Irked at Husband's Choice of Photographer... Sort Of...

Updated on November 25, 2011
R.D. asks from Richmond, VA
27 answers

My husband's father is a world renowned photographer. You'd think we have the best pictures on the block!.... SO not the case.

The girls obviously get their pictures taken at school. I love sending out of state friends and family members pictures of the kids, so they can see how much they've grown, especially if they've never met the kids.

My FIL, it's like pulling teeth to get him to shoot the baby. Last year, he did great, super cute shots, I was really happy with them.

When we asked him to photograph our wedding... he said he'd do it on the condition that Elvis married us and we kept beer in a john boat. I thought he was kidding. He was not. I ended up getting my way ;)

This year, he agreed to take the baby's picture, but said he wanted him in fishing gear, holding a pole and tackle box. (We own a boat/fishing club, can you tell!?)

DUDE, THIS ISN'T SOME CHEESEY MALL GLAMOUR SHOTS, I WANT A PICTURE OF THE KIDS FACE.

My husband told his dad that it was a cute idea.

I don't think it's cute at ALL.

I say it's taking away from the actual KID in the picture. My grandparents don't want to see some photoshopped picture, they want to see the CHILD.

I threatened to go to Sears ;)

Now my husband thinks I'm a big jerk and disrespected his fathers talent.

So what do I do?! I sooooo don't want to have this same argument every year. Can't he just take a normal picture!?

What can I do next?

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Featured Answers

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☆.A.

answers from Pittsburgh on

If you want a photographer to do what you want--find someone to pay.

If you want free photo shoots from a world renowned photographer relative as a gift--he gets to pick what he does.

Why can't you go to Sears?

4 moms found this helpful

J.W.

answers from St. Louis on

Well it is cute. Then again when I get my kids photographed we do multiple back drops and attire. Maybe sell them on the middle ground.

I have no idea why you wouldn't want to be married by Elvis. :p

4 moms found this helpful

C.P.

answers from Columbia on

My mom and dad took my little brother to a pro when he was a toddler (gosh that was so long ago!). The best pics that we still smile at today are those with props...he looks so cute!

I think that you should allow him to do a few with props, but maybe ask for a couple with the fishing hat in his hands so his face is more easily seen. Or maybe put him at the end of a fishing dock with the lake behind him...do the cute fishing pics, and then do a few with just him and the lake.

2 moms found this helpful

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M.D.

answers from San Francisco on

Why can't you do both?

Your FIL can take creative shots and you can get baby face shots from Sears.

Win-win

10 moms found this helpful

A.S.

answers from Iowa City on

Let him take whatever picture he wants and then go to Sears to get the face picture you want. If your FIL consistently refuses to take the kind of picture you want then stop asking him to do it. Maybe that is his way of trying to make it clear that he doesn't really want to photograph his family.

5 moms found this helpful
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H.W.

answers from Portland on

If it were me, I'd try to come back and ask husband for some middle-ground. How about if grandpa takes the silly shot, and then a portrait is done as well?

Let Grandpa know that you will pay for the processing. Give Grandpa a copy of the boat and fishing pic and make copies of the preferred photo for your family.

OR, let Grandpa do the silly thing and then go to another place and ask for what you want.

"Temperamental artists", huh? ;) Next year, find someone you won't have to make concessions to. There's always the question in the back of my mind: does grandpa not want to do it and making it difficult so he doesn't have to? I know a few photographers, and some love it all the time, some are SO over it.

5 moms found this helpful
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❤.I.

answers from Albuquerque on

Sounds like a compromise is in order. Can you have your FIL take shots with the props but then also get some close ups without the hat and what not?

4 moms found this helpful
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M.P.

answers from Portland on

I suggest that you go ahead and let him take the picture. But you also go to Sears or where ever and get the kind of picture you want.

You can't change your father in law. And it's natural that your husband defends him. Don't fight it. Do both. Praise the artistic shots. They will be cute.

Stop with your criticizing. It's getting you nowhere. Loving and positive comments will help you get what you want much more than critical negative comments.

Later: I wonder if some of the way you're feeling is fall out from previous situations. i.e. wedding. Try to focus on just this one event. Find a way to let go of the past and don't be concerned about the future.

4 moms found this helpful

L.M.

answers from Dover on

Tell him he can take some shots in the fishing gear but first you want good, regular shots of your child with little to no props. Both are cute.

3 moms found this helpful
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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

I think that you need to take the kid to a different photographer since it looks like FIL's style doesn't meet your needs. Tell DH that his dad is great...but not with family photos.

3 moms found this helpful

J.M.

answers from Philadelphia on

if theyre free let him go to town, he might do both, if you dont like the product then take him to sears

3 moms found this helpful

J.H.

answers from San Antonio on

You do realize that if you take the child to Sears they're going to put props in the picture as well, so you're going to get more than just the face shot?

I agree with the others, if you're not paying him, then let him take the pictures he and your hubby want...then take the baby some where that you will pay to get the shots you want.

3 moms found this helpful

✤.J.

answers from Dover on

Eh, is he like an Anne Geddes (sp?) sort where he only wants to do big scenes instead of plain, old fashioned cute kid pics? If so, then no, he can't just take a normal picture, lol. There's your answer. I'd say do what Michele said & let him take whatever he'd like & afterwards, if it's not really what you're looking for, head on over to Sears!

3 moms found this helpful

A.J.

answers from Williamsport on

As a portrait painter with a weird style, nothing irks me more than people who want me to paint a portrait "their way". Like, they look at my website, they know what my style is, I have NO INTEREST or REASON to do some straight 'joe boring' painting-I wouldn't be able to add it to my catalog, so it would be a waste of time in the long run, so I ALWAYS REFUSE and wonder "why are they asking ME? They see it's not what I do! I don't ask a classical pianist to play me a rock song if they don't want to..."

If you want "normal shots" get a "normal photographer", not an eccentric, established, world renowned artist to do your "normal shots". It's hard to understand, but it is insulting, even from family. Also, his idea is super cool, and you should do both! Send your "normal shots" to your normal friends taken by a normal photographer, and get the "art shots" which GUARANTEED are going to be way more awesome (and valuable) to have in the future to look back on.

2 moms found this helpful
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K.F.

answers from New York on

He's an artist - so no he really can't just take a normal picture. I think of pictures of capturing moments in time and creating wonderful memories. Why not let him take the picture he wants to take and you go to Sears and get the pictures you want. Win/win. More wonderful memories.

I have so many memories of my mom. She was a pistol. Very strong willed and very opionionated and very funny. All of the circumstances and memories weren't fun at the time but looking back it was all worth it and makes for fun stories now.

Create the same with FIL. It's pictures, it's memory capturing. Take a video of the picture taking and laugh as much as you can. Life is short and family matters.

2 moms found this helpful

L.C.

answers from Washington DC on

It sounds cheesy to you, but (as a non-professional photographer) I would bet money that the props will make the picture and they will turn out to be your favorites... Let the man do what he wants -- he will still get great plain pix for you as well.
I take pix of the Marching Band students all year. The best ones are their formals with their instruments -- in uniform with instruments. Every parent has told me that they LOVE those pictures.
Honestly -- let the man take his pictures. If you hate them, you can always go to Sears.
LBC

2 moms found this helpful
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M.F.

answers from Houston on

Maybe making suggestions you don't like is his way of letting you know he doesn't want to photograph family. If it were me I would let him take whatever pictures he wanted and then go to sears if your not happy. If it were me I would stop asking him to shoot pictures of the kids only because you said it's like pulling teeth.

2 moms found this helpful
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G.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

He is a professional, he knows what makes a picture cute, his idea does sound adorable!

If you want a traditional picture then take the kids to an ordinary photographer. Walmart is really cheap.

If I had the opportunity to have a "world Renowned" photographer take my kids pictures I'd be jumping at the chance and saying what do you need me to get. I guess it's one of those what's familiar things.

One of the cutest and best pictures of my oldest 3 grandchildren is of them dressed up in yellow shirts with lizards on them, along with matching hats and the girl was in a dark green and yellow dress that coordinated with their shirts. The theme does not stand up and say HELLO, it is there and some comment on it. But they always notice how happy they look and are smiling widely.

1 mom found this helpful
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M.R.

answers from Dallas on

Of course he can't! LOL

Why not have FIL both? Especially if your husband really does like the idea. That's assuming he was not just humoring his dad.

1 mom found this helpful

M.D.

answers from Washington DC on

Yea, if he won't do what you, the "customer" wants, then he has no business behind the camera. I hate to give my camera to people because I love up-close shots...I also love shots with people in there. Go through my FB, you'll see maybe 20 pictures of scenery stuff...not many compared to how many are on there.

Everyone has their preference. If he won't do it, bring that sweet baby to DC. You, Cheryl, and I can get together and I'll take them. I'm not world renowned though - just amateur :).

1 mom found this helpful
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J.L.

answers from Chicago on

Had my pictures done at Sears! :) Get the serious shots there and then have Grandad do the cutsie stuff....no more anger and frustration :) Happy Thanksgiving :)

1 mom found this helpful
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K..

answers from Phoenix on

Shouldn't the theme be the parent's choice? I think you should tell him "I just want want a pic of my kid, natural, simple, unaltered. If you don't want to do what I'm asking, then I'll have to find someone else." You are technically his customer, he should be following your lead.

1 mom found this helpful
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P.G.

answers from Dallas on

Will he do both? Can you let him get his frustrated creative genius out in the "staged" picture, and then have the "traditional school-type" shots as well. Everybody wins!

1 mom found this helpful
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K.P.

answers from New York on

Do some of both. Let your FIL take the fishing photos... he may want to have some of them around the club. Then ask that he take some of Roman in a nice outfit maybe at the club?

1 mom found this helpful
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C.H.

answers from Chicago on

What kind of photographer is your FIL? I've known news photographers who were asked to shoot portraits. It's not the same thing and they're not necessarily good at it. If they are, it's not something they want to do in their free time (for no money any way- do you pay FIL?) If you're not happy with his suggestions, I'd go to a portrait place, Sears, etc. and stop asking him for a favor. I'm surprised he agreed to photograph your wedding. Maybe FIL knows of someone he'd recommend to do portraits. As a customer, you would then be able to get the shots you want sans the fishing gear.

1 mom found this helpful
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T.M.

answers from Tampa on

I would do what he wanted and then ask if you could also do some of the traditional photos at the same time. If the answer is no, then go somewhere else.

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C.W.

answers from Santa Barbara on

Hazel nailed it! Temperamental artist is right! Nothing negative to the moms here, I promise!! My mother is a painter and a sculptor (currently living in Shanghai with her cub of a husband) and had some of the most way out stuff I have ever seen in my life and I have been to a lot of shows. I was pretty opened minded with the coked out parents growing up but I never wanted any friends over with naked, erect men on balance beams.

Sorry, tell him those sound amazing and you would like some close ups of his face without props. If he the one that did the wedding photos you have shared here, they were awesome!

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