Do You Feel Obligated to Have a Guest Room for Family or Friends?

I don't buy houses for other people, parents, in-laws, family or friends. My family's needs come first and if I want to make an extra room into a library, office, craft room, spare closet ... whatever! I darned well will. That's my take. There's no way I'd take my mom sulking and making comments over something like this without me giving her an ear full, forthcoming tantrum or not.

No one has ever expected us to have a room available for them when they visit. If you want to stay here, you sleep on the couch or the blow-up bed. If you are a child, you can bunk with one of my kids. We have 4 kids and 4 bedrooms, I'm not a hotel.
I don't give in to emotional blackmail, which is why I haven't spoken to my sister in 7 blissful years! That's how I handled the difficult person in my family, I cut her out of my life :) I did it to my dad for a long time too, he eventually learned to behave himself ;)

Oh yikes!! That sounds like entirely waaaaay too much family time to me!! Months per year at each home?? No way.

REpeat after me " Be quiet Mother or you will not be invited again"...THERE.

As one daughter who has fought to avoid her mother's sensitivity and tantrums to another....stop trying to avoid them.

My mom was the worlds worst complainer. Always kvetching about one thing or another, making passive aggressive comments about how I do things. Implying that I was trying to make her life miserable.

Finally, I lost it on HER. I told her I was tired of always tiptoeing around her, because I was afraid of hurting her feelings, all the while, she was hurting MINE. I never felt like what I did was appreciated....EVER. I told her if she didn't like the way I did things, she could do two things: Keep it to herself and still spend time with me, or go home and spend time with her dogs.

This was a phone conversation, by the way. And she hung up on me. And then sent me a bunch of nasty texts. I told her "you hung up on me....if you want to talk, you can call me back after dinner, but I'm not going to be abused via text."

I thought the world was going to crumble down on me, if you know what I mean. I cried to my husband. I thought my relationship with my mom was OVER.

But, you now what happened? She changed.

It was amazing. It was as if my placing boundaries on her...refusing to allow her to treat me poorly, act like a victim, or complain about my home...caused her to straighten up her act and rememeber who she was. And she started acting like my mom instead a petulant little whiner.

I suggest you stop avoiding the issue and put your foot down. The truth is such a relief, and having it all out there really does help. Let her hit the roof. Once she's done up there, she'll come back down to reality.

Best of luck,

C. Lee

If people want to stay with us and don't like the "accommodations" then they are more than welcome to move to a hotel. Our house is NOT a hotel; it is layed out and functional for the people that LIVE here.

I know you don't like conflict, but unless you want to have your mopey mom throwing tantrums, then you need to tell her that your house is not her hotel and if she wants room to open her suitcase on the floor then the Holiday Inn has cool luggage racks just for that purpose ;)

For my sanity, I feel obligated not to have an extra room ;)

I don't have a guest room in my house, I have too many kids! Ha!

When we have guests they get one of the kids rooms & that kid gets to double up with one of their siblings.

We use to have a guest room/office but my husband hated it, he is a computer programmer & needs to use the computer, so we stopped using it as a guest room.

Your Mother sounds very demanding. I would just tell her as nicely as possible that the bookshelves have to stay & you will be working on replacing the tub with a shower as soon as you can afford it! She could always offer to pay for the bathroom remodel if she just can't wait! Ha!

Your mom can stuff it. She should stay at a hotel. Seriously.

"Mom, you seem so put out about things, I think you'd be happier at a hotel. If you choose not to do that, then I'm really done hearing the complaints. I organized my home because this is what works for us, for how we live all of the time. You do have other options and I'm not open to hearing constant criticism. So, if it's a problem for you, I guess that's too bad. We didn't set it up this way to intentionally upset you and I'd appreciate it if you would stop taking it so personally. Frankly, while our arrangement wasn't constructed to upset you, your constant comments and complaining are upsetting and becoming offensive to me."

She's a big girl, let her put her big girl panties on and make up her mind. Boundaries! And in this situation, I think it's okay for your husband to go off a bit. Some people seriously need to be told off. Your mom thinks it's all about her, she's assumptive, assumes you should visit and for how long and that you should do what she does. ugh! She needs a reality check.

Ugh! Your mom needs a reality check. You need to tell her in a calm, caring conversation, that you have graciously accommodated her and other guests by placing a queen bed in the room. You are not multi-millionaires with the ability to create an entire suite to her liking. If she finds your accommodations less than stellar, hand her the list of the closest hotels to your home. Seriously. Let her then have a tantrum and don't call her. She is acting like a spoiled brat, and the more you feed into it, the worse she will make you feel. You've done nothing wrong. If fact, you've gone OUT OF YOUR WAY to try to have a place for her when she visits. Would she rather sleep on the couch?

I have a guest room that is so large it has two beds in it (queen sized). It also has an attached bathroom with a shower. If someone dared to complain about what I have to offer, I'd tell them not to come again.

I find guest rooms at most of my family's and friend's homes are multipurpose rooms - office/guest room. Who cares? It's not like you're paying money to stay there! I want to thump your mom on the head! GEEZ!

Good luck!

I think I would smile at her and say "I am so sorry that this space is not to your liking, but it is the only space we have available. Would you like me to make a reservation for you at a local hotel?"
When she starts to complain, make the reservation.

Wow - your mothers are a piece of work! We do have a "guest room" but it's also a piano room and play room. It's completely illogical to dedicate a room to being just for guests unless you have so much space you don't know what to do with it. And since you have a real bed, your mom's complaint is that your books are in there? Ironically, my husband got mad when I wanted to take some books out bc he says it's nice for guests to have a choice of reading selections! One thing I do btw is put the dresser in the closet. It frees up space in the room and given no one is living in the room, no need for both sides to have hanging space. Anyway, like people have said, start ignoring your mother. Tell her this is how it is and if she doesn't like it, she can stay in a hotel or not come. Let her have a tantrum. If she does, hang up or walk away. Repeatedly. You should not be letting her get away with this. Don't let her manipulate you. You do have some control here. Take it. Don't speak to her anymore if she's like this. Do not engage with this type of behaviour. And tell her if she wants a shower down there, it's not in your budget now but she's free to pay for it if she can't wait. She likely will say how much she spent on her basement... Just reply that you do not have the money now. Calmly and matter of factly and then walk away, end the conversation etc.

No guest rooms in our house.
I'm a firm believer in people staying in hotels when visiting family.
I PREFER staying in a hotel when visiting my mother.
We all need our space and we need breaks from each other - and I like being able to relax by the hotel pool.
I'd make your spare rooms into a play room and or an office and not have any dedicated space for visitors ESPECIALLY because of the way your Mom and MIL behave.
If there's no making them happy anyway, then piss them both off and please yourself - you need to establish this badly needed boundary.
In the long run, you'll feel much better for it.
You are an adult - who cares if they pitch a fit, throw tantrums and get mad?
You are not responsible for their happiness or their accommodations.

Oh. hell. no.
We have an extra bedroom off of our living room - we call it the toy room. It has changed many times over the years, but we have always tried to have a bed or at least a futon in there. It's small. Now that the kids are older (9 and 11) we have a nice comfy full size bed, books shelves, armoir type cabinet full of games and art/craft stuff and a desk with a large tv on it. It's cramped, I'm talking only walking space around the bed. But that's the way the kids like it. They sit/lay in there and play video games and watch movies (no tv in their rooms) We call it the kids living room!!!! And our guests are more than happy with the set up!!!!!! You mom and MIL need to get off their high horses and quit acting like spoiled brats - and if I were you, I'd tell them so. Life is too short to deal with crappy behavior in your own home!!!!!!!

Man, I came here to answer, I thought, was a simple, straight forward question....Yikes...you have some serious boundary issues to learn fast with that mother of yours...

First, my husband insists on a proper guestroom for his side of the family, that never visits, and I do not want to have a designated guestroom, for my family that visits all the time, and more if they could. I currently have a King bed, great mattress, TV, built in desk, cute fake fireplace for heat because it's in the basement, my sewing machine, 2 dressers. It has a walk through closet into a private bath where my spa making supplies are parked.

Now, BookWorm, your mom is a piece of work, with her passive aggressive comments about how you decide to set up your house. Please pick up the book "Disease to Please" or anything else by same author. And read up on Co-Dependency issues, like Co-Dependent No More, and read up on healthy boundaries.

You are not the go between. Your mother needs to mind her manners and be civil about her sleeping arrangements in your home. Or stop visiting. Or get a hotel. Most moms would not waste money on this option, because like most self-centered women like you describe, they expect others to cater to their whims.

It will be hard to learn to set boundaries, and tell her such thoughts. Eventually, she might even learn to respect you and your place. But you won't know unless you try.

Personally, I would love to sleep in someone's private library. I'd be up all night reading and would not be a proper house guest however.

I have seen answers on here before about dealing with this kind of people who won't be pleased. With your distaste of conflict, it might work for you.
Every time you get a compliant you politely say,

You are probably right.

You should not have put the books in here. You are probably right.
You should make my bathroom better. You are probably right.
You should ..... You are probably right.

Keep doing whatever you want to do. After a while she will either recognize that you are placating her endless complaints (what's she going to do, number her complaints and your answers!) or she will be fine with your answer. Sometimes people just want to complain. If you get H in on it, it could be a funny tension breaker!

I don't feel obligated to do anything I don't want to in my house. We have nowhere for guests to sleep, because we needed the space for another purpose. I don't love the idea of family sleeping over, anyway. I'd rather not have to deal with it.

If my mom complained about the room, I would happily remind her of all the lovely hotels near by.

I'd send her a gift card to the holiday inn down the street.

I have never, well a couple times, but most of the time I have never seen a guest room set up as a shrine to the visitors. Usually they are a multi purpose room that can sleep guests too.

Ours has a queen bed for guests but it also has a lot of my older daughter's stuff in it. Stuff I am pretty sure isn't going anywhere until she buys a house in a couple years. When that happens our computer is going in there because I HATE it on the desk in the kitchen!

It may be a guest room but it is also a room in our house, we use the house more, we win!

We don't have a guest room, I guess if we had a six or seven bedroom house we might.

We refused to consider purchasing houses that had "mother-in-law suites" because my husband and I knew that my Mom would see it and say "I'm moving in"!!!

M

Book:

You know as hard as it would be to say "we didn't buy this house as a hotel for you" - you NEED to say it. She needs to realize that this is YOUR home - NOT HERS.

Do we have a guest bedroom? Yes. It has a dresser, two night stands, a full sized bed, a desk and book shelves. My husband wanted to make it a "gaming" room - I said NO, I want a guest bedroom. Gave him my reasons and he agreed.

How would I handle it? Really. As hard as it would be to say - I would say straight up - WE DID NOT BUY THIS HOME AS A HOTEL FOR YOU. I would also tell her that she needs to stop complaining about my husband. If she can't say anything nice about him, then she will no longer be welcome in my home. I CHOSE HIM. I am an adult. And stand my ground. Thank God I don't have a mom like that. I don't know if I could handle a parent that didn't like my husband (i will admit my mom didn't like my first husband, but she always treated him well and he was cordial in return).

Tell your mom to seek therapy for her problems. She should be happy to see the Grandkids and her daughter...instead of complaining about everything!!!

Good luck!

No, I don't feel that it is important to have a room for guests. We have a very nice air mattress with a foam top and a frame that we set up in the playroom. My parents have 4 bedrooms and 3 are set up for guests but they never mention our lack of a special room for them. That is silly. Try to ignore her comments.
I would go ahead and tell your husband that she has made comments about the room. Talk about how it upsets you. Then explain how you are going to just ignore her because the room is good enough. Make sure to tell him when she isn't there. That will give him a chance to mull it over, get angry, think about how he is going to react, etc. before she DOES say something to him. I do this with my husband if I know something is going to come up and upset him. If he has a chance to think about how he is going to react, it goes much smoother and isn't as big a deal.

Wow, my parents are thrilled to be staying in our guest room that is filled with books, dressers, boxes of extra bedding, and a queen sized bed. There is hardly any room left in there to walk, but that's a ton more than we had in my home growing up. When I was a kid and my grandma came to visit she slept on the living room sofa.

I would risk your mom's tantrum and tell her, "I'm sorry that you don't like the guest room, but this is what works best for our family. If you'd rather have more space, here's the number to the Hilton."

No. Our 'spare room' became not spare when we had DD.

I also don't have anybody who stays with me for a month that isn't offspring.

If either of your guests feel cramped, then you may have to tell them they may find the local hotel (perhaps a suite or one of those longer term stay places) would suit them better. If your MIL wants to stay longer than you like, then you and DH need to spell that out.

I would talk to each mother before the next visit (which presumably you will discuss in advance). If she wants to stay, then she has to get over herself. It may be time to actually say, "We didn't buy the house as a hotel for anybody." It sounds like your guests are spoiled and forget that it is your HOME. If my mother behaved like that, she would not be welcome back for a long stay. The last time my mom stayed, I had to insist she use our room vs sleeping on the sofa bed, as we were going away and it was silly for her not to have a room to use. Excuse me, I have to go thank her or something now.

Bottom line, stand up for yourself and pull back the welcome sign if they are just going to rub mud on it.

ETA: The next time she complains, tell her that no, she renovated on her own. It doesn't obligate you in any way. If she wants to see you more, she could try being less controlling about it. And she should use her own room.

If you are conflict avoidant to a fault, you might consider therapy to learn how to deal with people like your mother.

Actually, this JUST happened to me! We have 3 kids and work from home. We lived in a single story 4bd, 2000sf house, our desks were in our bedroom...bad ju-ju! Also our kids are 17, 13 and 10 so we wanted them to spread out some. We found a 2700sf two story house that has 5 bedrooms PLUS a separate office, living room, family room and dining room AND an eat in kitchen. So if you did the math, this left us with an EXTRA full bedroom. Downstairs we have a living room that hubby and I hang out in and a family room where the kids can watch their shows. I have family in CA that come out and usually stay with my mom since she's by herself but she also is borderline hoarding and has a bunch of pets. So the family ideally would like to stay with us if they could. So I *did* consider making the extra bedroom an actual guest room. But instead, I decided to make it into an extra TV room for the kids (they don't have TV's in their rooms). So it has an entertainment center, reclining leather couch, and I will be adding a table with 4 chairs so they can play games in there with their friends. So we have a living room, family room AND tv room upstairs. LOVE IT!

I figure this, guests only come once or twice a year. We do NOT have to customize our homes to be perfect for their rare visits. And that's what it is, they are VISITORS for a short time in our homes. WE are the ones that have to live there EVERY day. So we make our homes how WE want them. If I were you, I would swap the queen bed out for a twin and call it a day. I would have a one time conversation with each mother and state something like, "I understand you come for visits and would like an ideal room to stay in. However, we worked hard to be able to buy this home and we are making it useful according to OUR needs, since we live here full time. I'm sure you can understand this and appreciate that we did consider your visits which is why there is a bed in our "library" that is for your use. It hurts my feelings that you appear to not be happy for us and I would not like to hear anything more about our home unless you can be positive and not negative." End of story. Oh and by swaping the queen with the twin, this will solve the problem of space...they must give up a bigger sleeping bed in order to open their suitcase, so you did as they asked...lol Good luck!!!

BWM,

You get to set-up, decorate, and use the rooms in YOUR house the way YOU want and in a way that meets YOUR needs (meaning: yours, husband's and children's needs). If anyone else doesn't like it---including your mom and MIL---umm, that's too bad.

Whatever your mom did to renovate HER house is on her; she made the decision, regardless of whatever reasons she gives you. So that has absolutely no bearing on this issue. Ignore it when she brings it up.

I'm sorry, but there is no other way to say this: your mom is an emotional manipulator. I'm sure you know that, but if you need any validation and support, I'm here to tell you that you get to make the decisions about YOUR life. Your mom is entitled to make decisions about HER life.

For your sanity and for the sake of peace in your home, please learn to set boundaries with her or you will be dealing with this for the rest of her life.

You owe your mother respect, but that does not mean suppressing your needs, turning yourself into a pretzel to accommodate her ridiculous requests, or caving into any of her demands that you should live your life her way. It just means being civil and pleasant, but at the same time, holding firm with your boundaries to protect your own needs.

I wish you the best with this. I know how hard it can be, but once you learn to set that line in the sand, you'll feel so much better, and you'll never look back.

J. F.

If she starts complaining about the room (very rude), I would have a pre printed list of hotels nearby. I would give her the list and say "I'm so sorry you aren't happy with the room, Mom. Here is a list of hotels that are nearby that might be more to your liking". I would then walk away.

I'm sure her behavior is terrible but when she starts I would just say "when you are able to have a discussion I'm happy to discuss" and turn around and walk away.

Your house, your rules. I do have a guest room and we use it as a guest room, office, library. We have a daybed in there with a trunnel. This set up has worked very well. Now that my daughter has moved out, I do have a guest suite.

If we had an extra room and it was big enough we would put in the computer and our full sized extra bed we have in storage, but if the room was too small for both it would get the computer and a day bed or sleep couch. Our house is set up for us to live in day to day, not for guests who come once or twice a year.

As it stands now we simply use a blow up mattress in the play room for guests, or they can use the couch. If they don't like it there is a hotel just up the road.

We barely have enough room for three of us, let alone a guest room. As far as family goes, my dad lives alone in a three-bedroom house, my sister lives alone in a three-bedroom house, and my MIL lives alone in a four-bedroom house. If family is in town, feel free to contact one of them :)

Bookworm-

firmly and politely say that you've purposed the house, and its rooms to fit all of your family's needs not just that of the occassional houseguest. you hope she can be satisfied with and appreciate your choices.

wash, rinse, repeat.

as for the animosity btwn hubs and your mother. This is a problem older than dirt. tell your hubs that your mother is a grown woman, set in her ways, and little you can say or do will change her attitude, or what comes out of her mouth. remind him you are not responsible for what she says, and not always aligned with what she says, but nonetheless, she is your mother, and you would like for the both of you to on occassion find room for her in your home, and keep space for her in your heart, as trying as she might me. hopefully he'll rise to the occasssion, and not add to the stress of having your mother around.

good luck to you and yours,
F. B.

A list of nearby hotels?

Bless your heart. What a mess! If I were you, I would fill that room up to discourage both of these women from making YOUR house THEIR home. I would ignore every single remark they both make.

Do NOT bow to either of them. If you do, you will be giving them carte blanche to continue to demand, demand, demand. If you actually ignore them and do what you need and want, they will realize that the more they fuss, the more you buck them. And that will prevent MIL from staying longer and give your mom some consequences for her rudeness.

If your husband and your mom get in a fight, walk away. Maybe she needs for him to blow so that she will stop her sulking and passive/aggressive remarks.

Oh, and you do not have to visit more or do more for your mom because of her renovation. Life doesn't work this way. Being with someone who has a "scorched earth approach" to dealing with family just does NOT get to demand more time...

Good luck.

I love my parents to stay and give them their own space. However, its not a dedicated guest room, I simply don't have the real-estate for that. But now that my kids are older, I do give them a kids room and keep a queen bed around for that very purpose. My room is big enough that I use blow up beds for my kids to stay in our room when we have guests. Works out really well. But i'd say the more contentious the relationships, the better to give everyone private space. As for blow up mattresses, I think they are okay IF the guest does not have trouble getting out of low beds (bad knees, bad backs, elderly....). I think that a guest room/ library is very acceptable. You have entitled bratty parents. So my suggestion is, make the rooms what you want them, then bring kids into your room when you have guests. If that means blow up beds for guests, so be it.

I have a three bedroom house and do not have a guest room. I have a futon in the living room and an air bed for guests.
I bought and arranged MY house to suit MY needs.
Anyone who doesn't want to sleep on the futon or the air bed will be given directions to the Holiday Inn a few miles away.

Guess she won't be coming to visit. Tell her you know of some great hotels in the area. What you have set up is fine. I think you are crazy to get rid of the jacuzzi. Think long and hard about it.

It is your home...you do what is best for you,your husband and your children.

If your Mother and MIL get upset with what you choose...then that is their issue to deal with..not yours.

You need to be more confident in your role as a wife and mother....not as a doting daughter willing to do anything to keep mummy from being mad at you.

Let your mom have an epic tantrum. Be the mature one and tell her, as I would anyone acting this way, that when you are done sulking then we can talk reasonable. I would say that to my child...I would say that to my mother.

Your mother has gotten her way by sulking and making others fear her wrath and tantrums. Don't let her manipulation work in your home. Your home..your rules.

Stop playing her games to keep her happy with you. Believe me...when you let go of your fear of her wrath, and get a backbone, then you will feel soooooo liberated.

Good luck and best wishes!!

The issue isn't the room, it's your mom. I have heard of a book called Boundaries - it might help you make some with your mother. Honestly, it's hard, but if she is miserable, she shouldn't come. You're going to have to buckle down and deal with the tantrums, and politely but firmly tell her how things are. The room is a library with a guest bed. SHe is welcome to come but not if she is going to complain. If it is too cramped, she can stay at a hotel. Let her have the epic tantrum, and treat her like a 2 year old. Ignore the tantrum behavior. When she is done, you will talk to her, but you're not going to listen to the tantrum. Your husband is more important in this. Your mother needs to grow up.

ADD: We do have a guest room. It's small, has an OLD fold out couch and it's a bit crowded. When family visits, they are happy to be there and they don't particularly care that it's not a "perfect" room that suits their every need. That's not why they are there. They just want a good night's sleep, otherwise they are there for US.

Oh boy. Boundary issues all around! FWIW, you're not crazy, it really is your mom.

To answer your question, I don't have enough bedrooms for my children so anyone who wishes to stay at my house can have the couch or sleep in the bottom bunk in one of our kids' rooms. If I did have an extra room, I would use it first for what I need and want to use it for and then secondly might have a small bed or day bed there for guests. My home is my home, not a B&B. The only people I know who have a real, designated guest bedroom are my ILs, whose primary home is on the beach and is specifically set up to accommodate visitors. Great to do if you're retired, not practical if you're in your child-rearing years.

I don't have any advice for you as this is an issue that goes way beyond the bedroom situation.

We don't have a guest room on purpose. The room that could have been a guest room is my office. With my things in here, there isn't even room for a twin airbed.

On rare occasion, we have a random couch surfer and my kids have friends sleep over, but typically when people come to visit overnight, they stay in a hotel. This includes our mothers. I'd never allow anyone to spend a month-long visit, and a complainer like your mom would not be invited to stay at all.

I strongly suggest that you not have guest rooms and you implement a hotel policy, both for your visitors and when you are the visitor. If you still want them to stay, then you need to have rules about duration and behavior, and be ready to evict them if they don't comply.

You need to grow a spine and give these women some boundaries. Worst case scenario, they stop talking to you, which would be a blessing.

If we had a spare room like that we would not make it a guest room unless we had another area for a game room / play room. You may not want a tantrum but one trantrum may stop the complaints everytime she comes. Tell her you did not buy that house for her to have a room you bought it for your family to have the room ya'll needed and if she does not like it she can stay somewhere else.

I am not the person that hosts guests when they come into town, so no it would not be a guest room.

Plus, for the most part when family visits due to my dogs and allergies they stay in hotels.

Yes, we are expected to have a decent place for my mother to stay. We bought a four bedroom just for her visits after she spent many years on a pull out couch in our old house. She calls our guest room her room now. Ha. I know she loves having a spot for her things and a comfortable space. However, it is not big at all. It's a room with a queen bed, nightstands, dresser, closet and a fan that we specifically bought for her. She doesn't complain, unless one of the kids steals her fan. I do find it a little challenging to deal with that kind of pressure and I have to say, it's so nice having a spot for her that is all ready to go. I remember the rumblings about having to sleep in the living room in the last house. Not fun. I hope your mom sees the beauty of what you have set up and understands that you are working on making it comfortable for her. In fact, I would suggest you say that on her first visit. You are working on making it better, but this is the best you can do for now.

Um, I have a 3 bedroom house. We use all three bedrooms because DH and I each need a room to ourselves. I have a very uncomfortable pull out couch in my living room. I have had a handful of overnight guests sleep on that or just the couch the way it is which is probably more comfy. I would never stay at anyone's house in a million years. I'd rather have my privacy in a hotel. You buy your house for your own comfort, not necessarily the comfort of guest who will only visit on occasion. I think a queen size bed in a separate room is a luxury to a guest. I don't see a big need to spend more than a few days at most with most people. Mom & MIL are just going to get over it in my book.

We have never and will never have a dedicated guest room.
We are the ones that have to live here 24/7. We need our space for our own needs. We can never afford a house big enough for the 5 of us plus a home office since my husband works from home and my sewing/crafting and the library and the kids' playroom (we gave up our dining room for that!)
The rare times we've had overnight guests we have offered the couch or a blow up mattress on the craft room/library room floor, though we can't do that anymore as there isn't any room anymore.
We haven't had overnight guests much since we started having kids save a couple times of younger friends that didn't mind the couch and didn't mind the overnight interruptions to sleep that kids provide.
I don't really know what you can do to handle your mother in law. You and your husband both have to be on the same page or this is just going to continue. You need to sit down and talk with your husband. He needs to then talk to his mother.

When she starts to complain remind her that you live in this house full time and it's set up to meet your needs. Tell her that you've tried to provide a comfortable space for her to use for sleeping purposes but really you need the room for day to day needs. You can also mention that it's cheaper than a hotel.

If there's a closet you can throw in a full length mirror on the door (so you won't have to see it when the door is closed).

My mom would do the same thing. No matter what anyone does she has a complaint about it. So just know it's not just you; there are a lot of us in the same boat.

We live in a 3-bedroom townhouse right now, and although we have just one child, SO needs space to work at home, so the third bedroom is his office. There's a futon in the rec-room and a full bath down there, but no actual door to the room, so it's not ideal. My mom stayed there when we first moved here, but has stayed at a hotel her last two visits and it's nicer for everyone.

We just bought a new house and we're doing a bathroom addition in the large room addition the previous owner did (she put a large attached office/studio, which we're changing to a master bath and closet). The old master with tiny attached bath will be the new guest room, BUT, it'll also have our workout stuff and my desk... so it's not going to sit unused waiting for a visitor.

Unless you have regular visitors I say use the space in a way that suits your family's needs. If there's room for a spare bed, have a room for guests, but don't let her guilt you into making your home less than comfortable for YOU in order to make her stay more luxurious!

Wow, how entitled! Could u compromise and move 1 bookcase?

in the last house i had two guestrooms, plus a playroom. in this house, we have 1 guestroom and a huge playroom. my husband is begging me to get rid of the queen set i have in the guestroom so that it can become his man cave. i am not willing to do that. i like to have a separate room for guests with their own bathroom, as i prefer to have the same when i visit someone. truth be told, i rarely get a guestroom when i visit hence the reason i stay at hotels rather than in someone's living room. so i kind of side with your two moms (god bless 'em huh)

I am not going to dedicate a space in my home for anyone who doesn't live here. I have a toy room and my kids share a room. If we will have overnight guests I ensure the toy room is cleaned up VERY well and we add a double high air mattress and clean sheets, etc. I do not feel obligated to provide accommodations to guests and am upfront about what my offering entails. It would be the guests choice to accept my offering or pay for a hotel. I do not feel entitled to stay at another person's home when I travel and when it is necessary (maybe I need to save the money from the hotel) It is not acceptable to be picky or critical. At some point my kids will not share a room and will have their own. At that point we will attempt to make an accommodation to the best of our abilities and the guest can choose from available options then.

We have a pretty large house and my upstairs has 3 bedrooms, game room and library and 2 baths. My daughter uses this space and has since she was about 5 yrs old.

Talk about a rude awakening when she goes to college in the fall and her dorm room is an 8 x 12. At least each girl has her own private bedroom, 3 share the bath and living area.

Back to your question, I like having a specific area for guests. We do not have a lot of out of town guests come in and I enjoy having them here when they come. Our guest room is set up with all the basics and the full bath is across the hall.

It has come in handy for us because when daughter has company to sleepover, everyone has her own bed. I have a trundle set up in the smaller guest room with the Wii and video games. The regular guest room is set up with an Queen bed. We have another trundle set in the large game room with the big pool table. So, when someone sleeps over, they have a bed. I like this.

I use the extra bedroom that is downstairs for my office but we plan to redo it to a more formal guest room since my parents are older and are not as good about going up/down the steps. It is set up much better as a guest suite than the upstairs room.

As far as your situation... that is crazy that someone would assume you purchased more space for them to use and stay. My guest have never stayed over a week. I have about a 3 night limit for my entertaining guests. I would not be able to handle someone a month or more and still deal with complaining. I applaud you because I would have thrown someone out of my house if that didn't stop. I think your mom and your MIL need some tough love. They are both being childish.

Good luck to you and your new home!

I too have a 4 bedroom house. One of those rooms is a guest room because I often have family come stay with us. The room has a nice queen size bed, enough room for a blow up mattress, a desk, book shelves, a dresser, and a rocking chair. I feel that this is plenty adequate for guests and if they don't like it, I will happily give them the phone # to the local hotel. I don't keep this room out of obligation as much as I keep it because I love having house guests and I want them to be happy and comfortable here. Doesn't sound like the same situation for you.

Best wishes!