Getting 7 Month to Sleep Without Being Rocked

Hi T.,

I have an almost 8 month old little guy and we have the same problem. Two nights ago we started the Ferber method. So far, he's still crying but not as much. It's getting better and we only have to go into his room one time after 5 minutes. My first son was a completely different story. He is 3yrs now but we ferberized him at 6months and it took 1 whole week. That week was hell but it worked and he's the best sleeper in the world. People always told us that we had it easy with him because he was such a great sleeper but that really wasn't the case at first. We needed to teach him how to fall asleep on his own. Each time he got sick, I would tend to him all night long. After each sickness, we would have to ferberize him. I know it's hard right now for you but you are laying the foundation for a great sleeper. Stick to it and know that the end result is going to be good for him.

I know how hard this can be. My daughter was not a great sleeper at all but I didn't want to ferberize. I finally saw a sleep coach who helped me through it. I started with naps, putting her down in her crib awake and letting her learn to fall asleep without assistance. I went in every 10-15 min to pat her and reassure her, but did not EVER pick her up, even though she cried a lot. Then I did the same at nighttime, for every wake-up. It took about three weeks, but once she figured out how to fall asleep on her own she stopped waking up during the night. Consistency is crucial - don't ever fall back on your old routine, it confuses them. The whole process was very tough and I felt incredibly guilty, but I tried to remember that falling asleep unassisted is a skill she would have to learn at some point. And she did learn it! To be honest, I think the rocking and nursing to sleep that I was doing before was actually hindering her from getting a good night's rest! Good luck, feel free to email me if you want more info.

Hi T.,
Well, I had the same sort of thing happening when I switched my daughter from a swaddle to sleepsack at around 7 months. I do not like Ferber, but I did do a version of that. I would put her down after soothing her. She would cry-terribly, sometimes. I would come in 5 minutes later and say that I loved her, and maybe reposition her, then say goodnight. 5 minutes later same thing. 10 minutes later, same thing. I would never pick her up, and it was REALLY HARD to do this because she was crying, and I wanted to soothe her, but our caregiver, who is a very loving woman and has been caring for children for 30 years, said it would be better for her if she learned how to go to sleep on her own, and that I could cuddle and kiss her all I want in the morning. So I did this, 10 minutes, came back and said goodnight, I love you. 15 minutes, 20 minutes. After an hour of this she was asleep. I felt sooooo bad, but she only had a couple more nights of that before she was able to fall asleep on her own. She has had very few bad nights since, and is a really content, and good sleeper and a happy child. That's just how it went for me, anyway. So good luck!!

The Ferber method worked for our first child. It took about a week. Of course she would rather have been rocked and held while she slept, but it was simply a matter of her learning that she could get to sleep by herself.

Our second child was a different matter. He was a colicky/fussy baby that would only sleep while I held him. The Ferber method did not work for him. After the first night of trying it, I couldn't even approach the crib without him getting hysterical. He became even more clingy after that. His sleep problems and fussiness continued until past his 2nd birthday. I had several doctors tell me it was just behavioral and we needed to let him cry it out, but I thought he was in pain/discomfort. When he was 2.5 yo, we found out that he was allergic to many foods. They were giving him "silent" reflux and probably stomach aches or cramps. Within five days of removing the foods from his diet, he was sleeping through the night and going to sleep by himself without us having to do the Ferber method.

Just wanted to make the point that the Ferber method works for some parents and some babies, but not all. It depends on the situation. Be patient and follow your instincts.

-D.

The Ferber method didn't work with my $on. We had to go cold turkey. He $creamed hiz head off for 90 minutez the 1zt night, 45 minutez night 2 and 20 minutez night 3. I realized after 2 monthz of trying Ferber, then $leep Lady that if he $aw me come in to check on him or $oothe him he would get really raging mad and $cream louder. He wazn't $cared or $ad or hungry or wet or cold, the little bugger waz pi$$ed off. That gave me the nerve to go through training him - along with a nice bottle of Merlot.
By night 4 he went all night without waking up - BUT he'z 4 now and we $till $it together in the rocker and read book$ and $ing $ong$ - he told me he didn't want to be rocked after hiz 3rd birthday 'cuz that waz for babie$ & he iz a Big Boy now.
Broken "$" key thanx to darling Baby Boy - I really can type & zpell. ;)

I used the feber method with my oldest daughter (the youngest is only 3 mos old so we aren't there yet!). Worked great when she was about 10-11 mos old. Tried it at 7 months...didn't work. Why, you ask? Because she was cutting her first tooth! Boy, I felt like a horrible mom. She didn't feel good and all she wanted was her mom. Make sure there isn't an underlying issue that is requiring some comforting from mom for sleep times. And remember that your baby won't always want you or need you and will never be this little again. This to shall pass.

I know a lot of people who have benefitted from Ferber, but it didn't work for my son. We would go through the torture of training, and then within a week something would screw it up. A cold, a trip to grandma's, a time change...I can't even remember what the disruptions were. We were willing to use Ferber once, but when it seemed like ignoring our baby's cries was going to be a way of life, we gave it up and waited for him to outgrow his sleep issues, which he did not do until age 2.5.

Now that I know him a little better, I think we did the right thing. At age 7, we have our best conversations late in the evening while he's falling asleep. I think he does most of his emotional processing at that time, and I'm glad to be there for that. If he needs to talk or to cry or to work something out, that's when it happens.

We found that our little guy would cry, waiting for us to come in. He figured out the 5 10 and 15 minutes thing pretty fast. We found we had better luck with Weissbluth's just put him down and don't check on him. Within a few nights, he got the idea and would cry after we put him in his bed, then stop 1-2 minutes after we left him and actually go to sleep.

Try one of those noise machines that makes a sound like a beating heart.

Have you tried swaddling (although maybe he is a bit big for it now). I think the security of being wrapped up helped our son learn to put himself to sleep

E.

Hi there,

We tried Ferberizing our daughter and it worked at night pretty quickly, but after three weeks (yes, THREE weeks, I still feel like an awful mother for trying that long) it never worked for naps. I couldn't stomach doing it again after she got sick the first time, so we didn't let her cry it out again. Some nights she sleeps well, others not, but when she doesn't we usually realize later that she was teething or not feeling well, or just having a bad day. We're trying some of Elizabeth Pantley's techniques now and she slept for 9 hours last night! Her suggestions really help in getting our little one to fall asleep on her own.

www.pantley.com/elizabeth/

Good luck! It is SO hard when you are sleep deprived and not understanding why your little one won't just sleep! But like Jill H wrote, this too shall pass. They'll be all grown up before we know it and we'll look back at these days of rocking and soothing and miss them!

H.

Some babies just need more time and contact with their Mommies. My baby is now 7 months and also used to only do 20 minutes unless being held. But she grew out of that and now sleeps 30 minutes to 2 hours for naps in her crib. However, she sleeps with me at night - through the night (with one or two feedings that I barely remember in the morning). I don't believe in CIO and it seems you may not believe in co-sleeping. But, thought I'd throw it out there as an option since mothers don't get enough support for this alternative that's common in the rest of the world. Good luck!

Put him in bed with you---you will be happier and rested!!

K. B

Hi T.,

Babies are such a blessing! It is hard when you are trying to get them on a schedule. I found when my boys were that age that if I bathed them, then feed them right before bed they slept longer. Both of my boys loved to be rocked! I think I rocked for at least 5 years between the two of them! The best thing you can try to do is get your baby on a schedule! It is hard as most babies have their days and nights mixed up since birth! My youngest never slept through the night until he started kindergarden! I never wanted to listen to my mother or my aunt when the advised me to but them on a schedule but later I found they were so right! Rocking your baby will be something you chearish when they are older! My boys are now 23 and 20! Do what works for you! You will find that ever one has an answer but it may not be the right answer for you!
Also check out the matress in the crib, if it is not comfortable that me be one reason why your baby wakes up so much! Take the matress out of the crib and lay on it, see if it is comfortable for you! If not then buy a comfortable matress pad! Good luck to you, I hope all works out so you can get some good sleep! Sleep was something I never got enough of until my boys were older! These are only a few sugestions but you also may want to try to keep your baby awake if your baby naps too much! You have your hands full with two, I know! Enjoy these years as they go by so fast!

Take care of you!
Warmly,
T. P

ok, so my little girl didnt start sleeping well until like 5 months ago (shes 17 months now) she was kind of the same way, wanted to fall asleep nursing, wanted to be held. As soon as i put her down she'd scream and want to be held again and we had to go through the whole process again. I did the ferber method (going in every 3,6,9,12, etc. ) it worked great for me, yeah its so sad hearing them cry, but worth it for the whole family when they sleep. Also babies like routine, do you have a routine set for him? For us we get all dressed for bed, i nurse her, we read a book, we have this little light up music player so i turn that on, i stand and hold her for awhile and sway and then put her down to bed. Just what we do, u need to find something that works for your family. GOOD LUCK AND HANG IN THERE!!