How Do You Deal with Your Anger/frustration/ Impatientice with Toddler

Updated on September 24, 2011
M.R. asks from Olathe, KS
16 answers

I love my 3 yo daughter with all my heart. She is kind, sweet, smart, funny, and very curious about everything. I really try to foster this curiousness by answering her questions as best I can or telling her we will have to look up the answer. But the thing is, some days she just drives me bananas with her incessant questioning and why response to any request I make. I have a 7 week old so obviously I'm just a.tad sleep deprived, and I know this is developmentally appropriate and won't last forever. I just feel like.my brain gets overloaded sometimes, especially if I'm.trying.to.do something and she is just hammering me with questions. I Try to be so thankful that she can talk so well, and she can ask questions but Omg, sometimes I just want her to shut up for one blessed minute. She doesn't nap, hasn't since 18 months, quiet.time every day is far from quiet. How do you mommas cope on those days were your patience is nil? Thanks so much!

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S.L.

answers from Kansas City on

They don't always want a deep answer, just that they are thinking and learning and always talking to find out things but sometimes 'why' is just another question but not even in need of an answer. Just say, " Oh, I don't know" , or " What do you think?" Or even a silly answer and both laugh at it. As for the no quiet time or nap I would take charge there and say it is 'quiet time' and see that it is. She could color or look at books, etc. but should be where you are not and where it is quiet. I would enforce that. I raised 8 kids and some of them outgrew naps but still we had a quiet time. When they were older they could go outside and play while the others napped but kids today would say "What's play outside?".

A.J.

answers from Williamsport on

HA HAHHAHAHA! Yeah. I have 3, Five and under. There are times both my older ones are hammering me with questions while my 2 year old says "Why, why, why, why" simultaneously.

I'm not even lying. I quite often say things like. "OK, no questions until I'm done making dinner" or "No questions please" or "No comment" or if I'm driving "I'm not answering a single question until we get there" (volume way up on radio). Sometimes I hear them talking in the back seat after I ignore someone's question like, "She's not answering right now, don't ask again". Sometimes I'll even firmly warn them to stop and they know I'll follow through (never have had too, but I'm consistent in general so they don't push it). I know it's a bit firm, but it's better than losing it. Don't worry. It doesn't stop them from asking more questions when the ban lifts.....mine still all do! allll theeee tiiiiimme. And don't get me wrong, I am CONSTANTLY Teaching and talking and answering questions too...that's why they love asking me, but sometimes, momma lays down the law for sanity's sake.

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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

Breathe, apologize when you need to, and lots of hugs. If she speaks well, talk to her - "I was up really late with the baby last night and could use a hug. Can you find me a hug?" Or "Honey, I'm going to set a timer for 5 minutes. Then we'll talk about your bear, OK?" Or "Honey, I need some privacy for a few minutes" and go in the bathroom.

Yelling usually begets yelling so when I find myself getting loud or testy I try to remember to do my OWN kind of time out.

3 moms found this helpful
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B.M.

answers from Chicago on

The best coping method ever: Martinis. shaken not stirred.

2 moms found this helpful

M.J.

answers from Minneapolis on

I do what i can and for the most part, I look like cruella devil. I sound like, well I think my neighbors have thought about calling CPS occasionally. I have a 4 year old going on 30... she skipped toddler and went directly to teenager. So not only is she asking a million questions a day, she is also sassing me at every turn. I was also told by her pre-school teacher that she feels that she is gifted and we should put her in a gifted program. Well I have a 2 year old also, that decided being stubborn and violent is fun. So I deal all the while I nurse my 11 month old son, who got all his upper teeth in at the same time and the bottom two as well. HE BITES. So my patience level is none. ON a good day I answer 5 of the 200 questions, I wipe a million butts, I scream most of the day, and when i have down time. I sit, like a zombie in my chair with my 50th cup of coffee and my Star Magazine. If any children come near me, I scowl, I growl like a dog (not kidding) and I call to my husband who now after 4 year realized a person can REALLY go crazy for lack of sleep and personal space. I am proof. I get to go on my computer ONLY when my husband works from home, which was today cause I got a terrible headache last night. WHEW. your not alone!!!

I re-read this and boy I sound like the mom from hell. Well to note, I do hug, kiss boo boo, talk at a normal tone a good part of the day, and I spend ALL my free time with my kiddo's I am a stay at home mom. I do love my munchies with all my heart and will die for them. However there attitudes are ICKY.

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P.S.

answers from Houston on

Please don't take it out on her if you do get frustrated.

Some moms think they have to acknowledge every single moment their toddler breaths and every single question their toddler utters. They don't.

That is great your toddler is a chatterbox. But you are a mother who can't handle it right now. That is ok. You don't HAVE to respond to every single question. Your child will not go into therapy b/c of it. She will not be delayed in anyway. She will not have an emotional breakdown and blame you in later years b/c you didn't answer every single one of her questions.

I tell my sleep deprived moms all the time (and I've given this advice on here before), adopt the "sore throat" approach, at least for now. Think back the last you had a really really bad sore throat - you limited using your voice and emotions and attention for only the important things you wanted to verbalize b/c your throat hurt so bad, right? Try to apply that now around your toddler. Only respond to things you feel she needs to know at that moment.

Of course we want to interact w/our kids every single moment and influence them to death...but if your patience is waning esp b/c you are lacking sleep and taking care of a newborn, you might want to limit your energy.

gl!

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N.J.

answers from Los Angeles on

for the incessant questions--now mind you my 3 year old sounds like a broken record player literally, its like I'm not giving him an answer he understands or he wants to hear. So my answer the last 3 months is, I've already given you my answer, if you want to ask the question again, ask Daddy when he gets home.

Now we're at a point where I just said I don't know sweetie why don't you ask daddy. Seems to be working with everything actually. They want to go swimming--I don't--you can go swimming when Daddy gets home. You want to paint--I don't want to clean the mess up (even tho' I do anyway) you can do it when daddy gets home!! ha ha its my miracle phrase, half the time they forget and move on other times, my hubby is going swimming at 6:30pm, but seems for the most part to alleviate a lot of tantrums and frustrations on my end.

I love the 3's, I love his zest and excitement over every simple thing, but by God I need some down time a moment where I can hear myself think or even speak. I have many times yelled to him that's enough talking I need some piece and quiet, no more words out of his mouth for 2 minutes. Surprisingly it works, I then tell him he did a great job being quiet and thank him for giving me some tiny bit of peace!

Hang in there mama!

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K.D.

answers from Kansas City on

Montessori preschool.

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A.P.

answers from St. Louis on

Well If you ever need babysitting, message me and I will give you more information!

B.F.

answers from Toledo on

Ill let you know when i find out, my 3 yr old is non stop also. I dont mind answering questions but then she starts over UGH ;-)

A.S.

answers from Detroit on

I've stepped out onto the porch [making sure that kids are in view through a window] and take a short break.

There have been times that I have called a friend or relative and asked them to come by and hang with the kids for an hour just to get away from them. THIS FEELING IS NORMAL. But then again, no one tells you that before you have the "little angels". I call this the "Trying Threes". Much more difficult than the "Terrible Twos" if you ask me.

Hugs and take a break for yourself!!!

ETA- My daughter is now 8 and my son turned 3 this past July. ☺

K.M.

answers from Chicago on

Umm ... and people wonder why I took smoking up again - Ecig is a lifesaver I can take a few hits w/out all the negative stuff. Otherwise I try to redirect him A LOT - school will help a lot and finding a group of moms where you can "dump your kids off" on those short tempered days, we all need it.

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K.U.

answers from Detroit on

I feel your pain, because my DD is the same way. I actually posted a similar question a few weeks ago, you can find in under my profile if you want - I loved the responses I got. This is why I love preschool - a few hours, a few times a week, I get a break and DD is off having a lot of fun.

There have been times when my response to my DD's 800 million questions a day has been (depending on the exact nature of the question):

"Because I am asking you to, that's why."
"That's a great question sweetie, and I will be happy to answer it when I can - how about you save it for later?"
"What do YOU think?"
"OK, last question for the day...after that, I am not answering any more."

Obviously you can't just give those responses all the time, but I do save them for when I feel like my head is about to explode. Sometimes I have even said to DD, "I just need you to be quiet for a while, because Mommy's head right now has too many words in it! How about we take a break because Mommy's head can't hold any more words!" DD thinks it's pretty funny when I say that! I figure their little egos won't crumble apart if we don't give them the perfect answer every time!

Hang in there! They gotta go to school sometime! ;)

C.P.

answers from Columbia on

The very best answer to EVERY question that I've found is this:

I don't know, but we'll get you a book on that from the library. Go to the library OFTEN. It's quiet, so you can bring little one...AND you can find picture book encyclopedias that she can look through to her heart's content. Find out what time story time is and bring her then.

I was that little girl...the one who never shut up. Then grandma introduced me to the library!

M.L.

answers from Houston on

Dr. Sears has some expert advice on this that has helped me.

5 ways parents can handle their anger:
http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior/5-wa...

As for why questions, I do a lot of explaining, I have a children's encyclopedia where we look things up and can even do mini experiments. I also ask my child, "What do you think the answer is? It is wonderful to hear their reasoning and logical thinking skills. If he keeps asking the same question over and over, I ask him if he remembers the answer. In those cases, kids are usually just looking for attention, so give it to them, but redirect them. If it isn't a good time, just tell her. "Now isn't a good time, I'm feeding baby, but come back in 15 minutes and we will talk about it." Set a kitchen timer for 15 mins.

As for quiet time, I am all about sitting them down in front of leap frog letter/math/word factory dvd's for an hour.

And I hope that Martha gets some help, neither she nor the kids can be happy like that, I know from experience! :)

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A.M.

answers from San Francisco on

Try to laugh at something. This too shall pass.

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