For about a year or so now, I've had the same argument with my husband over & over and it's driving me crazy! (admittedly a short trip :-D)
Our son is not quite 3. Whenever my husband is talking (and he talks ALOT), our son interrupts with something he needs or just to make noise of some sort (usually loud). Unfortunately, I can't concentrate on what my husband is saying when this happens. So sometimes I stop the conversation until I address our son's needs or to get him to stop the noise. Then I can focus on what is being said. I don't do this all of the time but it does happen enough to cause an issue. My husband gets very upset about it. He believes that children should wait until the conversation ends to speak and that our son is being rude when he's just making noise for no reason. I agree that it is rude but how do I get him to stop if my husband just keeps talking and neither of us address the issue. He says I/we should just ignore it. But I really can't! The two of them talking at the same time makes me crazy!
I know it's the proper thing for children to wait for conversation to end before interrupting. BUT... if the person talking is going on and on about something - when can the child get a word in? My husband says it's a respect issue and he will not defer to a child. And he doesn't understand AT ALL why I can't ignore the noise or focus on one person at a time.
I'm at my wit's end. I feel like my head is spinning sometimes. By the end of the day, I end up really frustrated and feel overly anxious because there is just too much noise from both of them talking over each other.
My husband says it's only a problem for me. No one else has a problem tuning things out. Is it just me? Has anyone else been through this? Any suggestions?
Sorry I agree with your husband. Whenever my dd tried to interrupt I would put my hand up, like in a wait signal. The only time it is ok is if is an emergency (illness, toilet issues or danger). Just how I was raised and even though your son is 3 he knows what he is doing and he is accomplishing what he sets out do everytime - to get your attention away from others!!
I am a firm believer in teaching early and our 5 year old and three year old have gotten time outs if they don't listen to the rule of not interupting. Kids can be taught that they need to wait for Mommy and Daddy to stop speaking or when they're acknowledged to start. Otherwise, it becomes a yelling match and I am simply tired of it. It is rude for kids to interupt unless an emergency etc. Your husband is right.
You and your husband need to sit down and talk about this and become a team! Make a pact to slowly teach your son about waiting till dad is done speaking before interrupting. Tell your son over and over this is the polite thing to do and you can practice with him. Have your husband notice when your son wants to speak up and have him wrap it up quickly. (kids have such a short attention span) Then praise praise praise your son like crazy for waiting. Practice this over and over. Your husband will have to be aware and on board with playing along with this. Your son will get better at not interrupting. Good luck!
No, it's not just you. I can block a lot of things out, but sometimes it's just the tone of the person, or a repetitive sound, or something that just won't allow you to ignore it. Your kids' voices fall into those categories. We are built to hear them even if they're being rude. Do you explain to your 3-year-old EVERY SINGLE TIME he does it that it's not nice & you expect him to stop it? Do you stop your husband's conversation & run into the other room to get your son a drink of water or do you stop your husband to tell your child, "Whatever is going on right now with you will have to wait 3 minutes until Daddy & I have finished talking. Do not interupt again, I'll let you know when it is your turn"?? Tell the Big Baby to calm down & tell the Little Baby to wait his turn.
While I do believe that children should learn to interrupt politely (a little tug on the sleeve with an 'excuse me'), the key is "Learn". You and your husband need to show your son *how* to wait his turn. And then you need to listen to what he has to say. It is rude for your son to constantly interrupt, but if your husband won't let him get a word in edge-wise, then how else is he to get attention? I mean, he's 3!
We're having a similar issue with our four year old. My husband doesn't get frustrated with me, but he understands that after listening to the kiddos all day and then having him come home and trying to talk over them with the four year old trying to speak sends me into a tail spin. She's excited Daddy's home and wants to discuss her day as well. We do pause to ask her to wait, but on those occasions when our discussion seems long, we ask that she say excuse me, but we do let her speak. It's a learning process. I don't know. I hear ya! There are days when you just can't take everyone talking at the same time and you just can't tune it out and then there are days when it's no problem. I don't really have much advice, but wanted you to know you're not completely alone. :o)
Children are not born polite. It must be taught, not just expected. Ignoring a 2 year old will teach the child something, but it does not teach courtesy.
There are many things a child must learn in order to accomplish what your husband is expecting - they must develop the ability to focus listening and observation skills, they must learn how to trust that their needs will be met in order to delay gratification. Expecting a 2 year old to be able to delay gratification is a completely unreasonable expectation. The brain has not developed to the point of processing logic in that way yet. In the toddlers mind, 'now' is the only thing that exists. 'Later' has no meaning for them. To a child that age, if a parent does not respond, he feels unsafe and will push to be heard. He needs to know that he is always in your radar and always being observed.
Just think about it. Imagine that you are totally dependent on two people who are experts at life. You depend upon them for every bite of food, for a place to sleep, for your health care, for love, and you would have no idea how to fend for yourself without them. They know all the things you should never touch and they keep you from dangers you never knew were dangers. Now, imagine that these two people that you feel you must have looking out for you are so caught up in a conversation that you feel ignored. Feeling ignored by these people makes you feel like you have to rely on your own very limited understanding of and very limited control of the world you live in.
We know how we feel if we lose a cell phone or car keys. When a child feels ignored and dismissed and outside the parents' radar, they feel like they just lost the eyes and ears that keep them fed and safe. Ignoring him more at this age will only cause the child to feel more desperate for you attention. It will not teach him courtesy.
Situations like this is why I believe no one should be allowed to graduate high school without at least one semester of study in early childhood development. Expecting a 2 year old to be able to automatically learn a skill on their own that an 8 year old might still struggle with is simply unrealistic. You must actively teach skills of courtesy. Frightening the child with punitive punishments will not teach it either. Time out is usually just another way of making the child feel more rejected.
It seems you feel torn between giving 100% of your attention to each person. This can only be done with one at a time. But, if you focussed your attention on the family relationship, it might be easier to pull it all together.
At this age, it won't help to tell the child to simply wait. Most of the time, he does not really need anything in particular except to be reassured of attachment in his relationship with you. So, discuss this with your husband and let him know that you have a plan to teach your child the courtesy he wants to see. Tell him that you want to demonstrate it and help the child feel included rather than ignored. You cannot teach him to be polite by treating him rudely. Then, if he is asking for something to drink while your husband is talking, with confident affection, say, "Excuse us, Billy forgot his courtesy." Then turn to the child and say something like, "I don't think you noticed that Daddy was not finished talking. We will get something to drink after you help me listen to Daddy." Then bring the child close with the intention of directing both of your attentions to Daddy.
Now, he is not likely to stay interested in what Daddy is saying, but, once he feels secure in your willingness to include him rather than exclude him, he might just go off an play contentedly.
The child needs encouragement. When he is able to stop interrupting, thank him and tell him how much you admired his awareness, his courtesy, his patience, etc. Tell him how much these things help the family to be strong and happy. Hopefully, Daddy will start giving this encouragement as well.
So, take a deep breath and try to think of this in a workable way rather than feeling like you are torn only between two possibilities. I hope you find this information helpful.
No, it's NOT just you! We go through the same thing in my house EXACTLY. My husband, wonderful guy that he is, does have a tendency to wax prolific on certain topics. And when one of the kids (5 and 3) tries to talk, he either just ignores it or says "just a minute" and keeps talking...and talking...and talking. Sometimes I wonder if he's just trying to make a point. I feel like it's courteous to wrap up your statement quickly if someone else has something to say, whether that someone else is 5 or 50. And NO I cannot tune things out at all. No suggestions really, just commiseration.
Sorry to say but your hubby is being a jerk. You are talking about a 2 yr old. Children come first!!! Your hubby needs to learn to take care of the child's needs first and them go into his lengthly talks.
We're dealing with a similar issue with our 2.5 year old. She wants to tell me something when I'm on the phone, so I tell the person on the phone, "excuse me one minute please." Then I tell our daughter, "mommy is on the phone right now, but as soon as I'm finished, mommy will help you." She threw a little fit the first two times, but when I just ignored her, it stopped. Now she understands and waits until I'm finished.
Maybe try to compromise with your husband - take a quick break in the conversation to teach "mommy and daddy are talking right now; as soon as we are finished we can help you." Then go back to your conversation. Ignore any other action or words from your toddler until the conversation is over (assuming it isn't a 20 minute one). :)
It's normal. Even my husband has a hard time focusing on me if our kids are interrupting. So, it's not just a girl thing. Though, it does drive me crazy at times because I feel like my hubby could say "Just a second, I'm listening to mom" instead of listening to them. It can take 10 minutes to tell a story that should be only one minute long with three kids regularly coming up with something to say. It is frustrating. I definitely can relate to what you're husband is feeling. I think his feelings need to be heard. But I also hear your side because I find myself in your shoes at times too when my husband is talking to me.
My suggestion is to teach your son to raise his hand or do something that will get your attention so you know he wants to say something. It IS inconsiderate to interrupt (not that a three yr old understands this!). But it is also inconsiderate to talk for 30 minutes and not stop to see what your child needs. So, I see a need to compromise and meet both needs. It's what we're trying to do. If we're talking, our kids can let us know they have something to say. We'll put a finger up to motion that we saw them and to wait a second. Then when there is a good spot to pause, we'll pause our conversation and turn to our child and see what they need.
It's definitely not just you who has a hard time ignoring your child. I do too and so does my hubby. But it is also frustrating feeling like all you want to do is have a few minutes of a conversation and it's incredibly difficult to get any words out because the child is interrupting and not being taught what is polite with conversation. I wouldn't let another adult interrupt me like that...and I do think it's important to teach the child what is appropriate too. Anyway, hope that helps!
Wow, your husband wants to just ignore his child? NICE! What in the heck is that teaching your child?
I totally agree that children need to wait, but they also need to learn how to wait. My husband believes the same as your husband but he also has taught our children to wait, if they interrupt then either one of us says we are talking now, please wait your turn.
I think you need to have a talk with your DH and tell him you both need to ask your child to wait until you are done talking.
Edited to add:
Forgot to address the noise issue, do you both ignore that as well or do you ask him to quiet down? If you aren't telling him to stop then he doesn't know that he needs to. If it's an issue of him doing it after you tell him to stop then it's him trying to get attention and if he is warned to stop and doesn't then consequences need to be established.
