Ok my husband told me yesterday. That my in laws are moving back home at the end of the month. Its $10,000 for both of them for one month. Anyhow they want to move back to their house and they will get a helper of some sort. If they would of let us let them get a helper. I find the situation frustrating. So now I have been visitng usually every single day..many times quick visits but it is every day most days. Now when they move back its the when my sister is visiting from Colorado. She only visits twice a year. I am not going to be able to help them move. Also they will move back right before my kids start school and they live an hr away. My two older kids are in school all day but my younger one is going to be in afternoon kindergarten. So once again it will be harder to visit them.
Krista, I found your response plain nasty. First of all I am not selfish on any level. I have never said an unkind word to either of them. My fil was always kind towards me my mil no matter how I tried she I dont think really ever liked me. I do teach my kids abiut love and kindness. My kids love both sets of grandparents equally. My kids shower both sets of grandparents with unconditional love. I never talk any bitterness.
Also once school starts my boys both have focusing problems and school has to come first. Otherwise they start to slip. My oldest on most nights receives two hrs of homework.This is not including, studying or reports. Plus most nights my husband doesnt get home until way after bedtime. I am doing the best I can do. Also my sister visiting recently had her second miscarriage and she really needs to around family. I am doing a great job but honestly feel very overwhelmed once scool starts. Thats wonderful you were able to visit your your grandparents. Other circumstamces make it diffucult. I was offended by your comment and I hope someone is kibder to you then you were to me.
You know, all you can do really IS all you can do. Do what you can.
They are adults if they didn't give you a big enough warning they they will just have to figure out what to do. yes they raised your hubby but that doesn't mean you have to bend over backwards for them. As parents they should know that with school alone this is a rough and busy time of the year for your. What they didn't look up the cost before they moved. if they want your help they can move closer to you. I may sound kinda cruel here but sounds to me (unlike the other poster) that they are being child like not you. You just want to live your life now.
You can hire some helpers for the move.
Last time we moved we packed boxes ourselves, the hired people on both ends to help load / unload the truck.
Are both their house and assisted living place an hour away from you?
That's a whole lot of commuting on a daily basis.
I think you're spreading yourself a bit thin.
Your kids need you - your husband can hire some help for his parents for the move.
Once school settles down a bit you can visit a few times a week.
Around here there's a company called Home Instead Senior Care - it's a company that sends helpers to homes of elderly people to help them live in comfort in familiar surroundings as long as they can.
See if there's something like this around you/your inlaws.
http://www.homeinstead.com/findhomecare/Pages/Office-Loca...
I have no real advice to offer but I just wanted to say that I can hear how frustrating this whole experience has been for you. It has been ongoing for a while now and you seem to be handling it better than most of us would. Take it in stride. It will all work out. You are so strong and have endured so much. Like Denise said, do what you can do. That's all that can be expected. Don't feel guilty about spending time with your sister.
Before the in-laws move back home you, your husband and his sister (via conference call) need to sit down with them and have a realistic talk.
You all also need to talk to the assisted living. What kind of care are they requiring on a daily basis. If it is quite a bit of assistance, it may not be realistic or less expensive to hire a "helper of some sort". Going thru a licensed agency for a personal care assistant can be very pricey. Going with a private person is dicey because what happens if that person is sick, takes a vacation, etc?
They live an hour away. You and your husband can not be expected to visit on a daily basis. Having worked in elder care for a long time I think Krista has no clue what you are up against. This isn't a matter of growing up and taking care of the parents that took care of your husband. That's the Hallmark fairy tale version of this scenario. The real world version is that this could very well be a matter of their health and personal safety as well as your family health. You can not allow the wishes of your in-laws (to go back to their own home) to destroy your family. Plain and simple.
You, your husband and sil need to know the facts about the in-laws current health and physical abilities, come up with a realistic game plan with several options(less expensive ALF, ALF closer to your home, move them to a small apt closer to your family, etc) and sit and have a family conference.
A similar situation happened with mine. After they finally moved into AL, one daughter decided to move closer and buy a house with them. It was pretty much a disaster. The other brother who had been doing everything for his parents for 25 years was finally going to get a life. It was a miracle his wife hadn't left him. She was just as involved in doing for her in-laws and it took such a toll on their family.
Within a couple of months, the sister could no longer get along with her mother who was moved into a group home. She would go out of town and scammers would get money from the dad who was left alone. Half the family wouldn't speak to the others.
The dad passed away earlier this year. My husband was out there for a week before and did so much to pull the family back together, but it took a toll on him. The other sister ended up with shingles from the stress. Then the mom passed away a week ago.
People who have not been through this have no idea how stressful it is when the parents cannot take care of themselves but won't make the decisions that need to be made.
Yes, the parents raised your husband. But his first priority should be to his own family.
Good luck and God bless.
What is your question here?
My grandmother was in an assisted living facility (broken hip) and then moved back home with an aide. My grandparents lived very happily in their home for 6+ years with a loving aide who became like family. I am so happy that we were able to do that for them.
I visited weekly. My aunt visited every-other-day and my parents stayed there when they were in town (4 or 5 times a year). My cousins? Well... too busy to visit apparently.
My point here being that you don't need to be there every day. Find an aide who can be there for the bulk of the day and then stop in regularly. Run errands if needed and bring food over.
GROW UP! These people raised YOUR husband- took care of him, fed him, bathed him and provided for him. Now they need your help. Stop being selfish and remember that your children are watching YOU and will treat you the way you treat your in-laws. If you are gracious and helpful while maintaining your boundaries your children will give you the same respect. If you complain and are pissy about it- make it sound like some kind of laborious act, well... don't expect many visitors in your "golden years".
Make it work. Your sister is visiting from Colorado... great! Another set of hands to unpack boxes. The faster you get it done, the longer you will have to see your sister.
