Friend Doesnt Know What to Do W/ Bitting 18 Month Old!

Updated on April 17, 2008
E.D. asks from Murrieta, CA
6 answers

My best friend is currently in the process of getting a divorce. Her daughter is 18 months old and has been lashing out lately. She bites and also pinches other kids at the babysitters. Her daughter usually does it when she is not around. Today as she was dropping her off she noticed that her daughter was about to bite another child. She pulled her aside and told her that bitting was not okay. She called for advice and i have no idea what to tell her. Any suggestions?? She is open to all kinds of displince at this point. She feels she is lashing out b/c of the divorce.

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J.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

Biting is common at this age, not necessarily of a divorce (issues over that will probably surface later)

18 month olds do not have the communication skills to express wants, needs and feelings. They also think everything is theirs. Since they can't say the right words, often they will bite, hit, kick, etc. In a day care center it is multiplied because of a group of children doing the same thing and the biting can become reactionary as well.

Have your friend try to increase the vocab, almost constantly talking to her. Also, check for teething which can give her the urge to bite.

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L.H.

answers from Los Angeles on

I definately agree with Jennifer. My daughter went through a biting stage along with hitting her head into walls, floors, etc. If the child cannot express what they want, feel, etc, they will bite out of fustration. Pictures help when words do not come easily. I would suggest she talks to the day care director or teacher for their policy on biting and advice for what to do at home and how the provider is handling the situation at school. Good luck!!!

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A.N.

answers from San Diego on

I agree, she won't be immune to the divorce situation. It's not all that unusual to bite or pinch at this age, but absolutely unacceptable.

Making her feel more loved secure and calm will help - not leaving her so much is a big part of that.
Getting in touch with gentleness and happy feelings will negate the biting. That's a family thing - You can't expect day care to manage that!

So, when this is not possible a sharp NO and short removal of the child or a toy, with an explanation ''NOT if you are biting'' can help.
If she is trying to express something
Verbalise your guess: IS AMBER IN YOUR WAY? DID YOU WANT THAT TOY TODD HAS GOT? Etc.

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

It's developmental based...some kids even hit and pinch. I even knew a kid who used to bite, because they had a dog in the house and this same child used to drink water from a "bowl" because this is what their dog did.

She needs to look at/read about articles that describes each month of age, and their developmental "phases" and milestones. Each age has a "stage" of behavior.

The main thing is NOT to lash out to the child in return.
At this age, their cognitive ability is not yet "mature" enough to understand wordy "adult" explanations. Redirection and distraction works best, with gentle "no biting, it hurts" kind of reinforcement. Sooner or later it will pass, and another "phase" will pop up.

Comfort, redirection, positive reinforcement is best. ALWAYS, handle it in relation to the appropriate age & development at which the child is.

Also, kids pick up on "stress" that a parent is exhibiting or feeling.

Harsh discipline at this age is, not needed, and not the same as would be given to a much older child.

Looking online, she can get lots of suggestions...but is has to be age appropriate.
Good luck,
~Susan
www.cafepress.com/littlegoogoo

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A.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

Biting can be hard to deal with. Every child is so different. I had a friend who's son bit till he was almost 6years old and nothing working to get him to stop, and then one day he just never bit again.
My son started biting around 18 months. We tried everything! I didn't know what to do. One day he walked up behind me and bit my shoulder. I grabbed his arms looked at him in the eyes and told him that is it NOT OK TO BIT and told him that mommy was going to bite him. so i took his arm and bit him! He cried and i told him that that is what it feels like. And he has never bit again. I think maybe he just didn't know that it hurt and once he felt what it felt like he didn't ever bit again.
Maybe an idea?!?!!???

Good Luck

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C.H.

answers from San Diego on

Sometimes it is a frustration for the inability to communicate at this age. Teaching a child sign language sometimes helps. It helped my first son. Also, showing her what is appropriate when she is frustrated, like stomping a foot and saying, "mad!" This really helped my second son. My friend's son used to pinch other kids, too. She would try to correct him by punishing him by, guess what, pinching him! Once this was pointed out to her, she stopped. And lo and behold, her son stopped, too!

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