My 10 month old son seems to not want me. He cries whenever I pick him up and he seems fine with his father- and even with his daycare person. He seems ok with me as long as no one else is in the room- but as soon as he sees his dad he freaks out until I give him to his father. He screams whenever his dad puts him down. I have never done anything that I know of that would make him scared of me- he just seems to not want me at all. I feel so disconnected from him as I dont have the ability to bond with him since he does not want to come to me or even be left alone with me. My husband says it is just a stage but I am so upset about it- It makes me feel like a terrible mother when I drop him off at daycare and he goes right for the daycare provider, but cries when I try to give him a kiss bye bye.
Anyone have any suggestions??? I really feel hurt that he does not want to have anything to do with me.
Hi, I just wondered if you still breastfeed? Sometimes breastfeeding helps with the bond between mother and baby!
My husband has some of the same feelings you do because our oldest two do the same thing. Let me ask some questions. In no way do I mean to sound like your are not a good mom, but I work a full time job as well and know what it is like to have to work and raise a family. Do you spend time with him everyday one on one? Do you or your husband handle him most of the time at home? Make the extra effort to be the one who makes his bottles, reads to him, plays with him etc. I don't mean you should exclude your husband, but if you are doing something your husband could do (dish, laundry, etc) have him do the chore sometimes so you can be with your son more. It sounds like he may have bonded faster to your husband and not as fast to you. Sometimes it's easy to bond and sometimes it's work. Don't give up. As long as you are spending time with him doing fun stuff, he will eventually grow out of it.
I came to this site bc I have the same problem. I am my Son's primary care-taker. When I am home alone with him, he's a doll, but when ANYONE else is around, he doesn't want me at all. Cries when I try to pick him up or hug him or play with him. People say it's a stage, however, it's been like this his whole life (even when I did work full time and saw him less time when he was 6 months old or so).
I do Mommy and Me classes, take him to the library etc, and he is generally fine when I'm home with him alone. He cries hysterically when I tty to take him from his father though, and will not come to me or even hug me when others are around. It's like I"m not even around. This is a problem when we try to do family activities or on holidays. I'm sorry for what you are going through but glad to see I am not the only one.
As hard as it is, keep trying to bond with ime. I had the same rejection from my 7 year old frot quite a while where she wanted anyone but me, but she did out grow it. I felt so hurt by my own kid not wanting anything to do with me, that for a while, I didn't want anything to do with her which sounds terrible, but now we are close and I think its a phase they go through. My other 3 kids never went through that, but she was my oldest and very spoiled. Please don't push yours away because of feeling rejected because like me, you'll miss the time you could have spent with him when this stage is over. Good Luck and try to stay strong.
Have you thought about joining some mommy and me classes. They might help with bonding. I would check into post partum depression. It is very come and those feelings are normal in post partum depression. another thing you can try is changing your feelings around your baby. Not saying your bad around your baby, But your baby can sense any tension or stress. And when your upset he wants his father, he might think that stress is directed at him.
Hi A.,
I really don't want to blow this out of proportion, but wonder how you are feeling and whether or not this could be a form of Post Pardum Depression. I survived a HORRIBLE bout of this after the birth of my daughter and some of my symptoms were similar to yours. I felt like she didn't like me, let alone love me or want me. I didn't have an attachment to her and I felt tremendous guilt about all of it! Now, I also had other symptoms, crying spells, overwhelmed etc... I'd be more than happy to share my symptoms further if you would like to send me a private message. Again, I don't intend to create a problem where one may not exist, only felt compelled to reply when I read your post. Please let me know if I can help.
Good Luck!!
M. M.
Hi A.,
I had the same problem with my daughter who is three now. It would make me sad and want to cry and I felt like she didn't like me. But she always got over it, it was just a stage, now we are very close and she wants me just as often as she wants Daddy.
Good luck! -J.
A.,
My heart goes out to you! I dont have any advice for you, other then your career couldnt be in a better place. If I were you I would be picking the brains of some of the Pediatritions at the hospital and see what they think.
Take care! Heidi
it is a stage. it will pass. My daughter has alwyas been a mommy's girl. she has had several times when she only wanted mommy. The stages last a week or so and then it is gone. It seems to happen when she is about to make a developmental milestone...(the last stage was just before she walked)
It bothers her daddy- but we have learned that it is just a stage and it will pass. I would see if you cant take a day off work and spend the day with your son. When my daughter does the mommy mommy thing- I give her more hugs and cuddles- but we also try to have more daddy time too.
