Having Babies 18 Months Apart

Hi K.,
My two are 19 months apart, and I love it. My older one isn't old enough to be jealous, so we had no problems with her acting out or hating her sister. She's still young enough to nap every afternoon, so I can usually get both of them napping at the same time which means I get a nap too!
I have found that carrying the baby in a sling is the best way to maintain the mobility needed to run after my toddler. I had the baby in a Moby wrap when she was really tiny, but now that she's 2 months, I have her in an Ergo carrier.
We try to get out and go somewhere every day. Otherwise, the days just drag! Even if it's going for a walk around the block, or to grocery store, it makes the day so much better and quicker if we're mobile. I have a Jeep double umbrella stroller, the kind that is side-by-side. Mostly though, I just pop the baby in the sling and have my toddler in an umbrella stroller. So easy!
Best of luck to you. It's not easy, but having two this close together is a great way to promote sibling bonding, compassion, and responsibility.

You'll be fine! :)

My boys were about 17 months apart...it has worked out perfectly. The oldest was the perfect age...he was too little to be jealous or mad. He wanted to help all the time and we made sure to foster his new role as a "big boy."

My husband says all the time the transition from 0 to 1 child was MUCH more difficult than 1 to 2 children. You know what to expect with #2 and in general are just more prepared....especially if the kids are the same sex...you don't need to buy as much.

I am lucky that I do have family close. I would be lying if I told you it wasn't a huge benefit, but I think you will be able to handle it. The hardest part is not sleeping the 1st few months until the baby is sleeping through the night. When you have 1 child you nap whenever the baby naps. With 2 you are limited to napping when both kids are napping. With your oldest being 18 months you should still be able to nap.

Now my kids are a little older and they usually get along great. They are very close and play together nonstop. They have their moments of fighting of course, but I love that they are so close.

We are expecting #3 and I think this will be a much harder tranisition b/c my boys are older and "get" that things are changing or will be different.

Please don't hesitate to ask any questions you have. Congratulations and good luck!

Hi K.,

My 2 kids are almost exactly 2 years apart in age and I was gradually weaning my son before I knew I was preganant with my daughter. I will be honest - the first year is going to be hard. I always felt that I was not able to keep both happy at any given moment. I don't say this to scare you but rather to let you know that when you do feel that way, it is the same for everyone with kids born close together and you will probably be doing just fine - even though it feels like there is just way too much crying. Your kids will be very used to not getting everything they want or need instantly and that is a good thing. Another great reward is that they will probably be very close friends and play well together which will be enormously helpful to you down the road. So my advice is start weaning at one year because it is nutritionally appropriate and you will need to reserve your own strength to grow a baby and chase a todler at the same time. Decide on what you absolutely have to get done on the house and finish it before baby comes and then plan on not doing anything else on the house for at least a year. Make sure you remember to take care of yourself - get rest, exercise, eat well and take breaks from the kids so you will feel well enough to do what you have to do. And remember that it will definitely get easier as they grow older. Good luck.

My girls are 20 months apart, and the beginning was a little hard, but with practice, it all gets easier. E.g., it would take me 45 minutes to get out of the house at first, I was scared to take them both somewhere, etc. But you get into the swing of things and it all works out. Each milestone - eating on their own, walking on their own, getting potty trained - makes things easier. They are good friends, and they fight of course, but also have a lot of fun together.

My daughter and son are nearly 16 months apart (shy a few day). Honestly, the beginning was difficult -- complicated by the fact that I had an emergency c-section with the 2nd (my son) because his umbilicical cord was too short to delivery naturally (only about 8 inches). My daughter was an absolute doll and loved to play big mama's helper -- we did things to make her feel like a big girl BEFORE the baby was born -- like transitioned her from her highchair to a booster so she could sit at the table with the rest of us. She loved helping to change diapers by helping to un-do the tabs on the diaper or bring me wipes. She also loved to (and still does) fetch things. I luckily had my mother-in-law come to stay with us for the first 3 weeks so that I would not have to lift my daughter (she weighed 23.5 lbs and weight restriction after c-section is 10 or size of your newborn). But, I handled every task other than the lifting of my daughter. We would sit on the floor and play together while I was nursing my son or she would sit on the couch next to me while I read to both of them. Believe me, as a mom, you find ways to make things work. Just remember -- your daughter will have a "memory" at the time you are dealing with both. If you have the choice between letting your newborn cry for 5 minutes or letting your toddler -- let the newborn cry. I dealt with about 1 tantrum per day (near bedtime due to being tired) from my toddler daughter, so it wasn't too bad. Prepare your daughter as it gets closer by showing her pictures and books about babies or watching a video with babies (we watched Happiest Baby on the Block) so she sees how they cry and look. I love having my kids so close in age (they are 20 months and 4 months now)...and wish I could have more already but doc said to wait 18 months after the c-section so I can have a VBAC.

Make sure dad helps out a lot so you can get some rest but in my experience, my husband is good with both for only SHORT periods of time. He gets overwhelmed much easier! Good Luck!

Hi K.,

I have two boys 18 months apart. My oldest just turned 25 months and my younger one is 7 months. I had the exact same concerns as you have. I spent some time, before baby came, planning out how I would nurse and keep my very interested toddler busy at the same time. We live in a 2 flat so we have only one floor. I was able to section off a part of our living room for my son to play in while I nursed. This was a space where I knew he was completely safe and wouldn't need assistance while I sat in the other part of the living room and nursed. That way I could interact with him but not have to worry about what he was doing. This worked very well, especially since nursing takes up so much time. It was also a way to put the baby down and know that the baby was safe. I put the swing/papasan chair on one side of the living room and my toddler would play on the other side. Keeping them separated was a big concern.

I have to admit, I still don't take both of them out very often. It has just been too hard in the winter. If my husband is home to help, he helps me load and unload and then I go visit friends or out for a walk. In the last few months I've started going out with both more often. I signed up for many park district classes so that, when my husband was home, I could take my older child to a class or send him with my husband so I could have some alone time with the baby.

Remember, a baby sleeps a lot so you'll still have time to be with your daughter and have one-on-one time. And, as someone mentioned, I think they are too young at that age to be jealous...with our son, he was thrilled to have someone else in the house.

Good luck. I had a great experience and am happy it worked out this way. I hope it all goes well for you. Watching them interact has been a true joy over the months and it just keeps getting better every day.

Hi, K., My two are 11 months apart. My son is 17 months (9/20/07) and my daughter (8/23/08) is 6 months. They actually could be in the same grade given their birthdays. Not at all what we planned and definitely a shock initially, especially since we did take preventative measures. But we had our little surprise anyways and can't imagine it otherwise. You've gotten some great feedback already.

My family is on the west coast and my in-laws are about 3 hours away. My mother-in-law stayed with us for 3 weeks - a week before my daughter was born so she could become familiar with my son's daily routine and he could become familiar with her and then 2 weeks after my daughter's arrival. I am grateful for my mother-in-law's help, no doubt, but it was difficult for me to give up my "control" and wanting to take back my household as soon as I could. My parents then came for 2 weeks after that. By the time everyone left, we were ready to be a family of four on our own. Despite the challenge, accept whatever help people are willing to offer - meals, allowing you time with your older daughter, allowing you time with baby, housecleaning, simply providing you company, etc.

I was more tired in that last trimester than when baby girl arrived. However, I allowed myself the naps that everyone reminds you to take. My older one was still on 2 naps a day so that helped even though initially there naps weren't at the same time until a bit later. Now, my older one is only taking his afternoon nap which allows for some one-on-one in the a.m. when she is napping. People repeated that my son would be too young to be jealous which is true for the most part but he certainly expressed when he was feeling loss of attention. I read somewhere that there's a reason we don't have clear memories of when we are infants so spend that one-on-one time with your older one who is aware of what's going on.

My older one is as sweet as can be towards his sister. He showers her with kisses, provides her with toys in her chair if I'm busy cooking and can't quite entertain her fully, wants to help feed her, is protective when other toddlers come around to her. I think that's partly his nature but also what we've been able to foster and demonstrate that she is here, too. She is always watching her older brother and he makes her laugh quite a bit. Is fun now that they are interactive and I look forward to watching them grow up together.

Just some thoughts. I hope those closest to you will be able to provide the support and help you might need. But I'm sure you all will manage becoming a family of four.

Peace

My kids are 1 minute apart. The hardest part of having them so close in age is finding time for yourself and taking time for mommy or daddy and me. That is really important. It may seem really hard at first since you have experienced just one at a time but you will be surprised how easy it gets later on. The best part is that my kids played very well together and had no problem interacting with others later on in preschool. I will throw out a caution: do not be afraid to take them both out somewhere. That was our mistake. Since it was pretty much just one of us at a time (we worked opposite times of day), we usualyl stayed home. Now when we go out, we constantly remind them to behave. I think it would have ben different if we had exposed them early on. It also helps if daddy is on the same page and not just "mommy's job".

Mine are 15 months apart, now 2 and 1 (yesterday!). It's really the best. I wouldn't worry about it too much, I mean the only thing I can really say is you just sort of figure it out, just like with your first. REally, it all falls in to place. I believe it is challenging going from one baby to two no matter how far apart they are but I also believe there are tremendous benefits having them close. For example, mine are on the same schedule now, that doesn't happen having them far apart and they LOVE LOVE LOVE eachother, seeing them interact is the most rewarding. I'm sure you have a sling or soft carrier, that was my life saver. Good Luck!

Definitely go to LLL! Also, Adventures in Tandem Nursing answered alot of questions for me on nursing while pregnant and tandem nursing if you choose too.

My kids are 22 months apart and while in the beginning it's hard because you have two babies, as the older one matures a little it becomes easier. That first year will fly by too because you are so busy with them. Now at one and three, they play so nicely together and sometimes my older one gets a little pissed that the baby ruined her tower, or whatever, but mostly she just loves her little brother to pieces.

Tandem nursing for me was a lifesaver. I think it really helped calming everyone down and gave me an excuse to sit a lot more than I would have been able to otherwise :)

I guess I never freaked out about going out with two kids. My husband is gone alot for work so I guess I just figured if I wanted to go somewhere, it was either with kids or not at all. If you haven't joined a moms group yet, do it. Having friends with kids helps so much. I don't know what I did before I met people in my neighborhood.

The house suffered in the beginning. But oh well. We had a lot of take out. Not great for your pocketbook but again, I wasn't going to jump up a cook a lot in the beginning. Make some dinners and freeze them now. If someone asks what they can do, tell them to stop at the store and pick up what you need.

Get to know your neighbors. My neighbor and I just started helping each other out, her husband is gone a lot too, and I don't know why we waited so long to help each other. I watched her daughter this morning and she watched my kids last night. Such a lifesaver.

#2 is not going to cost a whole lot more in the beginning. Diapers are expensive but you can cloth diaper to save on costs there.
Breastfeeding is free so that won't be an issue. Clothes are cheap, shop at thrift stores. Start hunting clearance racks at Old Navy. Dirt cheap cute stuff. All their pjs are marked down right now.

You will work it out as it comes. Before long you'll have forgotten what it was like to only have one baby! As soon as my son's naps became somewhat predictable, I tried very hard to get them to nap at the same time so that I had a break or a nap or just some alone time. That was crucial.

Good luck!

K., my kids are 4 years apart, which we are happy with. But I'll tell you the thing that is a bummer...Just as the older was old enough to take to concerts, out to dinner easily, movies - all the things both kid and parent enjoy-we have to stop because we have baby (now 13 months). It feels like our older is getting stuck at home and missing out because we can't do as much stuff. And if we want to do any of those activities, then one of us stays home with the baby. So, while it may be difficult in the beginning, you will more quickly get to the point where you can do family activities that everyone enjoys.

K.,

Looking back, you will prefere that your children are close in age. The 18 month will still nap which is a HUGE bonus, the 18 month old is not in school and school related activities which can put a huge crimp in baby's nap schedule, and they will be playmates very soon! I thought the hardest part about having children close in age was being pregnant with an infant/toddler. After I got through the pregnancy, it was really no big deal. I had my mother-in-law come for 1 week and my mom for another week to get me through the very beginning. Just like now, you will have some good days and some bad :) I even had my 3rd child less than 2 years after the second, so it couldn't have been that bad! Congratulations and good luck!

Our babies are 18 months and a day apart. At the beginning of my pregnancy I was pretty panicked at the thought of another so soon. But, now the baby is 8 months old, our first daughter can't remember not having a baby around, the baby gets the biggest smiles whenever she sees/hears her big sister and we really can't imagine not being a family of four.

It is tough though. Your toddler is going to have a lot of energy and sometimes it's hard to feel like you can keep up. I found that I had more energy after the baby arrived than I had when I was pregnant. So keep that in mind.

Some things that have helped us:

1. A routine or a schedule or something to give you something to look forward to throughout the day. I could pretty much count on the infant BFing every 3 hours or so during the day - I could plan then for an activity to distract my toddler so she wouldn't be crawling all over us.

2. High chairs, Playpens, books, short online kids shows, etc. When you need both hands for the baby, these keep the older one occupied/contained for short periods of time. There are times when my oldest actually asks for a "time-out" just to get a break and be alone. She is much more calm and collected afterwards.

3. You'll be tired. It's ok to take naps. Encourage naps for everyone- you included! Pick a book that fits your parenting style/theories that will help you help your kids to sleep. It has made all the difference to us.

4. Winter is tough. Tough to be inside so long. Tough to get out in the cold with TWO little ones. Don't be afraid to send the oldest over to a friends house to get a break. It's nice for toddlers to socialize. Also nice for mommies to socialize too, so maybe go along as well.

5. Play as a family. Let some things go every once in a while. when you let yourself focus on enjoying the children it really does make everything better. Go to the park, even on hard days. My husband really enjoys chasing/rough-housing/wrestling/tickling the kids and they love it too.

There's so much more, and the day-to-day does get tough, but you can do it. There's a reason there's a 9-month waiting period before babies come - to help us get used to the idea, and have some time to prepare.

Sorry this is getting so long - but as far as the money goes, you already probably have all your baby stuff. #2 does not really require a lot, especially if they are the same sex. But grandparents love to give presents, consignment shops often have new/barely worn baby clothes (they really don't get used all that much). And -shameless plug- cloth diapers, I found, were easier to use during those early months when you're changing so often. And they prevented all those severe blow-outs, so fewer stains on baby clothes and they actually ended up needed fewer clothes in all.

Best of luck. I hope your pregnancy goes well. It really is a joy to get to know your newest family member. Coming from a large family of 6 myself, I am best friends with my sister who was closest in age. And they are little for only a short time.
-K.