I wrote an earlier request (Go or Stay, March 15) and this is somewhat related...and now I need some new advice. My boyfriend's mother and grandmother want to have family portraits done. I don't feel comfortable in doing this. Even my 15 year old daughter feels uncomfortable...she said "why should we have a family portrait done when he doesn't do anything as a family and doesn't want to marry you?". What an eye opener! Not only that, what do I say to his family when they ask about wedding plans? Should I just smile and get the portraits done and pretend that everything is okay with us or should I tell exactly them how I feel and why I feel the way I do? In a way, I feel it shouldn't be on my shoulders to tell them anything, as they aren't my family... they are my boyfriends family... What do I do? Please help me!
I agree with Monica. I would tell them whats going on. How can they expect you to take pictures of "the perfect family" when that isnt the case. And if they keep asking about wedding plans, I would defer it to your boyfriend.
Hi Jamice,
I am a photographer in LV and often come across similar situations. If you are unhappy or uneasy about the situation, it will more than likely show in the photos. On the other hand, there are plenty of people who take photos and they are not married. My husband hates and i mean hates photos and would not take them before "our" child. Now that we have had a child together, it seems he has done some growing. I had a photographer at the babies birthday and told him if he wanted to be in the photo then join us and if not that was ok. He joined us, but I took up about an hour with the photographer alone with the baby and baby and big sis. Later he mentioned that I took all the photos, so I reminded him of my suggestion and he had to deal with it.
As for his family...I have always been up front with my husbands family and they hate it. They hate hearing negative comments about their family member. My feeling is, if you don't want to know, you shouldn't ask. I think my mother in law realizes that now and for the most part keeps her questions and comments in more neutral areas. I don't like being negative toward her or her son, but I refuse to sugar coat something that is not true.
Just do what your heart tells you to do, there is no right or wrong thing to do. I hope this helps you, I know you are going through a lot right now. Hugs to ya.
Hi Jamice,
I would tell them exactly how you feel. Tell them, if he will not marry me, then a family portrait would be a lie.
Hope this helps you.............
If you & your daughter are uncomfortable taking the pictures as a family, then I think there is more to it than that. You can be a family w/out being married. So why the uneasiness? If you don't feel like a family, I think that is the issue you need to address.
But if the reason you don't want to is because you wish you were together in the legal sense, but in your heart you feel like family, than take the pictures.
And as far as the maarriage questions, smile and say, wouldn't I like to know myself. You have to ask your son/grandson for the answer to that one.
let them know your decision is to become a family and be truthful. If your boyfriend can't support you and love you and the kids' come what may. Then, you ask yourself is it worth hanging on? There could be someone waiting to respond to your indepedence and swoop you off your feet. I feel your time is valuable and if you'd like to spend it with someone who's family thinks a portrait is the most important thing....Then it's not a wise choice.
I'd leave it up to your boyfriend to say what the issue is. Most likely they already know if the family get together's are quaint and odd. ;-) Hang in there and think of you and your kids'. Your daughter's already called it out...Maybe base it on that and call the family in and see how they feel with your boyfriend..You'd be amazed at what they say, I'm sure.
Take Care.
