Finding a Happy Sex Life with My Husband

"Honey, I would love to be able to just drop everything and head to the bedroom with you, but the truth is that there are a lot of things around the house that need to get done. If you fold the laundry and I wash the dishes, I'll meet you in the bedroom when we're done." That'd be my approach.

Plus, there's nothing that says you have to go to sleep right after sex. You can cuddle for a while, then get up and read/bathe/do dishes or laundry, whatever.

Well I agree time for yourself is important. What I think though is perhaps the laundry can wait and give your husband attention.

When I was in school my kids would be intolerable while I was doing my homework. I just wanted them to let me study. I spent so much time explaining to them over and over that I need to study. One day it hit me, they just want a little attention. So when they annoyed me I put down the books and played with them. Just 10 minutes of playing spared me hours of annoying me.

My point is simple, put your husband before house work and you will find a little bit of attention is all he needs. Men are a bit like children in that way. :)

Heck you can even try, honey I want you too, lets see how fast we can put this laundry away. Win win, you get help with the housework and a happy husband.

I just wanted to add after reading some of the comments that I disagree that he wants it more than once a week. He is probably happy with the frequency he just doesn't want to be the one always initiating. I have a lot of friends that are guys, married and all, their biggest complaint is that they are always the one initiating, it makes them feel like their wives are only doing it out of obligation. They do have feelings, ya know?

I completely remember being so fried that I didn't want any more human interaction. But, having said that, I think you should just have sex with him. You can do it in 10 minutes.

If you don't, no matter how much you try to explain it to him, it will cause problems in your marriage, and probably cause him to spend less time with his child, which will be way more draining on you, and make you way more tired with less time for yourself than you have now.

Let's see -- 10 minutes of sex, vs. 1/2 hour of arguing, days of bad feelings, a withdrawn, unhappy husband, and then your child feeds off the negative vibes in the house and acts up and...

Believe me, what I just described is realistic. Just give him the sex, and reap the rewards.

Listen to Jo W.

OMG I feel the SAME way. Just because the kids are napping or they are gone for the night and I finally get to sit down without getting drinks or snacks or wiping someones butt doesnt mean I want to head straight towards the bedroom!!!!!!! Then he gets all offended also and feels that I should feel the same way about sex as he does. I feel you but I just dont know what to say because i haven't found a solution either.

Try adding intimacy on your list of things to do right after your daughter goes to bed! Make it the first thing you have to do when she falls asleep.

Why does sex w/your husband have to be a chore? Spend the day looking forward to it and thinking about him. Think about how your time w/him will go and things you will do and say together. What are you going to wear? Are you going to light candles? Throw a scarf over the lampshade? Use food? That way, you are ready to go as soon as your daughter is asleep.

There might be days when you just have to bite the bullet (pun maybe intended) and get it out of the way so you both can enjoy your evening. You both have to give a little - while you are giving in to sex on a weeknight, he has to give in by giving you time to warm up and then not take to long when you are ready to go so you can get your decompressing time in.

I didn't read prior responses so Im sorry if this is a duplicate but I'm all about the QUICKIE!!! I don't know if your husband wants a 2 hour love making session each time but if so, see if he's up for a quickie. That way its not all night long, you still have time for "you" time and so does he! Just my opinion since it seems to satisfy both parties. Good luck!!!

Well maybe you could get him to help you with some of the stuff you have to do and then it would get done sooner so you'd have more time for the bedroom! ;) This is an ongoing problem I think in most marriages. I feel exactly like this a lot of the time. But, usually, I think to myself, ya know, we really should be having more sex. It's fun and it brings us closer together. Personally, and this is probably TMI on my part...but I've found that if I just sort of suck it up and do it I want it more and then it becomes less of a chore and more fun. Also, sometimes we have sex right after we put the kids to bed so that we can spend the rest of the evening doing all that stuff you mentioned and then go to bed when we want and not have to feel pressured. I know that sounds a little more scheduled and a little less romantic but sometimes romance isn't a part of it with two kids sleeping in the next room! ;)

Maybe you can tell him certain moves that might get you in the mood or certain things NOT to do to get you in the mood. Maybe he can do the same and you can start by just trying some of those things and letting him talk you into it more often! Good luck!

As moms we are in touch overload most days. I don't think it would hurt his feelings to simply share how you feel (needing time to self, chores, etc.).
Not sure if his help with chores would allow enough time for both his needs and your needs getting met, but if so - discuss that option with him.

I am going to offer something here as an outsider to the situation, but how long does it really take? LOL! 10 - 15 minutes tops if not doing a full -out romantic evening. Maybe find two days a week to set some time aside for him.

in terms of books - I really like Date Your Mate. It focuses on relationship building not just the sex aspect of your marriage.

Best of luck!

How much time are we talking here? Does he want to have endless hours of sex or does he want a quickie? Personally, I feel that if sex lasts over an hour, it's too long (and I'm including foreplay in that time frame).

Like others have pointed out/suggested, you don't have to go to sleep as soon as you're done - my husband and I almost never do. Or you might be a little more energetic in the morning. Maybe wake up earlier and have sex then - great way to start the day! Get some lube so you can skip some of the foreplay.

There are other things that your husband can do to get you in the mood, like massage your back or feet. You can massage his back too.

I think an honest discussion is in order. Make sure you reassure him that you find him very attractive and that this problem is not about him. It's about you and wanting some alone time, but you're willing to compromise if he's willing to meet you half way.

Good luck!

My husband is the same way..however, I have plenty of time to get things done after we have sex. He usually falls right to sleep. haha.. After a little snuggle time, I am able to get up and do laundry, or just enjoy some time to myself. It beats arguing, having hurt feelings, and not spending time together.

I have read some of the responses. I'm reading about his needs and wants but there are TWO people involved. I have tried to have sex with my husband when I'm not in the mood and it was terrible. I did not enjoy one minute of it and he could tell. I was exhausted! At that time, we had two kids, he traveled all the time and I was working full time on top of that. I was pooped!

I finally had to talk with him about what I needed. Af first, he was like, "you don't love me, you don't think I'm attrative anymore." I was like "I need time alone without the stress of the kids, of worrying that you are going to "pounce" the minute the kids eyes were closed. I told him I was starting hate sex!!! Well, that got his attention! He backed off. Gave me space when he was home with the kids and let me set the pace of our sex lives. That has really worked for us and I don't hate sex!!! :)

Be completely honest with him. I don't think you'll hurt his feelings if you tell him that while you'd like to please him as often as he'd like, but that your body and drive are simply not capable of doing so.

At least once a week is more than most couples I know.

I had the same problem with my husband, every day he would chase me around the house like a sex addict. No seriously. He still does. I look at him and apparently I am giving him the bed room eyes. Sex with us is explosive and it is amazing and he can satisfy me and it will last for an entire week. Well went from having sex about once a night and now I am preggos again, I have been achy and not in the mood. Chasing a pair of twins around and being pregnant and almost at the finish line is draining. So we talked about this and now I get these sensual back rubs or body rubs that calms me down and he eventually gets me going. Maybe you need some "extra" relaxing and for him to work his magic and not just jump into it. But I do know what you mean, you get tired and exhausted and need some time to yourself. Maybe if you do it a few times a week or tell him to give you a chance to chase him around maybe that can work. We can give you our opinions but ultimately things will be different for you. Maybe you both need to reconnect and spend more time together doing other things. Good luck and keep the "fire" going!

once a week may be enough for you, but it's not for him, and you did marry him knowing this! Also he's coming off a once a month slump he's probably all amped up every time you walk in the door. So if that is important for him, get him to help with things to make more time for it. Maybe start enjoying yourself more during this and you'll want it more too! Te more you do it the more you want it! Also physical contact does help you to stay connected...if you like J. cuddling maybe agree to do his form of physical contactx number of nights if he cuddles or does the dishes on x number of nights. Also the more you get into it the more fun it will be, think of ways to suprise him, like cooking in heels and nothing but an apron, and then you'll be excited to suprise him too