What to Do About My Toddler Crying Throughout Preschool?

My son did the same thing last year, except he was all day 5 days a week. The first week was tough and he cried all the time. Then he too became ill and was out for a few days. When it was time to go back he could just cry. We ended up doing half days for about 2 weeks with me picking him up later and later until he made a full day without crying. He eventually got used to being there and we didn't have any more problems. He was also potty training at the time and once he finally trained things got a lot better. First I would be questioning about the teacher. How is she a pre school teacher if she gets tired of a crying child that is used to being with their mother? I would not pull him out. Give him some more time, eventually he will realize that he is gonna have fun when he goes to school, he also knows that if he shows you he is unhappy he will get his way. That teacher should be more understanding and willing to help. Sounds like she is a young teacher and should ask a more seasoned teacher what she should do. Good Luck!!!

He's had so little time to develop a routine. You were there in the beginning, and he either was unclear about the ideal of the other kids and the teachers or he was possibly picking up on your concern (knowing that he's clingy). Your mom took him and that was better - less separation from you at the school door. Then he got sick and that undid everything - he got used to being at home. So you kind of have to start over.

I'm surprised to hear you say the teacher is getting tired of this. Professional teachers in licensed preschools should be highly skilled at this. You should let her know what techniques you have used to defuse his aggression and anger in the past - I assume you don't buy into it or reward it, and I think the school should have good methods of not putting up with that stuff.

I think, if you pull him out of yet another school, he will get the idea that he just has to cry and fuss and he'll get to go home. And can you say more about why you pulled him out of another day care program just because he got sick for a week? There must be more to that story.

As you say in your opening sentences, he needs routine. Work with the school staff to figure out what could be done differently in your drop off routine (don't drag it out, quick kiss and "have fun and I'll see you in a little while). And figure out what they can do about his backpack - most schools let a little kid hold a security item in the beginning, and then he just has to put it down to play with the fun toys.

I could be totally off here - but if he's been ill, and then he's been crying the whole time he's there, is there any chance he's got an ear infection?

Mine used to get ear infections after colds. They were inconsolable and just wanted mommy. Just a thought.

It's very typical for there to be tears and clinginess at drop off. We did the quick hug/kiss and have kind teacher distract child with some fun toy .. as we left. That worked for my tearful one. He was clingy (more so than others) during the day but we always had enough teachers that he got his attention fix.

If he likes his bear bag, could you not get him a little bear to take in with him? Our daycare and preschool was very good about that kind of thing. Kids came in with blankets, and all kinds of loveys. Ours had them for nap time, but if they were upset, they could cuddle with it.

Change can be distressing for them at that age. They do adapt in time, but some kids are just more clingy than others. I have a mix.

Not all preschools are created equal but assuming you did your homework and its a good place I have a few suggestions. When you drop him off make it quick, look happy and leave. Do not stay. It doesn't seem like he's been there enough to really evaluated it. Perhaps you could call the school office once a day for a week or so and they can tell you if he's crying all day or that he was over it the moment you left? My son cried like crazy when I was around and the second I left, he started adjusting well. I'm surprised they let you stay with him the first 2 days. I've never heard of that. My son would have played that "big time". Hang in there Mama....

This is totally normal.
But you have to give him a chance to adjust. Some kids cry for entire school years. Mine did for about 6 mos of it. I would suggest you don't move him again. Every time you do, he has to start adjusting all over again.
Leave him be, establish a consistent routine of goodbye, and he'll figure it out.
You'll ike see a setback after vacations, illnesses, and long holidays. It's all part of development.

He needs time to get used to it. He's only been back for a week and a half. You need to give him more time than that to adjust.

Every kid is different and how quickly they adjust depends on their personality. One kid in my daughter's class cried up until recently (he just turned 5). I started sending my daughter a few months before she turned 3 and she never cried.

Also, it's only been about 1.5 weeks and the teacher is getting tired of it? If he's 4-5 then I guess I can sort of see the teachers getting tired of it, but if he's 2-3, you might want to change schools.

He's had a lot of changes and he's not had a chance to get into a good routine.
It takes some kids several MONTHS to get into a good routine.
Most kids do not cry all day - but they sure put on a good show when Mom has to drop them off.
My son's school had a window that parents could look into to see their kids when the kids didn't know their parents were there.
Usually - 10 minutes later the kid is playing with other kids and having a good time.
That window amazed more parents than I can count (me too) but we felt so much better know our kids were having fun and not crying all day.
You can't expect a teacher to carry your child - they have a whole CLASS to deal with and they shouldn't be expected to carry any of them.
Give the school a good 2 months.
Make your goodbyes at home before you take him to school - and at school, you drop him off and quickly leave "Ok! I love you! Bye bye!" and out you go - rip that band aid off quickly - because the sooner you leave, he can make his adjustment to the transition and then happily get on with his day.
The longer you are there - the longer you are preventing him from dealing with the transition.

Once you get that good routine down - be prepared for the other shoe to drop.
You'll be there to pick him up - and he'll cry that he wants to stay and play longer.
It's just a transitions thing and I think EVERY kid goes through it at one time or another.

So sorry to hear this. It's difficult dropping your little off and know that they cry when you leave. But if you are a working mom, and that's your norm, he'll get used to it.

Go talk to the head teacher and the director and ask them how you an help to ease this for him. They will likely have some suggestions for you. If they don't, then perhaps this is not the best place for him. I only had my child in two pre-schools - I felt that each one called to me and said - this place is perfect. And I was right. So look for what you feel fits him best. You'll know.

Please take this advice from a person whose main career was in child care. You are making your child's issue worse by hanging around with him and teaching him that crying makes mommy do what I want. And you are doing that each and every time you do more than take him to class, give him a little bitty hug, then turn around and walk out.

Consider having your mom take him from now on. He will do so much better. Let the teachers deal with this issue from their point of view. Parents who just will not leave are our albatross. They think they are doing the right thing but in reality it's the opposite. He will cry and be completely stressed out as long as you give him power by responding to that in ANY way. Go to work, don't worry. Usually kids that get the right kind of drop off fully transition and are done with the crying that doesn't get them anything within a week, two at most and that's usually the kiddo that had mom doing the hanging around stuff but she finally stopped doing it and they are finally going through the transition of being there. So at most a couple of weeks is the most, absolute most it should be taking and that's if you're dropping him off without the lingering and hugs and coming back stuff.

Your mom taking him creates a brand new experience for him and he doesn't cling to her, right? So he's doing a regular transition with her. With you he knows if he cries mommy will hug him great big, stop and look back a couple of times, mommy looks sad, cry and mommy will come back and hug me again. I will cry forever!!!

So, is he a toddler? from age 12 months up to around 2 or is he a pre-school age child like 2-4? There's a huge difference in how they handle transition and the stress of it all.

My son cried and was unhappy for a month. I sent him to daycare 2 days a week for 3 hours at a time. He would cry for 15 - 30 minutes everytime I dropped him off. The school hes at is great, the teachers are awesome. Your son needs to get used to it. He already knows if he keeps crying, you are going to pull him out.

Can you give examples about why you say teachers at the other school were "more caring" and this teacher is "getting tired" of your son? It sounds like you are blaming the school for your son's unhappiness, but the teacher has many other children to focus on too! Maybe your son is just too young for preschool?

is it really important that he be in pre-school? you don't give his age, which is frustrating, but i guess since it's a choice to put in him or not and you're doing it to 'socialize' him, you don't have to?
maybe he just needs a little more time to be a happy little guy 'socializing' with family and friends.
most kids adjust within a couple of weeks and only cry at drop-off. if you really feel your son is miserable all day and you don't trust the teacher to be kind to him, why not just back off for a while?
it's a weird paradigm in this day and age where we assume that kids have to be institutionalized to be 'socialized.'
khairete
S.