Holiday Gifts

M.,
We have had the same problem in the past. What we started doing is sending out a christmas wish list to the family from the kids. If a gift is received that the kids will not play with they are donated to a charity still in the box. We stress every year that the kids want what is on the list and most of all they really need the clothes not the toys. A thin not is added on the bottom that says any toys received that is not on the list will be donated. At first it seemed strange but it really does help on both ends of the giving and receiveing of the gifts. The kids love making their wish list every year for the family. I hope this helps you some. Take care and have a great holiday. :o)
C.

A gift is something that someone wants to give you or your child. Even though its not something you might choose I think it would be best that you just appreciate the thought of it. I think that if your family asks you what your children need I don't think its rude to tell them about gift cards or donations to college but otherwise I would just appreciate that they are giving your kids gifts at all.

Hi there M.,

I can relate with this problem! It can be hard to communicate to other people what you want and don't want your kids to have. This year my husband and I have decided to go with a theme for each child. This way we can be sure that the things they are getting can be used to encourage their creative abilities. For example, my youngest daughter is an artist. She LOVES any sort of painting, coloring, clay, anything she can create, she loves it! We are asking everybody to get her art supplies or things along those lines. We will get her an easel and everybody else can get her the supplies. So, you might want to think about something like that. If you have a child that likes dolls, you might get him/her a large doll house and ask everybody to buy furniture and clothing and boxes to put it all in.

I hope this was helpful! Good luck to you!

C.
www.EnhanceYourWayOfLife.com

I found a great site at www.thethingsIwant.com There you can create a Christmas wish list for each of your kids, and you can add items from any website - not just a particular retailer like a traditional registry. I've already started my son's Christmas list there. It's super easy to use as well.

In our family we give the kids a couple of (smaller in price)gifts and then put money toward their college fund. If you express to your family your change in thoughts i am sure they will understand and may decide to make it a new family tradition. the other option would be to let them buy most of the gifts and you get your kids something small and put the rest in their college funds. either way your objective would be met.

I'm with you, M.. The stress of holiday shopping can ruin an otherwise wonderful season. You might suggest a gathering or some other special treat instead of gifts. Or, simply say (since it is so true) that due to all of the recalls you would prefer that your children do not receive toys for the holidays. I don't think there is any easy way to break the news of not wanting toss away gift items, but I think you should try to get the message across.
I've been a single parent for many, many years. I usually buy books, give gift cards and set up fun adventures for my children and grandchildren. It has worked well and done wonders for my holiday spirit.
J. S

We have the same issues here. This year when someone asked what to get one of our daughters, we asked for money for their college account (cloverdale). For those who were taken back a little we just explained that if everyone gave even $15 to there account with an average of 10 gift givers they would have an extra $150 towards their future education.

We have gotten no complaints, no one has to shop. We take care of the presents so the kids do get a couple of presents for the diffent occassions (and santa still brings one)

HTH
E.

We had finally had it last year too! We just asked everyone that if they felt inclined to purchase gifts for my children we would appreciate it if it was learning appropriate, such as books, savings bonds, or something similar. As a result we ended up getting gift cards a lot (lol) but it helped with our problem and nobody seemed to distressed by our decision.

Hi,
One cute idea is to have your children write their own wish list and send it to the fam ahead of time. Only include one thing (or maybe two) and send it only to that person. That way you are getting twenty of the same thing. Write a wish list, decide which items would be best suited for each member (price, availability, etc.) then have them send it out. If you children can't write yet, write a letter for them, in their words, or write it on big paper and have them trace the letters. It is good practice for your kids and the fam will think it is cute. Send it along with a Thanksgiving card or Halloween card, so they have it in advance. If the kids write it themselves, it doesn't sound pushy! Chances are, your family would really like getting something they KNOW your children want.
Just an idea!
Good Luck!
R. A.

When the topic of the holidays comes up I find that if you go something like "Johnny said this year he really wants gift cards to his favorite store" or "we were thinking maybe we would give money to his college savings" you will find that people pick up on that and tend to follow suit, without having to come right out and say "no get them this". A lot of times they'll ask what kind of gift card. It will sink in even if they don't relise that it had. Give it a try you might be surprised!

just tell your family and friends that you would like it if they would not spend more that 20.00 on a toy, and give gift cards, for no more than 20.00 and if your family can't understand that well to bad kids today are expecting more and more and not wanting to give back either to family that don't have much, and let your kids know that to. It ok you don't have to keep up with the Jones all the time.

When I was a child many years ago my family chose a maximum dollar amount to be spent so that everyone would get a comparable present and no one would go in debt.

I think that most of the people giving your children gifts want to see the gleam in their eye as they open the presents. An inexpensive toy will do this just as much as an expensive one. My grandchildren, aged 7 and 4, love their "Dollar Store" gifts as much as others. Last year, for my granddaughter's birthday I took her shopping at the Dollar Store. I did spend nearly $20 and it was so much fun for both of us. One thing that she chose that surprised me was stemmed glass with fruit painted on it. She drinks her milk out of it at my house. She chose artificial flowers which decorate her room and her mother's entrance hall. She chose several helium filled balloons and bounced them around for a week or so. She also chose a couple of stuffed animals and a small metal planter in which they rode as she pretended it was a gondola attached to her balloons. We both had wonderful fun. She was more interested in a larger quanity of choices made by her than in just one thing from the toy store. She has a difficult time deciding on just one toy at the toy store. And all of the items were inexpensive and have for the most part disappeared or put to other uses.

Children need presents at Christmas time. I agree that they don't have to be expensive nor should they be something that your children will only play with for a short time. I notice that one of your children is 12. She probably compares her gifts to those received by other girls her age. It's important for pre-teens and teens to have some things that are popular at the moment. A wish list is a great way to find out which ones are important to her. Our family exchanges wish lists.

Little kids can write a letter to Santa including their wishes and you could copy it and send it to your relatives. Whether or not you also add that donations to their college fund is also a wish depends on the personality of the person receiving the comment. My family sees each other several times a year and this sort of thing is discussed at times not related to Christmas. That feels less intimidating to me. It's a part of a discussion similar to the one you started on Mamasource. And by making your wishes known as a discussion it allows your family and friends to decide for themselves.

I liked the idea of suggesting that people could contribute to activities such as art, music lessons, karate, etc. The person could give an inexpensive gift related to that class with a note saying I have paid for so many lessons or I'm contribuiting this much. They could even get a gift certificate from the school.

And I also liked the idea of telling them what your children's interest are so that they can give appropriate gifts.

If your family usually co-operates together I would think that a general discussion including these points could work.

You can decide what you're kids get. They do not rule the roost.

We always ask for memberships to zoos, museums, etc. This way the present keeps on giving for a year. Another thing that we have done is asked for an animal to bought in our children's name for the Heifer project (the purchased animals or seeds go to a needy family along with education on how to properly care for the animal so that it continues giving milk, etc). There is a great children's book that can be purchased for the child as well that explains the Heifer project (Beatrice's Goat). We gave this book to a friend with a certificate saying that rabbits were donated in her name. This is a way to give to many.
Take Care,
Tam

For many years , since my children (who are parents now) were small and money was to say the least nonexistant... we have requested that gifts be made, not purchased or Walmart gift cards were an acceptable alternative. It was both amazing and heartwarming to see how many family members jumped right in and started making things. Children can color pictures, adults can make PJ's , jelly, ETC. Since that day so many years ago, we have never once received a gift that the kids (now Grandkids) did not enjoy for a very long time, and the PJ's and nightgowns have lasted through 4 girls and are about to be passed on to the pregnant daughter for her daughter when she is old enough. Give people a chance to show thier talents, it's amazing what you will find.

I am in the same boat. I asked/told my parents and my in-laws, that this year since my daughter's room is filled with toys that she still plays with, that I thought it would be great if they could contribute towards extracirricular activities. She is 2 1/2 and has been in soccer for a year, I wanted to try gymnastics and swim lessons. I told my friend about this she thought it was a great idea, but thinks it is rude to ask people not to buy gifts. So I am not sure if it is rude or not, I figure since it is my house that is completely overrun with toys, that it was ok to suggest other things.
B.

here are a few ways to politey ask them not to go expencive just tell them what your kids need and ask them not to buy them any more toys. With my folks and in-laws i just tell them what my daughter needs and ask them to get her that.also you can tell every one to just get gift cards so that you can get what your kids need and then so please and thank you.

A nice way to start off a conversation about this is to tell family & friends something like 'because of their generosity in the past, my kids have plenty of wonderful toys.' Love the idea of contributing to a college fund -- preparing for their future is really one of the best gifts they could receive! There are so many great ideas here, you shouldn't have any problem (as long as they listen).