Our 3.5 year old son throws a fit every day he is dropped off at preschool...well, there have been some exceptions, but they are few and far between. He has been going to daycare/preschool since he was 3 months old, he should be used to it, however, every day he's dropped off he clings to my husbands legs crying and whining. When his little friends come up up to greet him, he freaks out. He says he wants to stay home with us, but we both work, so this is obviously not an option. He says he does not like his teachers, which I am not sure is true. He will be in his current classroom for a few more months and then he will advance to another classroom, so I am not too worried about the teacher thing. When I pick him up after work he acts perfectly normal. He plays with his friends and even has a "best friend." When I ask him if he had fun day, he says he did. We're not sure what to do. We don't necessarily want to take him out of this school (he just started going to this school in July, but he had this problem at his old school as well), because we're afraid he'll act like this again and with new registration fees, etc. it is not an inexpensive risk to take. Does anyone have any advice on this? Thanks!
As long as he is no longer upset after about 5-10 minutes, everything is fine. It's best for you to give him a hug and a kiss, pry him off of you and leave. The more you linger, the more of a fuss he'll make. Once he realizes that you are not paying his episodes any attention, he'll move on. Even if you're crying in the parking lot. :)
You say that since he's been in daycare/preschool since three months old, "he should be used to it," and you seem surprised at the change.
It's not about what he should be used to. It's about his age and his stage at this point in his life. It's typical for kids this age to be clingy at certain times and at departures -- even if they've been "doing" departures from you since three months old. Be aware: He will go through other stages too, which shouldn't surprise you the next time, because it's not about what he has experienced before and "should be used to"; it's about his new perceptions of an experience as he changes and grows. Some of that perception may be "I know what I want this second and it isn't this" and some of it may be "This place is new to me and I want to be at home." Whatever the reason in his mind, the result is the same: Big fuss.
Please heed what the preschool teacher below said in her post -- this is totally normal and you are handling it well by leaving him promptly and not lingering. You also are handling it well if you don't get too wound up worrying over it because neither you nor he is doing anything wrong.
Let me say as kindly as I can: your little guy is giving you quite a show!
Let me also assure you that we preschool teachers have seen this before. The NAEYC has a great pamphlet on goodbyes that I wish I could send you. In a nutshell, it suggests that we give our child our confident goodbye and pass them off to the teacher, tears and all. If you check with the preschool teacher, you'll likely find that the tears subside soon after you leave.
In my experience, even with the children who had the biggest tears and wailing during drop off, this lasted about 10 minutes at most. Littler children, I would help to get engaged. Sometimes, some children refused to participate, at which point I would find a quiet chair where they could sit alone with the option of looking at books until they were ready to join us. The point of it was that they had a choice to sit and cry or to move ahead in our day with the group. This was never done as a punishment but simply to give context: we can have upset feelings but we do not get to control the whole room with them. Eventually each and every child would join the group.
Some kids need to get this "I'm mad about not having the world the way I want" out of their system from time to time. Good for you for not pulling him out of his current situation. I see this as one point in a long career of education for a child; if we pull them out at preschool because they fuss, they are going to expect to have a similar influence when they become older, which will then become more trouble because at those ages, schooling is compulsorary. We go to school because it's what we do, just as you go to work because that's you do.
If you feel there are no red flags regarding his preschool/staff, then keep doing what you are doing. Do not let your son's temporary drop-off outbursts undermine your feelings or confidence about what you are doing. Too often, I see parents question their own judgment because of their child's opinions or feelings, which can be very hard for us. I'm a mom, so I know this too. Children are meant to push against us and our values from time to time. They also need us to stand firm in what we do and say, otherwise, their whole sense of foundation and firmness crumbles. No matter what they would like, should we let them make the choices or be the boss--it might be fun to a child, but deep down, it's terrifying for them. Working and dropping my son off was terrible some days. But I'm his mom and know how to make the best decisions for my family--- and you do too.
My son cried almost every morning till almost Christmas of first grade.
When I came to pick him up, he'd get upset if he couldn't stay longer to play.
He had me coming AND going.
It's not that he didn't like daycare/pre-school/school.
It was a transition thing for him.
It was something he had to do to in order to settle into his day.
10 min after I left he was absolutely fine - playing, laughing, having a great time.
Pre-school had a window where parents could peek in to watch where kids could not see them.
Seeing him happy made me feel SO MUCH better so I wouldn't be worrying about him all day long.
Just hang in there!
He'll grow out of it sooner or later!
He doesn't like transitioning?
Maybe he is always tired in the morning?
Maybe he is not, a 'morning person' type?
A sibling of mine, was just like that and the things I mentioned, is what was her 'problem.' She hated mornings and having to wake up and get ready and go places.
But she liked school, once she was there and my Mom left and dropped her off.
This was just the way she was and her personality.
It wasn't easy... for my Mom or the family.
But this sibling, was just this way.
Even, in high school and going to school.
Kids, usually outgrow it, sooner. Than my sibling did.
I went through period of this with both my kids. My daycare has a lobby with a couch where I could hear what was going on in the room, but they couldn't see me. I realized very quickly that almost as soon as the door was closed and I was out of sight, they stopped and began playing. I also found that the longer I lingered in the room, the more upset he became and that made the crying last longer - a fast hug, kiss, and 'I love you', then handoff to the preschool teacher works best. You might try waiting outside the room some day when you have an extra 10 minutes in the morning. You will probably be surprised at how quickly the crying stops, and then you won't feel so bad at dropoff time.
My son went through phases where he would cry every day when being dropped off, but 5 minutes after I left, he would be playing and happy. I'd talk to the teacher/director and ask him how long he is upset after he gets dropped off. If he's fine in just a few minutes after your husband leaves, I wouldn't change schools or do anything differently. If he's crying for hours, then I would definitely look into changing classes or even schools if needed. Good luck!
It sounds like he doesn't really like having to go, but once he's there he's fine. I feel like that some days - don't want to go to work, but once I'm here everything is fine.
Totally normal! As a former preschool teacher I can assure you that this behavior is very common. Talk to the teacher and make sure that he is fine after you leave. If he carries on for a long time there may be some other issue going on. But if he is fine within 5 minutes or so, then there is nothing to worry about just normal separation anxiety. This will get better as time goes on.
The most important thing you can both do when you drop him off is make you goodbye quick. The longer you take to say goodbye and try to console him, the worse it is for the teachers when you leave, and the longer he may carry on. The best way to handle it is give him a hug, tell him you love him have a good day etc. and leave quickly (smiling of course.) Never let him see that his fussing make you upset or feel bad, just pretend that everything is great, ignore the fussing and leave. Trust me, within 5 minutes he should be playing and having fun!
I know it's hard to drop them off when they act like this and it really tugs at your heartstrings, (been there done that) but if you leave quickly, this phase will pass a lot faster!
Good luck!
Sounds like my daughter from the time she was 3 and 3 months to 3.5. EVERY single day :(( But she was fine after i left and sometimes didn't want to leave to go home.
Have your husband hand him off to the teacher and leave, no coddling or attention to the tears. (Yeah, it's hard!) The director and teachers told me this was normal behavior for her age, and I'm guessing it is with your son as well.
Be consistent in the matter-of-fact, confident drop-off (Daddy wouldn't leave him somewhere unsafe or bad for him!) and in time he should be fine.
