Frequent Accidents (Only at Home) of a 3 3/4 Year Old

When I tried to potty train my son, he learned very quickly that he had TOTAL control of the situation. It was something that I wanted very much and I could not force him to do it. He would hold it in until he couldn't anymore and would just explode anywhere he was. Maybe your daughter is feeling the same thing. By seeing you and your husband getting aggravated over her accidents, she knows that this is something that only she can control. It takes a little power away from the parents and gives it to the child. This is probably the only thing in her life that she has total control of right now and she is using it!

Instead of getting annoyed, be sure to tell her to use the potty every hour or so. Don't ask, tell. Take back your control. She will probably resist at first, so make a game of it. Make a race to the bathroom etc.

Perhaps she is seeking attention at home. Maybe there is some sibling rivalry? If she can control herself at school, then she should be able to control it at home as well.

Good luck!

First, is she too distracted to go to the potty or is she genuinely surprised when she has an accident? If she is surprised, she may be reacting to something at your house (cleaners air fresheners etc). When she has an accident ask her if she realized she needed to pee (not every time, but just make sure is sensing she has to pee to make sure she is not reacting to something and does not have a UTI).

Never ask a toddler a yes or no question; the answer will always be "No" :D Say "it's time to go to the potty" or "(name of a character) has to go to the potty, can you take him/her?" If you think she needs to go, announce your intention to use the toilet--she'll probably race you there :D Another thing you can do is put a potty or picture of a potty where she's playing as a reminder for her to go.

When there are accidents, take a deep breath and try to avoid getting aggravated. Have your daughter help you clean it up. While you are cleaning together, explain to her that "Sometimes we have accidents and have to clean them up. If we take a break and use the potty when we feel we have to go, then we will have more time to play, because we won't have to clean up the mess." or something similar. (This works well with other spills and messes too :D) It's not a penalty--it's a fact of life, we make messes, we have to clean them up.

Good luck and if you need more info on accidents and reactions, feel free to PM me.

JM, Thanks for the question. I am going through a very simalar situation with my 3 year old! Thanks for the advice everyone.

Regards,
G.

I too like some of the other moms would stop "asking". I would just take her hand and tell her it is time to use the potty and start walking her towards the bathroom. Of course you know your child, so whatever time frames (every 1.5 hours, etc) you feel is appropriate. You may want to follow the preschool schedule of potty breaks (at certain times or before/after meals/naps, etc). Honestly if I was cleaning up that many accidents, I would also tell her that she WILL go back into diapers or a pull up if it continues and see of the threat of it along with the timed potty breaks helps.

Hi JM,
I wouldn't offer a reward system or stickers. She isn't learning to use the bathroom (I didn't offer rewards for that either). She is opting not to use the toilet and getting rewarded for expected behavior. It's a rule that when you know when you need to pee, you don't pee your pants. Do you reward her for not breaking other rules or complying with basic expected behaviors? There are not accidents. They are intentionals. If you notice that she has to go to the bathroom, take her. If she can't be trusted to go when she needs to, then take her every hour and a half - you need to be in control of when toilet time is. Don't ask her if she has to or want to, don't give her any options of what she'd like, it's just time to go to the bathroom. I think you're offering her way too much leeway here. If she knows when she has to use the bathroom and just chooses not to because she doesn't want to stop what she's doing, at almost 4, I would punish for this just like I would punish for any other behavior that the child knew was wrong. If she has multiple "accidents" a day, she is NOT toilet trained and she is almost 4. It's tough love time, this isn't a 2 year old.
Good luck.

Do you ASK her to sit in her car seat? Do you ASK her hold your hand while crossing the street? STOP asking her to use the bathroom and tell her it is something she MUST do. At pre-school they tell the kids its time to use the potty and they do it.
Kids at her age get involved with play and dont always recognize the signs until its too late. You need to set a timer and TELL her to sit on the potty at regular intervals. About every hour for her age.

My earlier answer is below, but I just remembered something! My sister-in-law had a great idea with her daughter for potty-training and I sure wish I had thought to do this with my younger son. She dressed her daughter in a dress (Well of course, I wouldn't have done this part with my son!) with nothing on underneath. She gated herself and her daughter into the kitchen for the entire day. She baked cookies, cakes, and dinner, while her wee one played with all the toys that she had set up for the day, for her daughter in the kitchen. She had several little stations set up so they could just remain right there in the kitchen all day, for easy clean up when Emily did have an accident. She also had the potty chair right there for Emily to use. It worked! She said it took both days of the weekend, but it worked! My niece was potty trained within those two days of hanging out in the kitchen with momma. Quick and easy! (Lucky her!)

Okay, here's my old answer I sent you earlier......
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This one is a toughie. My older son was potty trained very soon after his second birthday. My husband brought home the potty chair and said: "Cooper, would you like to use this potty chair and go to the bathroom like Daddy does?" Cooper responded very enthusiastically; "Shooooah!!!!" (Sure!) and he meant it. He was trained in no time. Our second son, however, was not potty trained until he was four years and three months old!!! It was pure stuborness on his part. We tried everything..... stickers, candy, awards.... nothing worked, so we actually gave up. Then one day, he went into the bathroom on his own, closed the door, wanted no assistance, took his diaper off, used the toilet, not the potty, and told us he was ready to wear underpants. (LOL!!!) And he is the smartest kid, really! Very bright, does well in school and all that. We did reach a point where we just gave up and let him wear the diapers and pull-ups until he was ready. It was fine with us. I do think it also had to do with the fact that he couldn't be bothered because he was always so busy and so into what he was doing...... playing. Good luck to you though. Just wanted to share my two experiences with you. I believe it was Dr. T. Berry Brazelton who said: "If your child is five years old and in diapers, then he's five years old and in diapers. He will not be going off to college in diapers. Relax." Or something like that anyway. :)