My question is about my 6 year old son. His teacher says that he will tell her when his friends get hurt and that she wants him to worry about himself and let her handle the classroom. How do you explain that to a child who has been told when he sees something not right to tell an adult that now he has to just let it happen?
My 5 year old is in Kindergarten & we've received the same feedback from her teacher. She's not a tattler, but more of a "helper". I do understand that she's so much of a helper that it's a problem -- she does need to focus on herself more. However, I personally feel like this is a terrific "problem" to have -- she just needs to understand when it's appropriate to help & when it's not.
Just thought I'd share. =) Have a great day!
I don't think you need to tell him to let it happen. I am really big on defending other kids in need. I preach the same thing to my kids all the time. You may just want to let him know some things that require his attention and some things that don't. I'm guessing this teacher thinks he comes to her with insignificant things, and he may. I don't think telling him to always keep his mouth shut is the right thing to do. My daughter's school is great about getting the whole class involved when it comes to picking on other kids or kids getting hurt. They actually teach them to look out for their peers and she is only in 2nd grade now. Maybe it is the teacher who you need to talk to, to find out what it is that he is telling her that seems to be so "disruptive" to her control over the class. I just don't see her point of view. I spend alot of time volunteering in the kids' school, and I have never heard any other teacher address it like that, especially to a 6yr old.
First of all, when he tells the teacher, is he just tattling or is the situation one of someone going to get physically or emotionally hurt? This is the question that will determine whether you have a heart to heart with the teacher. If he is telling the teacher about a dangerous situation (emotional or physical) and that teacher blows him off, you should schedule a meeting with both the teacher and the principal to discuss the teacher's lack of commitment to the well being of her charges. If he is just tattling, teach him to ask himself these simple questions: Will someone be hurt if I don't tell an adult? Will I get in trouble because I am tattling. Teaching a child the difference is the key. Role playing is the best method to learn this. If you can "invent" situations he might incur during the day, he will have some idea how to respond. Good Luck!
Empathy is an important skill and underdeveloped in so many...I'd tell the teacher you think it's important and admirable that he's looking after the welfare of others. Maybe she's willing to learn a little from her students. We can't always be about efficiency and the schedule. Hopefully his teacher next year will value this quality instead of trying to squelch it.
My question is what kiind of stuff is going to her about? If its little that just means you have a caring boy~~YEA for you! If its a bigger thing, that says to me the teacher doesnt have good control of her classroom. I agree with the other mom, and have a conference with her about what he is doing. If its not resolved go to the principal and talk to her about it. Caring about others should not be grounds for concern.
SZ
In my pre-K class, tattling is a HUGE problem. I also tell my class something similar as your son's teacher except I let them know that it is alright to tell if someone is hurting themselves or others. There is a fine line between tattling and reporting, and it is difficult for little guys to differentiate. Plus if tattling is an epidemic in your son's room, the teacher might not appreciate even the "reporting." The best thing you can teach your son is to encourage his friend to tell the teacher, and even go with them to get attention for their injuries. Then he is still being a good friend, is going along with the teacher's wishes, and is also encouraging his classmates to take care of themselves.
Also, talk to the teacher. She might not realize what he is doing, or he may be tattling and just not seeing it that way. The important thing is, his heart is in the right place.
First of all with all the bullying that is going on in schools these days and all the press and potential legislation pending what is wrong with this teacher. Most schools have a strict no tolerance policy.
First find out what is your schools policy. Go to the principal and demand a confrence with them and the teacher. Its one thing if your some in taking offense at every little thing, but another if a child is being constantly picked on or bullyed. Congratulations on raising such a caring individual.
I wouldn't change a thing. You might want to clarify what sorts of things he needs to tell adults about, the difference between something minor and something major. That if he notices that the teacher saw what happen that it's, she already knows. Or maybe encourage him to help his friends tell the teachers themselves when they can.
Good luck.
personally I see nothing wrong with your son telling her if something is wrong with other kids. I think that is the right thing to do. Instead of changing what he does, talk with the principal. Sounds like the teacher has an issue, not your son.
Good luck,
L.
I'd like to know ideas for this as well....my daughter does the same thing cause she has been taught if she is hurt or a friend in hurt or being hurt to tell...........
It depends on what he is telling about. Honestly if there are 20 kids in his class (probably more) and each child spends just 5 minutes telling the teacher something that's an hour and 40 minutes out of class time. Considering the average school day is only 6 hours or so long with lunch and recess, and hour and 40 minutes (again more students means more time out of the day) out of a school day is not conducive to teaching.
Children who are 6 tend to tell EVERYTHING from serious issues (which one assumes the teacher wants to hear) to their take on Susy not sharing the swing with Johnny or how little Billy got a paper cut by playing with the stack of papers he shouldn't have been touching....kids at this age are really not very good at picking out the "big" things and it doesn't matter how smart they are. They just tend to tell everything. Assuming the teacher is past her first year I would trust that she has grown an extra set of eyes and ears and is able to handle the small things that happen day to day.
I think you should just let it go. Telling that a friend is hurt is one thing, telling that so and so just touched so and so is another. What happens if he is made to stop telling and someone really gets hurt and he just "worries about himself". Then the teacher wouldn't be happy with that either. Sounds like the teachers problem, not your sons. I say let him be! Since when is empathy a bad trait?
Unless your child is "tattling" all day long or is telling the teacher about things that aren't important I'd say the problem may be w/the teacher.
Clearly the teacher isn't watching the room well enough if your son can see something is wrong and has the time to then tell the teacher. I'm not saying she's at "fault" as much as maybe she just has her hands full & shouldn't look at his helping as an irritant.
I think the thing to teach isn't to NOT tell when he sees something wrong but to work more on WHEN to tell. Like if he sees someone drop paste on the carpet (she'll eventually catch that & get around to it) but if he sees a child hurt/hurting someone else that's an IMPORTANT "tell the teacher" event.
Good luck!!
I too would have a problem with this. I would sit down with the teacher and discuss the fact that you want your son to be caring of others and when one is hurt it's important to you that he tell someone that can help. Find out what it is the teacher doesn't like about the situation and maybe the two of you can find happy ground.
By the way, my son would do the same thing. :) Caring boys are so awesome!
It sounds like your son has compassion and empathy for other people. These are wonderful qualities, and I worry that this teacher may be discouraging him from expressing them. It seems to me that if another child is physically hurt, it is totally appropriate for your son to call this to the teacher's attention. As far as feelings being hurt and fighting are concerned, the children should be taught conflict resolution with one another, and when they are unable to resolve things themselves, the teacher should guide them through it. I don't know if she feels that your son is stepping in over every little thing and is therefore not focusing on his work. I think the thing to encourage is balance--to report any physical injuries or fights to the teacher immediately, but to let friends work out their own problems with one another as much as possible. I would meet with the teacher and come to a compromise that everyone will be happy with. Hope this helps and good luck!
