Which Was Hardest Adjustment: First Child, 2 Kids, or More!?

I only have two. The toughest adjustment was one to two for me. The first was nice b/c that's all I had to worry about - no fighting, juggling nap scheduldes, etc. I think it's different for all of us. AND it depends on the child too. My second was colicky ...

I think adjusting to the first is hard just because you are not used to being completely in charge of another human being.

Though personally going from 2-3 was hardest. I just don't have enough arms some days! Simple things like getting from the house to the car can be tough whan you have more kids then hands.

Family saying in my own extended family:

2 is twice the work of 1
3 is half the work of 2
4 and up just gets easier and easier

From one to two. Yes, you're more confident about what you're doing with the baby, but you're also trying to care for your oldest child, too. It can be really tough at the beginning juggling both kids, especially when you're sleep deprived. You also have to get over the guilt of not being able to give your oldest the same level of attention as you once did. Getting out the door with two kids can also be a challenge.

That said, I wouldn't change a thing. Like the first child, you just figure out what works for you and make it all work. And there are such rewarding moments when you see your oldest become a sibling. Also, it gets easier over time, especially once they're both potty trained. I'm glad we made the leap and had a second child.

I must admit that having that first child was a big adjustment for me. Having a second wasn't that hard, just adjusting to having a baby again after so many years (there was 6 yrs between our first and second). Each child requires their own set of adjustments and if you just roll with it, then you will be fine. I think my moment came when our 4th child came home from the hospital and I had a picture taken of all of them on the couch. I looked at that and I had a mini panic attack because it hit me then HARD that I had four children. After that when we added #s 5, 6 and 7 it didn't even phase me.
If you are like me the biggest challenge in having a baby is the fear of the unknown. If you don't do it because of that fear then you are going to miss out. Do you really want to look back on life and say "gosh I really wish that we would have just gone for it and had the second instead of letting fear make our decision"?
Good luck to you
J.-SAHM of 7

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For me the first was "easier" because he was an easy baby, and I was single then. I knew it was going to be him and me against the world and I was up for the challenge, wanting from day one to give him things I never got as a child.

8 years later when I had baby #2 it was harder. I was married and had the perfect little family situation but I was used to having one child. Just saying "the kids" or "the boys" was strange for a long time, lol.

With one child you seem to have tunnel vision and can focus on one child's needs. When the second comes you have to go into multi-tasking mode and all the things that come along with it like more cost, jealousy from the other child (wanting more attention), needing more space, etc.

The good news is if you want a third or fourth you'll be set! LOL

After our two sons we had triplets. We were trying for a daughter but got two more boys in the mix with her, lol. In many ways having triplets was easier! There had to be an exact feeding schedule and routine with them or you don't survive. With singletons you feed on demand and go by their needs. Not with triplets! You put them on a schedule and they confirm or else, lol!

But I'd say it's "harder" having a second just getting used to focusing on more than one child. You're an experienced parent now so tending to them is easier. You know what a hard bowel movement means and don't have to call a doctor or your mother all the time. But emotionally it's harder to get used to splitting between the two, but it doesn't take long!

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

Hardest adjustment hands down was going from 0 to 1.

I think the first one is a adjustment because your life completely changes. But like SLM posted below, I also had a very hard adjustment going from 1 to 2 because when #2 came, I quit my job and was home full time with 2 kids. My 3.5 yr old daughter was not pleased that her life was completely uprooted and had to go from being at her doting grandmother's all day to being home with me and a new baby who was taking a lot of the attention away from her. Going from 2 to 3 didn't seem that bad. The first few months were tough, but then we all settled into the new routine. My eldest didn't have the jealousy issues and my middle child was used to sharing attention so he was fine too. I could have one more and it wouldn't be that much different.

For me it was hardest going from no kids to our first. Bringing home the first child is so much more life altering. When the second baby comes home, you are just picking up where you left off... doing what you've been doing since your first child joined your family. You're much more at ease with the second one.

going from 1 to 2 wasn't hard for me at all. my daughter had just turned 2. dad handled her on days off, and i took care of baby. but i've always been around mulitple kids so it wasn't such a big deal for me. maybe i should ask my husband :)

Each child created its own challenges. With my first I had to accept that children are slightly harder than owning a cat. :p The second I had the baby thing down but had to figure out how to deal with two completely different schedules and needs. My third and fourth were raised in a car because of the older two's sports and school schedules.

So what I am saying is each had the same level of difficulty.

Having the first. Not just because she was a screaming banshee for the first 7 months, but like you said, because of the learning curve. I don't think anyone is *really* prepared for being a parent, no matter how much you babysit or how many books you read. When you are the one responsible for this little life that you created, it's pretty heavy....and life altering. After the first, it's gravy :)

I have 3 and the only "issue" I have is getting everyone out the door on time (for school or whatever). But if we never had to leave the house? I'd have 6!

Going from 1 to 2 was the easiest! The first was very difficult, and going from 2 to 3 is pretty dang hard too! But they're so worth it!

Certain things were harder with each. I think the biggest shock was having the first, but it was a learning experience so I wouldnt say it was "hard". With number 2, it all depends on how the baby actually is. If #1 was a good sleeper and #2 comes along and doesnt sleep, then that is obviously harder, because now you have 2 to look after and on no sleep ( thats what happened to me!) but of course with feeding, and illnesses and things like that, #2 is easier because you've already gone through trial and error with number 1. I love having 2, and look forward to when they are elementary school age, to see how they interact. I'm hoping some aspects get easier, while i know some will probably get harder.

Going from 2 to 3 was the hardest for me even though he was the easiest baby. Its still really hard and the youngest is 1 1/2. I think it depends a lot on the ages of your kids. When #3 was born, the oldest was almost 4 and the middle was almost 2. I keep telling myself it will get easier one day.

I only have 2 and I personally had the hardest time going from 1 to 2. I think a lot depends on your 1st child and your family dynamics. My oldest always wants someone to play with, part of the reason we decided on a second. he does not like to sit and play by himself a lot. Other than his neighborhood friends, my husband and I would play with him. When my second came around, I struggled with dividing my time between the 2 and didn't want him to resent his brother for taking my time. I think a lot was in my own mind. Now that our youngest is a little older and more interactive it has gotten so much better and we all try to play together. My husband and I both travel too so it is harder to juggle 2 when you are on your own. I don't want to scare you though....I wouldn't trade it for the world and I say go for it! I was a little freaked out at first too and got pregnant pretty quickly the second time. But it all works out in the end and you end up with 2 awesome kids!

Mostly I think it depends on personality and age difference between kids. #3 was hardest for me then #1 and #2 was easiest. #1 is almost 6. #2 is almost 3. and #3 is 1 1/2 yrs old.

Yes, you are right, I found that I had the most difficult time adjusting to my first one. My second was very easy, and my third one was harder than the second.

A lot depends on how difficult the child itself is, and also the difference in age between the children. Having two close in age is difficult.

But I still think that the first one hit me the hardest.

Zero to one -- Definitely the hardest!!! I have 5.

I have two boys almost two years apart. I thought adjusting to one was much harder! With the second, you're ready for a challenge and already working out the logistics, but it was AWESOME to feel like you already knew what to do with a baby (which I didn't feel at all the first time!). Now I wish I could go back to when my first was a baby, knowing what I know now - of course, I think it would be so easy;) We've been talking about number 3 for a while - not sure we're ready to make the jump yet!

for us it was hardest with our first, Ian is 2 1/2 now. we had twins 8 months ago and it was actually so much easier with 2 newborns than with just our oldest because we knew what to expect and to look for. Ian had collic and reflux, our twins just had the reflux. Our oldest couldnt lay down flat until he was almost 5 months old because his reflux was so bad so i would have to sleep sitting up on the couch holding him, which was dangerous but thank God he never got hurt. the twins have slept in the crib/p&p since day one. all 3 were born with cleft lip and palate and with our oldest we had to learn how to be parents plus be parents of a child with medical issues, with the twins we already knew the drill and their clefts arent as severe so it was easier....all that being said, it so varies from house to house and child to child....if you want another, have another, children are such a blessing!!

I think 1 to 2, but it's just different. Adding the third and fourth was no big deal - they just fell right in.

I think going from no kids to one was the bigger challenge. Adding a second one was a challenge, but in a different way. Now the challenges seem more minor; how to get everyone out the door, who to comfort first when both are crying, how to get everyone on the same schedule, how to keep the house picked up, finding time for me. Once you get those things figured out it almost seems easier to have two. But I'm personally not up for the challenge of three! We have decided we don't want to be outnumbered!

For me it was indeed going from one to two.

With number one I had to learn all the baby things. With number two, I knew all those, but I had to learn how to take the extra time for everything! If it took me ten minutes to get one child out of the house and into the car seat, I had to learn to plan on at least fifteen minutes for two. If breakfast used to take a half hour, I had to plan for forty-five minutes. And so it went. I had to organize and plan better.

Get used to the idea now of taking more time to do everyday things. You won't mind it because you will love your children. But it will help if you know in advance.

Once I got used to the working-with-multiples challenge, numbers three and four weren't such a great adjustment.

For me, the biggest adjustment was having a girl after two boys. I had heard that the adjustment from one to two was difficult, but my experience was definitely that the bigger adjustment was going from having one gender to having two. I hope I worded this right, lol :)

First child was the hardest for me and my husband because of the life adjustment from married, dual income, and free to travel at will to stay at home mom that had to plan and pack a diaper bag just to go to the store. Our expectations for the first were way off too. Instead of a rough first 6 weeks without sleep we had a rough 18 months of no sleep, then we hit the toddler years. Then number 2 came along 3 yrs later and he was mellow and adaptable so it seemed like a breeze. And then number 3 made his surprise entrance and 20 months later and we felt way in over our head. There were more needs and kids than adults, 3 kids catching the flu instead of 1 or 2, 2 diapers to be changed and an older child needing our attention to her need for social interaction and learning activities.
Don't get me wrong, I love ALL of the chaos and the work of 3 kids. However, I don't want to ever mislead anyone by saying as I have heard others boast, "Once you have 2 kids you might as well have a dozen, since the work load is the same." That just isn't true. More kids equals more giving of yourself, less sleep, more expended energy and need to be more flexible.
Best wishes as you decide when to add to your family. Buckle up for a wild and wonderful ride! Nurse Midwife Mom

1 to 2 was the easiest!!! Granted life with a newborn is rough... add a toddler to the mix and you'd think it would be even harder, but truth is toddlers make great little assistants lol ;) NOW everybody that I know who went from 2 to 3 says THAT was HARD! I'll find out in a year or so, but we want 4 and that scares other people when they hear that lol If it's what you want you make it work and you do your best. You weigh your pro's and con's but it's ultimately up to you and your husband. I'm always supportive of people TTC when it's what they truly want ;D So, I say go for it!

Having 2 kids is exponentially harder than having one. The first couple of years are just a blur for us. But we had out kids 20 months apart and our second was a preemie.

I think if you have them further apart it can be easier in some ways. But I don't regret having ours close together. The were much easier to get on the same schedule and they are very good friends and play together a lot. I don't take the friendship part for granted though... it's taken a lot to work to foster a good relationship and it's not something that just happens because another child is in the house. ( I hear many people say that they want a second so that the first will have a sibling and friend... it doesn't always work that way.)

Yeah... it's really hard. I'm not going to lie. But parenting is hard work. I feel like having kids is the best thing that I have ever done, and the work is totally worth it for me.

Going from 0 to 1 was by far the hardest! 1 to 2 was big, but nothing like the shock of the first! 2 to 3, also hard but not even CLOSE to the first one! Good luck!

Reading everyone's response is scaring me!! I'm due with #3 in a couple months and wasn't too nervous about it until reading everyone's answers!! LOL. My 2 boys are 5 & 6 so they are a little older,self-sufficient, and not in diapers... and I'm expecting a girl this time, so I was thinking I could handle it! I'm not so sure now! But I would say going from 1-2 was hardest because you have to find the balance of having 2 kids and splitting your time between them (mine were 15 mths apart). But once you get into a routine and figure that out, its smooth sailing!! I say go for #2!!!

I heard somewhere once that the reason so many young babies don't get broken bones after falling is because they don't have enough life experience to know what's coming, so they don't tighten up their muscles in effort to brace themselves for impact.

Apply this knowledge to life. If we tense up before diving into new experiences in life, impact is going to be alot more painful and you might get a few broken bones before the experience is over.

Don't go into building a family bracing for the worst. Keep an open mind, and as another poster says "roll with the punches." I know that newborns bones are very flexible and pliable so they can maneuver more easily through the birth canal. This flexibility is probably another factor that makes broken bones less likely with young children. If you apply this life, doesn't it stand to reason you will be more content as a parent and family if you remain pliable and flexible like a new baby. Adapting to change is key to a happy family. As another poster mentioned, no two kids are alike. So wouldn't it be reasonable to assume if we remain flexible go down that channel in our lives will go much smoother too?

I think that the hardest adjustment for me was going from 2 to 3 kids (I have 4). At 3, the children officially outnumber the parents, outnumber the arms on your body, outnumber the eyes in your head....etc, etc! Also, my 2nd and 3rd were only 13 mos apart, so that might have had something to do with it. 3 to 4 wasn't that big of a deal- I was already WAY outnumbered, so one more didn't seem to make too much of a difference. I don't think that 4 to 5 would be that huge, other than legistics (bedrooms, seatbelts, etc.).

OMGoodness, 1st child! I never anticipated how extreme the exhaustion would be once I had my 1st child. I mean, I knew it would be rough, but my goodness, it was almost unbearable. After having my 2nd child, it almost seemed like a breeze. I think it was b/c my body was ready and knew what to expect. Also, I was already an experienced mother, so I knew tricks on how to face oncoming obstacles and situations.

FIRST...no question whatsoever. The first is the biggest adjustment. You have all these ideas and you THINK you know what you are going to do. Then that baby arrives and BAM...your life is changed in ways you had NO CONCEPT of before! It was SO much easier to bring home #2. #3 was strange (outnumbered YIKES LOL) still, we knew what we were doing, older kids can help etc.

No question in my mind #1 for us was a HUGE adjustment.

Yes, yes, and yes! Going from no kids to one kid was the hardest for me. When we had our second, then we became proficient at "triage." Now we have three, and while it has been a learning experience for all of us, it is still much easier than when I had one.

Strange but true.

Updated

Yes, yes, and yes! Going from no kids to one kid was the hardest for me. When we had our second, then we became proficient at "triage." Now we have three, and while it has been a learning experience for all of us, it is still much easier than when I had one.

Strange but true.

Hi!

For me...adjusting to "A" child was a BIG adjustment. The next one was here SO quick (older was 14 months old when his brother was born) so I was still in baby mode. The 'adjustment' as the next kids followed was that LAUNDRY grows as the kids get larger (the 'clothes' get bigger...hence more laundry)...

As say relax...ENJOY...and remember...it ALL comes out in the wash!! (double entendre intended...LOL)

Best Luck!
Michele/cat

We found that going from 1 to 2 was the easiest. You knew what to be expect with having a baby and you could still divide and conquer. Our oldest loved to "help" with the baby. It's a toss up on which was harder for us when we went from no kids to 1 because let's face it you have no idea what the heck you got yourself into. 2 to 3 was difficult because you had 2 older ones that want your attention that much more and you are trying to referee their battles while trying to deal with a newborn.

For me, the biggest adjustment was going from 1 to 2 kids. I had it figured out with one! I could sleep when he did, I had a schedule that I got him on, I felt pretty confident with the one. Then we added number 2 and he was completely different, he messed up my schedule and he didn't like anything number 1 did! lol I remember being up at night with number 2 and crying that I was the worst mother ever because I yelled at number 1 (who was 3 at the time), while my husband looked on like a deer in headlights.
I now have number 3, and for ME, it wasn't that tough. Maybe because my boys are older (9 and 6) and they can just go with the flow more. She is my girl and I haven't noticed any difference, yet. But, she's only 7 months!
L.

I think the age and personality of your children plays a role. I thought that one child was an adjustment, but a fun challenging adjustment. My second was born only 22 months later (so I had 2 under 2) and it was VERY difficult.
It was all because my second was colicky and sick for the first 8 months. And all the crying and screaming really affected the older one. He woke up at night and cried when the baby cried. It was really hard on him. He also was jealous and tried to hit the baby. Of course I was super tired and constantly trying to keep the baby safe and happy so it was grueling. Now, they are 3 and 1 and so much more fun. They play together and are a happy couple of brothers. I'm expecting my third. So, guess my point is that the ages between them and the temperments of the kids play a role in how difficult it is.

Number 1 was hard because everything changes. Your world no longer revolves around you. I remember asking myself what I did with all of my time before he was born. I asked the same thing with #2. But, #3 was my hardest. My oldest was a couple days from turning 4 when he was born. Yes, I was overwhelmed. Once we got a good schedule in place it was easier. #4 was the easiest, probably because the older three were more capable of helping. The next two just fit right in with very little adjustment needed. We were just all fighting to hold the new baby! :)

Our first was a somewhat hard adjustment. It's the first time you're a parent and you learn so much. Having baby #2 was not harder AT ALL. It was actually easier than only having one, especially when my 2nd was old enough to play with my first.

Now, going from 2 to 3...that was crazy! They out numbered my arms, and there are some pretty funny stories of the craziness. Three kids was when the chaos entered. It has to do with #3's personality too. She is very spunky and keeps us on our toes.

Going to four kids hasn't been much harder than three, just busier. I'm guessing five kids will be challenging since my 4th and 5th will only be 15 months apart.

So...for me, it was DEFINITELY NOT harder to go to two kids. That was easy (if anything in parenthood can be described as easy). It was going to #3 that really got me. The chaos was just way different. I'd often find myself in what seemed like screaming everywhere, things flying past my head, children doing ninja backflips, and it was all a whirlwind of craziness, and all I could do was stop, look around, wonder how I got to this point in life (and if my hubby was there, we'd look at each other with the "look") and then laugh hysterically because it was so ridiculous. (so that's slightly exaggerated, and it wasn't always like that...mostly around bedtime or something when I was trying to get them all in bed).

But you adjust and it becomes a new normal:-) I wouldn't be afraid to go to two kids. They don't out number your arms yet! But you never know what you'll get. If you have a spunky child for your second, it'll keep you on your toes more. But, it's always worth it! Most people I know, they were worried like you when it came to #2, but they found two to be easier than just one...especially when they can play together.

ADDED: I wanted to add that my first child was a VERY difficult baby. She had a lot of health issues (open heart surgery and blood issues) and sleep issues (could not sleep) and was incredibly demanding and pretty much nothing about her was easy, but, of course, it was all worth it! This has worked out to be an advantage to us because no other baby has seemed even half as difficult as her.

I think that's an important thing to take into account. Each baby comes with their own personalities and are difficult/easy in their own ways. For us, baby #1 has made all the others seem like such easy babies. But the combo of personalities and then the age difference can factor in and are big determining factors of how easy/hard it is.

For me the hardest adjustment was when I went from being a full-time working mom with a just turned 2 year old to having a 2nd baby of my own and watching 3 extra daycare kids. At the time I was going from having my one child a few hours before bed and on the weekends to 5 kids all day long and 2 all night. Once I made it through that adjustment I was fine. I don't find there is a lot of difference between 5 and 10 kids when you are young and healthy and have a lot of energy. But no way would I go back to taking care of 10 kids 24/7 like I used to.