Expecting Second Daughter

Hi M.,

I have one month old and a 16 month old. I use a Moby to carry my newborn while tending to my toddler. IMO, I don't think any infant carrier is really safe to hold an infant while carrying your toddler. I second gettin a baby for your daughter to mother. Also trying to involve your daughter as much as possible w. her new sister (she can fetch diapers, pacifiers and help "burp" her sister by patting her on the back). In the end, the truth is your oldest will get less attention and it's a good life lesson for them to learn that they do not always come first. As a mother, I certainly feel guilty about that sometimes, but I remind myself that although she has lost some of my attention, she has gained a sibling which more then makes up for it.

My Girls are 21 months apart, and I worried about this too. Everything works out. you will find little tricks.
1)The ergo carrier or a moby wrap. I could carrie both by children when needed. It gave me two hands, for cooking dinner, helping older child get dressed, go potty etc.
2) Some where to put baby safe! On the rear occasion when my toddler was having a tantrum or things got crazy I would put the baby in a swing. I suppose a crib would work too.
3) a back pack as a diaper bag. totally dorky but they really are amazing. With 2 little ones you will need the room and having a back pack also allows you to have both your hands, nothing falling off your shoulder.

It is really amazing having your children close together. yesterday I found my girls playing together for the first time. they were both standing up at the play kitchen cooking cooking something. I think it was the best moment I have ever had! I got a glimmer or what is to come. the are 2.5 and 10 months.
Enjoy :)

Congrats! My kids are 2 years apart too. What I did in the early days to give attention to my toddler was to pour on the one-on-one whenever the baby slept, and while nursing I would still pay attention to the older child by basically narrating whatever he was doing and "playing" with him even though I was stuck on the couch (he got used to that during my last weeks of pregnancy anyway! :) I also attempted to keep to the big brother's usual schedule and routines as much as possible, just with a baby thrown in the mix.

Another thing I did that might have warded off some jealousy was using language that didn't "blame the baby" for my lack of attention. So instead of saying I couldn't help him because "the baby has to eat / be changed /etc" I would say "I have to be on the couch a few more minutes," or "I need to change a diaper." Yes it's obvious that you're still tending to the baby, but I think it can be couched in terms of *your* decision and actions, and not the baby's, if that makes any sense.

Ultimately, the big sister will take cues from you as she forms her opinion of having a sibling. Always validate the older's feelings, whatever they may be, and go with the flow. It's hard to predict whether a new big sib will be nurturing, jealous, or indifferent (or any combination thereof) right off the bat, so see what happens, and know that before long the baby will be old enough to play along and then some serious sibling fun begins!

Hi,

I have to girls too, they are 15 mos apart. My 2nd spent a TON of time in the bjorn. Whenever she was fussy... in she went and she often fell asleep in it. I could also carry both easily. I second the comment about the backpack! It was fabulous and fit so much stuff in it. My older daughter never really exhibited any jealousy. She loved her little sister. It was def tough getting used to all the work that goes along with 2 kids so close in age, but I am glad we did it. Good luck! It will all work out. I KNOW my older daughter doesn't remember a time when her younger sister wasn't around. These days (2.5 and almost 4), when they are not fighting like cats and dogs.... they adore each other. :)

I have an almost 3 yr old boy and a 15 mo old girl. They wre 18 mo apart. I personally love having them close together, developmentally I think it is easier. I spent(d) a lot of time cuddling with them both on the couch, while I breastfed the baby, my toddler would drink his milk with us and we would read books or watch tennis on TV. I actually used the carrier more with my first because he was collicky, I wore him around the house. the first few months the baby sleeps so much I felt I still had lots of time with the toddler. I also pushed for them to both sleep in the afternoon so I always had at least 1 hour to myself to nap (don't clean:).

I used the carrier grocery shopping, I put the toddler in the front of the cart and baby in sling or snuggli and could shop with relative ease. Now it's a little harder! I did not ask my boy to 'help' with the baby until he showed interest, I liked leaving it on his terms, now he is a big help and feels important, but he was a little jealous so we never invovled him in taking care of the baby unless he offered.

You'll be great, the older child will not remember life without the 2nd, so if you don't make a big deal out of it they won't either. Soon, all activities will be based on both together.

Good luck!

I remember being concerned about this too - mine were 15 mos apart. It really does work out. I find it best to give the "older one" a doll to "mother" and a bottle to use to play mommy. Also, be sure that when the baby is sleeping you have special cuddle time with your first daughter. It really all will work out. Sorry I can't help w/ the carrier question - I never found one I really used all that much. Congratulations!!!