Happiest Toddler on the Block

I did not read the book, but I did watch the video. It really helps to see it in action. I admit I don't always use the 'todler-ese' techniques, especially in public, but I now acknowledge her feelings first and that really seems to help. I have both videos (happiest baby and happiest toddler) and I must say that as a visual learner, I really did need to see it in action.

I didn't read Happiest Baby on the Block but read the toddler one. I never fully embraced it, but still sometimes use the "fit throwing" (as you put it) type of communication and my daughter is 5. It seams to really get her attention. Also, one thing I remember from the book is the author saying that you WILL feel like an idiot talking to your kid this way - but effective communication is important!

Best of luck!

Hi there,

I first of all have to say I am totally thrilled you picked up a Harvey Karp book.

I know for me it is such a relief to know that there are resources out there that can teach us better ways to parent our chidren, we don't have to be barbaric and have such horrible power struggles once we understand that we are their "ambassadors" as Harvey Karp puts it.
The Children are not little adults they are not born knowing how to except what is right and what is wrong they are testing and looking for limits.

It is all about choosing your battles and if you just take a step back and look at the whole situation it makes it easier for you to acknowledge the need.

Like if my ds doesn't want to get dressed (but he has to) I would say" you don't want to get dressed! but in a whisper type voice some times like I am telling him a secret and I would repeat it, pretty soon he would look at me like wow...you get me, then I would whisper mommy needs to get you dressed,maybe repeat three times and start right away after he starts to calm to get him dressed.

It is not always easy and it takes a little extra patience.
Pick your battles and let your little one know when he is upset that you see it and sometimes mommy doesn't understand.
But Mommy loves you and Mommy wants to help.

These books are refrences and you will find out what works for you.

I think my ds was about 18 months when I found the Happiest Toddler on the block. 123 magic works great now that he is 4,
I hardly have to count pass 2 and he settles.
Good luck! You are already doing the best you can do!

Hi, I have read most of this book, & sometimes I understand what it means to use the toddler-ese...sometimes it seems to work. My interpretation of what it means is that it isn't really about throwing a fit when your kid is doing that...it's about mirroring your kid's feelings of anger & frustration & validating them...my son often looks dumbfounded when I use this approach. It seems to make him laugh & diffuse the situation sometimes as well, since I look so silly doing what he does.

What my son seems to want when he throws a fit, is to be heard, & validated, as well as get his way...the first two seem almost as important as the getting his way part...so sometimes, just being validated & heard can be enough. I think that's the point, or the one I gleaned from reading this book...

However, sometimes just ignoring the fit works too. You have to use your own judgment, think about what environment you are in, try different approaches & just always remember you are the adult & have to act that when when it's all said & done. You aren't perfect, so you can't expect to know what to do every time, but it's worth experimentation. Hope this helps!

Hi A.,

I never really believed there could be a book written that worked with all children, and I definately don't feel bringing yourself down to your child's level is the answer, especially at this critical time when you need to establish your authority as the adult. When I deal with tantrums, which I do every day at my work, I don't get outwardly angry or show any signs that the behavior is in any way effecting me emotionally and I acknowledge the behavior and the feelings, I express how I feel about it, and I demand that it stop and be replaced with appropirate behaviors...and it usually goes something like this: "I hear your crying and I see that you are mad, I don't like it because it hurts my ears, it makes me sad to see you cry, but I will not speak to you or help you until you can talk to me without screaming." Eventually, it stops, as it has to otherwise I will never pay it any mind. Regardless of whether the child has the language to express what it is that causing their crying (I usually know), I will offer them the help that I feel they may want and they can accept or decline. Talk to your child like a human being, not like a babbling toddler. Good luck.

I haven't used the Happiest Baby on the Block method, but have another suggestion: The book "How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk" (they also have a teen version)suggests validating your child's feelings. For example (this just happened 10 minutes ago with my 4-year-old) my son wanted to play PlayDoh but his friend (a 2-yr.-old) was visiting and I didn't want them to make a mess, so I told my son he couldn't play with it now, maybe later. My son threw himself on the floor and I patted his back and said "It's okay." At this point, he bit my foot! So, I told him, "It's okay to be mad and frustrated because you want to play with the Playdoh and I said not right now. It is NOT okay to bite me, so give yourself a time out and come back when you are ready." He walked to another room and sat until I called him (3 minutes later).

I've been teaching him since he was very young that feelings are okay. You know how some parents say "Don't be mad." Well, I tell my son that it's okay to be mad and then offer suggestions, give boundaries, etc. as to how "mad" manifests itself. So, it's okay to be mad, not okay to hit or throw. When he would cry, I would tell him to "breath in and breath out" and count to ten. And I would do it with him. So, now the tantrums are brief and he calms himself down fairly quickly. Plus, he can tell me how he feels- if he's mad or frustrated or tired.

This whole idea of validating feelings is important. We don't want our kids to grow up and second-guess their feelings, and we do want them to be responsible and choose good actions. It's like when I argue with my husband, sometimes I just want him to say to me "Honey, I hear you and I get how you feel." When he does this, I find myself calming down because I just wanted to be understood. Same thing with our kids.

Your 18-month-old is testing his boundaries and you can give him support and the vocabulary with which to express himself now and later in life. Good luck!

Take Care,
F.
www.discoverytoyslink.com/fatimac
(We have a Rhyming Picture Storybook called THE WAY I FEEL on sale for only $9.99)

Dear A.,

I don't know what to tell you, except that you are very lucky lady to have a devoted father by your side. Ask him what he thinks that you both should do to 'tame' your little one. Dad's have good ideas, but they don't share them unless asked sometimes. You can try things together, then decide together. After all you are raising a man and he is a man so maybe he will understand the little fellow better than you do.

One thing that I can say, is that when he tests his boundaries, you guys are big enough to pick him up and put him into a different environment - that is called redirecting his attention. So you don't have to say no so much, the movement of him to somewhere else will be the no. Then get him to notice something else in the new environment. They forget and get interested in another boundary. If he runs back, then be more forceful, and never, never, never give in - Winston Churchhill said Never, never, never give up. So that is close to give in. Just don't do it because you will pay, pay, pay, if you do. Sincerely, C. N.