My four year old is constantly teasing his three year old brother. He loves to egg him on and call him a baby. If wins a game he say "na,na,na,na" and then laughes. Was wondering how other people have dealt with this type of behavior. I understand that some of it is age appropriate, but any suggestions would be great.
My husband and I sat down with both our boys and explained how sad we felt when the were not nice to one another. We said that when they tease each other they make Jesus sad too. This seemed to hit home. The amount of teasing has leasened. They are playing better together, but they are brothers. Thanks for all the advice. This site is so helpful.
Hi,
There is a wonderful new book out by a woman named Ginger Plowman. I believe it is called "Don't Make Me Count to Three".
Her web site is www.gingerplowman.com. I also highly recommend Shepherding a Child's Heart, by Tedd Tripp and any book by Michael and Debbie Pearl.
It is ironic that a post about teasing/bullying would lead people to be disrespectful to YOU! Anyway, all I can say is to be consistent. Decide what the punishment will be for teasing and stick to your guns. You sons should be able to understand what is going on...sit them down and tell them that a time-out (or whatever) will be the punishment from now on whenever anybody is disrespectful and then follow through, follow through, follow through!!! Im sure you know that kids are amazing at detecting inconsistency...let it happen one time and they will know you are not serious! Good luck to you! I have 3 boys myself so be sure to let us know how it goes... :)
Explain to him it's not acceptable and let it go. Siblings have to learn to get along. They do better if they are left alone to work it out. Unless it turns violent. My boys are three years apart and the youngest is always teasing the older one. I let it go until they start to fight. Good luck. I know it's hard but they have to learn evenutually.
It is so hard to balance the natural tendencies with appropriate responses. we have a 5 year difference, the teasing can get a little crazy. I believe we are in the training stage of life. How are kids learn to treat others will be their response later in life. In our home we work on celebrating each other and doing things for each other. We talk a lot about this is the family God has given us and we are blessed to have each other. When someone teases the other we have them apologize and then do something nice for the other. So far it has helped them work through this issue. We just keep on, we are training.
Get the book _Siblings Without Rivalry_. It's a lifesaver! :)
J.,
I am a parent and a Social Worker, and I want you to know this behavior is typical, whether others are syaing so or not. It is very unusual for anyone to grow up in a household together without problems of some sort. After all you sound like you do want to deal with it, why else would you post the questios, right? So, please do not let others make you feel that you are a "bad" mom.
Check the web site love and logic--they give great advise!
GL:)
Power and control. Power and control. Having worked in a daycare for several years, I know that sometimes a child feels like the only way he has control is to force it on another. For whatever reason he is doing this, it works for him.
Whenever someone hurts another, the general rule we tried to follow, is to go to the "victim." I'd make sure that FIRST, your 3 year old is picked up right away, and encouraged. For that moment, your older son needs to see that "It isn't working" for him. That he actually caused you to direct attention somewhere other than him.
Later, in a private manner, state, restate, whatever, that hurting others with our words, hurts their heart, and that you will not tolerate that behavior. What is his "currency?" What are the things that your 4yr old loves to do or have? I have a friend who allows her son to watch a half hour Thomas video if he gets smiley faces for obedience, or good behavior, etc. If he choses not to obey, or behave well, then the smilies go away and frowns take their place. Then HE IS in control of getting the desired movie at the end of the day. It works well for him. When you hear him use his words in a very positive way, then make sure you verbally say how proud you are of him, and that he is going to be a great daddy some day, or something like that. Kids need to know they are becoming something wonderful when they share good behavior, so say something like, "My, you are a very ______ young man." (Kind, thoughtful, helpful, nice, encouraging,etc.) Don't overdo it, just tell him plainly, and use the appropriate word to the situiation. If he sees himself the way you see him, he will definately try to keep that image. If you really want it to sink in, retell your DH in front of your son, what he said and how thoughtful it was.
I hope something works for you, and the others will have something else to add for you. Best of luck.
J.
Keep trying until something works. All of the advice is worth a try. We are dealing with this type of behavior too. It started when our oldest started school. There were many things we needed to "gently remind" him we do not allow in our home. After that, if it continued we punished him for the offence, along with apologies were needed. Whatever method you try be firm, fair, and consistant! Stay strong mama!!!!
i went thru the same thing with my daughter doing it to her little brother and the way i dealt with it was i made sure she understood the consequences on what she was doing. like frustraiting her brother until he cried i explained to her that she shouldnt be making her little brother cry cause she is making her brother sad and that she shouldnt i asked her how she would feel bad or good if someone would do the same thing to her. also i made her feel proud that she is the big sister and he looks up to her and she has to protect him from people making him feel bad i made her feel so good when i told her she is the big sister and now she over protects him but i would take that then her making him feel miserable http://www.stayinhomeandlovinit.com/joy2vic2000
Dear J.,
this is NOT age appropriate. I am really sorry it happens, but in this age it is very appropriate and timely for parents to pay A LOT of attention to situations where one kid somehow hurts another.
Please, look closely, may it be related to jealousy? It may be, as the brother is a year younger. Look for options, how to arrange the events in the day so that the older does not feel being cared for less that the younger (this obviously happened in the earlier age, as the baby certainly needs more attention). My sons are 2 years apart, and to prevent such problems, I always invited the older one to help me with the little one, practically making him somehow 'responsible' for helping me to raise a good friend for him, thus putting him into a very important position in the family.
I do not have a clear advice for you, but this is my best guess: your elder son may feel that he is not so important in the family as his younger brother.
I was holding both of my sons on my knees (after all, I have two knees, right :) ), whenever the younger came to cuddle, I had another hand to hug the elder one also... I was aware of the possible problem, and tried to avoid it in any possible way. My boys are great friends, now 25 and 23, and grew up without any single fight or quarrel, although I know it does not happen so often to many brothers.
J., please look at the moments of the day very carefully, and seek for the path, as this is pretty serious. You want both of your boys to grow up kind and caring and loving, not hurting others, and having a big happy smile. It is quite a job for parents to help their children to achieve this state of mind.
Good Day to you, be happy yourself, and take care!!!
M.
Anything I don't like my 4 year old to do to my 1 year old, I give her a warning and then a time out. Disrespect is disrespect no matter who it's to.
Age appropriate, to me, means that this behavior comes about at that age, but just because it's age appropriate does not make it ok. .
Your job is to make sure your children have the most respectful, loving relationship possible. Anything that takes away from that love and respect should be dealt with immediately. Good luck!
