Okay, quick catch up since I've been absent for a while. My baby girl was born 10 weeks ago. She's a chunky little love boat! The birth left us both healthy and I got the support I needed to recover. We have passed our one year anniversary for having started a legal custody process for my niece. Too much has happened to report, but right now we are in a lull. My niece is doing very well! She loves her new teacher and most of her aggressive behavioral patterns have resolved. Now we are working on focus - but we're also just spending time as a family and trying not to work on stuff/worry 'bout stuff. My eldest daughter started kindergarten and turned five. She's doing alright but is having a difficult time with so many transitions. Sometimes she sure does channel Eeyore.
To the point.
I started back to school and began a new job this week. For me, the two are one and the same. I am getting college credit while doing this work. It's all stuff that's new to me, so I'm not falling back on an old routine. There's a lot to learn and I have to be on my game. The baby is doing well with her person/my friend who is watching her. I miss her a ton, but it helps to know she is being loved. Also - she's the easiest baby ever (knock on wood) and is just okay with this all. But my brain is full of hormones and it's hard to concentrate. When I take a break from the training I have to pump milk, so I don't get a true break and I can't eat in the place I'm pumping so I'm having trouble getting a chance to eat properly. By the time I get home the girls only have 1.5 hrs before bed, and they are zonked from the long day at school and from bus ride. After they are in bed I have to hit the books and study until my bedtime. Then up, a cup of coffee (thank god for caffeine) and start again. My husband is cooking all the meals right now and is grocery shopping and doing the dishes (yay for him), but our house has become a dusty den of dirt over the past days. Lunch time I nurse my baby (who is brought to me), make phone calls, and cram some food in my mouth. I'm falling behind on all things not urgent.
How do you do this?
After next week I'll reduce hours by a LOT which is great (22 hrs in class/meetings/work shifts). But I'm still hoping that you all have some tips for me because right now this doesn't feel sustainable. I am so tired. Does it get easier? What makes your life easier? How do you find time to relax with your children?
Did this make any sense?
Love to all of you and hope all is well.
TIA for any and all suggestions you might lend me.
Even without a newborn every semester was different. I just started throwing all the balls up in the air and catching them, eventually it became a habit. :) Took about two weeks.
So I am saying just push forward until you see the pattern or routine, the follow it.
My tip for you so to remember that as long as everyone is fed, clean, and loved then you and your husband are doing a great job. Dust and dirt will be there whenever you get around to making them disappear but the sad fact is that they'll be back 2 seconds after you are done. Sometimes the only thing you can do is to just keep hanging on all week and then regroup on the weekend. You are balancing a lot right now and you are doing a splendid job of doing it even if you don't think you are.
Good Grief! Give the dust & dirt a little fun, leave them be for awhile! :) I think more than anything you wrote because you were frazzeled beyond belief and needed to vent...You say it will be better next week (thank the Gods!) so hang in there & look forward to that BETTER schedule...I noticed the brief mention about your oldest daughter not liking change, I am thinking she may be getting, 'lost' in this hurricane of baby, school, niece, etc., when you have a moment (SOMEWHERE in your, 'Superwoman' days) give her an extra hug and tell her, 'thank you for being such a good girl while I have been so very busy, I am proud of you!' see if Eeyore goes away replaced by, Mary Sunshine...
Wow, you are a Super Woman!
Yes, things are going to suck for a while. It sounds like you are managing as best as can be expected. Get a routine down best you can. Make sure that you pack easy one-handed snacks for you that can be eaten while pumping.
Truthfully, I bet it will be getting easier if you are going to reduce hours next week. You say that you are falling behind on all things non-urgent...that is FINE. Catch up when you can. The newborn stage is really hard and you are doing it with work/school too.
If you can make it to the end of the day and everyone is clean, fed, and in bed, call VICTORY and celebrate!
It does get easier. Give yourself time to adjust.
Wow!
I got tired just READING about all you've got going on!
Since Hubby's doing the meals, is it possible he might make effective use of a crock pot so he will spend a little less time on meal prep and be able to run a vacuum or do a quick tidy up session?
When you do have a little down time - zonk out and catch up on sleep.
If you get too exhausted and too busy burning your candle on both ends you'll be more prone to getting sick and you really don't need to be dealing with that on top of everything else you are juggling.
Also - when our son was 1 1/2 I got so caught up in trying to be Super Mom that I had my entire day scheduled in 15 min increments from 4 in the morning till 10pm at night with only 6 hr of sleep (and it wasn't even a good sleep - tired as I was my mind kept spinning and I couldn't stay asleep for very long).
Long story short, I ended up needing to take prozac for 6 months to get out of depression mode.
Dust and dirt are temporary - you don't need to worry about it for awhile.
Once your schedule changes round a bit and you get more time to rest up, THEN you can get a handle on cleaning the way you like to get it done.
Right now, it's not an important enough ball to juggle at the moment - so put it down so you can better handle the others.
Anything that's not urgent is off the table for now.
Accept it and be at peace with it.
My warmest and happiest congratulations Ephie on your new baby girl. And wow oh wow, on all the other balls you are juggling. Your plate is uber full.
My juggling act with career and new baby tips were like this:
Determine now what is necessary and what is not. Breathing, drinking, eating, sleeping, loving your family are top of the list. Dirty house, messy car were not top priorities any more.
Being prepared is half the battle. Showing up is the other half.
I kept my wardrobe simple for the entire family so laundry was simple. We all wore the same colored socks for years, the same colored pants and shirts too. Now my kids wear mix-matched socks, so it doesn't matter. Black or khaki slacks go with everything, IIMHO.
You must eat well during this transition. High protein. Good carbs. Always take a pre-natal vitamin. Drink lots. Salty snacks are actually good for you while nursing and working. They'll help with the afternoon slump as well.
Cook once, eat twice. Meaning, make planned overs. So less time is spent both shopping and prepping and cooking. Pots of chili, spaghetti, soups, or casseroles and lasagnas are great leftovers for lunch. My fast, go to lunch was a turkey sandwich on whole grain bread, slather on hummus instead of mayo, throw on cucumber, tomato, lettuce, onion that's been pre cut, or add carrot sticks on the side.
That's wonderful that your husband helps with the grocery shopping and cooking. I did not have that help at any level. For breakfast I always ate a good healthy whole grain cereal or oatmeal with pre-cooked sausages or bacon or eggs. My favorite work breakfast is Muesli or oatmeal type grains mixed with vanilla yogurt the night before, let it sit int he frig and take it with you. I get those pre-mixed grains like hemp, chia seeds, dried cranberries, raisins, whatever you like, it's fulfilling, healthy and if you use a whole fat yogurt you don't need huge amounts, just a normal amount to give you the extra calories you need while nursing.
And you know what will start to happen over the next month? Your hair will start to fall out. All the beautiful hair you grew during pregnancy will start to appear on your work chair and in your hairbrush. Just a little reminder.
Love and hug on your kids at night to fill up both your emotional cup as well as theirs. You'll all focus better if happier.
And like the others have said, the first couple of weeks of any transition is difficult. You all have new routines to learn, new names, new places, new expectations. You're bound to be exhausted for a bit.
Best wishes to you and yours!
So glad to hear from you! What wonderful news about your precious bundle of joy!
I think I would be more worried about you if you didn't have this reduction of hours coming up. Until then, I would let the housework go. Your eating and sleeping and children time come first.
The best thing I can recommend is being very organized. It was a godsend for me when I went back to work. My toilets weren't cleaned every week at first and my bedroom was a mess, but eventually I got back in the groove. If you have any wiggle room in the budget for some help cleaning the house every other week, that would be wonderful for you.
Hugs, Ephie!
Give yourself more time to adjust. After a couple of weeks you will get more accustomed to your routine and find times where you can get a load of laundry started or run the vacuum over the floors. Try not to look at everything that needs to be done as a "whole" or it gets depressing. Instead, focus on family first, then fit in what little chores that you can.
I am so busy during the week that I do the vast majority of my "chores" on the weekend. I rarely feel like I get a break or time to myself, but it is what it is. Sometimes I just take the dog on a long walk after putting the kids to bed (hubby is there with them). It helps me clear my head, feel better and like I'm more able to focus on priorities instead of being overwhelmed.
I have no idea how you are doing it! That is SO MUCH on your plate! My hat is off to you....you pretty much amaze me right now. It sounds crazy. I guess if it were me I would focus just on what I need to do each day/week. Don't worry about a clean house. How long is this school program? At least you know when you finish it things will be easier. Meditation? Deep breaths? Yoga and meditation help me. Getting enough sleep. Not sure how you can do that with a newborn though! Hang in there.
Congrats on your new baby! And I'm so glad you have a good support system with your DH and friend who takes care of the baby.
Making relaxing with your kids a priority, and let everything non-essential - like cleaning the house or ironing - go. I found that the best relaxing time with my kids was actually in the morning. By evening, we're all tired and cranky. But first thing in the morning, babies are at their best and with some caffeine, you can be too. I felt good about my day if I built even 15 minutes of kid time into my morning routine. It lifted my spirits before work.
I also took time to catch up on kid time on the weekend. I learned to tell people 'no' for weekend obligations. I adopted Miss Manner's standard answer of "I'm sorry, I have another obligation at that time" even if my only obligation was unscheduled kid time (because spending time with our kids IS a high priority obligation).
Finally, I learned to use a moby wrap, so that I could take the infant with me everywhere, hands-free. The baby is often happy to simply be held (and the moby mimics that), and then you can have your hands to play a board game or whatever with the older child. (or, if you really can't help yourself, to have the baby with you while you do laundry or dishes).
Hang on, you can get through this! It will get easier.
I have worked full time+ for both of my other two kids and the one i am carrying now will be no different. Now my kids are starting their activities and I know how exhausting it can be.
First- your body is just tired from going from being home to being active. It would be without a baby and now it is really stressed. That will get easier on its own as you get used to moving around.
I find that setting a cleaning schedule is the only way that I don't clean all day every day. Even if the schedule is in your head- just set aside 1-3 hours on a Wednesday and a Saturday and do what needs to be done.
My working mom friends (which are few right now) suggest spending an entire Sunday at the beginning of the month making frozen meals and then using those. I am a fan of the crockpot personally. Also- spend an hour or two after the grocery store and cut up a bunch of veggies and fruit so it is ready for action. But the individual yougurt, cottage cheese, applesauce, etc for fast snacks.
I don't have a lot fo extra money floating around, but if you can sit down and figure out a way to hire a cleaning lady for once every two weeks- I know that would help. I can't do that, but I did find that hiring a mommy's helper (teenager that I trusted) to pay $25-30 on a Saturday so you can do some of these things, really helped!! Especially in the beginning!
finally- ask for help! My husband has just figured out that I am a much nicer and happier mom when he runs the vaccum or puts the laudry away occassionally. And listen to these other moms- the house is going to be dirty ALL the time!! It is just life- enjoy your little ones while you can and just keep the house at an acceptable level of dirty that doesn't make you crazy :)
It is possible!!
I am assuming that since you said you get home 1.5 hours before bedtime that you must work/school 10 or so hours per day. That's assuming you aren't putting the kids to bed at 6:30 and get home at 5pm...lol.
So, if you're getting home that late there is your issue. That's a longer day than most people who are just working.
Most people that go to school during the day with kids have this sort of schedule.
Kids up, off to school. Sit down eat breakfast, review class material for the day, gather stuff, off to school. Couple of classes then off to the library to study or do research or work on assignments. Home around 3, get snacks for kids ready, start dinner, evening time, kids to bed. Work on tomorrows class stuff for a few minutes then off to bed.
People who work full time have a schedule something like this.
Get up, shower, get dressed, kids up and dressed, breakfast, kids off to school, work, lunch, work, pick up kids, fix dinner, evening stuff, kids to bed, stuff, bed.
To combine 2 full time endeavors plus kids you have taken on more than the normal person. You might want to consider doing one or the other. It's way too much to expect yourself to do 2 full time jobs PLUS be a new mom and nursing. Your body isn't going to heal and even out very soon.
I think your schedule next week, the 22 hour thing, will be better.
The only people who can hold down 2 full time jobs, work AND school are both full time jobs, are single and have no kids. As long as you do this you'll have to understand you have no time for yourself or spouse.
