My husband was upset this morning about my 13 year old wearing a low cut top with a cami under it that has a little lace at the top. The cami is white and I was the one that bought it for her, so obviously, I'm OK with it. It is a Jockey camisole with just a hint of lace, not a lot of it revealing skin beneath. It doesn't have a sweetheart neckline or anything like that, but my husband says it is "eye candy." He doesn't think she should be wearing low cut shirts at all, cami or no cami. I could understand if my daughter was busty, but she wears a "nearly B" size bra. Definitely not busty, yet... She has a nice figure, and I certainly don't want her flaunting sexuality (like I did when I was her age), but I don't think a hint of lace at the top of a camisole worn underneath another shirt is flaunting. What do you ladies think?
BTW she is athletic, out-going and has shown she has clear boundaries with boys (we talk a lot.)
Thanks for the insight. Darn! I hate having to tell my husband he's right :) I think she looks cute in it, but you're right, I'm not a boy.
Well, I'll take her shopping for other options and give hubby his way. She'll be OK as long as she gets to shop for something else she likes that is also appropriate. I'll find a way to create a "win-win." Thanks again!
Sigh, I think I'm with your husband on this one. I can't see it, and I think it's probably okay, but in general, I think this is probably not a good idea. Once she's worn it, though, I think you have to continue letting her wear it, but don't get her any more for a while. Besides, the less exposure her skin gets to the sun, the better (in terms of melanoma).
I love your quote "Be the Change You Wish to See in the World".
I can see both sides to this -- yours and your husband's.
But -- I suspect your opener (13 Year Old Daughter Wears Low Cut Tops w/ Camis) is at the root of the problem. Specifically, the "Low Cut" bit.)
Not knowing your family history nor his makes any kind of evaluation a risky thing. Maybe he has strong religious or moral feelings about lace on the bustline of a 13 y.o.'s clothing. Maybe he's freaked out about the styles he's seen on other young women. Maybe someone in his family wore lace trimmed bras that were always showing. Maybe he's just uncomfortable with the fact that the little girl he initially had as his stepdaughter and whom he could hug and tussle with now is blooming and curvy - and he's not comfortable hugging her etc. now.
Handling it right out in the open is important so that your daughter understands this is not an edict handed down from her stepdad. Also, not in the heat of the moment -- everyone is in "reactive" mode and not thinking clearly when the disagreement first surfaces.
When these conversations happen behind closed doors or not in full hearing of the whole family it fractionalizes your family.
If you address this issue and others like it honestly, openly and truthfully (at the dinner table or other family-time) you'll save yourself having this same conversation with daughter #2 next year.
Just my set of thoughts; as with all opinions and input, choose what works for you and leave the rest.
Well from a fashion perspective, I certainly think it is appropriate. I don't think a 13 year old girl should be showing any cleavage, but from what you described it sounds like the cami is covering everything. The layered look is definitely in right now. I don't know how to deal with your husband, though. We haven't gotten to that stage yet. I think it's sweet that he's being so protective, but he also needs to be reasonable. I'm sorry I don't have better advice!
My daughter (age 11) wears a cami under certain shirts to provide more coverage but it's not one of the lace ones. However, if it bothers your husband I would side with him. He's looking at it from a male perspective and might see it as seductive or too feminine for a 13 YO. I applaud your husband for setting standards and voicing them.
My husband and I disagree on a lot (even clothing), but I guess if I were to step away and look at it from another angle, I might listen to the male perspective. As we all know, men see things very differently and if a man see's that a child is wearing something that will catch another male's eye's then I would definitely think twice, especially since I am a survivor of an attempted kidnap and molestation when I was young.
Can I just add my two cents worth? It probably won't be a popular reply, though.... :(
I think maybe your hubby just had a bit of a realization that your daughter is no longer his baby girl...she's got things going on 'upfront' so to speak, and Dads take a lot longer to realize what's happening than we Moms. It's a bit of a shock to look at your young daughter and see things developing, and I think it's quite common for Dads to be a bit freaked out by it. Considering they've been conditioned to 'look' since a young age, they feel uncomfortable with it and the disconcerting feelings it creates: "OMG!!..don't look! Arghhh!! What has happened to X??" Of course, it's definitely worth listening to his opinion (he is a man, after all!), but it's probably the 'suggestion' of lace that has got him in a twist.
I certainly don't think a tiny scrap of lace on a cami is, in any way, unsuitable. Trust me, the teeny tiny shorts my 13 year old (and all of her friends at High School) wear, reveal acres and acres of leg, and it's almost worse...! Very in your face! I do understand the other side of the discussion, and of course, no one wants their daughter to attract the wrong kind of attention at school, or outside school. But I think teenage boys are actually more focused on girls that wear MUCH more revealing clothing, and are more developed. Come on, you must remember the poor girls that got the attention at school. It wasn't for their huge brains... Bless them, teenage boys don't GET subtle hints of anything! Your daughter sounds like she has her head screwed on, and seems very sensible and confident. I'd say, just relax - you'll know when her outfit pushes the boundaries.
A.,
I agree with you both. I believe your interpretation of the shirt is that of an objective mom, who trust her daughter and provides clothing that compliments in a tasteful manner her physique. However, your husband provided the male perspective on this matter. Maybe thinking back to his own teenage experience, a girl in a shirt with even a hint of lace is something he considers provocative. I think his opinion should be valued in this matter especially considering your daughter likely goes to school with other male students, who may not view her attire as objectively as you. Having a father in my life during the teenage years, I can recall many conversations like this and when I reflect back on it, my dad really provided the male perspective on the issues. And it appears that your husband too is providing this same male opinion. Take head and then decide what to do from there. Good luck.
- T.
