Frustrated Stay at Home Mom

First thanks for being a concerned and loving hubby!!! That's half the battle. Keep up the good work...Sometimes good men are hard to find.

Is she in a support group with mom's who have kids with similar special needs? She should be. Also, does she get a break meaning...time for herself to do a date night with you? Mani/Pedi's, girls night out. Movies...etc. Also, could be postpartum issues with hormones. She should be talking to her OB/GYN about depression and or anxiety. I would definitely get someone to help clean house??? Just a breather every once in a while so she can come up for air.

Well, if you follow all of the advice you get here from "the moms" you will be a hot commodity!
SAHM is the toughest job a woman never gets paid for. You can look at O. of my older posts and share it with your wife--it's about feeling "invisible" but stresses the importance of what it is, exactly, that we are doing here--at home--quietly--with little recognition or praise.

First, you can assure your wife that she is undertaking the most important (and most difficult) job on the planet--raising her (your) kids. And let her know that YOU know it's hard AND it's important.

Secondly, pick a chore, any chore, and make it YOURS. All yours. And yours alone. Designate yourself as the "Doer of All Laundry" or "Cleaner of the Bathrooms" or "Changer of The Sheets" If you're an overachiever you are welcome to pick more than O.. Three, even. But, much like all you can eat buffets--take what you want but want what you take! Once you take it (them) it's YOURS.

Third, encourage your wife to set up a standing weekly weeknight class/club/get together/whatever. It's amazing the endurance you have IF you know that 'at least tomorrow nigh, "I'm OUTTA here" (from, say 6-9) and will come home to sleeping, fed, bathed, well children. It's nice to know AHEAD of time when you can expect bonus night out.

Fourth, Do NOT ask her--ever--what did YOU do today. Never.

Fifth, if she seems particularly frazzled, tell her to just get out of the house for an hour. Tell her to take a book, grab a coffee somewhere and go--and just be.

You're a good guy. Good luck!

She is NOT alone.
I am a SAHM. My Kids are now 4 & 8.
Very ACTIVE loud kids. Nice kids, but very very active. Non-stop.
I go nuts.

It does not matter if you are a SAHM or not... ALL Moms, get stressed and go nuts. Because, THEY are the only one, in the family who does everything.

If you want to truly help her... YOU need to help in the house DAILY. Not just sometimes. EVERYDAY. That is the responsibility of a Man and a Husband. It is his family too. His kids too. His Wife too. A Wife needs to be taken care of too. She is human and needs help too, and to be cared for.

And an example: I do everything everyday. Take care of the kids, the house, the errands, the cooking, to picking up after everyone, entertaining the kids etc. When Hubby comes home, he then says "I'm hungry." I say to him "yah, the kitchen is over there." He says "Can't you bring me something?" I say to him "You are not a baby, You can do it yourself".... I am saying this, while I have a load of laundry in my arms, I am downstairs doing chores and he is telling me this from UPstairs, where the kitchen is. That to me, it just lazy on his part. I am not his 'maid' I am a WIFE.

Let your Wife, have her own time to herself. Let HER decide what to do with her time. All day, a Mom, is doing things according to everyone else. Never just doing what 'she' wants. It is stressful.
Help your Wife everyday.
Praise her.
Appreciate her. Everyday.
Help with the kids. They are your kids too.
Tell her she is NOT alone, because YOU are there for her.

WHETHER a woman works or is 'just' a SAHM, is not the point.
The point is: a Husband is a PART Of the home too. It is his kids too. So he has to help in the DAILY upkeep of it and the kids too. He is not 'exempt.' It is his ROLE and responsibility to do all those things, too. Just like his Wife.
It is being a Team.
Helping and caring about each other.
And the kids.

If your Wife never has time to herself. Don't debate about it with her. Just tell her "I will watch the kids, once a week or more if you need to, and YOU can go an do whatever you want."
TELL her that.
Then it gives you time with the kids.

Thumbs up to you!!

Now I can only imagine the frustrations, so my thought would be
1. Tell her everyday she is amazing!
2. Find a support group in the area for the diagnosis of your child
3. Hire help for a couple of hours for her to get out of the house and be her if you can afford it. (nails, hair, walk, gym, spa, coffee with a friend ext.)
4. If you cannot afford it, take over and let her get out for a small bit every night when you get home, even just 30 mins. can be a real release.
5. Find other SAHM that might enjoy playdate/help get togethers.

all I can offer is ((((HUGS)))) sorry.

She's lucky to have you.
How about a gift certificate to her favorite restuarant and movie or theater tickets for her and a friend. A weekend away with her girlfriends.

It's funny but this is how Tupperware and Avon became popular in the '60's. SAHMs needed a reason to get together and have fun and conversation. Tupperware parties and Avon get togethers became a way for them to get together and not feel awkward or guilty. And they could show off their baking skills.

No, she is not alone! Being a SAHM is the toughest job I've ever had. I love my boys dearly and feel fortunate to be able to stay home, but being with them 24/7 can make me crazy sometimes! Help without her asking first. When you get home, just take the boys out for 20 minutes. You can pick up toys, offer to cook (anyone can make spaghetti or order pizza), give the kids a bath, put the kids to bed, or throw in some laundry. On the weekends, just let her sleep in one day or have an afternoon to go out by herself. I love when my husband just does something without me having to ask! Thanks for trying:)

I unfortunately don't have a ton advice, but I too am a stay at home mom with a 3 1/2 year old with special needs and a 6month old and my husband works a lot! So I just want to let her know that she is not alone! I do try to get together with friends as much as I can and also will take the kids to the day care at the rec center a couple times a week so I can get some alone time to work out. It can be frustrating, in my situation it is sometimes hard to get together with people a whole lot because of all the different therapies my older one has to go to we become very busy. Maybe it is the same for her? My son started pre-school right around the time he was turning 3 and that helped a lot! I get at least a few hours a day with just one kiddo, and I can get a lot done!

Sorry I don't have a lot of advice but let her know she is not alone, and it will get better!

Get her help!

I don't know what you do for a living or how flexible your schedule is, but do you best to give her some coverage when you can. Even if that means go to work 1/2 later so she can exercise and burn off some of that stress. Also, let her get out on her own on Saturdays.

A night out once a week. If she is like me she will feel more comfortable with you home with the boys than a babysitter. So encourage her to have a girls night out or create a bookclub, womens support group, etc....

Hire help. If she is okay leaving then find a responsible adult you can feel safe with so that she can get out....... even if just an hour or two a few days a week. A date night would be great for both of you!

If she is not comfortable with leaving the kids then hire a teen to back her up while she is home. Somebody to be her eyes and ears so she can do something for herself........ a hot bath, read a book, crafts or even cook.

Keep being a loving husband. Her feelings are definitely normal.

I loved being a SAHM but wanted to moment on you, how awesome you are. She has half the battle already won with a husband so in tune with how she is feeling, take the kids out when you can, give her the house to herself for a couple hours, to soaked in the tub or what ever she enjoys doing. Daily let her know what a good job she is doing and always ask what you can do to help as I'm sure you already do. Youre awesome. J.

Updated

I loved being a SAHM but wanted to moment on you, how awesome you are. She has half the battle already won with a husband so in tune with how she is feeling, take the kids out when you can, give her the house to herself for a couple hours, to soaked in the tub or what ever she enjoys doing. Daily let her know what a good job she is doing and always ask what you can do to help as I'm sure you already do. Youre awesome. J.

being a SHAM is soooo much harder than my 45+ hour job as a CNA!!!! You are pritty awesome to be posting this!
Sometimes actions are more incuraging than words, and words accompinied w/a hug or kiss speak volumes. You might plan some thing special like a candlelight dinner for the bigger "I love you" and simply saying "You're a great mom!" at random or stealing a hug or kiss once in a while for the smaller "I love you" ("smaller" but still sweet and wanteed by sooooo many wives).
Hope that helps.
:- D

She needs to get out of the house. Get in a routine. Her local library should have a toddler story time, ours is usually on Tuesdays at 10 or something.

Chick fil A has theme nights once a week, your local one probably has an event calendar. She may have a splash park or something in her area too. Really, getting up in the morning, taking a shower and trying to stay on a schedule will help her stay sane.

For example, breakfast, then a puzzle, then a little craft or play dough, then lunch, then nap, then do a preschool alphabet activity, put on a little movie while she tends to the baby...

Maybe she can get in with a mom's group and switch play dates, or even enroll the older child in a 2 day a week mother's day out program if you can afford it.

Also, maybe give her a few nights a week so she can go out and run errands, just to get out of the house.

If you can afford it, join a gym or the ymca, they even have flexible payment options based on your income. They have child watch for 2 hours every day, so she can get out, take a class, excersize, swim, get in a routine and have the kids being watched at the same time. Doing this, will help her keep on a routine and it will give her the much needed energy and break she needs.

My husband helps me with laundry, cooking, cleaning, taking care of the kids when he gets home and it's so nice and makes family time more enjoyable. We also rotate who does the whole bedtime routine every day. He also gives me a lot of encouragement on days I feel like throwing in the towel and revamping my resume.

Encourage her to get a fun hobby, a craft or reading or something.. and to stay off the computer ;)

Let her know you appreciate her and go out on a date once a week. For us, that usually means put the kids to bed early, make snacks and netflix a favorite tv show or movie and watch it together. About once a month, we will get a sitter or switch kids with another couple and go out on a kid free date.

you are an awesome husband. We moms SAH or otherwise need some breaks. I love a quick shopping trip, pedicure, or girls breakfast and spa day when my husband takes over for a few hours. Maybe even surprise her with a massage booked at your nearest Massage Envy (very reasonable prices and first timers get in for ($39)). If nothing else 30 min in the bathtub with my husband taking over kids is great. But in the bigger picture, she needs to feel appreciated for what she does. I'm guessing you giver her plenty of verbal affirmation that you are so great full that she is the one taking care of you babies and she does an awesome job. I also recommend the book "in praise of stay at home moms" by Dr. Laura Schlesinger. I do miss the "me" time, but I also have perspective that this phase of life is going to fly by. Its great you want to help, and I hope for your sake she is not one of these people who has a hard time being happy no matter what she has or what stage of life she finds herself in.

That is very nice of you to post this on your wife's behalf. I have a 7-year old son with autism and I know that it can be very stressful situation. My recommendation to you and to her is to find out if there is a way that you can line up some respite (babysitting) for her during the day a couple of times during the week while you are at home so that she can have time to do somethng that she wants or needs to do (going to the salon, going shopping, going to the gym, take a class).

Also, if possible, see if she can hook up with a local mommy and me group and join one of their playgroups or go on their outings. Taking care of a child with special needs can be very isolating. Best to get some community support if she can and make sure that she doesn't hole herself up from the rest of the human race. She won't be doing herself or your son any favors if you do that.

Lastly, when you get home from work, you need to make sure that you give her a break. For just an hour after getting home, take over for her with watching your son so that she can have some time to relax, decompress and take care of herself. This is not something that you can do once or twice a week. This is something that you need to do everyday and you need to be the one to initiate it. It will show her that you care and you are fully supportive of her as a husband and as a father.

Hope this helps and that she can find some balance in her life very soon.