HELP! 3 Yo Stopped Going on Potty

Hang in there, it happens! My mentor when I started teaching parent ed. was a licensed family counselor as well as a university early childhood education instructor and I still remember well the advice she shared about this issue: the less fuss you make about it, the quicker it will pass.

Just put him back in pull-ups, and don't give it too much attention. Meanwhile, be sure to give him lots of positive attention at other times. As you've already heard, it's totally normal to have these little set backs when the new baby comes.

It may also help to talk to him about how important he is to you and about how the ways you take care of him have changed since he was a little baby. It can't hurt to spell it out that you'll still be there for him, even when he doesn't need you to change his pants anymore.

Just hang in there and keep encouraging him to use the "big boy potty" Maybe make it his thing. You know like something that only he can do, not his sibling, because he is a big boy. Just make sure that you are trying to spend time with him by himself. Good luck!

Hi R.,

I am only a mother of girls who were pretty easy to train but I certainly did receive one good piece of advice that I am happy to pass on... "When the child knows that their success is important to you, they have difficulty and do not want to participate in potty training." These are some difficult words to hear when you are in the trenches. Hang in there! I did find that with my second daughter, when I jumped out of bed and wanted to "help" her go potty she shied away. I know he has totally had success and this is super disappointing. My kids never responded to negative stuff very well - you may want to try a reward chart for his successes. Finally, I know this is virtually impossible with the stress of baby but try to "let him go" a bit. If he goes, let him sit in it (outside) and ask if he is uncomfortable. Remark "Oh, well, this is your thing now, mom and dad helped you learn but these are your choices." I know this sounds impossible but it did work with my daughter. When I hopped back into bed to read a book with her sister, she went into the bathroom and began her process of potty training - she just did not want me "in charge" and she did not want failure. Sorry about the long story - good luck - I'll say a little prayer! K. v in Petaluma

My 3 year old stopped also - for no apparent reason, we didn't even have a baby! I just put him back in Pullups and am waiting for him to let me know he is ready again. Honestly, the pullups are easier than wondering if we will have an accident so it's OK with me. I know he won't be in them forever. Good luck and conrats on your little baby!
K.

Eck. I hated that. All three of my older children regressed when the next one came along, and I HATED IT!

The thing that worked for us was two-fold. One, no matter how much you want to start crying, screaming, and/or ripping your hair out when confronted by a pair of #2 smeared pants, keeping your cool works best. I'm afraid I've tried both, and "cool" really does work, while "maniacal ranting" does not.

The other was to make sure the older sibling was brought into the equation. Rather than saying, "Honey, we need to stop playing, the baby is crying!" I'd say, "Oh no, our baby is crying! What should we do?" and let the big sister tell me, "We should go get him!" And then I'd give them little jobs: "The baby needs a clean dry diaper! Can YOU help me get one?" And of course, I'd praise and thank them for helping me.

I think it gave them a renewed feeling of importance and inclusion, let them know they were still VIPs in the household AND IN FACT were vital to me. "Our" baby needed them, too. It's got to be hard to share mommy, especially when you're the oldest and haven't ever had to do so! But being in partnership with mommy to help with our baby - well. That's a horse of another color, you know?

As to how long it lasts, it varied for us by child. One went almost four months (our oldest - you know, the 'experimental model'), another only did it three times before deciding she'd really rather NOT make the mess.

Hang in there, R.. These bumpy bits always seem to take FOREVER, but they really do have an end - you'll get through to the other side.

Dear R.,

Well, for one thing, just spend some extra time with him when you clean him up after poop in the pants. Be friendly and don't talk about not pooping in his pants a lot. Also, make sure that it is easy for him to get up on the toilet, and does he feel secure when he is up there? Can he lower his pants easily? and clean himself? and pull clothes back on again? Just asking. We do not realize how high up that must seem to a 3 year old.

We used a short stool beside the toilet for a while, until my gr grandchildren got comfortable getting on by themselves.

There is a time period around 3 when they forget that they are potty trained. So just be cool, and it will go away. Cause a big fuss, and you will have found a way to give your little darling to chance to give you a hard time.

You are lucky, my gr grandson decided that he didn't want to be diaper changed, dressed, bathed and or anything else about that time. It was wild for a while, but we just kept on changing, dressing, bathing and taking him places even while he was crying like a banshee in the car seat. He even had a lay down on the ground tantrum in the church parking lot. After we rearranged our own clothes after getting him out of the car seat, we picked him up - still screaming and walked toward the front door of the church. An Usher came out with a cookie and the screaming stopped. After that he loved church and ran in ahead of us and shook hands and went toward his 'class' all by himself, with 'grandmas' and 'grandpas' standing around shaking hands with 'shorty' and saying, Who is he ? He wasn't talking at the time. He took a long time to do that too.

Life is interesting, isn't it? C. N.