Giving Sleep-training a try...seeking Advice for What to expect...I'm Nervous!

Good for you for doing it! I would never ask that question on here cause so many moms are against it....you are brave. My husband and I tried everything else and like you we were all unhappy. Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do! You go girl!!

Personally, I have never let me kids cry anything out...so here's what you might try, based on my 3 kids and that none of them are the same and neither were their sleep habits.

I give my kids and babies starting at about 6 months extra calcium. I use a liquid calcium for adults, but give 1/2 teaspoon at night and within a few nights, they sleep better. calcium is a natural nervous system relaxant and they need more as during growth spurts - big and small.

One of my sons only took 1 nap since a 1 month old....and he's great, but WAY harder than the other 2. He wouldn't go to bed at the 7pm bedtime. He couldn't fall alseep until 8 or 9pm....but guess what he is a late riser....at about 8am. This is my husbadn for certain. My first son sleeps from 7pm-6am....and if he goes to bed at 10pm (due to traveling ,etc), he still wakes at 6am. Not #2. He could stay up all day and not fall asleep until late. We also found that if he was touching one of us at night, he slept perfectly....ok...fine with me.

The other thing, we take our kids to a chiropractor and man, they sleep so well. We can tell when they need another adjustment when they aren't sleeping soundly and when #2 wets the bed, we know it's time for another adjustment....it's really amazing. We only go to the chiro about once a month (sometimes longer on average).

Good luck....but listen to your own mothering intuition...it's NEVER wrong.

I absolutely think the teething is playing a big role in the problems (unfortunately you have a lot more teeth to go!). I have an 8.5mo old who is doing the same thing. Based on experience from my first child (who was a HORRIBLE sleeper), I'm just letting this ride until the teeth come through. My baby rarely cries, so when he does at night I know something is really bothering him. He is also getting nightmares (eyes stay shut as he screams/kicks/pushes away, then all the sudden is asleep again), so all I can do is hold him so he knows I'm there.

My first child cried a lot, slept horrible at night, and I struggled to get him to take even a 30min nap. Once he got moving (crawling/walking/talking) things got better and better until (all on his own), we was sleeping through the night at 15mo. He was a dream for a year, night and nap - but it has all started again with the move to the big bed. I feel comfortable now letting him cry it out after I've given him sufficient comfort, because he is old enough to understand that his job at night is to sleep and he can't stay up and play until all hours. I just can't believe that my 8month old can understand why I would let him cry it out, so for the time being I'm just going to wait it out! Good luck!

I thought I could ignore the anti CIO method responses until TA decided to say it has been "proven" to cause brain damage. CIO for sleep training is ENTIRELY different from allowing a child to scream unattended for hours/days at a time. Give me a break. I have 4 children and have never had to resort to CIO....however, I do believe that there is nothing wrong with allowing the baby to cry for a bit before going into soothe. Try the gentler CIO approach and go in there every 5-10 minutes and soothe the baby without picking her up...just lets her know you are there but will not be getting her out of the crib. If you are worried that teething will interfere, give her some Motrin at bedtime to keep her comfortable thru the night. Your baby will not be permanently damaged by having to cry a little...she WILL learn to be a demanding, impatient, have to have it my way child if you give in to every demand...think of it this way....when she is older will you let her have ice cream or candy every time she screams and cries about not having it? Is that cruel and mean and telling her that her mother doesn't love her because you are saying "NO" and not meeting her need to have sweets? Will she be brain damaged b/c you didn't give in to her crying and wailing about the Barbie she saw at the store and wanted? Teaching a baby that their every whim is not going to be met is never cruel unless you are ignoring them completely. Yes, my analagy above is a bit silly....sleep habits are not the same as ice cream and Barbies...however, sometimes I think we need to put things into a different perspective in order to see the situation more clearly.

Hi C.,

Oh, the hot debate! I always tell moms - you have to do what works for YOU and YOUR FAMILY. But if what you are doing isn't working for everyone, you have to try to change it so that it does...and it sounds like this is the boat you are in.

I totally agree with one of the posters below (I think it was Michelle), that YES when your baby is crying, she is trying to tell you something, but sometimes that "something" is that she is tired. We definitely found that to be true with our daughter. I will briefly share our experience.

We did have a pretty good sleeper from the beginning - she started sleeping for 8 hour stretches at night at like 8 weeks, so we never had to let her CIO in the midde of the night. We rocked her to sleep for naps and nighttime until she was 5.5 months. At about 4 months, she started waking during the night (she was still in our room in a bassinet), usually didn't want to eat, but had trouble falling back to sleep. Finally at 5.5 mo, it was taking over an hour, sometimes two for her to fall asleep at night, and it didn't work anymore. So, we did a Ferber-ish CIO...meaning we put her down after our full routine, and if she didn't cry, nothing happened, and if she did, we went in at intervals to check on her. Night #1, she cried for an hour, and finally on one of the checks, my hubby picked her up (she fell asleep in hi arms in 30 sec.). Night #2 - 45 minutes, then to sleep on her own. Night #3 - no crying at all, right to sleep. Naps were harder. We followed the nap schedule in "Healthy Sleep Habits". We put her down and did the same "interval check", but if she hadn't gone to sleep after an hour, we'd get her up and KEEP HER AWAKE until the next sleep time. It took about a week, then there was a week or 2 where it was great, then a rough week, then everything started to get more consistent. She still had the occasional rough nap (where she'd decide to play instead of sleep), but overall, things improved a lot.

It is really hard to make the right choices sometimes. You have to go with your gut and what you know is best for your child's health and your marriage. For some families, the family bed is the solution. For some, CIO is the solution. With your husband, decide what you are going to try...and remember, if it doesn't work, you can always change it!! Don't be guilted into anything by either side of this debate...only you are in your house and know how your family will function best.

Blessings! Please feel free to email me if you want to chat more.

R. G.

Hi C.. I don't have any kids yet - I'm due next month, but.... my friends have a wonderful 26 month old who sleeps through the night and has been since he was about 6-8 months old. She swears by the "Baby Wise" method. The book reads like a textbook but, this little man has been on a schedule for well over 2 years and it really shows. Apparently, it's all about routine, routine, routine. And, never let the baby sleep with you. My sister-in-law did that "just once" and it turned into years! I hope this helps. Good Luck. A.

A lot of people will tell you not to do cry it out, but for us, it was the best thing we ever did, and was a miracle. I did it with both kids, and they are now older, normal, happy, and no worse for the wear! They are both girls, one was 5 mos. and one was 6 mos. when we did it. With my frist, it took her hours to rock her to sleep, also in the middle of the night. (By the way the doctor even recommended doing this.) So, the first night we put her in her crib in her own room (she never really slept with us, except when a newborn, because I'm a light sleeper.) She cried for 1/2 hour, then went to sleep. I didn't go in at all. In the middle of the night, she only woke once, cried for just about 30 seconds, and put herself back to sleep. Next night, only cried for about 5 seconds, then she must have remembered the night before, and then she went to sleep! From that point on, always went to sleep on her own. So she only took one night. My second baby, almost the exact same thing. I think the longer you wait, the more she'll cry. I highly recommend it! It's hard, but so worth it. Some babies take longer, but stick to it. Good luck!

I am a firm believer that there is no such thing as sleep training. Why? I tried them all and followed every suggestion, recommendation, hint, etc that anyone ever gave me or that I read in any of those crackpot books.

First of all, I TOTALLY agree with the mothers who say that letting your child CIO is cruel because that is their ONLY way of communicating their needs, especially as young as your child is. Put yourself in her shoes... she's been here for only 7 months, can't speak, walk, or do much of anything by herself. How scary would that be?

Second of all, my son was a HORRIBLE sleeper. There were times when I was up and down 8 times a night! I feel your pain and your sleep deprivation. I also know how hard it was to look at my son who, at less than a year, had bags under his eyes because he too was super tired. He is very active and wants to remain that way... even at night. Like I said... I tried them all. And after 2 weeks (per ideology) of stayed attempts at each one... I gave them all up and started going with my guy about my son. I knew there was something wrong.

There was once a post on here about restless leg syndrome in a young child... my son had that! I didn't know it at the time... I thought him jerking his legs around was simply his way of trying to comfort himself. But he would wake up to it. I slept on the floor of his room one night and couldn't fall asleep myself because of all the tossing and turning and kicking he was doing! So I jumped on my horse, figuratively speaking, and researched what caused it. I also got him in to see our Chiropractor. Even though I have a masters in Holistic Nutrition... she's been doing that for over 20 years.. so I consult her on everything I do, especially with my son. So we devised a plan to treat the mineral deficiency, iron deficiency and then supplement with a liquid calcium and magnesium at night before bed.
I also adjusted his bedtime. At that age I was putting him down around 6:30 and sometimes he would wake up super early, but most times he was up around 6... no he didn't sleep straight through as I mentioned before, but he was getting more total sleep than when I was putting him to bed later. Seems odd to me, but I think I was putting him down before he got too tired.
My son will be 2 in January and we are just now sleeping through the night. Each child has their own natural body rhythms and as parents it's not up to us to try to force the child on to our schedule. It's a learned and natural process that happens with growth, maturity, age... however you want to say it. I think that there are children who learn to cope with being left unattended and not having their cries heard. There are also different cries and if you know how to distinguish between those then you will have an easier time. My son fusses a lot, but if he cries I am right there... something is wrong. I don't go in immediately to him should he wake, but they can have bad dreams too (Although I am not sure if 7 months is too young for that or not).
I'm on the other side of what you are living right now and it DOES get better. I am starting to look and feel like myself again.. it does take a while to get back to what you were feeling pre-pregnancy, but it does happen as well.
If you are in the glendora area I'd be happy to refer you to a good chiroprctor

The process recommended in healthy sleep habits works! Follow to a "T"!! It will feel horrible for you- but after 3 days you will see the light. When I did it with my daughter- she was 10 months. Night one- she cried for an hour and a half...night two- 20 minutes- night three - less than 10 minutes.....once you establish structure you will be able to be flexible- but sructure first! Also follow it for naps - it really works!

When your baby cries it is because she is trying to *tell* you something. How would you feel if you were trying to ask for one of your needs to be met, or tell someone something, and they just walked away and left you alone and ignored your pleas? Letting a baby cry it out teaches them that they cannot trust the most important people in their lives.

I try to be understanding of the fact that everyone has different parenting styles, however letting a baby scream for hours is very, very cruel. It's also been proven to cause brain damage.

There are a lot of aspects of parenting that we didn't sign up for, but we're in it for the long haul and need to take care of our children, not ignore them. It's not always easy - and sometimes downright painful - but it's our job. Babies and children are human beings, with R. needs and feelings - they deserve to be treated with respect.

I read several books on sleep issues (Healthy Sleep Habits, Ferber, NoCry Sleep Solution etc.) and in the end went with The SleepEasy Solution (www.sleepyplanet.com) It is very similar to Ferber's "Cry It Out" but written by two mothers who just help with the mother's emotional side of it a bit more. No-one likes to hear their baby cry, but as they said, learning a new skill is hard for anyone, and learning to go to sleep by yourself is such a valuable one. Their DVD was great.

Whereas Healthy Sleep Habits says don't go in to your crying child at all, they suggest going in every 5, then 10, then 15 minutes briefly (30 seconds max., no touching the child) to tell the child it is time to sleep. It took my 8 month-old son 40 minutes the first night, 15 minutes the second night, and 4 minutes the third night. He now always puts himself to sleep and sleeps through the night, unless he is sick or teething. Now when he wakes up in the night I know it is for a reason and obviously attend to him straight away. Learning to sleep himself naturally carried over to his naps. (By the way, one friend had to do Healthy Habits style sleep training as nothing else worked and her moody, tired son changed so much. He's now such a happy boy during the day because he is sleeping well at night!)

Wait until your child has a lull in teething before you do sleep training. Any child in physical pain needs comfort. Sleep training should be done when your child is well.

"Cry it out" only works for night, not nap. Do it at night only. Don't 'try it' do it, otherwise it won't work. You have to be consistent no matter how hard it is. Personally I think 7m is too early to do it, but that's up to you. Usually I think it's better around 9m, however, I've also heard the longer you wait, the harder it is. When we did it w/my son he cried 38min the first night, then 2nd it was 8min. However some friends it has been hours, be prepared and stick to it, it does work if it's consistent. They will always be cutting a tooth or something so just choose a night and start.

We're just finishing up our second round of sleep training. At six months we cut out all of our daughter's middle of the night feeds except for a four am. We got her to sleep 7 pm to 6:30 am with the 4 am feed. We've now, at 9 months, removed the 4 am feed. She sleeps from 8 to 5 or 6. She only naps twice a day for half an hour. Everyone is different, but my advice to you would be to focus on the night sleep first and really nail it. Pick up the slack and adjust with naps. We did the cry it out method. It's difficult, but ultimately we found it was much, much better for HER if we were hardcore and consistent. If you give in one night, it sets you back. Don't do it! The first round of sleep training we followed Ferber and would go in at 5 minutes then 10 then 15. The second round, we started right off with cry it out and we NEVER went in. It upset her more if we came in even if we changed her and she was dirty. It was always best to leave her alone. This seems true the older she gets too. I wish we had gone ahead and gotten rid of the 4 am feeding earlier. Oh, the other HUGE thing is that she needs to learn how to FALL ASLEEP ON HER OWN. If you nurse her to sleep or rock her to sleep, when she wakes up and you're not there, it's going to be much harder for her than falling asleep on her own (even if she has to cry for five to thirty minutes to do so). The second round we eliminated her sound machine but added a night light. Assuming your child is healthy, there should be no reason why she needs you during the night. Good luck! Let us know how it goes.

Every time you go to her and comfot her she is rewarded for her behavior. Make sure she is not in pain or discomfort then tell her she has to go to sleep now, then leave the room and if possible have a viedeo camera on her to see that she is alright, then let her alone. She must learn to put herself to sleep. Even if she cries for hours, Time her, and each night she will cry a little less before she stops. That will give you hope. But don't act annoyed with her act very loving but firm.

I had a similar problem with my 14-month-old. I brought it up to my doctor and he said flat out, "She's manipulating you." He recommended the procedures in Healthy Sleep Habits. I have been successful with it for a few weeks now. Here's what I did:
1. First, keep whatever routine you have for calming her and getting her ready for bed. For us, it's a bath, then some cuddling, then some warm milk. Keep it consistent!
2. Put her down when she is getting sleepy - not totally asleep. After that, and this is important, she must not come out of the crib again until morning. No picking up, no extra bottle, no diaper changes. This is it.
3. You can stand by her crib, sit in her room, rub her back or tummy, whatever you need to keep her calm. I rub her back and say "Shh, it's ok. I love you." for about a minute. Then leave the room.
4. She may cry. She may scream. Let her go for about 5 minutes. Then go in, lay her back down, rub her back or tummy and comfort her until her eyes start to close again. Then leave the room.
5. She may cry (again). She may scream (again). This time, let her go for about 10 minutes. IT WILL BE VERY TOUGH. But you are doing this because you love her and you both need to sleep to be happy in the morning. After 10, go in, comfort her for a minute, then leave the room.
6. Continue checking every 10 minutes, if it comes down to that. Mine did not. I checked in after 5, then 10, and when I left the room at that point, she whimpered for about 2-3 minutes, then slept through the night. I woke her up in the morning when my husband and I had to leave for work.
Be strong. You can do this.
Happy Mommy-ing,
C.

Hi C.,

This is just a thought, try making her as comfortable as possible when you put her to sleep. Clothes make sure it's all 100% cotton, make sure it is very dark in the room she is sleeping in, make sure she's not too hot or too cold and last make sure her belly is nice and full. My son can't sleep if he's not comfortable that's why I suggest this.
when he was a lil bity guy he would do the whole fifteen minute cat naps and now that he's 18 months, I am just starting to figure him out a little bit I am happy to say 90% percent of the time he takes a 3 hour nap and sleeps about 10 hours at night. Rested baby = happy mommy = ) Good luck to you guys, don't worry it will all work out.

Sorry one more thing, I just discovered this article written by Dr. Sears and for me personally it explained so much but I am not sure if this would apply to your baby.
https://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/T050400.asp

i'm an experienced mom and i teach moms for a living! the anxiety engendered by worrying about that first week or night is crazymaking. i had to have a glass of wine and to walk around the block the first time i did it, and that was after four months of giving myself worry and anxiety!! do you know what? he cried for 15 minutes and fell asleep --- and the rest of all of our lives changed. the few times since then he's had to cry or be left alone (um, he's 8 now) he always woke up happy -- it was like his stress reliever. its understandable to not want to hear your baby cry. but you and your husband and your kid won't believe how amazing it feels to all have had a good nights sleep -- and it will come almost immediately!!! :) good luck! make it a celebration!

just do what the book says! don't pick her up and don't worry about her teeth! you are a good mom and she will live and you will both be sooo happy and will have lots of great new times together...without exhaustion making you crazy!!!
xoxo

I was a live-out nanny and a preschool teacher for many years. I have worked with 1000s of parents throughout the years in regards to putting their kids down at night. I taught the CIO method. Statistically speaking, all (but 1) started putting themselves to sleep within a 3-day period. It is rough on you; especially on the first night. Every child is different and there is no what to say how long they may cry. Do the progressive method (longer time between visits). Do not pick them up, but pat them lovingly, use quiet words, then walk out. BE CONSISTANT!! Stick to your guns. If you fold, you need to start the process all over again.

As for the child feeling unloved (from another mom's response), I'm sure that you show love throughout the day. It will not perminently traumatize your child. They may not understand, but that feeling is short-lived. They will learn to put themselves down and then they will think nothing of it at sleep time after that. None of the children I have helped train have grown up to be a detriment to society because of this procedure. ;)

Be strong!!

I started the "cry it out" method at 7 months for my little girl too. She was having similar sleep issues as your little girl. She has been sleeping 12 hours at night and taking long naps for about a month now. It is wonderful!! The first time she cried it out, she cried for 30 minutes (at night) before going to sleep. The next night, 20 minutes. I've read you should not let them cry for more than an hour. It ended up taking 2 weeks to achieve these results but during that time we traveled twice and had a visit from Grandma so I expect it wouldn't take so long if you don't have such factors involved. Is she eating solids? It helps to ensure she is getting enough to eat during the day. Best of luck...it will be tough at first but once you see she can fall asleep on her own, you will be encouraged to keep doing it!

C.,

I understand your pain and conflict becuase I was there with our 13 month old son just two months ago. I had read all the books and tried every "gentle" approach to no avail. We were also co-sleeping and the only way I could get my son back to sleep in the middle of the night was to nurse him. To put him down to sleep required my husband walking him around in a dark room for 20 min or more. Although I loved breast feeding, I was ready and desperate for a change. Plus my son was nearly 24 pounds and our old routine was becoming physically difficult for my husband who has back problems. Finally I read Dr. Ferber's book - evethough before this I SWORE I would never do a "cry it out" (CIO)- in my mind it was so cruel etc as you have seen noted on the previous responders posts. But it was time to change! I have GOOD NEWS for you! Dr. Ferbers method of prgressive waiting worked like a DREAM!!! I followed it nearly exactly. The first night he cried for 30 min and then sat quietly for 20 min in his crib before falling asleep. The second night he cried for 20 min then sat quietly for 5 min. The third night he let out one cry and was asleep before I got back to the living room!!!! The Ferber approach really was not that bad at all and I felt a huge weight lifted from my shoulders that night!!! We have seen wonderful improvements for his naps at home and at daycare. I think he is actually relieved and happy that sleeping is now under his control instead of being something he relied on us to do for him. I do not have any experience with sleep training younger babies. I would strongly encourage you to purchase Dr. Ferbers book and read it several times. Then make a plan to give his method a try. Good luick!!!

i did this with my son and it worked very well. the first night i went in every 10 minutes and let him know i was there, i loved him, but it was time to sleep and he couldn't have up. it was hard to hear him cry but after 2 hrs. he fell asleep. the next night i went in every 15, then 20 the next night. after a few days he got the drift.alot of people will try to make you feel like you are doing somthing cruel and scaring by using cio but that is just not so. it teaches proper sleep habits, self soothing, and indipendence along with teaching them you can't always have your way. if he is sick i get up with him still and comfort him but then it takes a day or 2 to get back on track. as far as teething goes, if she is having a really horrible time with cutting teeth you may want to wait but honestly there will never be a perfect time to start. good luck!

I think there is not much that a parent can do to an infant that is more cruel than to allow them to "cry It out". The child has no other way of communicating it's needs for love, comfort, pain relief, hunger, irritable tummy, etc. By crying it out the only thing you are teaching your child is that it cannot count on you to respond to it's needs. Is that what you want "cried out" of your kid? I understand that it is a difficult time, and it seems unending, and the self-doubt is overwhelming, however, a few lost winks is a very small price to pay for the well being of your precious developing child. Your gut will tell you if you are doing the right thing. If you hear your baby cry and your gut doesn't tell you to go to it and pick it up, then, maybe this method is for you. As an alternative, I suggest slinging your baby during the day, so she is close to you, may get some much needed sleep, is comforted through her painful teething, and you can have some peace and quiet. At night, try a gentler approach, go to your child and comfort her when she needs you, in the long run, you will all sleep better, knowing that you fulfilled her needs, not just your own. I wish you luck in this trying time. It is all worth it.

Hi C.. Sounds like your daughter was very much like my son. He is smart, charasmatic and incredibly stubbon from day one!:) He never naturally took to a sleeping schedule despite very consistant attempts. We eventually decided to try progressive crying out (cry 3 mins, go in, cry 5 mins go in, etc). My sister and I tried this process 2 weeks apart, using exactly the same method (she has a boy 3 weeks older than mine). For her, the first night of crying lasted 45 mins, second night 30 mins, 3rd night 20 min, by the fourth night it was pretty much over. In contrast, it took us almost 1.5 weeks of very consistant work. Such is the nature of my wonderful and strong-willed son. My point is that the range of time can be huge. It is very difficult (I cried in my pillow and counted down the seconds every time until I coud go into him room between crying sessions), but the good news is that now he goes to bed much easier than a lot of my friend's children and is a happy, happy little guy (no residual mommy issues).

The only thing I might suggest is not doing it while he's cutting his teeth, for both his sake and yours. Good luck

Hi there,
I totally feel for you. I am there with my 9 mos old. She is my third so you would think I would know what to do, but I still feel a little lost! In any case, we just tried getting her down for her naps without nursing etc. and she cried a little but after 2 days it seems to be working. What is interesting is that she is suddenly sleeping better at night. I wish you luck. I know how exhausting it is. I just bought a shirt for myself that reads "sleep is for the weak". Just remember that this too will pass. Happy Holidays!

Hi there, First off, she will never cry for 10 hours...maybe and hour for the first day or 2. Everyday gets shorter and shorter and hopefully by a week or so, she should sleep through. It takes pacience and consistancy. Have a strict schedule for naps and bed time and you will see that children do much better with some kind of rutine.
I went through this with my little girl now 2 1/2 years old.
It was really hard letting her cry, but I knew she was fine and only wanted me to be next to her. They have to learn to put themselves to sleep. Now, when I put my daughter to sleep, I always leave her room while she is still awake (but very sleepy)I have a great on-line book if you want it. I know you said you already read a book, but this book I have really gave me the tools to fix her bad sleep habit.(that I basically created) You can email me at ____@____.com and I will send it to you. (I'll send it to anyone who might need it)
Just know that you are not alone. I went through so much with my daughter, and now she finally sleeps through the night. It's a wonderful feeling knowing that I helped fix the problems that I helped her create.
Take care and I hope I hear from you soon! Happy holiday's to you and your family.
M.

C.,

This is always a hotly debated issue, with many moms averse to CIO. Yes, your daughter's crying is communication, and right now that communication is telling you that she is EXHAUSTED! As you read in Healthy Sleep Habits, sleep is SO important to health ande development.

Each child and family's needs are different and no one can tell you if CIO is right for you. I used it with one daughter and not the other, as circumstances and their personalities were different. It sounds like you are taking the right approach given your circumstances.

As for what to expect, I found that it was only about 3-4 days of any significant crying and that the crying was usually 45min to an hour initially. FOr me, an hour was the longest I would let it go, because I found that if my daughter cried longer than that, something else was going on. You'll have to use your mommy instincts.

Good luck and feel free to email if you need moral support. Once you and your husband start getting more sleep too, you will be even more capable of meeting your daughter's needs and loving her during her awake periods.

I am so sorry! I feel your pain. I have t win boys one is a great sleeper and the other one is similar to you daughter. Bad sleeper is very stubborn. We used "Healthy Sleep habits happy baby" starting at 5 months. Expect her to really test you the first few nights. DON'T give in because as bad as they cry they are fine. By the third day of using guidelines from the book for day and night he stopped crying. get some wine or go for a walk while your husband stays home but you will be so relieved once she starts getting more sleep and you too! the book really works it is the parent who has to be "trained". there is hope!!