If you read the article, she said she'd rather bumbled her way with two than add a third. I was just curious for those with multiple kids, was your third plus child easier or harder? I find my third soooo easy. My first was soooo hard, I'm surprised I went on to have any more. But my third? I kind of get why people keep having them. I have a neighbor with 4 under 6. She was teasing another neighbor the other day about how much easier it is the more you have (they have each other, after all, so they don't need mom as much). I felt it with my third, and I can easily see why I have friends that have 5 or 6 kids.
So, did the third or more make it harder or easier on you? What has been your experience?
It's the blog entitled "another baby."
I did find going from 1-2 horrible. With only 21 months apart, and a very spirited oldest, I have some really bad memories -like when my son was a week old and my 21 month old decided to paint her carpet with poop. Hubby also did a lot of international travel in that first 8 months, and that was horrible. I couldn't even talk to him for two weeks during one trip because of the time difference and his work schedule... But I think that once you've mastered juggling two, adding more into the mix doesn't shake things up as much. You already have a getting out of the house routine, for instance, étc. You are use to not sleeping, etc.
No matter how easy subsequent babies might have been, I quit at two because I realized early on after my second was born on a fundamental level I have reached my limits as a mother.
I stopped at two. Your third may be easy, but she is still a baby who wakes you up at unreasonable hours, doesn't let you do yoga, needs you to do everything for her (diapers, feeding, dressing), needs to be carried around, still needs naps etc. I have freedom now that my kids are older and can't imagine going back to the baby stages, even if I had the easiest baby ever. Even with my second it was hard because my first had just turned three, had potty trained, could dress himself and was very independent (he could get up and watch tv and wait for me to wake up!).
Your first is so very hard because no matter how many books you read, how often your watched other people's children, you still have no clue.You spend far too much time worried about things you shouldn't because you just don't know. You question every decision like it's life or death when in the grand scheme of things it really doesn't matter.
By the time your second one rolls around you are much more comfortable in your parenting skills but it's hard to juggle 2 kids. Stressful and you are sure that someone's needs aren't being met and this will cause them to be in therapy their entire life.
Then #3 comes along. You have this parenting thing down. You know the difference between important and whatever. You are usually a totally different parent by this point and feel like you should almost get to go back in time to reparent your first child and do it right.
My 3rd was twins and it was hard because that lack of sleep thing was the worst. Up all day with my older 2 (ages 5 and 3) and up all night with the twins. But once that settled down it was fine. I already had the tricks down to get everyone out of the house in a timely manner and it was fun to watch this pack of kids do things together.
My third was harder than my second. Out of my three, he was the fussiest and slept the least. We were also way busier by the time he came along, and that was SO difficult. I can remember being very frazzled while trying to help my oldest with her homework or get her to an activity while also trying to pay attention to my middle one. I felt guilty that my youngest spent much of his infancy in his car seat or stroller while we schlepped the other two all over town.
The older ones aren't always great helpers either. My oldest was seven when the youngest was born. Everyone told me what a great helper she'd be. Well, not so much. She'd grab things for me if I asked her, would sometimes give him a bottle or keep an eye on him if I was trying to do laundry or make dinner. But mostly, she didn't want to be bothered and seemed generally annoyed by his presence and the fact that I had to spend so much time taking care of him.
The blog articles on here are horrible. I don't bother with them!
I don't see an article so I can't read it.
So I can't comment on the article. What I can tell you is there is 12 years difference between my daughter and my two boys. So it was like starting over again.
My husband and I wanted 4. God blessed us with two boys and three angels in heaven.
We found the third one the hardest to adjust to, in spite of the fact that he was a pretty easy baby. When we had our fourth, I was amazed at how much easier the transition was from 3 to 4 kids than from 2 to 3 kids.
And yes, I can attest that "they play with each other" is completely true. They also fight and hate each other sometimes, but I do not tolerate long standing feuds. They learn to get along, and I find they use these skills in their friendships, too.
It's fun to have so many kids to do things with, we take them camping as much as we can, for instance. They support and stand up for each other. They always had someone to play with. They are all different and I love watching who they are growing up to be, if we could have afforded it we would have considered having more.
But my baby days are over. There was a decade of being pregnant or nursing, or both. There were those 11 years we were co-sleeping, and waking up next to a baby is an indescribable joy.
On the flip side, on their worst days, they would drive me pretty close to insanity. Almost like they were plotting it together. lol :) The most stressful times were when they were all under 10, it was as if I couldn't do anything away from the house with them, or they would run in 4 different directions. So, we went to the YMCA a lot! Keeping them constantly busy in each child's age-appropriate way was sometimes difficult, but doable.
There was a lot of carpooling to the school where they all attended preschool-6th grades, some years I went back and forth 3x/day. Talk about exhausting!
Things are not so crazy-making anymore. They are so wonderfully independent now. I love the big holiday celebrations as well as the family dinners the most. It's like you have to wade through a bunch of chaos to reach the last stretch of calmness...I have remarkably well behaved teens. I'm lucky not perfect, though. I don't take credit for all of that. They have all had great teachers and mentors that have helped along the way, and a large support system is necessary to a larger family. We can't do all of this in a vacuum, you know ;)
Going from 2 to 3 was the easiest on me, too. But I think it depends on the personality of the baby. My second baby cried more than my first or third but he also slept the best of my three. While I don't have to constantly be taking care of them all the time at the same time (since the older two are 4.5 and 6.5), I do recognize with three that I have even less time to devote to each one individually on a daily basis. That is why bedtime is so important to me - I get a little slice of one on one time with each kid!!
I couldn't agree more and Diane D said it perfectly. The first time is tough because it is such an upheaval to your way of life initially. And that loss of sleep hits HARD. But going from 1 to 2 was the hardest on me. I really struggled with the change in dynamic and the fact that neither would ever get as much attention as I was able to give #1 the first few years of her life. Fast forward a few years later and you realize they give Each Other more than enough attention than I can anyway.
#3 has been so easy. I totally see why people just keep having them at this point. If my husband were game I'd already be planning #4. I barely sleep but it doesn't even faze me now. Feeding and rocking an infant is more relaxation than I have had in the last 6 years. I don't feel like I have to constantly be stimulating him because he's got 2 sisters who also like to play and talk with him. Lots of the time he just hangs out happily with whatever we are doing. Totally portable and flexible, has to be, you can't let a baby dictate your schedule when you have 2 older kids with things to do, places to be.
I've never had more than one "baby" at once though. Those moms with multiples, and "3 under 3" have a special place in heaven in my book.
My 2nd was by far my hardest baby(and pregnancy), but going from 2 to 3 was a harder jump than 1to 2. I had a 4 yr old a 2 yr old and a newborn and it was pretty rough for awhile. The two older ones would be getting into something and I'd be trying to feed the baby. It probably didnt help that I went through a divorce when my youngest was 6weeks.
For me, going from 2 to 3 was easier than going from 1 to 2.
And she WAS a fairly easy baby.
But from the time she started crawling she never stopped moving. If I wasn't carrying her she was constantly crawling then walking. Great right? Not so much. We'd go to concerts in the park, puppet or other children's shows, etc. and while all the other little children were sitting happily in strollers or on laps she was arching her back, pushing away, just wanting to GO. She wasn't bad, she just couldn't sit still. At 15 she stills struggles with it. My other two never did this. It was pretty frustrating. I think if she had been more mellow I may have had another one, though in the end it's just as well I didn't, the teenage years have been by far the hardest stage of all, I (and my marriage) can barely handle three!
My vote: if you're in baby mode, it's easier...keep on making babies.
If there's a big gap, wider than 5 years, you're out of baby / toddler mode where they entertain each other and have built in buddies. And for me, pregnancy was a piece of cake, postpartum not so much. The sleepless nights ruined me.
My first was hard because he was and still is a very spirited and difficult child. Couple that with the fact that he was of course my first so I was learning as I went. It took me a while to get into a groove that worked.
My second child and my third were so much easier temperament wise. It really wasn't that hard. I was up and running so much faster. We did a short trip to Disneyland when my third was only 17 days old because it was just that easy. I hosted Christmas not long after my second was born.
I think some of it has to do with the temperament of the children. Mine aren't really close together so maybe that had a little to do with it. My oldest was almost 3 when his brother was born and the boys were 8 & 5 when their sister was born. I knew I didn't want them very close together. I can't see why people insist on doing that.
