High Needs Baby Help!

I pretty much carried and held my high needs child 24/7 for 16 months and then had a bit of a breakdown because I was so tired of being his "lovey".

He didn't sleep through the night until between 16 to 18 months. He hated swaddling or being laid down...it was in my arms or in the swing.

I was sleep deprived and overwhelmed...no one told me there was such a thing as a high needs baby.

Finally I put him in a two day a week program (Mother's Day Out) so I could go home and sleep or just be alone for a few hours.

My advice is don't let him wear you out...take sometime for yourself because they are very intense children.

He is now a very intense and sensitive seven year old...he still keeps me on my toes but it does get better. He is very gifted in artistic areas. His teachers are amazed at his mind and the way it works.

I love him so much and his uniqueness is awesome and tiring at times...and most other moms have no idea what you are dealing with and sometimes will tell you that you just need to disciple him more or parent differently and they will "change" into easier children. Nope...he just came wired this way...I have molded him into some better habits and behaviors, but he will always be his high needs/sensitive self.

My daughter is so typical...she follows all the child-rearing books to a tee...she is so different from him but we are all unique individuals.

As a comfort, 12 weeks is still very young for a baby to self-entertain, self-soothe, eat more than 3 oz at a time, ect...

I found that wearing my baby helped keep my son occupied and comforted during the day. And it bred good, sweet feelings for me. At only 3 months, I recommend just giving him what he needs - lots of love.

And at about 4 months, I found that my son naturally started falling into a rhythm (not a schedule, mind you). At this age, I felt more comfortable taking him places, like to the store, coffee shop, or a friends house because at 4 months he could see and hear better. Therefore, he could actively observe and be interested in his new surroundings.

Your baby sounds just like my oldest daughter. She had colic, plain and simple. She was a screamer and it felt like she never slept. Things got better around 4 months. We could take her out without fear of a major crying jag but she was never a very good sleeper. We did all the same things you did and she just was who she was. My husband, who was working on his PHD at the time, used to spend his nights with a giant book in one hand and cradling his screaming infant daughter in the other. She was always alert and loved the car and bouncy chair and needed to be held all the time. I did housework wearing her in my baby bjorn. I used to eat my meals driving around in the car just so I could eat without hearing her scream. Again this got a lot better around 4 months.

She is now 9 years old and she is super smart and independent. She is not a whiner and has the determination to power through just about any difficulty. I believe that she has these qualities because she was so awake and alert early on. Her sister, who was a so-called easy baby, was not nearly as fast to talk, walk, read etc.

Don't worry it gets better. Sadly, there is not much you can do except wait it out.

I can't answer for a "high needs" baby because I have never heard of that. I can say, however, that my babies have ALL been up every three hours (even at night) for almost 6 months. (I have three kids) and that my babies all ate every 2-3 hours for their first 9months to a year. To me, those two things sound pretty normal.
My kids never slept through grocery shopping either....sigh. That must be nice.
Your baby is still very very young. I would take him out. Especially since you say he is so alert. maybe he would LIKE going out and seeing everyone and everything around him. If he starts to have a meltdown then just take him home. Babies can't die from crying. :)
Good luck mama.
L.

My son was just like this. Don't give up on schedules. High needs babies thrive on them. It does take a while for them to get adjusted, and it doesn't have to be down to the minute, but the repetition of activities is comforting to a high needs baby. Also, high needs babies are easily overstimulated. Make sure to keep his environment calm and even if you can. We never took him out to places where there was too much noise and activity until he was older, like the mall or a children's playground, etc. Even the TV going in the background was too much at times. These babies love a constant hum if any, like a white noise machine or fan going.
My son cried at least 8 hours a day. Had to be in constant motion, constant rocking, etc. We found out that he had severe food allergies much later, which was the source of the intense crying. However, after that was taken care of, he was still intense, and still is.
Now at 5 1/2, he is extremely bright, social, and well-adjusted. He is above grade level in all his academics. Studies have shown these types of babies are generally the achievers in society, the go-getters, the leaders. Consider yourself lucky! Sounds like you'll have a smart one. :)

Have you tried wearing him? My high needs baby (and my easy baby) loved to be worn. It made a real difference when we got into a wearing routine in the evening.

This book was helpful to me: http://www.amazon.com/The-Fussy-Baby-Book-Parenting/dp/03...
Check to see if your library has it!

GL! It will get easier!

I had a baby that had to held 24/7 until he was about 9 months old. By the time he was 2 1/2 though he had his own beloved bed, didn't want anyone else in there with him, and is now the best sleeper out of my children. He's very confident and independent now. I think some kids just really need a lot of extra reassurance from their parent when they are very young, an if they learn they can trust their parents and be satisfied that everything is fine, they will naturally become more confident and independent when they get older. Now that isn't to say there might not be something else troubling your child. There could be. The best thing to do is just trust your instincts and follow your heart. You might not always make the best choice, but int eh end, you will know you did everything you could the best way you knew how. Remember that this time of their lives does not last long, even if right now, it seems like you will never sleep again. Before you know it they will be all grown up. Best of luck to you!

I foster kids and have had several high needs babies. They tended to get overstimulated easily Amd the things that helped us most were swaddling and baby wearing- I carried them in a sling everywhere all the time! Nowy babies were high needs because of drug exposure, but even if your baby did not have deug exposure he could be sensitive to sensory input causing him to get overstimulated easily. See if he seems bothered by touch, clothing tags, lights, sound, always having music going, etc etc.

When our DS started crying all the time, we started doing sleep training using the Dr. Ferber method. It was harder on us than it was on him, as he was already crying all the time. The up sides were many. He slept better and longer, he learned to self soothe, he got rest, we got rest, and because he actually slept at length, his appetite and digestion both improved.

Just be prepared if you start ferberizing, you will have to stick with it for as long as a week to 10 days. If you give up midstride, all you will have succeeded in teaching your little boy is to cry at length and heartily.

Good luck to you and yours,
F. B.

I hear you. We ended up co-sleeping with our high needs baby - it was the only way any of us was going to get any sleep. I also bought an Ergo carrier and wore him everywhere, especially when I NEEDED to get something done at home. When he was big enough, I would put him in that on my back, so I could make dinner. That carrier was the best investment... I also don't leave the house without snacks, books, lego etc in my purse. I put a book on his lap in the car, from the time he was an infant. ...maybe the best thing I did was smile and nod when it camed to other parents. Many have no clue what you're going through. Sleeping through the night? We still don't (he's 5). Sears and Sears "The Baby Book" was helpful for me - they have a section on high needs babies.

Good luck!

Have you heard of probiotics? They are supposed to help tremendously with colic and fussy babies. It's a suppliment to help aid in the natural digestion process in the stomach. Worth a try, I've had several friends try it and it helped them. Also, getting baby adjusted by a good chiropractor may help. Just a few things for you to research that your doctor may never tell you to do. Good luck and what a great attitude you have about the whole thing! You sound like an awesome mama!

Hang in there!!! You've gotten alot of great advice. I have experienced a high needs baby--and one that is not. I agree-it wears you out. I would second the advice of those who recommend not giving up on a schedule--high needed children thrive on them. Also I agree with the over stimulation theory. My HN child was always awake when we were out. It wasn't that she was intentionally being cranky and fussy--she just wanted to sleep and sleep in HER own bed and quiet room. All of my friends babies would sleep all day long in their carriers. Mine was the exception-so I thought she was so difficult. She also required more sleep than most babies. I find that babies that don't sleep are so over stimulated they sleep less and less and less--it is a downward spiral. There is nothing wrong with ferberizing your child. Teaching your child to sleep is a gift to them and for all members of the household. Because we developed good sleep habits early on
--my children to this day 3&5 still have some of the best sleep habits of most of those that I know. You have to be strong though--you have to commit to doing it for 3-10 days. It isn't easy--especially if it is your first. But in the long run it will pay off. My daughter was a preemie and had all sorts of reflux and colic issues. We fed her every three hours until she was 12 months and my pedi said it was fine to let her cry (for up to an hour). I couldn't believe it...but it did work. They figure it out. It may seem harsh--but it truly isn't. You will be thankful in the long run (or even next week). Are you putting your baby to bed early? That helped us as well. Maybe he's not fussy--just overstimulated and wound up? The signs can be deceiving. I'd also talk to someone that knows about reflux. There is medication that will make a world of difference--you just need the right kind. Reflux is awful and causes them so much pain. If hes not spitting up doesnt mean he doesnt have reflux. It could be coming up and going back down--and burning twice!!!! So much of what you said is a mirror image of what I went through. For three months we walked around bouncing, swaying, etc. for two years if I was even standing next to someone else's baby I would start swaying. Ugh!!!!!! There is light--you are on the right path trying to find an answer!!!!

I like to see that you've tried everything - as we are a family of self soothing and 5Ss.

I would wait.

12 weeks is still too little, imo. We sleep trained our son at a little over 4 months, and he was at the top of the size chart for age. Up until then - we got up during the night, we played with him all day, he wouldn't take a good nap - and we timidly tried to work in some 'tummy time'.

That's it. The first 4 months were just....exhausting.

Hang in there - you're doing great!

N.~

My son was very siilar sounding. I was at my wits end, and magically around 6 mos he changed dramaically. Still never slept ....... but the crying lessened and he became more enjoyable. Just want you to know there is hope~ I pray the same for you!

My son is still like that...he just turned 3. I have to take him outside at least once a day to burn some energy and just keep him busy. He needs to be entertained or do something fun almost constantly. I too have noticed other children are not this way but this is his personality and it def keeps my weight down having to run around everywhere. I will say that once you can get them to sleep through the night it makes a world of difference. You will have more patience and stamina. Good Luck

My son was like that and it turned out to be a vaccine reaction. Your doctor will tell you otherwise. I suggest you take him to a chiropractor and do craniosacral therapy with him. I wish I had listened to others about this much sooner than I did. If you want more info you can email me.
____@____.com
L.