didn't Grow up with Neighbors-- Help--what's the Rules for Going over to Play???

Great question! I've had those neighbor kid ringing our doorbell at 8 am on a Sunday morning! What is a parent thinking??? And, when we moved here 10 years ago, we went from "no kids in our immediate area to an amazing number - over twenty in just one cul-de-sac, so I understand the question!

Yes, I know all mom's phone numbers and we do communicate on the phone. Especially when my kids were that age, I would call the parent and say, "My child would love to play with your child today? Can they get together? (This leaves the open-ended question of "your home or my home") I found at that age that my children went to other people's houses more because some kids just don't want to leave their home. If you feel comfortable that your two are walking there, together, have them immediately call you when they arrive. It gets them in that habit. ("Hi Mom, I'm here" "Great. Thank you for calling.") If your child goes there, perhaps the next time, the play date can be at your house. It's not geeky at all...if your child is at someone's home, the parent really is responsible for keeping an eye on them. I know I keep an eye out for the children at my home but - don't assume other parents are doing the same.

If your child is playing on the block. - make sure they tell you exactly where they will be - (i.e. I will be in the cul-de-sac or in "this person's backyard" - two locations at a time, are okay.) . My rule is, if I EVER have to look for my children for more than three minutes - meaning, they are not where they said they would be, they are grounded ONE HOUR for each minute I am searching. Also, no going in anyone's home without permission and many friends may have babysitters in a home, after school. My child cannot go into that home until parents are home - period.

On weekends, kids can call their neighbor/friends on the phone after 9 am on Saturdays or 10:30 am on Sunday (unless - they see their garage is open - then they can ring the bell.) As yours get a little older, if the friends are on the same block, it's okay to ring a doorbell (and get that phone call that they are going to hang out for an hour). You just have to know the parents of your children's friends.

Good luck.

EDIT: Your other post brought up a good scenario about "younger kids being dropped off with older kids". Yes, don't assume that because your oldest is going over to someone's home that it is acceptable for your younger one to go too. Your seven year old may not need nearly as much supervision as your five year old. I know it is hard to leave someone out but it does happen. Sometimes it becomes "babysitting" instead of a play date. If the other parent is agreeable to it - no problem. Your youngest daughter can always be included when the play date is at your home.

Also, I'm so glad that you are on your way to being the "geeky" parent! My children are older than your children (a young teen and a tween) and, yet, I am STILL calling parents when I drop my children off to "hang out" or they go to a party, to make sure that a parent is home, that all parents know the plans, etc... my kids roll their eyes at me but they expect nothing less! There's power in knowing your kid's friends and their parents!

Yes, great question (And I don't have an answer either!) But, here's another thing to think about. I live in a busy, hectic, urban area, so it is not as easy as going to the next yard.

Every yard is fenced and kids can't play solo out front (traffic, creeps). So, if my little neighbors (3 kids all ages 7 and younger) want to come over, I really feel like I have to be physically out back supervising their play. My kids are old enough to chill out in the back yard solo, but it is a hassle if I am tidying inside or paying bills or whatever and now I have to come out to supervise the 3 younger neighbor kids.

Occasionally the parent will come by, too, with another baby in tow. But, often it is just my kids asking "can x,y and z come over?" If I am free, I totally go out there and we have fun with all 5 kids. But, sometimes, it is just like, "Ugh. Not now! I don't have energy for 5 kids!"

If my kids want to go over there, I tell them to ask one of the kids to ask their parent. If the parent says, "yes", they go solo and usually come back in an hour. If not, we just say, "oh well, another time." And we play on our side of the fence.

I think with the weather getting nicer, this is easier. If the kids are going to be playing outside, it is not such an inconvenience to the parents. I think calling is not "geeky." I think it is polite. We have neighbor kids who call to see if my children can play. They also come to the door, sometimes. If we are busy, I feel comfortable enough to say "not now", or "just for an hour." I think it is best if you keep in mind the age of your children. Mine are 10 and 12 and therfore, do not require a lot of supervision. Your girls are younger and so may need to be checked on more often, so make sure that you reciprocate by allowing the neighborhood children to be on your watch, as well. It should be a really fun summer for you and your girls. : )

Hi there...

Well...here is what I do with my two boys..ages 9 and 6. We have neighbors on one side with kids close in age. Our yards are open so we can always see if they are outside playing,etc. in their yard.
Our rules are this:1. If you want to play with the neighbors, you have to ask mom or dad first...then mom or dad will call the parents and see if it's ok for the kids to play together outside.We always ask the parnets first! Luckily we are very good friends with our neighbors too:) We talked to them about this and agreed on how to handle it.

2.If mom or dad cannot be outside, we make sure to tell the other parents this so they know we will not be able to supervise. If the neighbor parents say that is ok, they will be outside, then that works. We ususally take turns being outside with the kids.

3.We make it very clear to the kids that they have to stay in the back yard ONLY. No front yard. We live off a somewhat busy street. Backyard is better.

4.We also make sure the kids know that if they want to play inside the neighbors house, they have to come inside and tell us...then we check with the neighbors to make sure it is ok.

Like I said, our neighbors are also very good friends of ours so we were able to come up with these rules together. It helped to talk to them and have a "plan" for the going to play stuff:)

I hope this helps:)
B.

I wouldn't send my child over unannounced to play with friends. It's rude to just assume that the other parent wants to supervise someone else's kids. And no matter how old the kids, that parent is technically the only adult around, so it's unfair to put that task on them. And you never know if they have other friends or family over, or if they're going to leave soon.
If your kids want to play, walk over with them and ask if the other children want to come over to your house and play. Hopefully they'll return the favor soon.

Here are the rules we grew up with. You can go outside to play but not into another persons house unless the parent says it's ok. and not just ok to the kid but calls the other kids house to say is it ok with you to the parent. My mom totally bypassed that by being the koolaid house in the neighborhood. we had a yard full of kids all the time. the garage door was always up and we played games and had concerts (let me tell you I was pretty cool with a hairbrush for a microphone when I was nine) we played games in the backyards and had sprinklers running in lots of front yards. As long as your kids know the rules about not talking to strangers or going into other peoples houses without your permission your ok. Someone wrote on another post about ringing a doorbell at 8am. that is so not a good thing. A rule for you to remember. Just because another parent tells their own kid its ok to come play at your house doesn't mean your required to let that kid come in and play.

I don't have the answer. I just wanted to say that this is a GREAT question, and I don't know why I never thought to ask it here. I'm in the same situation. My son is always asking if he can go over someones house to play, and I never know what's appropriate. I do however know that it is NOT appropriate (in my opinion) to go over to another childs house and ring the bell at 8am. On the weekend it's like the kids that live next door to me eat breakfast and then immediately come ring our doorbell. It drives me NUTS!!! So I'm looking forward to the feedback you get.

Again, thanks for a great question!
Lynn

At a resonable hour of the day offer up a play date at your home that you can supervise. This way you get to know the children and see who you want your child to hang out with. It also helps you to know if you would trust your child at their house. Okay I have trust issues. Unless you know the Mom's really well and it doesn't matter. I would always check first this way you don't have your child be the last one outside when a Mom had told their child they could play for 10 minutes and then it's time to go as your kids are the same age as mine and mine have never been outside with me inside or knowing that I have left them with an adults eyes on them.

Ask the other neighborhood moms for the rules. Together you make your own. What do YOU feel comfortable with with coming and going kids? No right or wrong just what works. xo

I have 2 daughters 6 and 9 and they just go over to the neigbors house and ask if their friends can play and their friends do the same. I think it's fine. If the parents don't want their child to play they can always just say their child is busy and can't play right now. As long as it's done at a reasonable time. I also check in with the neigbor to make sure everything is going okay.