Fighting Brothers

I would let them know that until they can learn to get along, they won't be doing anything extra with anyone but eachother. When they get home from school they are together...when they fight, make them resolve it themselves...if they hit (short of doing long term damage) let them hit.

I have twin boys who are almost 12 and they fight all of the time also. Here are a few things that have helped us. I do give each of them some sort of one on one time. J likes to cook so we spend time together in the kitchen. While S is more into magic cards and such. I spend time playing card games with him alone. They still fight though not as much. When they do fight I make them stand and hug each other ( totally embarrassing!) for a few minutes and then I have them go to separate rooms. Before long they are bored and want the other to "play" with them. Hope this helps.

You are not alone. I have a boy and a girl, 6 and 3. They fight like cats and dogs. I mean, non stop. Sometimes I just don't know what to do.
I think that it is just something that all kids will go through. I wish I had some advice for you, but I wanted to let you know that you are not alone.

Hello M. B. My girls also share a room and sometimes I think they see a little bit too much of each other. I'm also doing the parenting thing on my own, & they also share a room. Sounds like to me that your boys are tired of sharing and even looking at each other. So, what I do is this...if one of my kids wants to be left alone, which is usually my 5 year old, then I will take my 2 year old and do something with her, or give her something to do that is quiet (coloring, watching a program, reading to her)...to give them both a break from each other. When they are finished with whatever they are doing, they are happy to see each other again.

Good Luck,
M. F.

Like Amanda K. said, you are not alone. I do not have much advice, as I am still learning how to deal with this exact thing. My boys just turned 3 and 5. They love each other dearly and play well together, sometimes. When they don't, it is not a pretty picture. They also share a room, and have a separate playroom that they share. My 5 year old tends to think all the toys are his, and will even try to hide them from his younger brother. After reading the other posts, I can see where the 5 yr. old is wanting space to himself. He tries to find places where his brother won't bother him. I may try to rearrange their playroom, so that there are different "areas" to play with different things...
Again, you are not alone, and I think this board is awesome.

Having three teenage boys ages 14, 15 and 16, I definitely have a a few thoughts that you might find useful. When they were little, I made them hug which I saw another mother had already suggested. However, by 10 and 12, hugging turned into squeezing which obviously didn't work. Two things have continued to work. When they are especially argumentative, I do not allow them in the same room or to speak to one another. This works well because they do like one another and want to spend time together. Sometimes they just forget. Another thing I do is make them stand in a sort of nose to nose position. They cannot touch one another, but must stand facing one another very very closely. Trust me when I tell you that they will HATE this at first and will throw daggars with their eyes, but invariably, standing this way (for however long it takes) forces them to want to work out their issues on their own and in a civilized manner. Do they still end up in brawls sometimes? SURE! They're teenage boys and frankly, I'd rather them learn to fight here than on the streets, but these techniques keep fighting to a minimum and have helped seal their relationships with one another. As the saying goes, "To love is to be willing to get down on the wrestling mat of life yet be able to get up and hug when it's over."

As a mom of seven, I know all too well of sibling rivalry. My 2 oldest are 19 months apart and both boys. From the time the second child started walking- they have battled. The older will always try to establish his "authority" over the younger. The younger will always try to prove he can do anything his big brother can do- and more! My oldest is 20 and my second is tommorow, 19. They have never really outgrown the attitudes toward each other. They havent fought since they were 14-15. So, I am sure they will mature in time and outgrow the constant bickering. However, try not to be too discouraged unless someone is going to the hospital as a result of the fighting. You may want to try taking away certain priveliges until they can show you that they are trying to get along. If they use the computer or play video games, restrict their use until you get your desired result. I too, feel strong in the need for siblings to get along. I think that people need to get along despite their differences.
Best wishes to you and your sons.

I know it's hard...but is there any way they could have a place on their own? Each of them having some place that they can call theirs to do with as they please to an extent? My siblings and I were always at each others throats. There were four of us...each being two years apart except for the youngest two who were four years apart. We were grateful enough to have our own rooms. We got to decorate our rooms so they were truely our special place. I know that it may not be possible to give them their own rooms, but giving them their own space some way may help...at least by giving them a break from each other. Best wishes

Fighting between siblings have been around since Cain and Able, and I doubt if it will ever stop. I even think a certain amount of it can be healthy because we learn by interacting with our siblings how to funtion in society with other people. What boys this age lack is the social skills to work through conflicts. One method my Dad always used was to separate us when we got out of control. (too noisy,or mean) It was like a "time out",each sent to a chair or corner for a few minutes until we were bored enough to modify our behavior in order to get our freedom. WHY the boys are fighting is important. Giving each of them one on one time will definitely help if they are rivaling for attention. If they are fighting over which TV show to watch, then a compromise should be offered that each would get to pick one show. This might be neccessary if say, the older one tends to bully the younger one and always get his way. I have seen it happen many times that an older brother or sister is bossy and usually gets their way. Then, when the younger sibling gets to be a little older and begins to realize that they should get their way sometimes, they begin to assert themselves and suddenly you have fighting. Especially when Mom is around because that is when the younger one feels more empowered to stand up for themselves. MAYBE, you need to discuss this with the boys and help the older one to see that he needs to consider his brother's wishes more, and the younger one to know HOW to exert himself without just demanding. These are important social skills that they need to learn at this age and in the home. Otherwise, they will have similar issues in school. Hope this helps...

I really like the book "Siblings Without Rivalry". It helped with my two girls. I loaned it out and can't remember who the author is, but I'm sure you can find it on Amazon.