HELLLLP Attitude Control

Hi, K.. Well, it's very fashionable among young people - even kids your daughter's age - to act this way. Chances are that there is a popular little girl, or a pod of popular little girls, who are acting this way toward the teacher and toward every other adult in the school.

Talk to the teacher, and let him/her know that your daughter has begun acting this way. He or she needs to #1 stop accepting this behavior from the kids in the classroom, because it's affecting the way all the kids deal with adults, and they're taking this attitude home with them.

You're going to need to be patient with your daughter. Keep disciplining her because if you accept this attitude at age 7, it's going to get horrendous pretty quickly as she gets older. I think you also have to try to figure out why she might feel this way toward you -- why the suddent disrespect. It sounds like it may be a combination of peer pressure at school plus the move to FL. She may be disappointed in how things turned out, especially if she had to give up friends, possessions, a room of her own, etc.

She's old enough to talk things out somewhat, at least on her level. Try asking her how she has felt since the move. She may not be so good at expressing her feelings -- the nasty attitude may be her way of not confronting those feelings -- but you might get a chance to coax it out of her if you're patient. Keep letting her know that you love her but don't like or appreciate the attitude. Keep praising her for things she does right, keep giving her attention for things done well. Give her some small chores to do and praise her for doing them well. That can get her focused on positive attention instead of the negative attention that she's seeking.

Also remember that girls are going through puberty younger and younger these days. It's quite common for a child to start menstruating at age 9; that means that the hormones are starting to kick in around 7 1/2 or 8 in order to get the body ready to menstruate at age 9!!! So she may be unlucky enough to have hormonal changes of this nature already, which only adds to the attitude problem.

I hope that you can restore the peace and loving atmosphere to your family very soon.

Peace,
Syl

Hi! Im so sorry about your daughters change in attitude. I am the mom of 2 & we are in the military & we move around...A LOT!!! I suspect that your daughter is having some trouble adjusting to the move & verbalizing that, so she is acting in other ways. She also may be having difficulty at school, making friends etc. I know it is very hard....we have had plenty of experience with it...ourselves & stories from other parents & you'd be surprised what kids have difficulty with the moving process & never say anything but act out. We just had an issue with a friend who's daughter (12 years old) was giving her parents terrible attitude, she was being mean to kids at school that were her friends etc & when she finally had a talk with her parents about it, she exploded in tears & said it was because they moved over a year ago...she kept it to herself all that time!!! Kids no matter their age, have a hard time connecting the dots sometimes & verbalizing what is bothering them. Sit down & have a chat with her, be patient & loving & reassure her that no matter where you go...you will always hae each other & everything else is an adventure! All the best!!!

I would plan a girls day out with just her, were she wants to go, so you two can talk one on one. Sounds like she is either upset with the move or having had a terrible 1st. grade where she was being bullied and is now acting out at home, because she is hurting inside. A. H. R.N.(Pediatrics)

Hey K. i am in the same boat as you! We moved to Fl 2 years ago and it started with my daughter and now its just plain ugly every day and i am going out of my mind, my daughter is now 9 years old and is just talking so bad to me and nothing is working, i don't know how she went from a sweet girl to a nasty monster i don't even recognize anymore, but when she wants something she is my sweet girl. so i am going to watch your replies, i told my dh that we might need to bring her to a behavior specialist therapist.
I tried everything, to praising her and making a board with happy and sad faces and if she had too many sad faces then she loses something but if she has more happy faces then i will get her nailpolish or take her out for icecream to praise her, but that doesn't work anymore, she is way beyond nasty and tells me she deserves those things without having a stupid chore and behavior board.She has a 17 year old sister who never has acted this way so she isn't getting this attitude from her. I even asked my older daughter to talk to her when they are hanging out in her room that she can't talk to me this way and find out whats bugging her. Her Birthday is in September, and i already bought her presents to go see the Jonas Brothers in concert in August and i am already regretting it, but i did it because i love her and want her to have fun. Good Luck and if something works for you pass it my way.
S. mom to 5 amazing children, 17yrs,9yrs,7yrs,3yrs,and 21 months check out my sons journey at www.liamlockhart.com

I highly recommend 1-2-3 Magic.
Your daughter is old enough to know exactly what she is doing that is so irritating to you. She is being disrespectful and she knows it. She has the power to NOT do those behaviors (the ones that exude bad attitude).
The book will teach you how to "count" her when she does one of these little attitude things, and she will learn to quit. You won't have to go into an explanation of what it is she has done each time, and you won't be sounding exasperated with trying to convince her (yes, I said convince-- b/c that is what you have been trying to do, isn't it?) to quit them, either. You'll just count her... "That's one." When she rolls her eyes at you for counting her, you say "That's two.". When she gets to three (and she will a few times at first).. she gets "That's three. Take 5 in your room." She goes away and you can continue with your pleasant whatever you were doing... if she wants to make her little faces and roll her eyes at her bedroom wall-- who cares? YOU won't have to see or hear it, and neither will her sisters. When you are consistent with it, you can say "that's one" and she'll stop.
Get the book and read it (it explains how your behavior can contribute to her disobeying/being disrespectful). You'll be glad you did.

i've had a similar situation, when he does something bad i say no to the next things that my sons asks for. sometimes it works. be aware of how you interact with other people, and it some pay off.

I'm sure she is copying someone in her class. The next time you take her to school, watch out who else does this--or ask the teacher. Then when she does it at home TELL her you know that little missy does this you will not allow it at home. The shock of knowing she's been discovered will be enough. ;) Watch whatever she watches on TV, there's a lot of attitude on it. (Hannah Montana, Suite Life of Zack & Cody, etc) Explain this is rude or distasteful and she's such a nice kid she shouldn't be doing it.

Dear K. - regarding the attitude of your 7 year old. Don't argue or anything another second, just read the book by Kevin Lehman, PHD "How To Change Your Kid's Attitude In 5 Days". That's it - good luck.

A.

do your children have chores? I would take the focus away from the negative & turn to this:

I would give chores and then some sort of reward, like points, tickets, etc.
girls can then use their points, etc, to 'buy' things they like, such as TV time or computer time or watching a video...me, I like to keep these things short and then if they want to 'save' up for something 'bigger' like watching a dvd, etc they can. they can even save for even 'bigger' things- it depends on how you want this to work...

Start by holding a family meeting w/ everyone, including the 2 yr old.
discuss how everyone has jobs to do. ask girls what YOUR job is (answer is being a mom, doing laundry, doing the grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, driving everyone everywhere, etc.) and make a list.
then go over what THEY do. make list.
Then assign a list of chores for the 5 & 7 yr old.
these are things to earn points/tickets whatever.
so: make bed, set table, clear table, put dirty clothes in hamper, clean up toys, brush teeth, brush hair, get dressed, etc.
then assign times for these chores (ie: make bed in morning, put pajamas in hamper, etc)
girls can earn their points/tickets for each time of day "morning", "afternoon" and "evening" or whatever works for your family. then they can redeem these tickets.
once you have this going, you can have "COOPERATION with mommy" or "using good manners" as a bonus way to earn tickets. try to 'catch' 7yr old when she's using good manners & make a BIG DEAL over it and give an extra ticket...hopefully she will soon be earning like crazy!
and when she doesn't 'cooperate' say things CALMLY and matter-of-factly like "looks like you don't want to choose to earn a cooperation ticket. that's your choice. oh well, then you wont be earning _____ ." You can even keep the 'cooperation/good manner tickets/points' seperate to earn things like an ice cream date w/ mom or something else special w/ just the one girl & you...

I have two daughters and my oldest started having uncontrolable behavior at the age of 9 the second daughter at the age of 7 and they are two years apart. I came to realize that you have to really listen to your children at this age. What may seem like something small and basic may seem extreme to them. For instance the girls were having friend battles at school. They would both complain that each other were stealing the others friends. I never thought anything of it until the behavior toward me and the teachers came into play.

Solution: Sit down and discuss why this behavior has come up and let her know that you are there for her. You care about her feelings and want to understand what she is going through. No matter what she says whether you feel it is true or false, right or wrong, you must merely show that you understand she is hurt. Then when she is done explain what her behavior does to you and others around her. Ask her if she feels it is appropriate to react the way that she has. Then together determine the best way to resolve the issue. For instance at one point my daughter was stressed because her friend was going to a nice camp and she wanted to attend. I found her something I could afford that she really liked and she moved on from the issue.

Girls are very difficult to understand unless we keep in touch with their emotions. Spending quality one on one time may also help, even if it is only for an hour each day.

I have dealt with the same thing. It is very frustrating to watch your "perfect" child try on an "inappropriate shoe."

I tried to eliminate external influences that encouraged this behavior like certain cartoons, Hannah Montana shows, encourage friendships with children that aren't sassy and had a lot of talks with her about appropriate behavior, what I expect of her and what she should expect from herself.

In the end, I think it was just a phase and an experiment for her. When she realized that things go more smoothly if she chooses her own pleasant behavior, rather than experimenting with sassy behavior, she virtually stopped. Although, there are still certain circumstances that I still see it. So, I just tell her that if I see sassy behavior I will not respond. When she speaks to me appropriately, I will respond, and that she must be careful to choose the type of person she wants to be and behave in that way.

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She's pre-pubescent. Have her hormones checked. Make sure she gets a good vitamin/mineral supplement.
Give her also some more responsibilities with the house and siblings. This will boost her self-esteem. And praise, not criticism, will bring her about.
You'll feel better, too.