Feeling Guilty - Federal Way,WA

Again, like others who have replied, I can relate to your feelings. My first daughter didn't start daycare until she was 2 and it was really, really hard on her. She cried every day for months. She also wasn't getting the kind of care we wanted for her so we took her out after a few months and rearranged things to the best of our ability so that she wouldn't have to go back. She ended up going back to the same place about a year later, and had a similar experience but adjusted in time (her new teacher was much better, too). I was laid off from my job last year, just before our second daughter was born. My husband and I looked at the various options and it didn't make any sense to put our newborn and then 3 year old in childcare, just to have most of my wages go to pay childcare (we'd have been looking at about $1600 a month) and end up w/ $400-600 a month left over. So, I decided to go out on a limb and join The Body ____@____.com the other Mom who is w/ Arbonne, it's a direct sales business featuring the products from The Body Shop (yes, The Body Shop @ the mall!). It's been a great experience and I'm very happy with the decision. My kids don't go to daycare, I'm home with them during the day, but I still get to go out and interact with adults. So whether it's with Arbonne, Pampered Chef, Partylite, or The Body Shop at Home (there are others, too!) I would really suggest you look into direct sales. If your number one priority is being home with your kids but need extra money it's the way to go. If you'd like some more info on The Body Shop @ Home, let me know or visit my website: www.thebodyshopathome.com/web/melissajones . Good luck with everything!

Definitly don't feel guilty about working. I am giving the stay at home thing a shot right now but up until just now I taught elementary school and my son went to daycare. He will be 2 in October, so he really only spent a year in a daycare center, but he LOVED it. The only reason I am not working right now is because we just made a 4000 mile move, I am due with our 2nd baby any day now, and my husband is getting ready to deploy so I am going to go spend sometime in my hometown to ride out part of the deployment. Otherwise both my kids would be headed to daycare and I would be headed to teach. You have to do what is right for you and not what is right for other moms. Also, I can tell you as a teacher your child will settle in. Some kids adapt right away and others need a little more time. one of my first graders cried for the first two weeks of school and the for a week after Christmas break. She made it through though with flying colors and didn't begin second grade the same way. I do agree with the one mom though. The cost of your daycare seems really high. Before the move we were in Louisiana and I was going to be paying $800 for both of my kids together and it was a really nice facility. I realize thing are more expensive up in Washington, but $2400 seems way expensive.

When my son first started daycare (he is an only child), he would spend the entire time in the corner away from the other kids. He warmed up to the idea, but it took him a while to start interacting with the other kids. I've seen lots of kids start daycare for the first time at the place he goes to here in Federal Way...and in the place he used to go to in Bremerton. Given time, they all make the adjustment. Besides, think of it like this. You may not be with him all day like he would like...but...he is learning that you WILL ALWAYS COME BACK for him. He is learning to play and interact with other kids his age...and he will probably learn a few things that if he were at home, either you would not be able to teach him, or would not think to start teaching at such a young age. You won't have to borrow money for daycare forever...the first couple months are the most difficult. That's all. I felt guilty at first putting my son in daycare...but now, not quite 2 years later ( he was 1 when he first started and i was nursing) I am glad that he goes. It gives him a chance to play with other children his age, and it gives me a break, and he gets to play and learn all day without me getting exhausted from it. Plus, he goes to a daycare here in town where they speak Korean, so he is bilingual and if he continues there, will be fluent in a couple years.

My best recomendation is that if your son doesn't seem to take well to the first place after a couple of weeks (just doesn't seem to be adjusting well), you might try another place. I'm not suggesting a new place each month by any means, but sometimes kids just don't mesh with a particular place. Good luck to you. He will get the idea, just make sure to tell him you love im lots and give him a little extra attention when you have time together since he will be wanting it.

Hi E.!
I know what you mean! I went back to work when my daughter was 2 months. Still is hard and she is 2 1/2. She was with a family friend the first 10 months then we found this fabulous "grandma" and her daughter who do in home daycare. Our daughter thrived! She was there for 15 months then we recently moved out of the area. I think once you find the right setting it makes the guilt a little better. My suggestion is in home daycare. everyone has there own opinion about them. But the care is personalized. I live in the Bothell area and found a lady that our daughter will start with in Sept. If you would like some help or a shoulder feel free to email me :) I know how you feel!

L. S.

E.-

I decided to go back to school full time and I too felt guilt (and a lot of anxiety) about sending my 2 year old to day care. It takes time. He will adjust. This is a big change for him. However, in the end this will benefit him. He will learn that you do come back after you leave. He will also make friends and learn to function outside his comfort zone. He will be that much more prepared when he starts school.

I think what you'll find is that after a while, he will be very excited when you drop him off. When you drop him off, give him a kiss and then leave. Don't drag out the good-bye. Check in with the teachers. Most likely they'll tell you that he stopped crying very soon after you left.

Hope that helps...
Hang in there. The first 2-3 weeks are the hardest. For me, the best part of my day is at the end when I pick up my son and he comes running to me with a big smile saying, "Mommy!"

1st of all..I commend you for helping out. You have got to stop beating yourself up!This is a transition period and completely normal for you and your son to have the feelings you do!!!! Make sure you don't project any of your guilt onto him....Fear is probably his biggest fear and that in itself is tough. What he needs from you is reassurance that you love him,you will be back to pick him up,that you miss him and that you can't wait for Saturday to play and make a fun plan....zoo, picnic....etc....He is the big brother so it is important that he be there for lil bro so he doesn't get scared!!!! Don't have the "HAVE TO WORK" attitude with him but the "I GET TO WORK" ...Make him proud of his mama!!!! I know it sounds kinda much for such a young age but it truly all starts you and how you feel about what you are doing!!! Believe it or not, a couple weeks down the line...(I know your thinking you CANT do this for that long) they will be settled and believe it or not will be looking forward going!!!!Keep us posted!If y9u picked this daycare based on what you think to be the best place for them than believe in yourself that you made the best decision!!!!!Good luck!!!

wow, first of all, where do you live that you have to pay that much for childcare??? I pay 600.00 a month for my one son in Lacey. Just wondering!

As for feeling guilty, it's completely normal! I felt so guilty every time I left my children. With my 2 girls I was active military and really felt guilty, first they never saw their dad and mommy was gone from 5:45am till 6:30pm every day! It was really hard, but the good part is that they are very independent young ladies. With my son, I was in nursing school when he was born with health problems, so he actually stayed at home, after finally leaving the hospital, for the first 8 months. Then when we moved here I stayed home with the kids for the first two months. He's three now and for the first 2 weeks at daycare he did nothing but cry when I left each morning. Now he doesn't want to leave when I get there! Still a mommy's boy but he is more outgoing, talkative, independent and loves to go to "school" to play with his friends. It's really been great for him, advice though...don't hang around to soothe him when you drop him off. He's going to cry when you leave no matter what! Hand him over and walk out. I promise he'll stop after a few moments and will eventually realize that mom is coming back each time and will stop.

If you are looking to supplement your husband's income, rather than working full time, I have a business you may be interested in. I work full time as a nurse and do this business in my spare time, eventually doing only this business and staying home with my kids. You can take a look at www.J..myarbonne.com or www.arbonne.com on the far right side of my website you can listen to the Results Opportunity. It discusses a little about who the company is and what we do. I do personal training and support for my partners. If you have more questions or want to get together to learn more, you can contact me at ____@____.com or call my cell ###-###-####.

Best of luck and know you are a great mom and the boys will do good, just give them a little time.