Helping Toddler Back to Sleep in the Middle of the Night

Hi there!! I think we are in the same boat!! I am having the same problem with my daughter!! I just posted a request for advice too!1 I am always exhausted from consoling her several times a night!! If you get any good advice let me know. All I am doing now is letting her "cry it out" and i hate it. I have tried several other things. My sleep is more important now so I can even function properly as a mother. Take Care. J.

Don't do so much. talking, singing and interacting wakes babies up, so at the most hold her for a minute and then put her down and leave.

Last night my son woke up crying and when I got up and left the room to get him a drink he stopped.

You could put her bed in your room.

D.,

The author of the No Cry Sleep Solution also has a book out for helping toddlers go to sleep. It's called... The No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers! The infant version REALLY helped us with our oldest when she was about a year old, so I bet the toddler version would have some good ideas. Just a thought, if you are not comfortable with the let-her-cry method.

You can get it on Amazon.com for about $12 - http://tinyurl.com/55jm3g

Best of luck,
S. L

She needs to learn to self soothe, a critical skill to develop good sleep habits (which affect daytime behavior, mental skills, brain development, etc.). Read Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr. Weissbluth. No interaction with her during nighttime sleep, at the most give her a binkie and say it's time to sleep and a little pat on the face. No holding, no singing, no reward from you for waking up. This can easily develop into a habit, the holding and singing are just the thing to keep her waking up. It's hard, but the way you interact with her at night is not the same loving way you do during the day... because its time to sleep. Good luck D.!

She has formed a habit in waking and expecting you to come in. Let her cry for a bit. She may be having night terrors or even bad dreams at her age.
If you don't rush in, she will then realize eventually it is up to her go to back to sleep. It is never fun to hear a child cry, I get that big time. However you now need to help her relearn to fall back to sleep herself. Kids wake up in the middle of the night for a number of reasons, however you need to let her fuss for a bit. If you do have to go in, just tuck her back in, tell her it is fine and she needs her sleep and walk out, let her scream if she is going to, she will figure out soon enough it isn't going to get her the result she needs. The big problem is you are going in there, so she knows all it takes is her to scream and you react. Don't react so quickly and let her cry it out. Put a baby gate on her room to keep her from waking up the house and coming out of her room. Sounds harsh but they get waking habits so easily. My ALMOST seven year old had a bad dream last week, she came in my room at 3am, woke me up and I was so tired she just crawled into bed with me, now since then for several nights it has been repeat, so last night I stood firm, told her to go back into her room that everything was fine, gave her a kiss and sent her back to bed. She has always been a good sleeper but those few instances got her into a habit and she just like is on automatic waking at the same time and thinking she can then wake me and come into my bed. Tonight I will reassure her and let her know she is NOT to wake anyone up and to go back to sleep if she wakes up. I am so tired of being in a deep sleep and then having to be woken up and get BACK to sleep! I feel your pain, just time to be tough.

I know it is the hardest thing in the world to hear a child cry in the night, but it sounds to me like she has discovered exactly what to do to get what she wants. She wants you there in her room as long as she is awake. Understandable, life is always more comfortable with company. However, you clearly do not want this, it is not good for your health (or you back, lying on the floor). It affects your sleep, which in turn affects the entire next day. You also know that she needs to learn to comfort herself and learn that mom and dad are not at her constant beck and call. She needs to learn that you will always give her what she needs, but not always what she wants. At 2 1/2, her crying/screaming is not an attempt at communication, as with an infant, but a clear manipulation of her environment to get what she wants.

This is what I would do. I would pick a time when you and your husband don't have any pressing needs during the days, like a weekend (3-day if you have one soon). Send your son to Grandma's or somewhere for the night. Be sure you sit her down and explain to her there is a new rule in your house, and that is that mommy or daddy will check on her if she wakes up, but will not be sleeping with her on the floor or staying with her. Explain how much you need to sleep in your bed in order to be healthy and happy, and she needs to learn to go back to sleep on her own. Explain that the new rule begins tonight, and there will be no exceptions to this rule. You may want to get her a special new sleep buddy or something. (My kids have a "dream washer" that they can tell bad dreams to right in their beds and not even have to come to see mom and dad, although they sometimes still do.) Then, put her to bed and brace yourselves. When she wakes up in the night, check on her once, with a kiss and hug and reassurances. Then leave. Let her cry and scream. If you know she is in a safe room, and her diaper is not poopy, and she has had food and drink before she went to bed, than just let her cry it out. If she is still screaming, you can certainly check on her every once in a while, but do so without engaging with her. Don't talk to her or reward the screaming in any way. Just make sure she is not injured, etc., and then leave again. Do not give in. Arrange things so that if this goes on all night, you can deal with it. Because if you attempt this and then give in at any point in the night, she has won and you may never get a good nights rest for a long time. At her age, she may well keep this up the whole night. The next night, same routine. Remind her of the new rule before bed, and when she wakes, hug and comfort for a moment, then leave. Do not reward the crying.

Don't get me wrong, if she has a bad night, and wakes from a nightmare several times, you can comfort her several times with hugs, kisses, etc. But only do this if she has been sleeping and wakes up for some reason. But what you do not do is reward the screaming/crying with hugs, kisses and company. It may take several nights for this to really sink into her mind that the rule is permanent and you will stand by your word. I believe that 2 or 3 nights should be enough to alter her habits, and assure you of better sleep in the years to come. Just remember that after the habit has been changed, there will probably be several times when she tests the limits again, seemingly at random. Be consistent, even 3 or 6 months later. Good luck.

at bedtime, tell her that you'll see her in the morning, and let her cry.

HI D.,

My daughter will be 3 very soon and did go through this same thing at this age, she was a great sleeper for awhile so it startled me, so I went in asked her "what is wrong" and she said she had a boo boo in her ear, next thing you know we went to the DR. and she had an ear infection, got med's and she was fine again, then about 2 weeks later she kept waking constantly, I asked her do you have a boo boo? No answer just screams. At this time she was not sleeping with any stuffed animals so I grabbed one of her dogs she loves, tucked in under her arms, gave her a kiss and walked out thinking she is going to have to cry this out and 30 secs later no more crying. To this day she still sleeps with this little dog. I don't know if she was having nightmares but the dog seems to comfort her but thankfully we have had peaceful nights since. Hope I was able to help, good luck and hopefully you can get a full nights sleep and this will pass soon. C.

Get "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child". Amazing book... useful until you're kids are in jr high or high school.