Help! - Webster,TX

I need a little more back story, but if he doesn't work and wants YOU to work, he is a freeloader and you need to get rid of him. But I say that without knowing the full story.

Be careful about how that SSI is spent as the government can and has come back to people for proof that it was all spent for the benefit of the child and no others. So if there are 3 people living in the home and are capable adults, they would expect that the SSI would be covering the percentageof living space for the child(bedroom ,bathroom and use of living areas that a child would actually use, same goes for food, clothing. I don't like to give opinions that are strong when I don't know alot about a personal relationship, but I will. It sounds as if your hubby needs to care more about the welfare of the complete family he took responsibility for and earn the money he can, if he does what he can and the bills are not easily met then you need to get a job as well, but living off of a child's income whether from disability or death benefit for minor is at the very least illegal but immoral. That money should be spent to ensure the child has opportunties that are made more difficult by their situation. So if you and the spouse are unemployed, time to get crackin and get a job, whatever job and work hard so you can show your child how to live a good life.

What is preventing either of you from working? Maybe I'm not understanding your question....SSI for your daughter is for her--erhaps a portion of living expenses, should be saving for college, etc. Why is her SSI supporting a family of three (inferred from your post?) Are you sai=ying hubby needs a SECOND job or does he not work at all now? Wat would you be doing if your daughter did not receive SSI? From a previous post, it said your daughter is hearing impaired? Shouldn't that money be used on tools for an easier life for her? Sorry--confused.

You and hubby should pay your own bills. YOUR DAUGHTER IS NOT YOUR PAYCHECK!!! It's your job as a parent to support your own child.

It's her money, you should be putting away in an account for her to pay for her college and her expenses. The money your getting is to provide food, medical expenses, and clothing.

Both of you need to get a job. And don't even begin with then who will take care of the baby. Work different shifts. Use her SSI money for which it was intended, to pay for her care.

Although your post is very vague, it is upsetting to me what you posted. How can SSI pay for all housing expenses for 2 adults & 1 child? This is why our whole system is broke, 2 grown adults living on a childs SSI, which is government money which means you are being supported by all us taxpayers.

This SSI money should be going towards helping her with her disability & improving her life, not for her parents to stay home & do God knows what all day. If you both worked then you couldn't fight all the time.

I can speak from personal experience. I have a daughter on SSI for a disability and I receive a form from the government every year to account for every penny spent or saved. I am certain you have to do the same in order for your daughter to continue receiving SSI. The reason for this accountability is to ensure that the money is being spent for the child's care. You can list a percentage of the money as being used for living expenses...I don't know how you're all living off of that small amount of money anyway. My daughter receives the maximum amount and it's still not enough for her care home and medical expenses (we have to add about $300 a month- and that's WITH Medicaid). You BOTH need to take the responsibility to get a job. The SSI is to be used for her childcare. I can tell you that what you have described must stop. It is illegal, immoral, and can threaten your daughter's continued SSI.

SSI should only be for the person that it comes for and NOBODY ELSE!!!!
I'm sorry but you and your husband are ABUSING the system! You clearly stated that the SSI is your daughters NOT yours or your husbands.

I'm glad I read the other posts first. It calmed me down a little.

I cannot IMAGINE why both of you feel OK not working. You need to decide which one of you is best equipped to work and earn a living and which is a better caretaker. Then one of you needs to get a job.

You are stealing from every American and worse yet, you are stealing from your daughter. SSI money is to aid where you are unable, to provide treatment and therapies for her disability. I have a hard time believing that you can't find ways to spend that money that are going to help her grow as a person. If there are theraputic expenses like an elevator to install in the home or the like, I can see spending that money on your home. But for normal expenses, you are the parent!

You are her parents and you are responsible for putting a roof over her head, food on the table, water in the pipes, etc. If you are unwilling to do that, then why did you decide to have a child?

You did not mention any reason why the adults in your family are not working. I'm shocked that anyone could think tha tliving like this is OK.

I am infuriated that I cannot get my daughter with Down syndrome on SSI because me and my husband get off our bobos everyday and work and make too much money; yet, you and your husband can sit around and live off of your daughter's. You both need to get a job. Your husband a full time job, and you a part time one. You are examples in life to your daughter, disabled or not. To not teach her how people without disabilities get up and be productive members of society is disabling her worse than any disability could. I am trembling this is so upsetting. Not only is it wrong for you both to do, but damaging to her. Spend the money on parenting classes if you are not going to spend it on her. Yes, it pays for the roof over her head, but you and your husband should be doing that anyway. For it to go to her benefit, all of it, every month needs to be paying for therapies which will enable her to be self-sufficient in life. Y'all certainly are not and you need to start there. Sorry to be so abrupt. I've never been so abrupt on this forum. But this just disgusts me and breaks my heart for your little girl.

You don't give a whole lot of background info, but I agree that all your bills should not be being paid out of a dependent's SSI. I have also heard that it is illegal, and I agree, immoral. Unless she need a full time caregiver that the SSI won't cover and one of you has to be home all the time, you should both be contributing to the family income. How do you pay for the groceries you eat and the electricity you use? That is not considered your daughter's living expenses. If your husband can support your family on his own and you both agree you should stay home, then that is fine. How you work out the particulars of splitting up your contributions is up to you, maybe you should both work opposite shifts. That is what most families do- figure out a way to make the work schedules work. But without knowing many details, it seems to me you should both be working to support your family if that is what needs to happen, not relying on SSI benefits to support your entire family.

Added- After stewing about this for a while, I have to say I hope one of your friends who knows you guys are doing this would report you and save us taxpayers some money. You should be ashamed of yourselves. You are what is wrong with our system in this country.

I'm sure you'll get a lot of hate mail on this one. People are very sensitive about government subsidizing anyway, but when it appears that an individual (s) is taking advantage of the system it makes people very upset.

I agree that this will likely come back to bite you- the government is more careful to ensure this kind of thing doesn't happen.

I do disagree with the posters who say that it is BOTH your responsibilities to work and to use the money to pay for childcare. Why hire someone else to care for your child when you can do it yourself? There's no substitute for mama. I also don't understand if that money can go to someone else to care for your child, why can't that money go to MOM to care for the child?

However, one of you DOES need to work. It is NOT right for both of you to live off your child's money...that belongs to her not you!

I have children with special needs and I don't get SSI so everything (including their medical care) comes out of my pocket. I know how hard that can be financially, but even more so there's a toll on your emotional and mental stability (sometimes physically as well.) So having some respite care (paid for either with the SSI or from a state respite program) can be very beneficial for the parents as well as the child.

You could look into some churches for free marriage counseling which might settle some issues with your spouse, but I think more importantly would be to check if you have to account for the money you spend. This might settle things between you and your spouse outright.

YES, food, housing, utilities all benefit your daughter, but that money is not meant to support the parents as well. One of you needs to get a job.

S., homeschooling stay at home mom to four girls on the autism spectrum

Not knowing your child's disability, this is a difficult one to answer. The basic answer is the money is to pay her expenses, not yours or your husbands. However, If you're staying home and caring for your child b/c she needs full time care, then the money should go for her living expenses and yours, because that's your job and your salary. If a caregiver is taking care of your child part-time or full-time or she's in school, that's not the case. SSI isn't like a spousal salary in which you've decided one person gets to stay home. It's money that people, like me, voted should go to people with disabilities for their care. If there's extra money after her expenses have been paid (1/3 of rent, 1/3 of utilities, her portion of groceries, etc.), then that money needs to go into savings. If your husband isn't caring for her, and he's not paying bills, then he's stealing from your daughter. However, same goes for you.

Seriously - it's not YOUR paycheck. It belongs to your daughter and you should only take a portion of it to pay HER share of expenses.
As far as who is to get a job? Why not both of you? If daycare is too expensive (which it is), one work during the day and the other work in the afternoons or evening.
It would also benefit your daughter to see you two work as a team to get by. EVERYONE needs to pay their way somehow and not by abusing the system...

not to sound harsh buts whats keeping either of you from working. im not sure why your daughter is on ssi but if she needs someone to watch her while you both work then you can find someone you can afford with her money and pay for that. im unaware of her utility usage like if shes hooked to a machine or anything like that. thats just my opinion im sure you will get a lot of helpful advice.

I sounds like he is used to mooching off of you and your daughter and expects a free ride. What do you need him for? Throw his lazy a** out! A lazy man is worse than no man at all. You would be eligible for more benefits if he wasn't there and it sounds like he is making you miserable. Get help from the law if he isn't willing to leave.

As a team, you two need to figure out which of you is the best one to care for your daughter, and the other one needs to get a job. You CAN both work and use the money for childcare, but that's pretty expensive, so it depends on the type of work you can get. If it pays about the same as childcare, then one of you may as well stay home. ONE of you. But you are not going to solve the issue by saying "YOU need to work." You'll need to sit down together and figure out which of you should work and which should stay home based on your situation, come up with the plan together.

Your husband needs to get off of his butt and earn a living, help support his family and not depend on government monies coming in from his daughter to support him. This from another mother.

It appears from your profile and response to other questions that the nature of your daughter's disability is that she is deaf. Also, she must be almost 8 now (she was 5 in Sept. 2007), so she probably goes to school. I have no idea how much SSI payments are, but I can hardly imagine it would be enough for rent, utilities, food, etc. Yet, that is what you say - "I pay all the bills....". There is much wrong with this picture. I hope you will heed the warnings from other posters about record keeping, etc. Someone definitely needs to get a job. Probably both of you!

I was really ticked off that you both assume the other has to get a job instead of one of you just stepping up and doing it! Several people have suggested that you "kick your husband to the curb" since HE won't get a job. Why doesn't anyone suggest he "get rid of you" for the same reason? If he is your daughter's biological father then he has the SAME responsibilities as you do. If he's your daughter's stepdad then you knew what kind of man he was before you married him and that's a different issue.

I don't care which of you gets a job, but one or both of you needs to! If your daughter is in school now, then one of you can get a full time job and one of you can get a part time job so somebody can be home when she gets out of school. Our two youngest (10 and 7) are not disabled, yet my husband and I have made it to where I can stay home to be available for the kids. It works for us because he is better skilled and can make much more than I can.

We don't do anything that we don't have the cash for. NO CREDIT CARDS! NO LOANS! There are summers when we can't afford to visit the zoo, the museum or even the local community swimming pool, much less get season passes to places we like to go. So, suck it up and get rid of things you can't afford: like cigarettes if you smoke (yeah, it's hard, but if you can't afford it then you have to give it up) and the expensive cell phone plan. These are not things you are ENTITLED to. I have a TracFone and used only $40 for the last 3 months (my phone has a 2-for-1 minute plan, so I bought 200 minutes and my phone doubled it). My husband works hard for what we have and it irks me that we have to sacrifice so that we can support you to sit at home while your daughter is at school!

The fact that you are using ALL of your daughter's SSI for YOUR bills is WRONG! The money is for hearing aids, doctors' bills, etc! Not for your rent or lights! At one point my husband and I needed state health care assistance for our kids... we didn't qualify because my husband literally made only 10 to 20 dollars too much! Before we applied for assistance we had turned off our cable, internet, telephone - EVERYTHING that we didn't need to live! However, YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND can sit at home on your butts while MY husband works TWO jobs to make ends meet AND have health care really ticks me off!

My 26 year old stepson is 87% deaf and his mother NEVER went on SSI because my husband made sure that he paid a higher child support than the courts required AND paid half of whatever was paid out-of-pocket by his ex so that his son had what he needed. While his son was under age 18, my husband worked THREE jobs AND I worked AND his ex worked! This was before we had our two and I quit work to stay home. My stepson is 26 now, works full time and pays his own way! My husband only works two jobs now, but it is still tight most of the time.

If your husband is better at taking care of your daughter or you are able to earn more, then get your butt out there and get a job! Today it doesn't matter who stays home. My brother-in-law is on dissability so he is the one who stays home and my sister works. It works for them because she couldn't stand being a SAHM even though she loves her kids more than life itself. It just wasn't her thing and he has learned to love it after being forced out of his job when his doctor refused to sign off on him going back to full employment. It doen't matter who stays home and who gets an outside job!

This is ranting and raving, but you asked!