Feeling the Baby Blues, but the Baby Hasn't Even Arrived Yet....

Hormones!!! I went through an incredibly rough patch around the same time, but by 3rd trimester the fog had lifted a bit. Awareness of what's going on is so important -- so you've taken a great 1st step. Good luck and congrats on the baby!

I certainly went through this as well. I felt so guilty b/c, as you said, I was so excited to find out I was pregnant, but I just felt down a lot. I was too embarrassed to say anything to my dr. but I finally did nearing 30 weeks of pregnancy. At that time the dr. said he wished I had said something sooner - that he'd have found something that was safe to take during pregnancy. By then he said I was so close that he'd rather not give me anything, but to tell him if it got worse. He said it's normal and not to feel bad as it's not something I could control. He did say, and it ended up coming true, that I'd be at a higher risk for PPD. Now my little man is 3 months (almost) and I am feeling just fine. You will get through it, but make sure you have someone to talk to about how you are feeling. Take care!!!!!!!!!!

Hello S.,

In regards to a natural remedy for a natural pick me up.....A REAL FRIEND TO LOVE YOU THROUGH IT! Unfortunately, I didn't have that, but I found it was so needed. I believe it would have helped me get through the rough times, especially since I was becoming a mother for the first time. I'm glad you have a patient and caring husband. My wonderful husband prayed me through it. And yes...it is normal!

In terms of getting answers to your questions...try www.babycenter.com. They can answer just about any question you may have. It's Great!

Congratulations!
D.

A first pregnancy is a major life change...you are most likely experiencing grief. You are losing your old life for the most part, and that stress in complicated by new responsibilty and increased demands on your body. It is very normal!!! But therapy, lots of rest, and kind thoughts, and pleasant activites will help you transition nicely. Soon you'll wonder why it was so distressful. If you are prone to postpartum depression, it may be very critical that you start now to look at the whole picture and don't get off balance by focusing on one aspect, like nutrition or exercise. Seek out supportive groups, even if they are not talking about all the issues you face, they will strengthen your moral. You are blessed.

Hi S.! My name is S. and I am a labor doula. I would love to help you out in any way I can. Sometimes, even though the baby is not born yet, we as women still get these mood swings. There are alot of reasons this might happen. That is good you are having a good pregnancy, so that is not the reason, and also a good supportive husband and family. That is great. Alot of times, our hormones just get so out of whack, even when the baby is not here yet. There is so much to do before that big moment, and so many things will change, that maybe that is it too and you might not even realize it. Have you talked to your Dr. about it at all. I would try some meditation type things. Sit and imagine holding your little girl finally and breastfeeding her if you are going to. Read a good book etc. Those things do help. There are also natural type things you can take while pregnant at the health store, so if you want to go that route, I would check into it. Maybe do a search online for something that is safe and then ask your Dr about it or pharmacist. I hope this has helped you some.

S. Bailey CLD
Aurora
www.tendermomentsdoula.com

Hi S.,
I am not a doctor, but, from what other moms have told me, I think that how you are feeling is really normal. That said, it doesn't really make it easier just knowing that... I did not feel that way when I was pregnant, but I did have PPD. If you can start getting help now, you will be in a much better place after the baby comes. Talk to your doctor about it. I was breastfeeding, so instead of meds, my doctor recommended a terrific social worker who really helped me come through my feelings and start enjoying my baby. Now pregnant with #2, I will be going back to her before the birth to prepare once again. It is a major life change, but you and the baby will be fine. Try to start getting some help now, though. Best of luck to you!
E.

You have gotten a lot of responses but I had something similar in my first trimester. I thought it was fatigue but I honestly think it was prenatal depression, which does exist. You have to watch this because it can also lead to post partum depression. I wish you luck and hope things brighten up soon!!

http://pregnancy.about.com/od/conditionscomplications/a/p...

PS It could be the crappy weather too!!

Hi S.,

I suffered from depression during my pregnancy. It was awful. It was like post partum, but during my 1st trimester. I would seek some help, take time for yourself and talk to your husband about your worries. I went on antidepressents, and both my children are totally fine. Your mental health is very important right now. For you and your baby. I am not saying you are like I was, but reaching out to this site, and finding someone to talk to is very healthy.

best of luck to you!

Jolie

Hi S.,

I am in the same situation - 23 weeks pregnant and totally not feeling like myself at all. I feel confrontational and defensive and when people chalk it up to my hormones (like my husband) that drives me even more nuts! I know that's the reasoning behind some of my craziness, but I just don't want a man telling me that he is just going to ignore me because I'm hormonal - although he actually is a true partner, I don't want to paint a bad picture of him.
The things that I notice help me are these types of boards and I found a really great pre-natal yoga class on Monday nights. It's at Yoga Now on Mondays at 6PM, which is downtown at LaSalle and Chicago. It's very soothing and relaxing, with more emphasis on breathing and staying calm. Other than that, I just focus on my showers and nursery plans. It's also always a little pick me up when I feel my son give me a little kick to say hello! :)

I feel as Jodi said, it is completely normal. Hormones do crazy things and the weather doesn't help. I couldn't sleep through most of my pregnancy and it only got worse the further along I got. Just keep your head up doing something for yourself and know that there are others that have gone through the same thing. Congradulations!!!!

This is 100% normal. In combination with the extra hormones your body is producing, it is also the brain's subconcious way of dealing with the absolutely humongous change that is about to happen. These are called 'defense mechanisms' and pretty much every one resorts to them at one time or another when our 'psyche' is feeling particularly vulnerable.

Natural remedies - think about the things in your life for which you are grateful (I'll bet there are many!). Focus on thoughts of the baby arriving and the joy and happiness that will bring you and your family, even though it will be a lot of work. Understand that this is only a short period of time in your life, and things will get better. Surround yourself with good friends who can serve as a strong 'social support' group for you. Make sure you discuss this with your husband so he can be understanding and accommodating to your needs.

If this continues, however, without any resolution you should not hesitate to seek medical advice or assistance. There is absolutely no shame whatsoever in doing this, especially if you can't seem to "get over this hump". Sometimes it happens to some women, and they need to seek professional help from someone who can really turn things around (not to mention, keep you healthy so your pregnancy remains healthy).

Like most things, this too shall pass. I'm nearly 37 weeks and I think (due to my hormones) I've instantly turned stupid overnight because I forget things, can't speak, and seem absentminded. But hey...I'm pregnant...so I'm not going to let it bug me a bit!

I agree with the others -- hormones. Although, that probably doesn't make you feel any better because you still feel the way that you do. While I didn't feel blue during my pregnancy, it all hit me when my daughter was six weeks old. The out of balance hormones are still present, was sleep deprived, stuggling with breast feeding, new at what I was doing, etc. All of this made me more sad, and I felt guilty because my daughter was so beautiful, healthy and just a good girl. Therefore, it's important for you to one acknowledge the way you feel (which you have), understand that MANY woman go through this in their pregnancy and after (it's normal!), talk to your husband about the way you feel, and talk to your primary care or OB GYN about it. Remember it's your choice to take a synthetic or natural anti depressent (you don't have to), but you should at least talk to someone. When I went through the baby blues, I spoke with my primary care doc (Monika McLain), and she was terrific. I even had my husband go with me for support. It turned out to be an educational experience for him also.

If you have other questions or concerns, please email me. I feel very strongly about this issue and no one seems to openly talk about it. I commend that women who have gone through it and responded to you!

By the way, I am so extremely happy now, and I enjoy all aspects of motherhood. I couldn't imagine life without my daughter.

Good luck.

I am crying right now just reading your post! I feel the exact smae way...I am only 6 weeks pregnant, but I feel like I am going to explode...I have so much tension, I lash out at people, I cry, I can't sleep...This is my second pregnancy. With my first, from what I can remember, I felt pretty good during the second trimester, but felt bad emotionally again during the third. And post-partum depression does suck. I am so scared about that again this time. I know some antidepressants are ok when you're pregnant, but I just worry about taking them--don't want to take any chances...but if it stays really bead, maybe that's an option?? All the things everyone else suggested are good--things to pamper yourself, etc..but unfortunately it doesn't last. I'm sorry you are going through this. It's very hard. Hopefully the weather will get better soon--That sure adds to the misery! Feel free to email me if you just want to vent. I totally understand.

You are completely normal. Unfortunately there is no overnight cure for this. It goes away with time and hormone changes. I have three girls, my youngest is 10months and even after having my first two, my third still felt like the first and I experienced much of what you are discussing. I wanted to burn down the whole town :)Hopefully you will receive good advice, but for now try focusing on things like what to pick out for your shower, or how you would decorate the room, the name of the baby, or go pamper yourself by getting your feet done. Just know that these will all be temporary fixes and that in the end it will all be worth it. Hang in there!!!

Congratulations on your pregnancy first of all. That happened to me with my son. I was unable to sleep (like three hours a night...not together :() through weeks 20-25. The doctor summed it up to a huge hormonal surge that takes place during those weeks when the baby grows tremendously. The baby is still weighed in oz. at 20 weeks, but by the 6th month baby usually weighs in at over a pound. Also, the anxiety of becoming a first time parent can be a lot to wrap your mind around...despite being thrilled. I did the whole warm milk and chamomile tea thing, it helped a lttle, but eventually my doctor told me take unisom to help me sleep. It did, but by the sixth month it was like I never had any problems...felt a lot better. This also happened to me after my daughter was born this past year. I just decided to get reall "zen" about and not freak out, and that helped it to resolve itself within a matter of a couple of weeks. Hope this helps, and good luck.

I would suggest yoga, I did not practice yoga on a regular basis before I was pregnant but I took a prnatal class at a yoga studio in Mundelein called total body yoga - the instructor Lauren is great and the class is kept small in size. It is offered on Thursdays or on Sunday I think and I really used to look forward to the class it always made me feel better especially if I was having the blues. www.totalbodyyoga.com - you might also try keeping a journal sometimes it helps to put it on paper

Hi S.,
I just wanted to let you know that what you are feeling is normal but it doesn't mean that you continually have to feel this way. I think that it is wise to examine your dietary choices and see if there is more you can do for your mental health. For example, I have recently switched to mostly organic products and steered away from processed foods. I have been learning a lot about chemicals and preservatives in foods. Also, when I was pregnant and still now, I take Omega 3 Fatty Acids, Or fish oils. They have shown through research that Omega 3s are a necessary part of the human diet, often found in samon, that most of us don't get nearly enough from our regular diet. They have found to help fetal brain developmental, aid in treatment of depression, and many other things. Do some research and check it out for yourself. Good luck with this pregnancy and take care.

Hi S.!
I don't have much more to add, but I'd just like to say I had the same issues when I was pregnant. I talked to my midwife and she said that although these feelings aren't abnormal, I should get professional help as I had more chances of getting PPD. It really helped to talk to somebody other than my husband. We have a great relationship and he's very supportive, but talking to a third party is often better in such cases. I now have a 3-month old baby girl, and I have been diagnosed with PPD. However, I think catching early has made it milder than it could have been. I refuse to take any anti-depressants, and my couselor has given me ways to cope which will have a longer lasting impact in my life.
My advice to you is not to try to self-medicate with natural remedies, but to seek a counselor with whom you can discuss your own personal options.

Good luck to you and have a great pregnancy and birth!

I believe it is a horemone thing too! I understand. Having a baby is hard on your system. If you need a name of a great doctor that specializes in pre and postnatal issues (depression) I can give you her name and number.

I'm presently going through the same thing although my due date is soon, Feb 25 or so. I actually read an article in one of those Pregnancy magazines and it said that 10-20% of women have prenatal depression and that it is often overlooked because society expects you to be happy. However, it is normal and you can get treatment, I saw dr and now I'm actually on an antidepressant which is ok with pregnancy. Depends how bad it is, it is sometimes advisable to get treatment now and try to minimize or avoid getting post partum depression or pshychosis. 50% of women with this syndrome are likely to develop post partum depression. Of course talk to your ob first. Mine recommended that I get treatment. Overall I was able to cope better. Although now I feel "blah" again, but it is the last month. Good Luck!!!
(info is from article of February 2007 PREGNANCY (with Kimberly Williams-Paisely on the cover, page 98.)

Hi S.,

So funny I got this today because I was just telling a friend the same thing about myself. I am 23 weeks along with my 2nd child (A boy!)and could have used your message to describe myself to a "T". I agree with others, it's the hormones and the fact that it's like month 5 of winter. Today I booked a prenatal massage and a pedicure for Saturday. I'm hoping that'll help. Might not be a bad idea for you either. Most days I just get through it by recognizing that this is normal and if I'm being cranky then I'm entitled to be cranky and thankfully I have people in my life who understand and blow off my tirades or crying jags. I hope you feel better soon. On a bright note, I noticed today that the sun is coming up earlier and staying out longer so that's a great sign that spring and summer are on their way!!

Hi S.-

I would suggest exercise and some time to pamper yourself. That may include a pedicure, a movie date with your hubby or other things to help put you in a better mood. I wish I had a surefire answer to help you, but it will probably be trial and error. This cold weather probably does not help with the blues! Can you take a short vacation?

Good Luck
D.

You've received some great advice already, but I just wanted to second the part about taking these feelings seriously. You didn't mention how long this has been going on, but up to 20% of expectant moms experience depression (feelings like what you describe lasting most of the day for 2 weeks or more) at some point during their pregnancy. I work for a Chicago-area program called ENH MOMS and we run a free, confidential 24/7 hotline that exists to support new and expectant moms and their families. A lot of people think you have to be in crisis to call a hotline, but that's not true at all - we have licensed mental health professionals staffing our hotline who would be happy to talk more with you about what you're going through and give you guidance on things that might be helpful to you in getting through this time. The toll-free number is 866-ENH-MOMS (866-364-6667).

My first thought was HORMONES!!!! You hormones are all out of whack and will be that way for awhile. This is normal. I have 3 kids (3 through 13) and another coming in July...believe me, hormones get out of whack! Talk to your doctor about it and see if they have any suggestions. And remember "this too shall pass" especially when the weather starts to get nicer. Try to sit in the sun in a sunny window a little every day that it is possible. It does wonders!

Also, the website www.babycenter.com is great and has all kinds of information (trustworthy) and tips. You can also sign up for a weekly newsletter "your baby this week" based on when you are due. It has little pictures and information on the baby at that stage.

Just wanted to add to the other great advice with a few more resources...
This Isn't What I Expected: Overcoming Postpartum Depression by Karen Kleiman and Valerie Raskin (book)
www.depressionafterdelivery.com

Hang in there!

You should talk to you dr about this. It could be hormones. Each person is different during their pregnancy. I am a loving,kind,and happy person 24/7 and my sister is sometimes nice but mostly short,hot tempered,mean and bitchy.

There is a new mom's support group at Prentice and I remember that one mom was pregnant. It is a group that is an unstructured session with a clinical social worker. You can call Prentice Women's Hospital for more informaiton if it is feasible for you to go downtown on Mondays midday.

I also recommend - DON'T read a lot of books, they will cause you more anxiety. Talk with your OB or nurse or nurse help line at your delivery hospital and have that be your resource.

S. - I agree to count your blessings, exercise, yoga etc, but please take the crying, being down etc seriously. If it continues more than 2 weeks or gets worse, I would definitely see a psychologist or psychiatrist. Postpartum depression is a fallicy in that it actually starts during pregnancy for a lot of people. About 20% suffer from perinatal depression. I did big time. I took (and take) wellbutrin and it helped immensely.
Here's some links for you
http://www.postpartum.net/
http://www.womensmentalhealth.org/topics/pregnancy.html
http://www.4woman.gov/faq/postpartum.htm#7

Good luck and take care of you!

Hi,

S., I think that what you are going through might be normal and ok. Your excitment for the bundle of joy to arrive is still within you, How about doing something for you. The weather has made us all "down in the dumps". Get your nails done or a very nice massage.

All of your hormones are wacky, at one point or another all expectant moms have a bad mood. Dont' worry. YOur baby girl will be here when her time comes and you need not worry. Just do for yourself, cause as soon as she gets here you will be busy with her.

Take care and congrats on your baby girl. I am a mom of 3 girls youngest is already 16 going on 40.

J.
www.noahbyjodi.com