Disciplining a 2.5 Yr Old...

My daughter's 2.5 also. She throws fits sometimes and when we're at home I tell her that I'm gonna go do something else fun, like go outside or color. And if she wants to come she has to stop crying, it usually works. Another way is I just walk out of the room and ignore her whines. She just wants me to listen to them anyway and when she sees I'm gone her tantrum's over. In stores she's usually good until we have to leave, then she's throws herself down, runs away, or screams. I just pick her up kicking and screaming and take her to the car. Once she's in her car seat she calms down in a couple minutes. Or I tell her in the beginning of the trip that if she's good she can ride the horse, or train or whatever they have. I'm trying NOT to reward her with candy cause then she thinks she gets it every time which starts another fit.

My husband is amazed that whenever we go out and my son starts whining, pitches a fit, whatever about the choice of destination, I immediately take my son to the bathroom and have a talk. We come out a few minutes later and no more fits.
My simple secret is to get down in his face, hold his chin in my hand so he has to look at me, and softly tell him that his behavior is not acceptable and we won't tolerate it. This time away from the situation gives him an opportunity to get control of himself without it escalating out in public. At home if he whines, it gets ignored until he asks politely. If he backtalks or hits or such, he gets a timeout on the stairs, in his room, or wherever is convenient and does not get up until he gains control, whether it's 3 minutes or a half hour - he knows it's up to him to determine his level of control for when he can ask to get up. Then, we talk quietly about how he can handle himself in the future.

Well Spanking a tantruming child (spanking any child for any reason really IMO) is just plain dumb. Why inflict pain on a child who is already upset? Redirection works, Picking them up hugging them and comforting them (talking softly, cooing, telling them you know they are upset COMFORTing them) works.

Wanting to runwild is a NORMAL 2.5yr old boy thing. they are full of energy and it's exciting to go someplace new.

You need to prepare your child for the rules. All the way there talk about how you want him to behave use Fun explainations. I tell my high energy son that he will need to walk like a turtle and talk like a mouse and we discuss how loud a mouse talks and how fast a turtle walks, and then I remind him as we go into the store or resturant and remind him every few minutes while we there as well.

Hi E., I agree with Lacy and E., only I would say that if they throw the fit in public, then leave the store, and strap them into their car seat in the car, wait whatever time out time you set, then go back in the store. Don't leave completely because you won't get anything done and they learn that they get to go home when they want. The only thing that I would add is that when you get to the store and park, talk to the child before you get them out of the car seat, tell them what you are going to do in the store, and what you expect of his bahavior, and what will happen if he throws a fit, I would even recommend offering a treat (sticker chart or some other treat) for a good trip. Then follow through, don't give in. This will take a couple of weeks at first... stick with it. Good luck!

I would try talking to him and letting him know that's not acceptable behavior and that's not how we get what we want. I talk to my daughter (she'll be 3 in October) when she starts throwing a fit to try to calm her down and if that doesn't work, I step away and let her pout and have her little fit(when we're at home). She actually behaves pretty well in public (great, now I just cursed myself ~ the next time we go out she'll be a terror ~ that's the things with kids, you never know). Just be assertive and stand your ground...I know it's super hard sometimes, but eventually your son will get it. It may only take a couple of times, but be prepared for more. Good luck!

Hi E.,

I have an almost-three-year-old son. I try to avoid taking him to the store with me if I can. Since he goes to the store so rarely, it's like a treat when he gets to go so he's usually pretty good for me.

Time-outs are used quite a bit here. I have also held him and told him to "breathe." He'll stop crying briefly to breathe very dramatically (it's actually pretty funny), and I explain to him why we said "no" about whatever.

Sometimes he's kicking and screaming to the point where you can't keep him in a time-out chair, and you certainly can't hold him without getting whacked in the face by some flailing body part. I just put him in the middle of his bedroom floor, tell him he can come out when he's done crying, and I close the door behind me. He gets it out of his system and is usually composed in a few minutes. If he comes out crying, I put him back in there and tell him again that he needs to calm down before he comes out. Of course we talk about why the behavior was unacceptable once he's calmed down, and he gets a hug.

While I wouldn't call spanking "dumb," it's not always the most effective way to stop a tantrum. Sometimes they need it to know what kind of behavior will be tolerated and what won't be, but if he's already lost in a kicking-screaming-tantrum, spanking will only get him more worked up. That's just my opinion, of course.

My son won't drink plain water in a sippy cup, but if I put a ton of ice in there, he suddenly thinks it's something special. I also dilute his juice - to the point where it's just water with a splash of flavor! He only gets "straight" juice when we go to restaurants.

Hope this helps. I'm sure things will get better!

A.

My son acts exactly the way you described your son! He just turned two in July. He throws a fit when we put him in a shopping cart, or a high chair at a restaraunt. He wants to run free! We have tried just putting him in the cart and ignoring his screams and cries as we go about our shopping. He just gets more upset, which causes me to get irritated, and then we either leave or I take him out of the cart (which is what he wants). I feel your pain! The problem with him walking in the stores is that he is short and can get "run over" by other carts, he is slow which is frustrating when you are in a hurry, and he wants to look at everything! The high chair thing is relatively new. He throws a fit when we put him in it at a restaraunt! He screams and cries, which I am sure is annoying to everyone around us. I hate to ruin their dinner, so instead mine is ruined by running after him! We have tried boosters, but he screams in those too. We have tried letting him sit in the seat, but he can't reach the food. Last night he spent most of our dinner out under the table sitting in the booster seat!! We have tried time-outs, but we spend the whole time putting him back! I really feel that he does not get anything from this, except a fun game watching mommy and daddy get more upset! Our doctor even mentioned that at this age she thinks they are too young to understand the concept. Sorry I don't really have any advice, just wanted to say that you are not alone and that no one thing works for everyone! We have tried the positive reinforcement when he is good, but he seems to forget it 5 minutes later! We have even tried bribing with a sucker for him to sit in the cart. That works for about 5 minutes! So, I am not sure what we are supposed to do with our wild boys!!

Hi E., I have to agree with Lacy. My son just turned 2 last week and WOW, what changes the last month has brought us! What a sweet boy he used to be! (It doesn't help that I had a daughter just 3 months ago, either.) You can't give in because kids are so smart, and they know you will eventually give in. If my son has a temper tantrum, I just ignore him. But if he resorts to hurting me (or someone else, including my 3 month old daughter), I put him in time out for 2 minutes. Again, something else you need to be consistent with. My son is soooo good sitting in time out now, but when I started this at 18 months old, I would literally have to stand a foot away from him and keep putting him back in his spot until he learned I wasn't going to allow him to get up.

Another thing is, since docs say that you are really only supposed to give a child between 4-6 ounces of juice a day, I only give him juice just once a day, and that is after his nap time. I do allow him to have more juice on certain occasions, like if we are out at a restaurant or at someone's house, but for the most part, it's just once a day. If he starts whining (at home) for juice, but it is not the usual time I give it to him, I just explain to him that no, we only get juice after nap time. I fill his sippy cup up with water (or milk) and leave it on the table, and after a minute or two, he stops crying and gives in, drinking the water I left for him.

I wish you luck!

Hi E.. I have a 3yr. old son who is getting ready to turn 4 on April 10 and a 5yr. old daughter. I read all of the responses that were sent and I think most importantly the reinforcement to your child that you are the Mom and he is the child is crucial. Some people are easy to give in to their children's temper tantrums for many reasons but only to the unfortunate realization down the road that it only gave very short relief at that moment. or what they "psychologically" thought was relief but in actuality was setting the stage for worse down the road. Early discipline is important for later understanding. It will be difficult, but you will reap the benefits when you see your child responding to your being firm about boundaries. I agree with Lacy, children at that age will try and test their boundaries which is why you will see them respond sometimes quicker if you ignore their whining or tantrum. Pick your battles wisely. I often give my children options that they can choose from but ultimately the outcome is always,always,always,(did I say always!) what I need and want them to do. Yes the mind of a 2.5yr old is what it is but you'd be amazed at how much they really actually understand. Some people think that the show "Supernanny" is not realistic, but just like myself and all the others who responded to this know that you can take one small piece of advice from anyone and it may make the difference for you at that time of need. The biggest thing I got from her show was the importance of consistency.In reference to the juice factor. Early on I also watered down my juice and mostly it was water. I also stayed away and still stay away from anything and I do mean anything that has high fructrose corn syrup in it. It is a huge culprit to hyper activity in kids of all ages. Especially candy. Good Luck Mommy! I have confidence that you will soon break this pattern and both of you will reap the rewards.
M.

Hi E.~
I think the key is "...I eventually give in." By giving in, you are only teaching him to kick and scream longer. Consistency is hard, b/c no matter how long your patience lasts, your kid can scream longer! You have to just walk away from the fit. Start at home; when he is calm tell him the right way to ask for more juice, then when he whines, walk away from him until he asks the way you taught him. In public, start with a quick trip...if the fit starts, leave immediately. If he makes it through with good behavior, take a minute when you get in the car and praise him for being such a big boy. Right now, all he knows is that if he throws a big enough/long enough fit, you WILL give him what he wants. At 2 1/2, he can understand WAY more that you think. Talk to him when he is calm, tell him what you expect and follow through, follow through, follow through! Oh, did I say follow through! It wont take long before he realizes that you mean business! He'll get it, and he will LOVE getting the praise for being good!!
~L.