Getting a 19 Month Old to Sleep

I did not have any advice but I have to see the responses, as I am 6 months pregnant and I went through this with my now 12 year old

Hi B.! Don't be embarrassed about how you put her to sleep. My son is 25 months and I have to rock him or pat his back EVERY nap and night time!! We have had the same routine for a year now and I have also tried to let him fall alseep on his own and own EVERY book out there but he cries and I won't allow that. In due time they won't want us there anymore and we will be glad for the "quiet" times together:)

Good luck and just remember to always do what is best for you!!!

I think it's great you're trying to figure out something now, before your second child is born (when you get pregnant.) What you have going on now is not a bad arrangement while your pregnant, it would "force" you to rest more, just lie on your left side when you lay down with your daughter. If you really want to nip it in the bud, you can start slowly decreasing the time you spend with her. She is old enough to start understanding that. Start telling her you will stay there and rub her back, read, or whatever for 30 min. The next day for 25, next for 20, etc. By the end of the week, you might be able to hover around 15 minutes. (But you've still gained 15 minutes twice a day.) I am not sure if the "cold turkey" system would work with this, where you just let her "cry it out" until she falls asleep. You can sort of incorporate both. Once you leave after the alloted time, and you hear the crying/screaming, tell her you'll be back to check on her in 3 minutes. Go back in 3 minutes, tell her she is OK, rub her back for a minute or less, then tell her you'll be back in 3 minutes to check on her. I do this with my 1 year old. He is now use to me giving him a bath, reading 2 or 3 books, then I put his lullaby music on, tuck him in and tell him I'll be "right back." Occasionally, he gets up and has a fit, but not like he use to. He understands what "right back" means, because I always go back if I say I will. He has even started saying to me "ri bak." What use to take up to an hour to get him to bed, now takes about 10 minutes. I go back into his room about 3 times total. If that doesn't work, try reading to her then tell her she can stay up for a few minutes and read herself. If my son doesn't seem totally tired, I leave about 3 books in his crib when I leave. He looks at them and it's a nice little quiet time for him to wind down. One last trick I have is to buy a special night light that only goes on when it's time to sleep. I bought one of those little fake fish aquariums. It will even light up in the daytime. He now associates that with sleep (along with his lullaby CD,) so every time I turn it on, he knows he's supposed to go to bed. It worked much faster than I imagined. It's also very soothing.

Hi B.,

Yes, I think your only two choices are to continue with your time-consuming routine, or let her cry it out for a few days. Going for the cry method at this age is going to be tough because it will be so new to her, so I would suggest you get some earplugs for yourself. Seriously. If you try it, it might take up to a week for her to get used to putting herself to sleep, but she will eventually. I did the same thing with my first son & it was tough, so when my second son came along, I made sure to put him to bed awake for every nap & at bedtime from day one & he has never had a problem getting himself to sleep.

C. : )

Two words: Ferber Method. Here is a good link:

http://www.keepkidshealthy.com/parenting_tips/sleep/index...

I have 3 boys - ages 13, 11 and 2, and I used this method with all 3 of them, esp. the oldest who I had inadvertently "trained" to nurse in the middle of the night around 5-months-old! I have subsequently passed along this information to ALL of my friends with kids, and they all come back and thank me and hug me saying how shocked they were that it worked! A warning...it will seem to be getting worse before it gets better. A couple of tips...Do not make the intervals exactly 5 minutes apart. Vary it up or down by a few minutes as you space out the time. Instead of 5, 10, 15, 20 minutes, etc. I did 5, 9, 15, 21, 30, etc. You won't believe our babies' internal time clocks and how they predict down to the minute when you will come back! Also, I would recommend turning off the monitor, and literally going downstairs or into the garage or wherever you can't hear the screaming and read several pages of your novel or magazine or watch TV with your timer set. This way the time will pass faster for you, and you won't have the stress of listening to the constant crying.

What you have done is trained your child to need you to go to sleep. It will be tough and seem cruel in the interim as you re-train your baby, but think about how healthy it will be in the long run.

When you decide to go for it, you must commit 100%. Each time you give in, you will have to start ALL OVER with letting her cry! Think of the real favor you are doing for her. When you go in between the crying intervals, DO NOT PICK HER UP. And only spend about one minute or less with her. Tell her you love her and that's it's time to sleep and that you are there for her. Tell her night night and give her a kiss and then walk out without lingering or looking back.

I wish you the best!

Hi B.,
There are two options that you can try:
1. letting her cry. She needs to learn how to self soothe and this may be the only way. It is HARD to hear your baby cry. However, at this age she knows you are going to pick het up if she cries long enough. Please do not let her cry for over an hour, at that point it is ineffective. Now my daughter cries if I am in the room, once I walk out she may cry for a minute or two then goes to sleep. If you are worried about leaving scars with the whole crying situation, your daughter will not be scared for life!
2. telling her you will only lay with her for x amount of minutes then putting her in her bed and walking out, then move to the door for x amount of minutes and so on. Your daughter might be old enough for this concept.
I have a feeling you know how important sleep is to a child and I don't think you want to this sleep pattern when your daughter is in elementary school. So, bite the bullet and change the pattern now.
GL!

I had the same problem with my son, who just turned two. I would have to lay with him in my bed until he fell asleep and then move him to his crib and this could take up to an hour and half every night. Finally, I realized that was taking too long so I started putting him in his crib at bed time and sitting on the floor next to him, holding his hand thru the bars, I did that for about 2 weeks. Then the next week, I put him in his crib and sat next to it but didn't hold his hand. Then the next week, I put him in his crib and sat on the floor but moved farther away. Then the next week, I put him in his crib and stood by the door so he could still see me. And finally, I just put him in his crib and walked out of the room, leaving a night light on. Some nights he would cry but I would let him cry for 15 minutes before I would go into the room and by then he usually just fell asleep. I know it's hard to let them cry but I'm so glad now that I did. Bed time is a breeze now, and there is no more crying. I hope this helps- good luck.
-H.

I am sorry to tell you but yes letting her cry is probably your only choice.

I let both my girls cry them selves to sleep pretty much from day one. Now both fall asleep all on their own and sleep through the night and they always have since 2 months old.
I know it is hard but just remeber you are doing what is best for her and your self.
Good luck.

B., my son is currently 16 months and going through the same thing. I started out by putting him in his crib and sitting in a chair next to it. I let him cry and softly just read a book....eventually he hears my voice and stops crying to try to hear what im saying. I sat close to his crib for the first 3 nights and after the book is finished and he is starting to relax i leave the room. if he cries (which he did the first week) i start out by letting him cry for 5 mins the first night and then go up by 2 minutes more everynight as it goes on. after those minutes are up i go back into the room, and start reading again....it has become a habit for your daughter and my son to not go directly into their bed. so now you have to break that habit and start a new one. Its hard letting him cry, but every night i let it go a little longer, and he is starting to realize he isnt getting anywhere with me when he screams. its stressful, but its getting better for me....maybe this will work for you? just be sure to be consistant with her and keep at it for about 2 weeks and im hoping you'll see the same change i did. GOOD LUCK!!

Hi B.!

My advice is to let her cry. It may take a few days of crying, but she will get the hang of it. I know it may sound harsh and difficult to do - and I know it's not easy to listen to your child wail and scream, but honestly, Arianna will be fine. She shows that she can already sleep long stretches, naps and night time ... You've created a habit and now you have to break it - the sooner the better. =)

I used guidance from Babywise and some other book on Sleep training (can't remember the title right now) ... I didn't do everything by the book, but took the information and worked with it ... My first child - I started out with bad habits ... I co-slept and nursed her all night long, I also did lay on the floor in her room, etc. ... Finally though I couldn't function w/o sleep and at about 6 months I built up my resolve and let her cry to sleep ... I knew she was fine in her crib but still it was hard ... She cried for maybe an hour the first night ... but then she slept ALL NIGHT LONG, no waking, nothing, for 12 HOURS! next night, she barely cried and slept the same stretch, but the 3d night, hardly a wimper ... Now I know your dd is older so it'll be more difficult ... but I say stick with it! My second daughter was trained to sleep very early on and she started sleeping through the night w/o a fuss at about 3/4 months ...

Good luck!

My daughter is 2 1/2 and am doing the same thing. I read to her and I lay with her until she falls asleep. When she was 19 months and younger she was a screamer and I tried really hard to do the cry it out thing and it just did not work for me. Since I am still putting her down and "cuddling" until she falls asleep, nothing else has worked either. Now that she is older, I only have to lay with her for usually no more than 15 minutes so I do not considerate a huge sacrifice. She is getting better, so I am hoping she will grow out of it on her own. Good Luck!

I had to do this with my son when we got back from visiting home for a month. What I did was I put him in the crib and layed on the floor till he went to sleep. Then every night I moved further and further from the crib. But sometimes you do have to just let them cry and be mad for a while. It's hard for you but she'll be fine. Hope this helps!

I feel for you B.! This is something most parents have to make a tough decision about. I personally am not fan of the "cry it out" method. Our children spend thier first few months learning to trust us and becoming secure with the fact that we are always there for them. How devastating it must be for the little ones who are forced to come to the realization that mommy and daddy aren't there at nighttime anymore! I would look into books by Dr. Sears. He has wonderful, loving suggestions for getting the kiddo to sleep. All five of his children are happy, successful doctors or nurses with their own families. He must have done something right! Good luck! Do what feels right for you and your baby.

I think any of us that don't use the cry it out routine end up with some sort of crutch in this area. I would maybe try to bargain with her. Offer her an incentive if she goes to sleep without crying. I do this with my oldest, and it works ... sometimes. There are times though when he just wants comfort, but he exchanges comfort for his incentive. For us, the incentive always changes.
And I agree with what was said by someone else about enjoying this time now. Soon, our babies will be all grown, and will be embarrased by the thought of us sitting in with them. :)
Good luck!

Dear B.,

Yes, you have to bite the bullet, and now. This is a time when babies and almost two year olds need to learn rules of the game of life. They are not the rulers and monarchs, you and Dad are the rule makers of her world, and it will be a hard lesson this 'late', but it is a necessary one. It will not hurt her to cry for a few, (or many) nap times and nights and it will help her learn how to drift off to sleep just like all human beings do.

It is important that you and Dad have a good talk about this new way of bed time for your daughter so that you can be supportive to each other, and work together. She will know that from your actions and it will be easier the rest of your life with her. I know, I am starting to sound like a know it all. Sorry, but it is true. I did it too, and it certainly helped my relationship with my son. He started this not wanting to sleep thingy about 12 months or something like that, he was pretty big. ...and by instructions from the doctor, I let him cry - the first time was for 4 hours. Yes, it is true. Those were the days of ironing clothes, and I spent that time ironing and listening to his sobbing and screaming. He finally learned to go to sleep on his own, but it took several days of those crying times.

Life gets lots harder later on, so you might as well get this one settled now.

Good luck on the new baby.

Sincerely, C. N.

My son did the same thing so what we did was we got him a toddler bed. After that he loved going to bed. Now that he is three he puts himself to bed. Its great. I have a daughter who is 11 months and I made sure that I would not have to go though the same thing. I hope this helps you. Always A.

It will be very hard but you are going to have to let her cry it out. I went through a similar thing with my daughter. I chose a night when my husband nor I had to get up next morning and it took about 2 hours of her crying off and on but finally she went to sleep. As long as you know it's not a hungry or need changing cry, just know that in the end she will be much healthier if she falls asleep alone. Especially if you're trying to have another.
God Bless

Hi, I know this is not a popular opinion, but I still go to sleep with my daughter and she is 5. The thing is our whole family has had plenty of sleep and *no fights* at bedtime since she was 5 weeks old. I know the ultimate goal for bedtime to send the child to his/her room and they would fall asleep by themselves, but even those that did the 'cry it out' method at 1 year or whatever, still have to deal with kids that get out of bed during the night.

I know the 30 minutes to fall asleep is a pain, but I've noticed that Rachel's routine changes every few months. You may be lying down for 30 minutes now, but it may change next year and you won't have to do it anymore. Besides what mother can't use a 30 minute nap? :-)

I feel if your daughter is sleeping well that is more than alot of parents have. Of course, this is just my opinion, but I think you guys are doing fine.

I had done the same thing with my son. I would lay on the floor on a blanket with my hand in the toddler bed holding his hand. But it became to hard to get him to sleep it was mommy is here and now I can play. I had to put him in his bed lock his door closed and sit there and let him cry. I cryed the whole time I did this for 1 week and he finally understood. let them cry. if you think it is just a panic cry go in comfort but do not pick her up just hug her and kiss her and tell her it is bed time. then go out again. I know it will be hard. VERY VERY HARD but it is better for her in the long run.I have 2 kids and this has worked well for both . It was very hard when my daughter and son shared the same room I would let him sleep on the couch till she was asleep. basic rules for sucess.
1.Set a bed time.
2.Set a routine.
3.Make bedtime fun.
4.Stick to it
5.Reward her with praise. ( WOW you are such a big girl)
6.Reward yourself ( hot coco and a good book. )
Hope it helps Krissy