Father and Daughter NOT Bonding!!??!!

Kids are always being told what to do. If she doesn't want to play with her dad, let her make that choice.

Tell dad to spend more floor time "with" her. Don't pick her up if it makes her cry. Just walk over by her or in front of her (without looking directly at her). plop down on the floor and start playing with toys or stuffed animals or flipping through one of her books. be silly. If she gets possessive, give her the toy and play with a different one. Make silly voices for the toys ...

...do something worth watching...she'll warm up to you. Then she'll start to greet you more warmly...and be excited to see you.

don't force her into it.

I had the same problem with my son and my husband. My husband had the same attitude.
We finally found something my son liked to do with daddy and only daddy did it with him.
It could be a phase though, I have had a little girl in my daycare that went through a phase of being wary of men. She grew out of it.

A.

Hi, This might be helpful. Give Daddy the things she enjoys. Whether a toy, fav. food, or whatever.

Hope it works...

Cath

My daughter went through something similar and it seemed to happen around the same age and when her separation anxiety hit. Every once in a while, she still regresses to it, and she's 2 1/2 now. It's a phase, but it can make the dad feel bad, and others. We don't have g-parent nearby, so I don't know about that.
I didn't force the issue, but I did start trying to make daddy coming home exciting. If she did a craft or coloring page etc., I would tell her to sit on the steps when I heard daddy open the garage door, then she would show him her project/paper and he would praise her.
I also started having daddy put her to bed more at night and they had a daddy/daughter day once or twice a month and she could pick something to do. Not sure how verbal your daughter is, but if she can't choose on her own, you could set it up for her and your husband. My daughter use to love to play Play-Dough with daddy, and I would reserve that just for them (so I never did play-dough, so it could be a special bond just for them, and was a treat for her since it was "new").
My last advice would be a class or outside activity that your daughter and hubby could join.
I teach kids yoga, and that is a great bonding experience, once she is walking steady.
Hope this helps and good luck! I always tell myself "this to shall pass", and it always does.

She is young and I think it is nothing to worry about at this age. I don't think my children connected with their daddy until they were 9 months old and then sporadically until they were were older. And still at the age of 3 it would take them a minute or two after daddy came home for them to warm up to him just as it would if I left them with a babysitter. I think that sometimes we parents exacerbate problems by the way we react to them. If she sees you overreact she may think that there really is something to worry about with him. I'd ignore her reaction and greet him warmly. Don't give her excessive comfort when she cries around him and let her have time to warm up to him. I think she will eventually follow your example with how you respond to him.

First thing you need to do is not stress out. As the others have said this WILL pass. Children go through phases where they like one parent more. Since you are the primary caregiver it is obviously you. You also need to try and get her daddy to try not to take it personally. She needs to know that he loves her even if she seems to be rejecting him. This is in many ways a test. I think the advice you have gotten so far is great. Keep encouraging them to have quality time together, even if it doesn't seem to be working. It will help improve their relationship as soon as she is over this little thing. Tell Dad to hang in there and do your best to ignore other people's comments. How quickly people forget what it is like to be the mother to a baby... This kind of thing happens with most babies. It did with mine. Good luck!

I have 2 boys a 6yr old and a 3 yr old. My oldest was this way. My youngest follows his dad everywhere and is upset when his daddy has to go to work. It is a stage and it is so frustrating. My husband pulled away from me and my oldest too. I had to reasure my husband it seemed everyday that he was a good father and that our son did love him. I would hold our son and give my husband a hug with our son. I would not reward our son for his negative actions towards his dad. I had to keep saying daddy loves you too. You feel like a broken record but eventually when your child is ready to she will let others in her little circle. Just keep telling your husband that you both love him and try to get some activities in on his days off that all of you can play in to help out.

Good luck and don't give up- It is a phase :)

My daughter (who is now 15 years old) wouldn't go to anyone for the first two years of her life - except for me, of course. Any time her dad would take her to give me a break, she'd freak out and scream and cry for me. It was exhausting for me and hurtful for him, but we had no choice but to let it take its course. As I look over on the sofa right now, my husband and daughter are watching a movie, and my daughter has her legs stretched out comfortably on her dad's lap. Things have worked out well, I'd say.

Seriously, I just had to hold my daughter for her first two years, and then, when she was ready, she started reaching out for others. When she was a tiny baby, she'd go to him at times, but as she got older and developed a preference, it was always me. I was a stay at home mom and was with her all day - sometimes she'd be happy to see my husband when he got home, but usually she'd run to me to have me pick her up and she'd hide her head in my neck. It was heartbreaking - my husband really wanted to be close to her and also wanted to help me by giving me some time alone, but he was a trooper. The important thing is for your husband not to take it personally and to keep showing an interest - he can talk to her while you're holding her if that's where she's more comfortable - but he needs to stay present and connected so she can turn to him when she's ready. Encourage him to play peek-a-boo (or any funny game) with her when she's sitting in your lap - the key is for him to continue interacting with her even if she doesn't want to go to her. Light hearted, fun, and daily interaction will allow the two of them to relax and enjoy each other without putting pressure on her to have to leave your side (which is where she wants to be right now.)

I have another daughter who is a single mom. Her roommate is a very nice young man (they're just good friends) who loves babies. The problem was, when my daughter first moved in with this guy, my granddaughter (10 months old at the time) would freak out every time the guy walked into the room. They started doing just what I suggested - fun interaction while my granddaughter sat on my daughter's lap, and the roommate would just sing silly songs, play peek-a-boo, etc. for a few minutes, then let it rest. Long story short, after a month or so of this type of (daily) interaction, my granddaughter now runs to the roommate with arms flung wide open, and he picks her up and swirls her around like an airplane. When I went to visit my daughter the other day at her house, the roommate was sitting on the couch and my granddaughter was cuddled up in his lap, head against his chest - you get the picture. It just took patience, understanding and time.

Good luck with this...I know it's difficult, but it will pass if everyone can relax and let nature take it's course.

T.

All kids go through phases like this. My kids - off and on - have preferred mommy or daddy & cried when the other one tries to hold, kiss, hug them, put them to bed, etc. The best advice I can give is for the adults involved not to take it personally. When you're the person in their lives that they don't want, let them have their space, but continue to offer yourself to them (rather than pulling away). Eventually, your invitation will be accepted. Your child is at an age where they are starting to assert their independence and forcing them to be held when they don't want to be only makes the situation worse. They will pull away more just to make their point. When they see they have a little control over their world, they don't feel the need to throw a fit anymore. These things come and go. It is not permanent. Hopefully you can convince your husband not to take it personally and not to give up. Just keep asking for hugs, respect it when she says no - (just say something like, "Okay, maybe next time" - without emotion or guilt) and ask again another time. Eventually she will go to him. Good luck!

Let me start by saying that it WILL get better!! I know exactly how you feel. My husband and son bonded from the moment of birth...from the moment of conception!! My husband and daughter were a whole different story! She was fine while she was newborn and even a few months old, then she wanted nothing to do with him. He was devestated and his heart ached for her to love him like his son did. I tried everything from leaving them home alone together, which resulted in such screaming that my husband would call my sister over to help him, to pumping breast milk into bottles so he could feed her, which resulted in both baby and daddy and most of the furniature being covered in breast milk!!! Like you, I was a stay at home mom, so she was with me 90% of the time and saw him only about 10%. He, like your husband, began to ignore her and I thought they would never be close. But that's when it started to get better. It was subtle at first, she would let him take her from the bath and dry her off, but not let him get her dressed. Then slowly she would let him dress her, then help her with her shoes, her coat. Now, at age almost 5, she loves him. She is still closer to me, wants me when she's sick and needs time with me at bedtime, but she has definitely bonded with him. They have a different relationship than she and I do. They play games together, we hug and kiss. They make messes with paint and play-dough, we play with her dolls. I think it must be a phase little girls go through, but it will end. Good luck!! And remind your husband that she does love him, she just needs to learn how to love him.

I am a SAHM too and my 2 1/2 year old went through this stage too. She didn't want to have her papa help her with anything and wouldn't hug and kiss him when he went to work for good night. This crushed my husband but he just kept trying. He had some really tough times, but activities trips to the park and wrestling or even "helping" cook something for me got them together. It was just a phase and she is almost three now and loving her papa. Big hugs and kisses all the time. I am still the security blanket person but she loves her papa. I hope this help and you can get your husband to keep trying.

Hi M.! I would say this is probably a phase she is going through. My daughter and son went through the same thing at about that age. They are now 7 and love their daddy! She is used to spending time with you and feels very comfortable around you. She knows she's secure with you.

You still need time for you, so continue leaving her with your husband and take some time for yourself. She will be fine. And it is good for DH to spend time with her, even if she cries at first. Daddy/daughter bonds are so important. Encourage him to play games with her. Peek a boo, Itsy bitsy spider, dolls. Whatever she enjoys. Also, it might help if you play the peekaboo thing too. It might help her to realize that you are always coming back for her...

Good luck!

my husband and daughter went through this a while ago. she have always been clingy, but for a while she would start screaming every time my husband would pick her up. it really bothered my husband too. i know that around 1 1/2 lots of kids will do a "switch favorite parent" thing or get a lot more clingy to one parent. my older son did. his first whole sentence was even "where's my daddy!". was your husband away from home around the time she started doing this? she may be upset about soemthing like. for the most part you're probably right on track just giving them more time together. it will work eventually. my daughter is a big time daddy's girl now! also do you do very many playdates and mommy and me classes? for my daughter giving her a chance to be around other kids and adults outside our family really helped her. it's hard, but just encourage your husband to keep trying. it's nothing personal, just one of those funny kid things most likely. good luck!

My first daughter was like that a little and grew out of it (she's 9 now and they have a great relationship) Make sure your husband knows that it is just a phase and probably not related specifically to anything he did or didn't do. Kids that age are starting to assert their independence and that may be one way she is asserting control over her surroundings. She will grow out of it, especially if you don't push it. As long as daddy is around and not pushed onto her, the relationship will grow naturally.
Don't worry about what others in your family think, you are the mother and father, and thus have the right to raise your child without them meddling.
My kids usually want me anytime they are hurt or need something-because I am the one who is always there. My kids generally want dad for fun and laughs, tackles and tickles. Their relationships will evolve naturally if you let them.

Hello M., I was sexually abused by my father and grandpa when I was little, so I may have a different view on this. I also have two daughter, ages 7 and 2. Overall, trust your daughter and honor her wanting distance. There are many reasons why she could be needing her space, only one of which is inappropriate touching. My girls, for example, can be down-right cold to my dear husband at times. Sometimes, I think they are mirroring my wounding/withdrawal in relationship with men. Sometimes I think they miss him when he works so much and are angry at him and don't know how to say it, so they pull back. They usually open up after a few minutes if their wishes are honored.

My husband is often hurt when they don't greet him with open arms, but has learned how important it is to respect their needs. Overall, I would trust your intuition and listen to what your daughter is needing to take care of herself. This support will help your daughter bond more fully to both of you!

I also recommend you husband reading the book "Dads and Daughters: how to inspire, understand and support your daughter when she is growing up so fast, by Joe Kelly. This book even speaks to issues in the first few years.

Hi M.,
I am also a SAHM of a 5 yr old boy and a 3 yr old girl, and my daughter kind of went through this when she was 12 months, but it was only with other men. She never did it with her Dad. You sound like a reasonable loving Mom, so I will just throw this out there. I think you should give DR. Laura a call. She is really good at helping people get to the root of whatever is going on. If you haven't listened to her, you can go to drlaura.com, check out her website and find out what station in your area she is on. Sounds like you need more than just "other mom's" help. I wish I had more to offer. Good Luck!

To be honest the first thing that came to my mind when I read this was...has there been inappropriate behavior between father and daughter? I hope and pray for your daughter's sake that this is not the case. If this hasn't already crossed your mind- you owe it to your daughter to give it some serious thought, and perhaps action. Hopefully that is not the case and this is just one of those phases a child sometimes goes through and will end soon. Just remember that your daughter is a child of God that has been entrusted to you- do what's best for her.

This is totally normal, and something that alot of children go through at this age. I am an SAHM to my 2-year old daughter and she went through the same thing (with a very similar reaction from her father). I would just encourage your husband to continue to interact with his daughter and continue with the alone time. Your daughter just has a very strong connection to Mom because Mom is always there, don't worry, the situation will more than likely resolve itself :)

Hang in there, and tell the other adults in your life to grow up and realize your daughter is going through a perfectly normal developmental stage. Most -- if not all -- children at some time begin to have eyes only for their primary caregiver. If that person is Mom, then everyone should understand the child becoming miopic to Mommy... My daughter did that, too, and to some degree at 3 yrs still does. It hurts my husband's feelings, but he recognizes it is natural and healthy for children to have strong attachments to their Mommies and just does his special Daddy things lovingly and consistently, like doing the bedtime story. My husband and daughter have a great relationship and it gets stronger every day, because my husband continues to nurture it. Encourage everyone to remember THEY are the adults and that your daughter is a BABY...

You know my daughter is 3 and went through this too. And like your husband mine was upset and refused to even try and even tried to put her on a guilt trip. Of course I got angry then and we had words over and over again but in the end we sat and talked and I explained that he is the father and kids deserve unconditional love. Just cause his feelings are hurt doesent mean he gets to shun her or make her feel bad. That will just make it worse. In the end if she didn't want to give him hugs he said , with love , okay but I still love you with all my heart. He just kept trying and after a couple of months the phase past. Now they are little buddies. She still gets on her kicks where only mommy will do, but it is her feeling secure in his love for her that has her excited when he comes in from work and climing on his lap now.

Hi M. :-) I went through the same thing with my 3 year daughter...it was the hardest thing to see. It broke my heart when my husband would want to play or hold her and she would cry and come back to me. We figured out the cause though...my husband works full time salary and is sometimes gone so long, my daughter doesn't see him for a few days due to him leaving so early and coming home so late :-( My husband reacted much the same it sounds like your husband reacts..hurt and unsure. The best thing we found to do was when my husband was around, I would hug and kiss him and try and get him invovled in what we were doing, be it everyday things like cooking and cleaning to fun things like playing. this has helped tremendously, he now tries to get home so he can read her a story before bed (most of the time he has to work from home after she is in bed though) and we eat dinner and lunch as family every Saturday and Sunday. Good luck! things will get better!

about me: 29, married my college sweetheart and happy stay at home mom to a 3 year old momma's girl :-)

It's a phase. Tell your husband to keep trying, not to pull away from her as well. Kids go thru phases like this. After a while she will want nothing but her dad. Help your husband to understand that this is not personal, it's just a toddler exerting a preference for now. It will change. But he needs to keep trying. He can't take the fickleness of a toddler personally. She will learn very quickly, then, that she has power over his emotions, and you don't want that. She'll come around. Don't let him give up! That's the main thing!

I don't have much mothering experience, as I only have one about the same age as yours, but I will tell you that right now, most of the time, he prefers my husband when he is home. As a newborn, at first, he really only wanted me, but we started a nightly bedtime ritual - my husband gives him a bath and reads to him, then puts him to bed. Occasionally I or the babysitter will do it so he is okay with other people putting him to bed, but he really prefers Daddy. This has really helped them bond. I have read that having rituals (like bedtime) that belong to the parent who is not the primary caregiver is very important in helping establish that parent bond...especially as they enter the toddler years because it is typical for them to want one parent more than the other...having these rituals minimize this kind of behavior because bedtime (or whatever the ritual) belongs to that parent, so they are much more willing to go to that parent, even if they don't want to the rest of the day. This gives them time everyday to be together, even when they are experiencing parental preference. If she will allow it, you should start establishing rituals like this. If not, I think you have some good advice on slowly bringing them together, like you snuggling on the couch with Daddy and inviting her up, or being very excited when Daddy comes home. Most importantly, emphasize to your husband that it isn't anything personal and all children go through this. Someday, she may go through it with you... I have a friend whose two year old little girl wants nothing to do with her when Daddy is home and even tells her to go away. There are days at home when she asks for Daddy all day. You guys are not alone. Also, I think it is important for you to not take it personally that the family is making comments like "oh, she's doing mamma stuff" - they likely don't mean to imply that you are brainwashing her. It sounds more likely they are just commenting on their observations and don't mean anything by them. My mom calls my sister's son a momma's boy, and she really just means it as a joke to my sister, realizing that it is just a phase and says it to show my sister she understands what she is going through. Also, I have to say that my younger brother went through this for YEARS, and my mom beleives it was a direct result of his lack of socialization with other adults - she socialized the rest of us quite a lot more. So you could try that too. Remember it is just a phase, and it too will pass. If you are really worried, you could always try talking to a doctor.

Be patient. My daughter did not like my husband from about the time she was 1 month old. We were really surprised because my husband is really good with babies. In fact, she was the first baby who didn't absolutely love him. It just got worse as she got a little older. By 1 1/2 she would be mad if he was in the same room with her. This was really hard on my husband and really affected is confidence with little kids. By about 2 she decided daddy wasn't so bad and started to play with him. by 3 she loved her daddy and couldn't get enough of him. She is still partial to Mommy, but only slightly more than Dad. Don't force Dad on your daughter or she may resent him. Have your husband be as involved as she is comfortable. Just be patient. They will work it out.

My daughter did something similar to this, but when she was much younger. She outgrew it, and now she and my husband are best friends. In fact, she prefers him to me much of the time (he's the "fun parent" since he isn't home most of the day). They do special stuff together, like ski lessons, and she loves helping him do work around the house on weekends (picking up the yard, etc.) I would have your husband include your daughter in daily activities; she can probably sense him pulling away from her. He could also arrange "dates" with your daughter to do something fun, like Chuck E Cheese or the park. This way, she will probably be so excited to be in a special place, she won't have time to fuss at Dad. If she really has trouble being there at first, maybe you can go with them and then sneak out after a few minutes when she is busy playing. I am sure it is a phase, and she will outgrow it! Little girls are notorious for loving their daddies. :)

Most kids at this age pick a parent that is a "favorite" and it tends more often then not to be mom. Funny as the men still get their feelings hurt so badly by this. My daughter would not let her dad do anything for her!! Not baths, changing diapers, brushing her hair and even until she was three I had to be the one to tuck her in. Kids like routine. I say tell your husband to grow up and act like the parent, to keep trying and eventually she will change her tune and worship the ground he walks on. He has to not show indifference or get his feelings hurt either as she will sense that. It is a phase. When my ex comes to visit, my son won't let me do anything for him and only wants daddy.

Hi! I think all kids go through this phaze. It will pass and then he will be the one she wants. All of my kids went through this. I loved it but my husband didn't. After our first child did this I knew how to recognize it and I knew it wouldn't last long. One thing I used to do was when I heard my husband getting home I used to say: "Dad's home!!!" and I'd act all excited. I would run to the door and be so excited. It wasn't long before dad coming home was a big deal. I wouldn't try to force her or make any comment about it in front of her. She's little but you have no idea how smart they are. She will love her dad and he will be her first sweet-heart. Just don't push it. It happens on its own.

This may sound dumb but maybe you should curl up with daddy and ask her if she wants to curl up with you too. Or while you are holding her ON THE COUCH have daddy come sit with you and give loves to both of you and maybe when she sees that you like daddy's loves she might think well that dont look so bad after all.
Lots of luck with this one!

M., I would talk to a counselor or family psychologist.
They know much more about situations like his, and you definitely have a cause to worry, as your girls and dad set up their relationships for a long life... If you see there is a problem in such an early age, then be very attentive all the time later, ESPECIALLY teenager's time, how they communicate, and learn to prevent situations that have a potentiality of clashing of two loving people. I'd seek for professional advice, definitely. look for books and online resources also, there is a lot out here nowadays, luckily...
It is good that you are seeking for options, please keep looking for ways, and something will work for you all.

In 16 months' age, your girl might not be able to even define what is the cause that she stays away from dad... so, it is not an easy task. Good luck to you all, take care!
M.

M.,
I can just tell you this is normal. My kid had some time where he just wanted daddy, and that made me feel bad. I researched through the Internet and found out it is normal for kids to have those periods. Encourage your husband to not feel bad about it and to keep trying. It is just a matter of time and before you know it, things will be just fine.
:)
A..

Dear Mom,
Welcome to the Terrible Two's which will then be followed by the Traumatic Three's. During the first half of these phases, her favorite word will probably be "No"! She is establishing her identity - her 'self'. Please understand that letting her go to Dad and Grandpa is very important. When children are forced to hug or kiss people when they don't want to it puts them at risk later in resisting any adult who may approach them with the same demand. She is a person and needs to have her boundaries respected. Dad and Grandpa need to not take this personally as this is a normal part of her development and at some point she will again share her hugs and kisses. Especially if she feels safe (not criticised or punished) for doing what is instinctively right for her. Good luck

M.,
My husband wanted nothing to do with our kids until they were potty trained. We have 4 girls and they all are Daddy's girls. All kids go through these phases and they will pass eventually. Don't let your husband give up or let his feelings get in the way of a great relationship that they can develope.
It might help if you went out once in a while and let him take over for a couple of hours. She would have no where else to turn and it will give her security that you will come back. That is sometimes the underlying factor that all kids that age deal with. Whether mom will come back or not.
C. B