Friend Who Chronically Embellishes

I've had friends like this and have a friend and some family like this. I simply don't act impressed and I don't ask any questions or get involved in what they're trying to "sell" me. Some people think that they have to have big, impressive tales and plans for people to like them. They try to fit into what they think the person they're talking to would like and want in a friend.

I've learned to tell the difference in their tall tales and exaggerations versus the truth, so I change how I respond to each. The truth gets a much more animated and positive response than tall tales and exaggerations. It gets much more support . If I think something is clearly a falsehood or exaggeration, I adopt my "mom voice" and a bored facial expression and look for other things to do.

It does work. It works much better than calling them out because it saves everyone some embarrassment and hard feelings.

The people I know like that don't hold on to friends for long, it just becomes a function of tolerating them if you have to.

Calling them out doesn't help. They either start crying and make you the bad guy or they don't accept any version of reality but their own.

If you can distance then distance if not all I can give you is suck it up.

my MIL sometimes does this - but she is more into making big grandiose plans and then they don't happen. like when i got pregnant and she said she was going to fly up for the baby's birth. or when she decided that our little two bedroom apartment (5000 miles from the rest of the family) would be where everyone came for christmas (without asking me). OR when she decided all 10 of our family needed to go to disney together. usually smaller, less-grand versions happen due to budget restraints. i used to get worked up about her deciding things like this for us (part of which WE would have to cough up money for), but i have learned to just take anything she says with a grain of salt.

that being said, she's my husband's mother and i love her for her many other wonderful qualities. so i would not say anything to her.

in YOUR case, i might distance myself from this person. but it would depend on how SHE sees what she's saying. maybe she really believes it will happen, at the time. honestly, you sound like you kind of look down on her and feel the need to "help" her and "play along" with her. she doesn't need your pity, certainly. take a good honest look at why you're friends with her at all. does she have other good qualities? or is she just a charity case?

People are right to say it won't matter if you call her on it. She will deny it.
You are right to feel wary of her. When the lying slows down on things she will pick up on people. My Mil always embellished and lied about little things and I overlooked it just as her need for attention/self esteem issues. She grew worse as she aged and would tell whoppers about her husband. Then he died and all heck broke loose on her kids. Up to and including lawyers. She has a mental illness called borderline personality disorder. Confronting them just increases the lying. Back away slowly. Show no emotion or attention for her lies. No questioning or even sighs. You can decide how much you want to continue this relationship but she is not really capable of an honest one, if she is like my mil. If she is, she is dangerous. I could validate her for 23 years and it did not matter.

My SIL and BIL do this. I can't stand to be around them.
If we catch someone doing this, we distance ourselves. I can't explain why, but it is our number one pet peeve. I guess because our siblings lied constantly and got away with things.

We have called them on it, even in public. They never stop.

I have a sibling who does this - but I can't avoid family so I just listen and smile slightly. I play a mental game with myself to see how long it takes the family member to actually ask any of us anything about our lives. My husband and I keep score! It makes it sort of fun and less annoying. I consider it a sign of the other person's insecurity and I don't think that can be helped or "cured" by pointing out the obvious lie. If your friend is lying about current purchases (like "I just bought an expensive car") you can always say, "Oh nice! When can I see it?" If she says she bought a home, ask "Oh, what's the address? I'd love to drive by and see it?" Then show up with a small housewarming gift and next time tell her how shocked you were when some entirely different family opened the door! If it's about something that's not verifiable (like "I chartered a plane last weekend" or "When I was growing up, we had 2 Jaguars and a Rolls Royce") you kind of have to let it go, unless you just smile with amusement and say, "Oh Sally, how you do go on!" But it probably won't work. Otherwise just change the subject. I had an aunt who had mental problems so we never confronted her crazy stories, just said "That's so nice, Auntie. Does anyone want any more coffee?"

The only caution I would have is if her lies have to do with other people and what they said or did or where she saw them. I would be very careful about what I tell her about myself and my family. I'd stop her in her tracks on that.

How sad for her, that she feels the need to brag about non existent material items & wealth, so can impress other people & make herself feel good. Either that, or she's just superficial. I am not sure. I don't think I could handle being friends with her, it sounds exhausting. I need my friends to be down to earth & honest. You're not really doing her any favors by tolerating her & gritting your teeth. Perhaps it's time to move on from the friendship.

I wouldn't necessarily call her out on it. It sounds like she's trying to impress someone. If these material things don't matter to you, I'd try to politely make that evident. Perhaps if she feels people don't care about what other have, she won't be so driven to pretend that she has things that she really doesn't have.

It sounds like she is saying these things, and doing it because she's trying to make herself feel better. You said they are having rough times and maybe she is embarrassed, or something along those lines.
On the other hand it's possible it's just her personality. I know one so I just distance myself and when we talk then I just go with it. Lots of head nods and mmhmm's that's great.
For *me* it's not worth getting into it and starting anything. What's the point and gain? Most likely it will just offend and hurt her feelings making for very awkward situations when you do see her.

I would distance yourself from her if it bothers you so much. It's the easiest way of handling it in my opinion.

Best wishes.

Oh, yes indeed. The people I knew were not mentally ill (although it can be a symptom). Unhappily, lying about one's situation is what some people do to make themselves feel important - and then it gets to be an addiction they can't break. They may not know that people see through them - or they think that maybe they can perform their act better next time.

Whether you call her on it depends upon how close friends you are. Would she really listen to you? If she wouldn't, I wouldn't bother. But I wouldn't be able quite to trust anything she says. If you want to remain friends, you may have to do it with your eyes wide open. But you don't have to pretend her act is reality.

People with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome tend to make up stories like this. It could be that she suffers from such a condition, and can't help herself.

"A great friend whom you consider to be a liar"?

Most likely if she knew how you describe her, she would not consider you such a great friend.

In a way, your not so honest yourself.

Does she actually lie and say "we are buying a home right now and charting a plane for next weekend", or does she say "when we buy a home" or "we are going to buy a home"? I talk all the time about when we buy our forever home. We are not currently in a situation to do this, but I am not lying either, we fully intend to buy said home when the time is right. I think you may be being overly critical of her and her dreams just because she can not afford them right now, that does not mean she will not do those things when the time is right.

There's one option of dropping her entirely, but if she is a good friend other than her false bragging then you may just want to confront her. For me, I wouldn't have gotten this far in a "friendship" if she's lying to me, even if it's not "hurting" anyone. But since you have, I would just be so exhausted by this freindship I would just collapse on the counter and tell her to STOP, cuz I'd have a headache by now, lol. Honestly. Be prepared for her to be offended and march off or argue. If the relationship is important she'll talk or come back to talk.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

I had a friend like this. Once, when we were just hanging out, I started talking about another "friend" saying things like, "my friend suzy is driving me batty! She says things like, oh, I chartered a plane last weekend, we went to HI for xmas last year, I used to own a Bentley, my diamond ring is 6 cts, etc, and I KNOW she is lying but she keeps saying these things to me...I mean, what kind of a FRIEND is that? I can't trust her because if she ever tells me the truth, she's lied so much, I won't believe her." Then turn to your friend and say, "don't you hate people like that?". Then when she says her next lie...say NOTHING, don't even say, "uh huh..." because that actually encourages her to go on. Just SIT THERE. Try it, seriously. She will sit there waiting for you to reply and when you don't, she will change the subject on her own...if she goes on about another lie, just keep doing it. Or simply, realize she isn't a true friend, doesn't value your friendship enough to be honest and true and move on. Good luck!!!

If she's an acquaintance and not a friend, I'd just "mmmhmmm...interesting...." myself out of the conversation. If she has no audience, she has nobody to tell her tales to. Do you really know she's having hard times or is that another tale to tell, too?

What about smiling and saying, "Girl, why are you saying this?"

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What about smiling and saying, "Girl, why are you saying this?"

There's a reason she does this -likely to cover up for what she doesn't have or dreams of having. She thinks these stories will captivate her audience and make her seem more interesting than us commoners. I would find it difficult to trust her. I might casually say, "I heard you say X, but I recall you said Y a week ago, what gives?" She will likely lie again, so I'm not sure if confronting her will get her to stop.