HELP! My 5 Yr Old Is Still Having Accidents in His Pants...

You've had great responses so far. I just want to add that it is better to reward good behavior instead of punishing bad behavior. My kids responded so much better to rewards.

Wow, I have not heard of anyone else dealing with this since I've been on this board. And I've been on it a few years. GUess I was gone a while too. I gave up on this board cause nobody was familiar with this situation I went thru too. I had my daughter diagnosed with Encopresis when she was 4. It was from stress and anxiety of my divorce, but any huge life change or stress can cause this to happen. Not sure if you can compare apples, but there was leakage thru her bowels. The doc said she was backed up, constipated and because of that, she was leaking around the bowels into her pants. The fact that she did it and acted as if she did not know drove me half crazy. (I'm better these days). But we punished thinking she was lying to us about the pooping and all that you are going thru now. We visited the Texas Childrens Hosptial in Houston to determine the cause. There was nothing to do for her other than Miralax. The safe alternative to loosening the stool so that the blocked up portions would move easily. They build up easy too. Try to picture the organs. They stretched out because of the big blocked up portion, and took time to shrink back down. If her anxiety or stress, and diet caused her to block up again then we had to soften the stools with miralax. This can be frustrating considering the only time you know it
s needed to treat with miralax again is because of an accident, or leak per say. Does this sound like your situation? ~C. B.

Just to add a note, she did not know that she had a problem because her scensors in her nose became ust to the smell that was lingering on her all day. Kids at school would mention this about smelling something, but fortunately when the time they did, she was outside standing next to a dog pile. Try to check the child in a Dr's office and get a hold of the issue before it becomes an embarrassment in school. That is more devestating than anything. God Bless.

At this point in your child's development, I think this would be considered encopresis. Our son had similar problems. Lucky for you, you're in Austin and we have our very own enuresis/encopresis expert, June Ellen Shepherd. She's switched locations since we saw her two years ago. http://www.naymz.com/search/june/shepherd/1727335
Put your seatbelt on: she doesn't pull any punches. I thought she was excellent. My husband, a gentle southerner, found her a too harsh at times. She never had to meet with our son. All the work was with my husband and me.

You will get through this! :) There will be a day when you revel in the fact that everyone is going to the bathroom where they should without your involvement! Priceless!!!

Hi S.
I know this can be troubling- have you had him checked to see if there is an issue with his colon.......he may be having some "control" problems that he cannot help- but is aware of when his pants are dirty- you might start there- and if there is nothing there- then I would consider what is troubling him emotionally- something he is not telling you ...is he happy with is day care??? I don;t think punishing him is the answer- and I would consider consulting his Pedi
good luck and blessings

Hi,
I work full time too. Have you talked with his teachers? Is anything going on at school?
J. (Austin, 3-year-old daughter)

The previous two posters are correct inhaving you have him checked out...You might want to research it on a few websites as well so you have as much info as possible...

However, I do want to say, STOP feeling guilty. You tried everything you thought might help the situation. You son is not bleeding profusely fromyour efforts and if he was upset he will forgive and forget extremely quickly at this age. Do not worry about the past, just love him and move forward from there to find out a solution...

Good Luck!!! ;-)

This could be something called Dysfunctional Bladder Syndrome...it affects boys differently than girls...and most boys hold their poop and it is actually a form of constipation...Try Googling the above and The Children's Urology office and Amanda Ramos is wonderful at helping with these situations...Good luck, I FULLY undersand your frustration, but, punishment is not the way to go....we learned the hard way...and are still learning at the age of 8 almost 9.....

I have never heard of the disorder (encopresis) that several other people have mentioned, but it sounds very much like what my 7yo son does/has. His BMs are often painful, to the point that there is often blood on the tissue when I wipe (and often visibly on the poop in the potty, too). He doesn't usually have accidents during the day--only at night when he's not awake to control it. He will also often go 7+ days without a BM--not good, I know. Because I know that he doesn't want to go because he is afraid that it will hurt (he has cried sometimes while going poop), I never punish him when he has the leaking at night--I just force him to sit on the potty immediately! We also give our son Miralax (at doctor's recommendation), so you might ask your doctor about it. From reading this article on kidshealth.org (http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/behavior/encopresis..., I think I will start making my son sit on the potty at least once a day to try to poop to see if he will get more regular.

S., This is an answer I gave to someone else in a similar situation. I am copying and pasting, since it is almost a novel, but it works. I used this with both my kids who are 3- just turned in may 09 & 4 in feb 09 and I can't remember the last potty accident we had night or day, probably 9 months or more. Anyway, hope this helps you.

Last poster's boyfriend wanted to leave kid in dirty pull up as a consequence, thus the following.....

I agree that leaving them dirty is just disgusting and it can irritate the skin and cause them unneccesary pain. First - get rid of the pull ups! Newsflash... Boys can sometimes be lazy and the pull up is enabling them to procrastinate the whole potty training thing, but it also is easier for you too!

This is what I did with daughter and with son. Once I knew they were physically able to do it, then I implemented this strategy, I would think your son would be beyond ready.

Sit son down and ask him if he knows what today is? When he says he doesn't know, tell him that today is the day that he can say goodbye to pottying in his pnts like a baby. Expalin that he is old enough to use the potty like everybody else. He has two feet to get him there and he can talk to ask for help and that you are tired of cleaning up his nasties and if and when he has an accident then he will be expected to help clean up the mess. Let him know that it is his choice to use the potty or not, but it is your choice to let them have _______________(fill in with their most prized toy or treat. (For my daughter it was chocolate milk. As long as she used the potty, then the choco milk flowed (I did limit her to 2 small glasses a day, but if she had an accident, then no more milk till next time. She pee pee'd ok in potty just not poo poo.) But you have to find the currency that works for your kids and don't give in. When he asks for _____________, then ask did you poo poo in the potty today? and he will have his answer. In this way he is choosing to use the potty and he is earning a payoff for doing so. That is real life. You choose to go to work everyday and your payoff is all the stuff you choose to buy. Some people say reward with extra special things, but kids know they can already live without the extra special stuff. I say to eliminate that which they use everyday and will miss. (not their nightime cuddly thing though) be it an outside play toy, swimming, juice drink, favorite car etc... This costs you no extra money.

Secondly, when they do have an accident, have them go into the bath tub and strip. Try and get them to help clean the clothes and then wash them off as well. Trick here is to make it uncomfortable and icky. Don't use any hot water, only cold. This is not harmful to your child. Hot water is a luxury we have in this country, it is not a necessity to life. You know your 5 year old will notice and ask, Hey why no hot water? and just answer, we need to save our hot water for our night time baths or something to that effect. My daughter went 4 days before she chose to use the potty like everybody else and we have been almost accident free since. She now has accidents every now and again when she is sleeping, but not when she is awake. I do not count the sleeping accidents against her, but they started to get frequent one week and I mentioned casually that it may be time to stop drinking chocolate milk and they stopped, so know they have a choice and it has to be his choice. Just make sure he wants it as bad as you do and you'll win, but he will feel like he chose it and not that you made him do it. My daughter was 4 months shy of her 3rd birthday when I did this. Had my daughter chose to go longer than a week, then I would have chosen to take away her t.v. and chocolate milk until she chose to use the potty. I had planned to "up the ante" each week, but I never had to. Just be strong and consistent. NEVER yell or get angry or punish them for accidents or for them choosing to go in thier pants. You want them to feel absolutely no pressure and that they are in control and can choose whenever they are ready. You are just using your choices as well and trust me. It will work. I'm sure your son is bright and will figure out that choosing to use the potty is the better choice eventually. Have faith in him and Good luck. Oh and keep in mind that if you don't havve him committed by school, don't worry, while it is not the best way, his peers will help point out that he isn't making a good chice by going in his pants and inadvertantly help you get him to stop. Sometimes kids just learn quicker from other kids. So take the pressure off yourself you can always claim to the school that he is regressing from starting school. :) then they will work with you and him.

My 4yo was going through this just this past spring. Something is going on in his life. He is either unhappy about something (mine was unhappy about going to school), fixing to go through a huge growth or developmental leap. When I would pick my boy up from pre-k almost every day he would have dirty pants.

Just do your best to recognize his signals of when he has to go. That is what I had to do with my boy. He would always say he didn't have to go, but he did go. Now that school is over, he is no longer messing his pants.

We punished, took away things, made him clean himself up, etc. It didn't stop it. You just have to let him work this out on his own.

Good Luck!

My son did and still does the same thing. He has some developmental delays so at first we were still thinking he was regressing on potty training. We figured it out when he was five that it was something else. Fecal soiling is called encopresis and my son is almost 10 and still does it on occasion. He sometimes will tell me he has pooped in his pants, but many times he is the last to know. His gastro doc says that even though everyone else smells them, they really don't know they have done it much of the time. My son will tell me when he feels the wetness of the poo, but when it is just a big thick "stain", then it is like he doesn't know.

How we handle it and this has helped keep him socially continent is have a nightly "toilet sit" about 20 minutes after dinner. This is part of the routine and he can have a book or his gameboy. If he doesn't go in 10 minutes or so, then he can get up. Most of the time, he goes within the 10 minutes because the food he has just eaten, his bowels are more likely to move.

I too work outside the home and this fit in with the two working parent schedule. This way we try to make sure he has the opportunity to go each day at least once and this has lessened the episodes of soiling his underwear.

Letting him have a nice time with the gameboy or book takes his mind off the actual process of pooping. In my son's case, he was flipped out of the sensation of a large poo coming out and then would hold it until it was hard and big. Then the newer fecal matter coming down would leak into his underwear past the hard old feces in his bowel. When feces become hard in the bowel, they distend it and so the more liguid "newer" stuff just leaks out around it. This is also called "functional constipation". Because even though my son goes "regularly", he is still technically constipated. When he gets really backed up we use Miralax and that seems to help.

I am sorry so "graphic" but we are talking about poop! I feel your pain and your son's because it is truly an embarrassing problem for him and you.

Good luck!

K. Howell
Mom to two active boys (6 and 9) and married 15 years to a wonderful man!

Have you taken him to the doctor about this? There must be something deeper going on than just his "not understanding" what to do. As a teacher who has seen all kinds of acting out and "delayed" development in children I suggest you get professional help immediately. At this point he only has 6 weeks left until school starts and that is going to be a LOT of pressure for a 5 year old to withstand. My advice is to stop punishing and ask him why he is doing that. Try to understand him. You don't have to condone the behavior, but if you don't get help soon your son will pay bigger social consequences than mere dirty underwear. Put yourself in his shoes and try to imagine going through this knowing you're going to be in a class of kids who will make fun of you.

quick response research encoprsesis. not sure if i am spelling it right. some kids actually have issues with the muscles that control having a bm.

This is going to sound so crazy and I don't know if it will work for you but it worked at our house.
When I discovered soiled underwear stuffed in a corner of our son's closet, I called our doctor. He was an MD but he was also like a psychologist for me. After I explained that I had done the sort of things you have done in the hope of stopping this behavior the doctor asked me a question. He wanted to know what my husband sold that kept him on the road. I explained that it was not a sales job but his corporate job that took him out of town. Then, he explained that this behavior was usually/often associated with issues with the father. When he realized my husband couldn't change jobs, here is the advice he gave me. Apologize for the punishment I had imposed and tell our son that there would be no more. Then, say nothing, clean any underwear without comment, period. I did exactly what the doctor said but after the apology and assurance, there was no more soiled underwear. Period.

I wish you the very best. I know so many adults whose lives were absolutely ruined by uncaring, unfeeling, abusive parents that my absolute, bottom line desire is to help parents mold their children in a very loving and supportive atmosphere. I know it is your desire to do just that.

Blessings, B. K. MOM ......... those are the only letters added to my name.

Stay positive, stay firm. Kids have accidents in Kindergarten all the time, they will ask you to send an extra pair of clothes for this reason. He's only five. It will work out.