I have a 6 year old boy who will not poo in the potty unless he is told to and it's an hour long battel.. I have tried to get him to big boy underpants but he still poops them too. Right now i have him back in diapers (and pull ups for school). But even that doesnt' seem to make a difference. I even took his pants compleatly away and he pooped in a corner like a dog! also i have given him prizes for even the smallest poop. idk what to do. he's too big for a trainer toilet T(the one unit kind) and he wont use the large one I have tried the you are a big boy you can do it. but that doesnt work he sits on the floor a poops his pants,,, any ideas?
Have you tried to put him on the toilet 15 minutes after he eats and let him sit for awhile until he gets tired of it. He is old enough to know better. Has he gone through any dramatic changes that is effecting the way he feels. Find the root of the problem and help him to release his pain.
Good luck.
N. Marie
when you say trainer toilet do you mean one whole unit that goes on the floor or a smaller seat you put on top of the big toilet? My ex's son had an extremely hard time pooping. Sometimes its a control thing... thats something he can control so he will. We took our boy shopping and had him pick out a smaller seat to go on the toilet. Then we bought him books that had to do with pooping and peeing and put them in a basket in the bathroom. After he even tried to go poop we applauded him and praised him and that got him wanting to try more. Pretty soon he would sit in there for about 15 minutes to half an hour looking at his books and pooping. We stuck away from trying to make him go and instead told him, youre a big boy now, when you have to poop you know where the bathroom is and you can call us if you need help. Not trying to force him to go made a huge difference... hope you get this figured out!
Just my initial impression of the picture you've presented- You're turning his pooping into a power struggle. You're trying to control his toilet behavior and he is outright rebelling. As parents we need to be very selective in the battles we choose to wage with our children. Often times we get caught up in power struggles that endlessly backfire because we, as parents, can't disengage long enough to trust our children to do the right things. Trust isn't borne overnight- we should know this- and we should give them time to come around to "proper" ways. Children, when treated proper, desire to please us and to gain independence.
Never make using the toilet a battle. It is a fight you will lose. You should check with his pediatrician, of course, to eliminate medical reasons for his behavior. But, I think what is most effective is patience, kindness, and positivity. It will take time to get him on track, provided there is no underlying medical issue, so you must be patient and kind. Negative reinforcement of any kind can cause serious issues with his toilet confidence, and also cause confusion.
It may be possible he passed a large painful stool earlier in his potty training days. My brother had that fear, and it turned into a fear of a monster in the toilet that "hurt his butt"........ Also, if he's had any accidents at school the other children teasing him would simply deepen his resolve to not replicate the incident that got him teased. As the previous poster noted: it could be a control issue too- children have very little control over their lives and control issues tend to manifest themselves in toilet issues and food issues. If it is a control issue the very best thing you can do is back off and give him some space to arrive at the decision to use the toilet on his own. Let him know where the toilet is, where the paper is, and that you are right down the way should he need any assistance while using the toilet. Leave it at that, and let him choose for himself how he wants to deal with his poops.
On a side note- if you use a warm cloth to wipe his butt- he may actually enjoy it. Start using a cold cloth, or wiping him (forgive the pun) half-assed so he starts to feel uncomfortable from the remnants on his skin causing "itching"....... Oh- if you are a warm cloth mamma- don't use the change in cloth temp as a ploy for power. He'll just poop and not look to be cleaned up.....
Good luck.
Two options-
One would be to call a total truce for 1-2 months. Tell him he is a big boy now and he can use the potty when he is ready. Use pull-ups for school and either pull-ups or big boy pants at home, but don't even mention the potty during that time. There is a good chance he will decide to do it on his own if he feels he has control of the situation. Right now it's a power struggle that he can control and you can't win.
If that doesn't work I would consider a few sessions with a child psychologist for some other strategies. After reading other postings that he is also hitting and that you have another son who requires extra attention I'm even more concerned that the psychologist might be in order. There is evidence that the healthy sibling of a special needs child often feels neglected and may act out in some way to get extra attention.
I'm a pediatrician and father of 3 and grandfather of 2.
Good luck.
Looking at your other post, I think you have a much larger problem. If he is hitting and kicking you and harming your younger son it is time to get some assistance. You said you called 'some of the hotlines', but I would go straight to your ped and give him/her the whole picture. Also, if his schoold district has a counselor, get them involved as well. He is headed down a dangerous path. His ADHD should not cause this or the violence he has exhibited. You say your younger son has Autism so I am assuming that he receives some sort of services. Ask them. Keep asking for help. Call social services if you have to, but don't give up! You need help getting him on the right track!
Be brave and don't stop asking for help until you get some.
Is there anything you can think of that is important enough to him that you can use for "bribery"? I know bribery isn't a very nice word to use for it, but that's just what we're doing when we try to give an incentive. We are training a nearly 4 yo and have thought we were fighting a losing battle. I finally realized that about the only thing I had that I thought might be a good incentive was water play on a hot day. So I've told him that in order to get into the wading pool, he has to first go poo in the toilet, because we can't have him pooing his diaper in the pool. He sometimes strains out just a little bit, but we let that count. I know that our bodies don't always produce just when it's convenient for us, so give him credit for the effort. What we're finding is that now when his body is ready, he tends to get to the potty on his own and is starting to show pride rather than resistance.
Most importantly be thankful that he's pooping and not holding it in and getting impackted .....that's a whole nother more serious problem.
Maybe get him his own porta-potty and ask him where he would like it placed so he can go in private, let him put it where ever he wants even if its outside in the dog house or the pantry or whatever. I'm sure the phaze will pass eventually, but like I said before, at least he's going. It does sound like it's more for attention than anything else. I agree with making it more uncomfortable for him after he goes in his pants. Make him stop what he's doing and take an entire bath or something that would make the outcome less than fun for him, you should know what that is. It is summer time, maybe taking him out in the back yard and hosing him down with cold water would do the trick. Continually bugging him during the day about going poop might be part of the problem, just ignore it and when he does use the real potty praise him. When he does it in his pants dont say a single word, just do the clean up in complete silence, sometimes just the look of a quiet mother's face is enough to let them know they've disappointed you. Kids love attention and will do whatever they can to recieve it, positive or negative. If he gets ZERO attention for not doing it right, he will begin to crave attention for doing it right.
Good luck and trust me, this will eventually end and will be a brief memory that you can embarass him with later on when he gets older.
R.,
My mom told me this story when I was training my son. (I used this method and it eventually worked.) After your son goes in whatever place, pants, corner, etc. he wants, make him clean it up. My mom told me that when she was training my brother, she made him wash his underwear in the toilet. She told him that SHE was tired of cleaning up after him and that if he didn't want to go like a big boy, he would have to clean everything up, including his clothes. It worked with him.
With my son, it didn't happen that fast. It took a while because he liked it. But, eventually he hated sticking his hands in the toilet and he decided that he would just sit on the toilet instead.
While he was washing his underwear, I would tell him that he had to get them really clean. No praise after he cleaned them!! When he went on the tiolet, he got a lot of praise. (He really like that.) We also told him that her could have 5 M&M's if he went on the toilet. He just turned 5 and we haven't had any problems for over 2 years!
Another thing. Stop buying pull ups. Make him use real underwear - buy him some with characters that he likes on them.
Hope this helps! Good luck.
