Help Me Get My 15 Mth Old in His Own Bed!!

If having your child in your bed because the child sleeps and feels better lying with Mommy is hard on your marriage - looks like your oldest child, I mean husband, needs to grow up.

There are MANY places besides the bed to be sexually intimate with your spouse. There are also date nights, hotel rooms, sofas, dining room tables, backyard, etc...

Your spouse should not come first. You are a Mother. You are considering to force wean your obviously needing to nurse son because you think it will get him in his own bed so your husband can have sex with you whenever he feels like it?

1) Bed-sharing is normal and infants and toddlers are designed to want to be with Mommy for nursing and sleeping to feel safe, comforted and loved. It's how they develop.

2) Nursing a toddler is also normal - in 98% of the world... but not necessarily in America. Good for you for stepping up and doing what your child needs.

3) Tell your husband to grow up, your children will not need or want Mommy (or Daddy) all their lives and will grow apart from you sooner than you are ready for. Enjoy this sweet, loving innocent time while you can.

4) As a last resort, try bringing the crib in your bedroom, take off one side and attach it to your side of the bed. Co-sleeping is the next best thing if bed-sharing needs to end.

I bed-shared with my daughter since she was brought home from the hospital. We've had a lot of ups and downs... but I do not regret a day of it. I was dating a man for 2.5 years and told him my child came first and if he didn't like her sleeping with me, he could get his own bed or use the couch. We are now married 3 months, my now 5 y/o still sleeps with US, and she is finally ready for her own room and bed. She's very happy about being ready for the next step and we've been very happy and supportive with her. She's made up her own mind, she's ready to be a big girl and have her privacy. it's a BIG thing!!

Since he didn't bed share before this, you should be able to go back to the routine from before if you remain consistent. I'd try Baby Whisperer or No cry Sleep Solution. Non-CIO methods that may take longer but are easier on mama and baby alike:)
I would say that weaning now when he is already having a difficult time might make the situation worse though. I have found that weaning was way easier when it was done super gradually (over the course of 4 months).

As for the "your child coming before your husband" comment--DISAGREE! You and your husband's bond is the bedrock of your family. If you or your husband is unhappy with arrangement then you should not just ignore your own or your husband's feelings and start bedsharing with a 15 month old because you fear it will emotionally damage your child. Some posters are assuming that your husband is the "bad guy" here. It is possible a women also would not want to cosleep either , you know! There are many ways to raise secure children -whether you cosleep until they go to school or breastfeed until their 6. Each person and couple has different needs and preferences. And yes--you can have sex in lots of different locations but if you are constantly worrying (as I would be) that you child would wake up and start screaming because you had snuck out of your own bed to have sex in the living room with your husband--it is bound to be a strain on you and your marriage. I happen to like that my once very fussy sleeper sleeps all night long and takes 2-3 hour naps each day when I need me time. It doesn't sound like you are getting much of a break. Don't get guillted into cosleeping. Every couple months or so, my DD has a bad sleep spell and we are able to get her back on track in a secure way without doing CIO. I would regret it if I had decided to just cosleep during one of these rough patches out of guilt not because I felt comfortable doing so. Best of luck!

At 15 months old, a baby/child does not even have fully-developed "impulse control" yet.

15 months old is also a growth-spurt period, and they are changing developmentally too.

Then, is your 4 year old even capable of sleeping with a 15 month old... who wakes and may make noise & cry? If you can't get the 15 month old to sleep, then a 4 year old won't, either. I don't think a 4 year old should have that responsibility.

It is just that your Husband does not want the baby in your room. Right?

At that age, I co-slept with my kids.
OR we also have a floor futon in our room, for the kids to sleep on, if/when they need to. It works for us.
Getting intimacy, with your Spouse and he with you, can be done elsewhere.

Not getting any sleep, because of a waking 15 month old... well, that is not unusual.
One day, as the child matures, they will be able to sleep... and not need you.

Right now... to me... the main thing is that a child gets adequate sleep. If sleep-deprived... a child/baby gets fussy and turns into a Troll. Especially if they are not napping or getting naps.

Your Husband.... what is HE doing about it? Does HE also do night time duty, so you can sleep?
Or it is all your "problem?"
Those are his kids, too.
Does he help at night and wake for them too?
He should.

I really do NOT think, putting the baby in with your 4 year old, is going to solve this.
And your 4 year old.... should not be held responsible for any sleep interruptions, for both of them, if you do combine them together in the same room, for sleep.

And, maybe your son, is still teething? Or teething again?

I will be waiting for my computer to blow up after this answer lol. You are the parent and your child will do what you make him do. If your tired of him in your bed don't put him there. Put him in the crib and say night night. He is old enough to understand that. It might be a rough couple of nights. But your 4 year old will deal and be fine. It is only in the past 20 years that houses have been built big enough of everyone to have their own bedrooms. In the past there were as many as 6 children sharing a room. Your sons will be fine and will in fact be closer as they grow older because they share a room and are not separated. I had my sons in a room together when they were both really little they did fine. then when the older one started school we had another baby. the older one went into his own room the 5 year old got "stuck" with the baby in his room. they both did fine and are very close now. As for the crying and being mad of course he will be he would rather be with you. Put him in his bed and let him scream it won't hurt him. he will be fine and so will you lol. and at 15 months he shouldn't need a snack in the middle of the night. feed him before bed and offer him only a cup of water in the night. he will stop getting up pretty quick.

I think putting him in the crib is a good idea. If you're open to CIO, don't let him "cry and cry and cry for hours"! Go in every 5 mins, then 10 mins then 20 mins and pat him, calmly tell him "nite nite" but do NOT pick him up.

Maybe this article will make you feel a little better. I know that's it's all up to choice and what you can handle. And how creative we can be with marriage free time, but it's just something to think about. My two toddlers have to take turns cause I can't stand 2 in my bed.
http://naturalparentsnetwork.com/five-benefits-cosleeping/

I also am on the far side of not letting him cry it out. Not my philosophy. I know that's not the answer you were looking for though. Sorry.

You could try laying by him in the other room and slowly getting farther away.
I like Dr. Sears approach. He's one of the docs on "The Doctors" TV show. He has his own website. I'd love him as my pediatrician!