Help Dad Put 10-Month Old to Sleep

Is there a routine that you have that he's not following? Reading, rocking, special tapes, "talking", singing?? Find something soothing to both that will make it special.

when you are gone and dad has to put her to sleep, she will eventually give in and get used to it. As long as you are home and are an option or give in and go help dad- she will continue to scream. Tell Dad to prepare for the worst the first time you go away and each time and actually every day, it will get easier. It will be good for their relationship too good LUCK

My husband is a teacher and is home with the kids all summer. When he is home the house runs on "Daddy rules," which are TOTALLY different than "Mommy rules." Some things are better and some are worse. Everyone still has to eat and sleep and be cared for, but all of my routines and methods get thrown out the window. Strangely enough it works. He leaves for 4 weeks at the end of every summer and we quickly go back to "Mommy rules," and sometimes there have to be reminders; "I know that when Daddy is around you have cereal for lunch, but Mommy doesn't allow that." Dads are different and have a different relationship with their children than we do. They don't have to do things the way we do them for the things to get done. Let him develop his own bedtime routine, and you stay out of it. The two of them will work it out together.

In my experience, kids adapt to the other parent when one isn't there. At one point our son was waking up in the middle of the night and would scream his head off if I went in to comfort him... he only wanted daddy. Well daddy was going out of town for a few days and I was dreading it thinking I wouldn't get any sleep. My son ended up being fine with me going in to him. Somehow they know that the other parent isn't available and are just fine.

Good luck!

C.

And so starts separation anxiety...try having him wrap her in one of your tee shirts so she can smell you. Or, they say around 6 months you can start giving her a lovey, if you haven't get some sort of small blanket or stuffed animal and you sleep with it for a week. Then, introduce it to her for a while and then have your husband try. Maybe he could start with nap times?

My daughter did that too! Only our problem was in the middle of the night. If he tried to put her back to sleep, she thought it was playtime. Evidently, Daddy's more fun than Mommy ;) We never did find a solution, other than me getting up with her. I would say maybe try to do the routine together for a fe nights, then just daddy. That way, you're there with him and she's not screaming. After a few nights, remove yourself from parts of the bedtime routine. Eventually, it'll just be daddy. But, make sure you tell her what's going on. "Daddy's going to give you your bath tonight and Mommy's going to go do dishes/watch TV/eat ice cream ;)" or whatever. I don't know if it will work, but that's what I would do. Oh, and get her REALLY excited about daddy putting her to bed. If you both are apprehensive, she can pick up on that. Good luck!

My daughter did the same thing at six months. She just wasn't used to Daddy doing that. He could do everything else with her, but not that. So we just had him put her to bed with me out of sight until she got used to it. It only took a week before she quit crying during it. He would do the same routine I always had with her, and just keep talking and singing quietly even through her crying. She wasn't in pain or hungry or anything else - she was MAD. But like I said, after a week, she got over being mad, and then dad put her to bed regularly. Tell your husband to hang in there. Be patient. She'll get there.

Do you have a different things you do to put her to bed??? Like if you read to her you could tape yourself reading so she hears you before she goes to bed. Maybe if for the next month you put her to bed togeather and tape your voice before you leave so she still hears you before going to bed. Just some thought.

She may have developed a routine and feeling of security and relaxation with mom. Therefore, she simply hasn't developed that routine with dad yet. Perhaps try having dad put her to bed most nights of the week to develop that routine with baby.

He can develop his own routine and things he likes doing with baby. Maybe he wants to sing a lullabye, rock her to sleep in a rocking chair, put classical music on a while he puts her to sleep. He could hold her close and pat her butt to lull her to sleep. Sometimes rubbing baby's back or patting baby's back works too.

(My first child would fall alseep in like 5 minutes if you held him and patted his butt. I saw one of the nurses in the lactation consultants office do that and put him right to sleep. It was amazing to me. I tried it and it worked great.)

Dads often tend to be more high energy. So maybe dad wants to wear her out with laughing and playing before bed. Wait until baby is pretty tired, rubbing her eyes, yawning, etc. Then dad can rock her to sleep and baby falls right asleep.

My little ones would often wake up a bit when laying them down. I would pat their backs a few minutes before laying them down. Then lay down baby and continued to pat their backs for a minute or two. Baby would get comfortable and still feel close to me and fall asleep.

I really like the idea of putting on classical music, lullabyes, or children's music on in the nursury. It helps create static that drowns out noise in the living room or kitchen. Then I could run the sweeper, talk to dad, make phone calls to friends, have a friend over, and baby wouldn't wake up.

I went through this same thing. I asked the Pediatrician and she told me that at bedtime I needed to be out of the picture so Daddy and baby have time together so I would hide out in our bedroom while my husband would go through our bedtime routine and it took a few weeks before she was comfortable with just him putting her to bed. Also, if she woke up at night, he was the one to go check on her, not me through this process.

Hi N. B-
Babies start forming a bond with mama while in the womb.
They know her voice - smell - moods etc etc.

They feel their first safe moments and first moments of fear with mama. It's possible the baby senses that things are going to change and she is rebelling now. DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE the intelligence of our children. 6th sense is a very real thing between babies and children even when they get older and their mothers.

Maybe if you try to be with your husband while he is putting the baby to bed she will realize all is well. He has to do it all but mama is there also - so it has to be ok.

I hope this works with you.

D. Y.

My daughter also does not like it when my husband puts her to bed. I think she is just used to our routine. Sometimes my husband takes her up to bed screaming and usually after I am out of sight for a little bit she calms down. Also, when he puts her to bed when she knows that I am not home she is fine! However, she will not let him read the same books as me or sing the same songs. He now has basically the same routine as I do with his own books and songs. Maybe it will help your husband to find his own books/songs or whatever she likes for her bedtime.

One other thing...I had to really emphasize with my husband that when you are putting a child to sleep, it should not be tickle time, run around, etc. but to use things that calm them as he was just getting her more riled up!

Hi,
I don't know your daughter, but I know my son always wants mommy for everything, however, if I'm not around and he knows I'm not comming back a little later, he will accept my husband with no problems. Its only when he knows I'm around or comming back soon that he has problems.
I hope your daughter is the same way.
Good luck!

Do you have a bedtime routine with her? Like you put her pjs on and then read her books or sing songs...etc. if so that might help her with some consistency no matter who puts her down.... good luck

When you are home, do it with him. Walk with him and sit with him while he does the routine then you both say good night. Little by little come in later and later in the routine until he's doing it himself and all you're doing is saying good night. That should help.

Good luck.

I have always nursed my baby (now 1) and then let dad take her to bed and if she started to cry, tried nursing/rocking
and massage to help her get a bit more tired again. I'd say nurse her then have him love on her, rock her, sing to her gently and keep comforting her the way you do when you nurse her, so that she gets the 'mama comfort' from HIM after you are done feeding her. Consistency is key, loving consistency.
www.mothering.com and www.drjaygordon, www.kellymom.com are great sites for key issues, in loving ways. HTH!

I am sorry to hear that you are going through this difficult time with your infant. My suggestion is that you allow your husband to put her to bed now, and let her cry for a while. If the crying becomes incessant, than you may have to figure another way out, but unfortunately our children are always testing us, even at this early age. Is there something you do when you lay her down for the night, something that may seem insignifcant, but might be something he is not doing??
I think that she needs to let daddy put her to bed and with practice, and trial and error, he will find out what works best for the both of them. If you are the one that always puts her down for naps, bedtime, she may not feel secure when he is doing it. As a mom, it's hard to be in another room and hear your child cry and not rest, but for some children this is normal and part of the night routine. You said you are a stay at home mom, so your daughter is used to being with you all the time, and even though I am sure she loves her daddy, she may not be comfortable with him putting her to bed, because she is used to mom doing it. Good luck with the bedtime issues and your new job.

We have a similar situation with my daughter (2 yrs old). She loves dad but certian things she really prefers mom. We try to honor her requests without having a big event i.e. if she asks for mom no big deal, if she is yelling and being rude then she must calm downand ask nicely and NO hitting or being rude to dad. Anyway, your husband loves her she loves him. They are going to have a rough time but everyone will be okay n the end. Include him in the bedtime routine (bath etc.) and then you put her to bed. When the day comes that you aren't there it won't be too unfamiliar. Have faith in them, they will get through it and maybe help them get closer.

I may try letting him give her a bath everynight before bed and have lullaby music playing. Maybe he can lotion her up with a bedtime lotin and little massage to relax her. Maybe if he just starts a ritual with here every night it may help. She will get use to it. Mom, you should just let dad do this and not be seen of course unless if becomes unbearable. My husband helped me as well, he is the on primarily that puts both kids down at night. He says "ok it time to go night night" and then takes the kids upstairs and begins his routine. I hope this helps.

Unfortunately, the only way to break the habit for your daughter is to let your husband do it. If she screams or throws a fit, well she will get over it. Have your husband establish a bedtime routine for just him and her and see if that helps. Maybe snuggle with her, read a book or sing a song before he puts her down.
Good Luck!
Jenn.......

How about some soothing music while she drifts to sleep. No singing. My daughter loves the variety and still loves to hear Baby Eienstein. She might like those toys that fasten to the bed (Ex. Aquarium with lights and music) , or looking at pictures. I had something from Discovery toys that had different shapes and colors etc and it was soft and tied to the crib. Later on you use it like a photo piece. I don't remember how much it was , but it was not much.

Here is the name of a Discovery Toys Consultant, I met her while doing a booth recently. (Kim Amlung-###-###-####), (____@____.com), (www.discoverytoyslink.com/kimamlung).

I sell Usborne Books , here is my website (www.ubah.com/T2267) . We have great bedtime books and other varieties as well. Our books have great pictures and are for Babies - Adults. They make great gifts. Please give my website to other friends and family. For August we have a special for Double Free Books! Twice the Free Books. Twice the fun! With minimum retail sales and 2 bookings dated within 4-weeks. Let me know if you are interested.

Hope this helps.

J. R.
Educational Consultant Usborne Books
www.ubah.com/T2267

babies have a good sense of others when they are uneasy about anything, try to have him follow the routine you use if possible and as with alot of things, it just takes time. when i went back to work when my daughter was 5 mo. old, it took alittle over a week for her to accept her daddy putting her to bed. good luck & God bless.

We had something very similar happen with our 4.5 year old when she was about that age too.

He started doing her bedtime routine, first of all. Then we'd go into the bedroom and put on Finding Nemo or classical music or some baby einstien CD - something with soothing noises while he dried her off and got her dressed for night-time. Then (we have a dorm-fridge and microwave in our laundry room) he'd get her a bottle and they'd relax in our bedroom. All the while, I had to "get lost" because it was "daddy time".

It didn't take long for her to get used to that routine to the point where I could come help. BUT meanwhile, it was hard for me to "get lost" for long enough because I wanted time with her too. LOL.

Oh - and consistency is the key. Both of my girls have been very much "creatures of habit" - if the schedule changes, it throws them both for a loop.

Good luck!!!

Have you tried having him put her to bed while you are there at his side? Maybe seeing you two together would help the transition. It could be that she has too much fun with Daddy and doesn't want to leave him. Make sure he is doing the same routine that you do when you put her to bed.

I am sure it has everything to do with familiarity. So, maybe try having both of you put her to bed and have dad do anything special that you normally do, but while you are still in the room. Then leave the room together.

After doing this a day or two, leave the room first, then have him leave shortly after. After a few days of this, have him doing almost everything while you are just there to say goodnight. When it is about two weeks or so before your trip, you should go somewhere else in the house while he is doing everything, but then simply stop in and give her a kiss, but that's it. While you are on your trip, have your husband take a cordless phone into her bedroom. When he is just about done, he should call you and let you say goodnight.

Fortunately, my husband and I have always been consistent in our routines, but not consistent as to who is doing it. We do many things equally when it comes to taking care of the kids. I am out of town about every other month for work so it works well for us.

Good luck!