Formula Feeding- Get over It

I’ve been known to be super sarcastic so I might have said something like

“Oh you poor thing! You must have misheard what I just said. I offered you the baby formula but not the ones I have laced with cocaine” =-)

I probably would have said something like, "Jeez, I was just trying to be nice. Calm down."

I'd just go ahead and donate the formula. There is a mom out there that would appreciate it.

OMG! I aouldn't agree with you more! I personally have breastfed all 4 of my babies and plan to breastfeed my baby due in August! BUT.... some people CAN'T and some choose not to and honestly, it's no one else's bussiness! Formula is MADE for babies and is the next best thing to breastmilk.
I'm very glad that breastfeeding is so accepted now and even strongly promoted, but sheesh, if people decide (or have to) use formula, GET OVER IT!
I had to put my oldest daughter on formula when she was 7 months old because I lost my milk and I was ashamed to give her a bottle in public because of the dirty looks and comments people gave me!

Oh how dare you! How could you? Don't you know that when your precious snowflake spawn goes on the college interview, the first thing they will ask is "were you breastfed?" and if they say "no" then they are immediately denied admissions?

The only people who care if a child is breastfed are the parents and maybe the doctor. Once the kid weans, NO ONE will give a happy hoot how the kid was fed. It won't come up in conversation until that kid is getting ready to have a kid of their own.

I would have said, "All right. Go ahead and let your baby starve. I'll give this formula to someone else who cares about feeding their child." with dripping sarcasm.

Look, I'm a big supporter of choosing to feed your child whatever way you see best, but there was no reason for her (or anyone) to be a b!tty about breastfeeding...

You know what I get the "look" when I am asked if I am breastfeeding. I tried for three weeks and was not producing enough milk. I would pum for an hour and get maybe an ounce out of both breasts. Then it would be time to feed and he wasn't taking the breast, then I would have to pump again and it was just too much stress. So after crying about not being able to provide for my son and realizing that I was not enjoying my baby like I should because I was pumping or stressing out, I decided that it was time to use formula. I have a great bonding time with him, and he is healthy. I tried everything by the way to get my breasts to produce more milk, you name it, I tried it. So now I get a strange look like I am a bad mom for not breast feeding my child. I feel like I have to explain myself. I feel that no matter what the situation keep your opinions to yourself and just smile and say no thank you. If you don't have anything nice to say then don't say or give the look at all.

1st time mom....that says it all.

It was nice of you to offer it, and she may have reacted the way she did because of hormones and emotions, and simply because of the many overwhelming aspects of new motherhood. I do understand your frustration, though. I formula-fed my children. Women in my family do not produce milk. I don't know why. We just don't. I received tons of comments, many not so nice, from strangers when I was out and about and they would see me feeding my babies formula. When I responded that I didn't produce milk, they got quiet, but it was frustrating having to explain myself to strangers.

Donate the formula. Someone will put it to good use.

I hear you!
I breast fed for 5 months. I went back to work at 3 months and pumping was not keeping my milk supply up. My son was perfectly fine on formula.
My sister did formula the whole way. She felt breast feeding was extremely gross and would have nothing to do with it.
As for the semi militant breast feeders who will shove their opinions down your throat, I figure they are just
(and I can't help it - a Sesame Street song pops into my head every single time)
"Proud Proud Proud to be a Cow"
and then they think I'm crazy for bursting into laughter.

I'm not sure if people realize that being so adamant about breast feeding for other people can be outright mean. I tried so hard with my first but I'm naturally super thin and lost a ton of blood when I delivered so had to be transfused etc and just wasn't making much milk. It was horrible. I didn't and don't need other people making me feel bad about it. I had a bit better luck w/ my second but not much better. I bled a lot again at delivery etc. And now my girls are healthier than lots of breast fed kids I know. And I was formula fed as a baby and am happy to compare stats with any breast fed adult in terms of how things turned out. Either way, it's just mean and no one else's business to comment on bc often the formula feeding mom has no other choice. As I told my husband, I think this is why there used to be wet nurses. In the old days, I'd have died in childbirth. Modern technology has changed things.

Yeah. I'm with you... people get so over the top about things. I chose to breastfeed my dd... but I only know one other person who breastfed. Every other baby I know of is on formula. It's a personal choice. It's NOT my place to judge someone else's parenting decisions... especially if that decision isn't causing harm. Formula is NOT 'bad' for babies, it's just not as good as breastmilk. So if a mother gives her baby formula... whatever. It's HER choice, and who knows what brought her to that decision... could be a medical reason, personal, maybe it's too difficult and they don't want the stress of 'forcing the boob' in addition to all the other newborn stress, or maybe it's just plain more convenient for them. Whatever the cause, it's HER baby to do what she wants with, and as long as it's healty, then who am I to preach?

The funny thing is... my decision to breastfeed was based mainly on the fact that I didn't want to have to pay for formula. Then I discovered all the health benefits, and that cemented it for me. lol.

I probably would have replied with something along the lines of 'Huh... maybe that's why only two (or however many kids you have) of my children survived...

Of course, we ALL know that breast is best. But as moms, we need to lay off being judgemental of each other. It is really no concern of mine whether another mom chooses to breastfeed or not...they have all the info and they made their choice. I simply cannot stand the, excuse me, tit-slinging lactivists. With my first, I had a terrible time. I hemorraged really bad and my supply was barely there. Then they thought my son had galactosemia and we had to put him on a soy formula...it took weeks and a ton of tests to determine he was perfectly fine. I pumped and pumped during that time and got a few drops. Even after he was cleared, I tried everything. I beat myself up and felt like a complete failure. I had alot of guilt, and I definitely did not enjoy that time with my new baby. But guess what? He did great on formula and he lived through it all! So, my point is that I think you offering her the formula was not meant to be anti-breastfeeding, but just a gentle reminder that there is another option, should things not work out. Let's be supportive of each other! You did great!!

Probably something like you did -but maybe bitchier ;-) I breast and formula fed both of mine and didn't breastfeed either that long. I think it's great if you have a wonderful supply, plenty of time and you enjoy it, but ultimately I think babies need happy, rested and content mothers more than they need breast milk! Your friend was rather rude and tacky and should have said, "No thanks -I'm going to keep trying the breast route." I'm guessing this is her first, and even though you obviously have done this a few times, she probably thinks she knows everything about infant care and feels like she's the first person to ever do this.

I'm sure glad moms seem to get over this as their kids leave infancy. I would be so pissed off if another mom told me that the steamed carrots i was feeding my child were poison compared to raw, organic ones. It's a stupid argument--breastmilk and formula are BOTH healthy and good for babies!

You know you never hear a formula feeding mom freak out and say formula is better than breastmilk and I would never let my baby suck on my boob to get nurtrients..wonder why that is.? I think your response to her was funny and good.. You are right people need to get over it! Also this women truely doesn't realize that having a can of formula on hand just in case. She didn't have to use it just say sure I'll take one and then put in the cuboard and forget about it.

This drives me crazy... but love your response to her! Couldn't have done it better myself :) Some people just have strong opinions & you'll never change their mind. Yes, breastfeeding is the healthiest way to go if that's possible... i breastfed my twins exclusively for a few months and then just couldn't keep up with them anymore. I finally decided i was spending so much time focused on pumping & nursing and not enjoying my babies like i should... i took the step & went to half milk / half formula and then transitioned to exclusively formula at 6mths.
They grew from teeny tiny micropreemies to very healthy strong huge toddlers & I got to enjoy them so much more because of my decision! My sister-in-law couldn't produce a drop & my neice is a fiesty beautiful 5 year old now. And my husband and his brothers were all formula fed and are all very healthy, very intelligent men.
I'm all for debating opinions and learning new things from people with other views, but geeze, people need to be more respectful about things.

I think your response was perfect.
I breastfed my children for several months but supply ran low. All I can say is I am SO THANKFUL to have had formula to feed them. Lots of mothers around the world have nothing to fall back on.

i like your response!
seriously, some of us moms can't breastfeed for whatever reason. i'm kind of annoyed by people who don't realize that. it's like assuming everyone is straight instead of gay or conservative instead of liberal or any other assumption that makes people look like a$$e$.
if i'd kept ONLY breastfeeding with the droplets i put out, my kids would have starved to death. formula saved their lives.

Well - being I am an staunch advocate and educator of breastfeeding... I would have offered advice to help her breastfeed instead of offering formula.

So many Moms and people are willing to let you wallow around and fail in breastfeeding and offer formula right off instead of helping, supporting, motivating or offering where to look for help to breastfeed instead. She may have felt you were not supporting her wish to breastfeed and had gotten defensive about it.

Instead of understanding her choice and decision to breastfeed, you got defensive as well - because I'm sure you know formula IS inferior to breastmilk in every conceivable way - yet you still took offense to her refusal of it. You should just let it go.

I exclusively bottle fed both my boys. Why? I didn't feel the need to breastfeed I guess... I think I would have said, "Oh, okay." I wouldn't have snapped or responded back sarcastically because that would be just as bad as her initial reaction. If you value her friendship, just agree to disagree.

I like your response, very witty. I think she did go over board and should have, like you said, just said no thank you and leave it at that. Breastfeeding mother's have had their share of feeling judged, I think therefore feeling they have to over clarify why they've chosen to breastfeed. I've had people tell me it's gross and gasp at finding out I breastfed past six months or 1 year. Almost making me feel like they think I'm some sort of pervert or something. I guess it's hard for some people to live and let live. Anyway, I think it was a great response for a breastfeeding Nazi.

I think you handled it perfectly - although I would've had a hard time not saying something like....."Yeah, it's definately better to let your baby starve than feed them formula!!" What the heck is wrong with people? LOL ~

When someone offers me something I don't want, I just say, "I appreciate the offer, but no thanks."

Love, love, love M R.'s response!

I have learned to roll both sides off. I am a supporter of BFing, but due to ill support, not the right information given to me by a lactation consultant, and a baby that was then used to a bottle, I had to formula feed. So I get both sides of the story.
You pretty much have to ignore people. Some people forget manners when it comes to a subject that is their passion or strongly believe in. Since I'm wanting to get into the baby business somehow, I know I'm going to have to let these things go and be supportive of both sides. I hope that your friend will apologize for her behavior and realize you were just trying to be a nice friend!

I always breastfed...and I always kept a can of formula on hand "just in case". I'm not naive enough to believe that every woman can breastfeed every time or that every baby will be able to nurse! Or what if I got sick or in an accident? too many what ifs. You handled it perfectly saying it could go to a food bank - which someone would greatly appreciate!

When I had my first I didn't even want to breastfeed...but my husband really wanted me to give it a try...we tried for three weeks. It never went well and I felt like I was starving her. I switch to formula and she's just as healthy as my second child whom I breastfed until he was 13 months old.

With my second I refused the lactation consult...I told her to get out of my room and I didn't want her help. I would do this my way not her way or anyone elses.

It's a personal choice and it should stay that way. And those ppl who are adamanently against formula...well I guess they're lucky they never experienced what I did with my first.

Good response...I would have done something similar!

Hi,

You didn't say anything wrong. It sounds like since she is a new mom, she felt threatened by your comment about formula and it freaked her out. she felt inadequate and instead of being level-headed, she became crazy about it. Don't worry about it---she may need to use formula in the future--its not the end of the world.....But yes, it would have been better for her to say--thank you for offering, but no thanks right now. Let it go and maybe you two can have a laugh about it after she gets through her breastfeeding challenges. GL!

M

If I were her, or if I was responding to her comments/gestures? LOL

Since she was having so much trouble with it, she is probably trying to convince herself more than you -- that is why she was obnoxious about it. Don't worry about it! I always get these huge sample packs of formula and hold onto them "just in case" things don't work out with nursing. It came in helpful with #1 - she never latched right after multiple lactation consultants, us retraining her and doing mouth exercises, etc....so I pumped till I dried up. I nursed #2 a year no problems. Currently 39 weeks prego with #3...so we will see what happens here. I understand where you are coming from though :) My mom says if you don't have anything nice to say, say nothing at all. As simple "no thanks" would have sufficed :)

I think what you said was great!!