Family size....tipping Point?

4 was good. My tipping point was the 6th, but I think it was because the 5th was a girl and she changed everything! Now I'm basically standing around all day holding the 16 month old wondering how I'm going to get anything done!

The more the merrier! If you are happy, the kids are happy, and you can afford to.... why not! We have 3 and hope to have 4, just need to find a bigger house first!

Our family has a saying

2 is 3 times the work of 1
3 is half the work of 2
4 and more just keeps getting easier and easier

When my wife and I got married, our first arguement was over how many kids to have. I wanted two. She wanted a dozen. She finally decided "Eight is Enough". Too much TV I guess. JK

I had a job that put me into contact with a lot of heads of families, mostly middle class. What I learned from them is that 4 appears to be the "magic number" of children. Those that had one child wished they had had 3 more (makes 4). Those that had 2 wished they had had 2 more(makes 4), etc. Those that had more than 4 were happy with the number they had. The only exception to this was the parents that raised their children to go on to institutions of "higher learning" like Alcatraz or San Quenton. I had 8. I'm happy I had 8. My life would be so much poorer if I had only had 2 or 4 or even 6. Read what Momofmany had to say. She's the first post.

1 is the hardest to raise. Three is easier than 1. 5 is much easier than 3 and 8 is a breeze compared to 5.

The closer together you have kids the better you will like it and the better they play together.

Good luck to you and yours.

In some ways this is a really tough question, because there are so many variables. Three to four can be a breeze, but if you have difficult pregnancies, children with special needs, if you have a super high needs baby or end up with PPD-it totally changes the game.
For me the transition to number four was actually the hardest (aside form 0-1) because of some of those factors. Added to that was the fact that my oldest was 4 yrs old when #4 was born, and my husband was working and in school full time, and it was a really difficult few months for me. BUT once we worked through some of our challenges, life was back to fabulous and we continued on.
We now have 8 children, and are hoping to add one more to our family in the next year or so. I wouldn't change it for the world! There are certainly challenges that come with more children-just the sheer logistics of a larger family can be tricky sometimes. :) I often hear the "if we had more space", or "I'm not sure if we could afford it", but I've found that if you really feel like your family is missing someone, you work around those things. It sounds like those aren't among your main concerns, so I would say follow your heart.
You'll never regret the children you have, only the ones you don't.

i think that no baby is too much if you can love and support it both financially and emotionally. sounds like you can. just think about size of house and how that will be affected when they are teens, size of the car you will need, if you don't already have one big enough. like one show i watched said. "once you start buying the family size of meat, it doesn't matter anymore" :) good luck

I have four, but I hate uneven numbers, like almost to an OCD level. Four really wasn't any different from three. Now two to three was a shock to the system but perhaps because my oldest was looking at high schools at the time.

I thought that going to 4 was the easiest transition of all. She just fit right in to our family, and everything was pretty smooth. I guess that once you've adjusted to three, you are already "there" as far as organization and schedules go. It was pretty seamless to us. I highly recommend #4!

Oh, by the way, I have 6 children. The more, the merrier! :)

I have three now (nearly 5 years old, 3 years old, and 5 months old). Compared to a lot of beautiful and charming families in our church, we have a small family. Most of them, however, have stay-at-home moms or moms who only work part-time. My husband and I both work full-time and one of us home is not an option, so I'm afraid we're stuck with just three kids.

He was convinced after two that we were through, to the point that he told me to give everything away. About the time I was really hormonally okay with that, he decided he wouldn't mind one more after all. I had no arguments there. :) So, now that he's said we're finished with three, I'm willing to be content with three, but I'd probably be more than happy to have another if he feels up to wrangling four children (or more, in the case of multiples) during the day while I'm sitting happily at my desk at work.

I have a lot of friends with four or expecting a fourth, and from the sidelines it looks manageable enough that I never think that they're nuts for having more. :)

A few other thoughts from me (for what they're worth). I love having my kids close together. My younger two are around 2 1/2 yeas apart, and I personally do not want to have kids farther apart than that. I love the 20 months apart for my first two. My husband works evenings and weekends and I work days, he gets the medical I get the "okay, we can pay a few bills" check. We would have actually been fine after my most recent maternity leave but had to take a lot of unpaid time right after it since my father passed (travel plus time unplanned set us back). But that is life.

Children are, to be very simplistic, really cool. They are not accessories, status symbols, or anything else so stupid--they are someones. They have likes, dislikes, hopes, dreams, thoughts, souls, personalities. There is something completely amazing about a new life and I think that if you're not positive then err on the side of more. I know no rational people who regret the "one more" and plenty who regret not having the "one more." :)

Hi S.-

I am with some of the other posters...the more the merrier!

After 3...for ME...all was pretty smooth. MY biggest adjustment was ONE child...two was OK because they were so close in age (14 months apart..both boys)...three was 'trickier'...but SHE was a girl...so a whole new area of fun...lol

After that...well the laundry keeps getting bigger...not just because the #'s of kiddos increase...but because the CLOTHES get bigger WITH them! lol

The original home we had had plenty of bedrooms...but smaller kitchen...dining room...family room. As THEY got physically BIGGER...we got a house with fewer bedrooms...but bigger common areas...and achieved a feeling of more space...

I will never regret having a boatload of kids...

Best Luck!
Michele/cat

heeheehee! I totally agree the 1 to 2 is the hardest! Actually zero to one is the VERY hardest! I have 3 now and we're done. 2 girls and a boy. I told my husband if our third was a girl, I'd consider having a fourth but since it was a boy, I feel complete. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my kids - to death. My pregnancies have all been fairly smooth except towards the end when I am so big I can't sleep... my babies have all been a breeze, with this last one taking the cake on easiest baby ever. However, there are so many things it is hard to do with an infant, and having a 3 month old now with my 4 and 5 yo, we end up still doing alot, but there is a bunch more work involved!
We are also financially pretty strapped and this makes things more stressful so that's a big factor. I would think if you can financially afford it, then assess the pros and cons of having another baby, and if you and DH want one, then do it! You and your hubby love your kids and can provide a good life for them, then how can you say its too many? Unless you just don't want more, that's fine too!

My general observations are that there is a huge shift for the first child and there is usually a significant shift for the second child.

At 3 kids it becomes vital that you put systems in place to deal with group dynamics and encourage independence. For example, people with one child may wash their 5 year old's hands. People with three children generally have a stool and expect their 5 year old to wash their own hands.

The next major shift comes around 10-12 household members. That's the point when small-group systems start to break down and need to be replaced with institutional-style cooking and laundry management.

So for most people I've observed, if you're doing 3 kids well and easily, 4 kids shouldn't be that hard.

I've got a large shared household of 3 adults, 6 kids, and lots of regular visitors.

It was no more crazy going from three to four than it was going from two to three, at least for us. You have to be slightly more organized, especially when your older children start school and all the extras that can come along with it (we learned the hard way what it means to, for instance, to have two enrolled in the same sport at the same time...you know, that whole, you can't be two places at once dilemma). But it's one of those things you figure out as you go along.

It is so hard to gauge a family's limit. I thought the transition to each of my babies was difficult at one point or another yet have not found difficulty with #4 yet. I say "yet" because, my #3 was the easiest little baby to transition into our family then became very difficult to work with later on.

I think if you decide, I would base it on wanting another person in your family and being able to nurture and provide for that new addition, which it sounds like you can. Trying to decide if it would tip the scales is impossible, you never know what type of person/personality you will have. The most mellow baby would certainly be easier than the high-maintenance baby.

My 4th is the easiest-going little thing on the planet, but my girlfriend's fourth is a hellion! You just never know.

Good luck and happy planning!

When we had our 4th, they were aged 5 and under; that was pretty difficult. By the time we got to 5, the older ones were becoming more independent so things got easier, the eldest could even hold the baby now and then to give me a break. Six was even easier than 5 because by then the kids were old enough to help out around the house a lot and I had two baby holders. Each new addition was easier. Now we have 10 with one on the way and our life runs pretty smooth and peaceful. We have 2 adult children as well as two teens so there is always a babysitter handy. I think most people are afraid to have more than 2 or 3 kids because they don't see the big picture. It is only difficult while they are little.

I really want another, but financially and medically it just isnt an option. I have 3 boys, oldest is 2 1/2 and the twins are 8 months...honestly going from one to three overnight wasnt that bad. but i had really prepared myself so maybe that is why it went smoother than i thought.

I think it is a bit early for that decision to be made. You should probably have a better idea of your family's capabilities once your youngest is a toddler. As it stands right now, you still have 1 who is fairly immobile, but that will change soon.

We have a 4.5 yr old, 2 yr old and 4 month old. I think we'll decide some time next year if we should try for another. In the meantime, we have been dilligently monitoring my cycle so we know when to abstain.

We just had our fourth beautiful baby, and so far, it has been amazing! You know, besides the lack of sleep ;) We are about to start our third year of homeschooling, so I think it's going to be more hectic, but we're rolling with the punches. Good luck deciding!

The tipping point comes when you aren't ready or don't want another. For me #5 was my hardest transition. I just wasn't ready for her. I didn't think I could handle it. It was my tipping point, not my husband's or kids. We now have 8 so obviously I figured it out. They truely are a blessing and I love every moment with them.

Once you hit your stride with 3, the 4th is not much harder. You are already outnumbered and probably do crowd control pretty well. You cook for many and don't take special orders. You've already experienced having 2 in diapers and 2+ in carseats at the same time. My big surprise with my 4th was that he was such a difficult baby. Thankfully, he wasn't the first or he'd have been an only child.

adopt. stop breeding now. population growth is unhealthy at the current rate. not only for the environment- but also for the mother. look at cancer rates in women- the ratio to women with cancer to those w/out changes exponentially with number of births.
there are children who need homes and there is an ecology and earth who yearns for a healthier balance.
cheers!
good luck with your decision making- ultimately it is your body and you need to make the decision- not a romanticized vision by someone who has never birthed a child.