Do I Tell My Friend About Her Husband?

I would simply tell her that you received a text from her husband and you questioned it. Maybe he was sending it to his wife...you never know. Just give her the fact that you received that message, possibly with him there. If something is going on, the truth will come out eventually and its better to tell her now then for her to find out later that you knew something and didn't tell her. Its a sticky situation. Good luck!

Hello E.,
That is a terrible position to be in. But I would say definitely stay out of it. If it is true, she will find out; but if you tell her, she is in the position of having to say to her husband, E. said you sent this message, etc, etc, and second hand news is not much proof. Even more, imagine if your suspicions, unlikely as this might be, are not correct; it would put you in the worst position possible, to be the cause of distrust where it does not belong. I realize this is not likely, sadly, but in general it's a good reason to keep one's own counsel.
If your friend ever mentions anything to you, that's another story.
Good luck to you, and to your friend!
S.

People may disagree with me...but don't say any thing because it will hurt you and your friends relationship more then you think.

His response when she adresses him may be that you tried to put the moves on him first and when people are in love they tend to beleive some of the most outlandish things.

I know that you want the best for your friend, but what goes on in the dark will come to light eventually. She will find the truth on her own in due time.

My advice would be to stay out. You do not want to be the cause of a marriage ending, especially when there are children involved. And if she does decide to stay with him, your friendship will no doubt be over for good. If he was so careless as to send you that text accidentally, it most likely wasn't his first false move, and it won't be his last. Trust me, it will come out eventually, these things always do. This way, when it does, you will be able to be a rock for her rather than someone whom she feels weird coming to because you were the one responsible for dropping this on her.

-Jen S

Hi E.,

I would tell her, because you are not breaking them up he is. If it were the other way around wouldn't you want to know? And what if his cheating on her, and is not safe about it. The kids could lose there mother because of Aids. I have heard of a lot of parents who have passed away because of cheating spouses due to Aids and the kids are left alone. If he is cheating, I am sure they not as happy as you may think. Again this is just my opinion. Maybe show her the text let her interpret it. You may not have to say much. But, this will definitely open her eyes to what is going on around her. I would just say look at the text I got one day from your husband. What is he talking about. She will find out I'm sure. Its funny to see that a lot of moms said not to tell, wouldn't they want to know? I would want to know. I just hope you and your friend can get threw this. :)

You are not breaking up the marriage by telling her--it was sent to YOU by him. I would tell my friend (who would be upset if/when she discovers this behavior on her husband's part and knows that you knew all along), by saying (in very sensitive terms of course) that you received an email from her spouse; that you are confused by it--feel it is definitely sent accidently to you but that you could email it to her or print it out for her. She is likely to inevitably have to deal w. it.
Or you could tell her husband that you got his email and suggest that he confess to her.

E., what a position to be in -- I do not envy you at all...

For me it is simple - use the golden rule "treat others as you wish to be treated". Would YOU want to know if she was the one that got the text from your husband??? If so, tell her (I suspect you would want to know, otherwise you would not be feeling guilty about it!)

Best of luck to you and your friend.

It all depends on if you are willing to possibly loose your friendship with her. I have seen many times where women tell the wife and they end up staying with their husbands. As a result the friendship you have with her will be over. On the flip side if she finds out you knew and didn't tell her she will also be upset so it really is a no win situation. I just had a similar situation happen to me at my childcare center. I have lovely college girls who work for me and also babysit for some of the parents. One of the fathers began sending inappropriate text messages to two of my workers who babysat for his son. When the girls came to me I immediately told them to stop babysitting for the family. The wife became insistent when they would refuse and kept approaching them about sitting which put them in a very uncomfortable situation. After careful consideration I felt I had no choice but to tell the wife the reason why the girls were no longer babysitting. I had hoped not to but she was so persistent. I had the two girls show her the text messages and we all spoke in a meeting. She was very upset and promised she would handle it with her husband. I made it clear to her that her or her husband were no longer permitted to approach any of my staff with babysitting and we ended it at that. Needless to stay he wormed his way out of it and she stayed with him in her words it was all a misunderstanding TRUST ME IT WASEN'T. After about 3 months she actually had the nerve to ask the girls again and of course they told her she would have to talk with me ( they wanted no part of him and again were put in an awkward position) The women cried to me about how it was just a misunderstanding and her husband swore it would never happen again and that without the girls babysitting for her she would be forced to use all of her vacation time etc. I told her my decision still stood firm and I was sorry we would not be able to help her out. My fear was that if I let them begin babysitting for him his advances would continue and maybe even escalate I was not willing to take that chance. Point being is the proof was right in front of her eyes and she stayed with her hubby anyway. The little boy is still at my center and mommy and daddy are still together. Most times that is what happens. One thing you could do is to confront him and let him know you know and if he doesn't knock it off you will tell his wife, or you may just have to let it go. I know your feeling guilty but it is not you who is doing anything wrong. You never know he may say he meant to send the text to his wife and then you might be accused of trying to break up her marriage. I am sure I haven't helped but there really is no easy answer. Good luck!!