How Does One Teach Kids to Pay Attention to People over Tv or the Computer?

Teach it like you teach anything else, manners, washing hands, whatever. Expect it and be consistent, "excuse me, I'm talking to you, look me in the eye, pay attention, respond" etc.

Unless the matter is urgent, it is rude to interrupt someone who is otherwise engaged. Think of it like this - when little kids run up to mommy and interrupt her adult conversation with some nonsense, we teach them it is rude to do it. Why then, when they are older, would we teach them that it is okay to interrupt?

If someone walks into my office when I'm busy, I hold up a finger for "wait" and finish was I was doing. Then they can have my attention. Sometimes if I'm on a time crunch I ask if it is important. If not, I send them away and talk to them later.

Likewise, I don't randomly walk into a room and immediately start talking while someone is watching tv or a movie. I will wait for a commercial to speak or stand quietly until they pause. My husband and kids are all great with pausing when someone walks in. It's a polite habit on both sides.

When my kids are involved in a game, that is not the time for me to strike up a conversation unless time is a factor. I would also never just turn off a device to demand attention or give them some chore that can wait. That's extra special rude.

Don't teach them to drop everything the second someone speaks. Teach (and practice) mutual respect and consideration for others. If there is a behavior issue related to this, focus on that by telling them what you expect, but don't assert undue control just because you could. Respect can't be earned with rudeness.

i need eye contact from my kids when i am telling them something. if they need to pause the show or game to to this, then they do that. if it is something that cannot be paused, i may wait for a commercial and then press mute and address them that way.

to answer your broader question: no, it is not old fashioned. you are doing your kids a favor by teaching them some basic rules of respect. it will take them a long way. AND they will feel more comfortable demanding this basic respect from others as they grow up.

Well, last night I was watching my DVR and it was on a very intense scene where there was a lot of danger and suspense. My husband walked up beside me and held out his phone. Showed me a cat photo...totally ruined the moment in the show. I paused the TV of course but still, couldn't he have waited just a few minutes? Until a commercial?

I like watching TV. I like being entertained and getting into the show.

I was soooo annoyed with him.

So, my thoughts are that it's the kids TV time. Did you wait until a commercial? Did you need something important? Did you totally discount what they were doing?

I know, they're kids and you're the parent and they should drop everything the moment you say their name just because you are the mom. That's why grandparents parent differently than parents. We aren't so caught up in that hierarchy.

I'm NOT saying they should get away with being disrespectful or should be allowed to ignore you. Never in a million years should that be allowed. I'm just saying that perhaps, just maybe, you can show them a little consideration and tell them "hey, when it's a commercial you need to pause that and do XXXX for me". If it's something that they haven't done and they were supposed to do before TV time? I'd be turning the TV off until they did it right then. But for just having a conversation with them or something like that I would wait until they were on a commercial.

People never really multitask - they do one thing then move quickly to the next.
When they are so focused into what ever they are doing - they will NEVER hear you.
It actually helps you in an office environment (cubicle land) to be able to ignore whats going on around you.
Come to think of it, it helps you in a dorm too.

Your only option is to turn the device(s) off.
Or, they have time (an hour or two) when they can do what ever they need on a computer (you try really hard not to interrupt them) and then their time is up, it goes off, and then they are ready to re-join the family and interact.

Yep. Like Mamazita says. And when (not if, but when...at least at first) they don't respond/look at you/whatever the appropriate response is... then you walk over and announce TV time is over and turn it off. And really, there's no need to explain why you turned it off, they'll figure it out pretty quickly.
As for the computer, you may not want to just press the power button like that... But you can close the lid on a laptop, or spin a computer chair around.

THAt said, I would, however, be cognizant of when you are speaking to them what they are doing. There are manners to be had on all sides here. If you can tell the TV program is about to go to a commercial break, can your comment wait 12 more seconds? If they are working on homework on the computer, do you really need to ask/tell them whatever it is RIGHT NOW? Can it wait until they save their work? And yes, even if they are gaming, if they are in the midst of a major battle, can you put yourself on pause for maybe 6 seconds until their *man* gets killed?

I totally get expecting kids to respond when you speak to them. But they are people too, and showing a little respect for their time, isn't just polite, but it can show them how to treat other people through modeling. The idea of walking through a room and just randomly demanding my kid go take the trash out RIGHT NOW, taking no notice of what he/she is investing their time in already, just hits the wrong notes for me. They're still people. It doesn't hurt me to pause for 10 seconds for them to notice me, during a break in what they are watching/playing, before I begin to speak or give instructions.

I will tell you, my husband had a knack for walking into the room (from whatever he'd been off doing for an hour unrelated to anyone else) and just to start talking. Then would get offended b/c I didn't stop mid-sentence of what I was typing. Sometimes, drafting emails to teachers or co-volunteers, or the parents about an upcoming event. I had to explain it to him. "I'm mid thought, trying to compose a letter. Editing and reworking as I go. If you want me to just stop like I wasn't doing anything, that's unreasonable. If you want to interpret that my not stopping instantly means that I am uninterested in what you have to say, then you would be wrong. But let me finish up my train of thought, and then I would LOVE to hear whatever it is." It took having this conversation a few times, before he got it. He grew up in a very authoritarian household. Don't tell your kids to jump and expect them to ask how high. Be as courteous to them as you would expect in return. Courtesy has nothing to do with being your kid's "friend" vs being their parent.

I ask them to pause it and look at me. (They are rarely watching TV so can usually pause whatever they are doing.) If they don't, I will take it. But, I have to make sure that I give them my full attention when they talk to me.

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I ask them to pause it and look at me. (They are rarely watching TV so can usually pause whatever they are doing.) If they don't, I will take it. But, I have to make sure that I give them my full attention when they talk to me.

Updated

I ask them to pause it and look at me. (They are rarely watching TV so can usually pause whatever they are doing.) If they don't, I will take it. But, I have to make sure that I give them my full attention when they talk to me.

If my kids are otherwise engaged and it isn't an emergency, I will say "excuse me" or ask them if they will come see me when they are done. I don't just expect them to drop everything and stare at me because I want to ask if they want chicken or pork for dinner.

But if you expect this behavior from your child, you model it and teach it as you would anything else.

Just don't expect this to be the type of behavior he will see modeled everywhere he goes. Sometimes people are busy and you have to wait. If an adult is talking, it's rude to interrupt. Life won't always stop for him, so it's important he understands real life situations when you're teaching him things.

TURN ...... IT ... OFF...
Then start talking. I know this is extreme but if repeated attempts do not get their attention turn off the electronics.
When my son was in high school he would often fall asleep on the couch after school. Of course the remote would get lost in the couch cushions. The couch wore out -- was thrown out and not replaced. No more Mom getting yelled at for waking him as I tried to find the remote.

I don't think it's that simple. I have no trouble focusing on someone else, even fa the tv is on. It is very difficult for my father, brother and niece to focus on someone else if the tv is on. I learned that if I need to talk to one of them when the tv is on, then I first need to turn off the tv (or mute it). I don't think any of them are doing it on purpose. I think it's just how they tick.

Just reinforce it. It is teaching manners. However, like mentioned, it goes both ways. I remember in a former job, we had to count copies. My manager came and talked to me while I counting a batch. He got mad that I did not respond immediately. I was almost done and needed to make sure I had everything. He should have waited that 20 seconds it took to finish. For my kids, I try to wait until they are done with the task they are doing, unless it needs attn. right away. Then I let them know that. As for getting their attn. I have turned off the monitor or TV when I needed their attn. right away.

I would start out by muting or turning off the TV when someone is talking to you (Dad can do the same-if willing). Kids learn pretty well by watching what we do. Encourage your child to pause their show or mute it when you are speaking to them as well and expect a response to your question or statement. Sometimes mine listen, but don't get me feedback, so I have no idea if they really "heard" me. So, I ask again and coach them with an appropriate reply.

I also have the opposite problem, I can't figure out how to get my kids to stop talking during shows we are watching together. It feels wrong for me to shush them because I want to watch though! So, I usually pause the show and listen to their story or comments. It surprises me that they don't want to watch, but maybe it's because you can replay, pause, rewind everything these days and they don't miss much if they talk through it.

I'm with Mamazita. Sadly, my kids are much better at it than my husband too.

I just consistently teach it and remind the kids. I have to pause the device/computer if they are using one. And remind them what is polite. My son always had a hard time doing two things at once and could not focus on us if something else was distracting him. He is FINALLY this year mature enough to make himself be polite, stop what he is doing, and pay attention to us without me having to remind him almost every time. So...for him 6th grade is the sweet year! (age 11/12) :) I have to say I'm kind of excited to see him mature even more and to see the young man he turns into through middle and high school. He improved a LOT this year. PS - I think you have great expectations of your kids. Good job.

When my kids were watching tv and I started to talk they stopped and pay attention --- why??? Because they knew that I would shut the tv off if had to repeat myself. Because they had seen me do it before.

After you shut the tv or computer off a couple times they'll get the the story. And sometimes the computer or tv just needs to be off for a while. If you're seeing this and or other behaviours that don't jive with respect and productive action then it's telling you it's time to change things up for more positive interactions.

My sister use to have her kids have a weekend every month where there was no tv or anything allowed that took electricity except the fridge. They'd cook outside or on the wood buring heater and use candles at night. This gave the kids a sense of living without something precious and made them use their time in different ways and often very creative ways. They only got to watch one movie a week, on Friday movie and popcorn night and only 30 minutes of computer time during the week. They're all young adults now and very well adjusted and productive, talented people

Remember, you are their guide and authority.

I think there were also fewer distractions. It's easier to look up from a book than to ignore a TV that's still going out of the corner of your eye. If I really need DD's attention, I will stand so she isn't facing the TV and mute it or I will ask her to please come to me in another room. I also try to balance that with how I hate to be held down in a conversation when I'm busy on the computer or trying to enjoy my show, so I look for a break point when I talk to DD or I ask DH if now is a good time. If I want her to leave me alone when I am working, I also need to respect that it's rude to break into her TV show/fun unless it's necessary. If the TV is always on, it might be better to deal with excessive screen time. My DD can watch TV if she's done her HW and whatever chores she needs to do. It's her reward. When I have her attention, I try to keep it short and not lecture and I ask her to not play with anything or fiddle and look at the wall or something. It's a balance.

I have relatives that have the TV on all.the.time, even during holidays. I did not drive 3 hours to watch bad Christmas movies. I drove to visit YOU. Those of us who want to visit will leave the room with the TV and socialize somewhere else.

Girl, nothing gets done right if the TV is on. I turn it off to get everything done. It is just too difficult to compete with. I have a daughter and a son, my daughter is 8...getting ready for school in the mornings, my 5 year old son will often turn on the TV while she is doing so in the mornings and it creates a monster. Often, I have my son wait until she is on the bus to turn on his shows because she does not stay on task if the TV is on. There is no competing with it here, it simply does not work, if there is a timeline, or attention needing to be paid on me, TV/games need to be off.